MLS Refs Suck

So I'm totally into this preseason tourney with Inter, AC Milan, Club America and Chelsea. I'll be at the Chelsea/Inter match. So I'm watching Inter play CA and BOY DO MLS REFS SUCK. For a preseason, check it:

1) About 10 yellow cards
2) 2 red cards
3) One pk called back

It was so retarded that after the Inter goalie blocked a pk but then had to retake because of the SHITTY MLS REF calling it back, Jose Mourinho comes on the field and asks to take a pk because the refs are a joke. As you all know, I'm a Club America fan but both reds were retarded and calling that pk back was just shit. The MLS should be embarrassed about their refs. For YEARS MLS teams have complained about the quality of MLS refs falling on deaf ears. WELL SOMEHOW THEY FUCKED UP FRIENDLIES. Here is my email to the MLS:

Dear MLS:

Just watched Inter vs. Club America reffed by one of your world renown reffing crews. I must say that I have never been more embarrassed to be an American.

Please feel free to import your refs from other leagues so that Jose Mourinho doesn't have to embarrass your league, your refs, and all Americans by asking to take a Penalty Kick because your reffing crew is a joke.

With love,

Patrick N

Watched the Sounders vs. Chelsea match and them Seattle fans are REALLY REALLY good soccer fans. They were singing ALL match and have great songs. I think I'm switching from Galaxy to Seattle. Consider the Sonics forgotten. Fuck the NBA.

What I Think Of the Falcons

NP- What was the biggest kick in the nuts of the 2008 football season?

MR. F- That's easy, if you are a Bears fan. Without a doubt it was the game where the Bears played the Falcons in Atlanta, and managed to take the lead in a game with 8 seconds left and still lose it. I don't think even the Cubs wearing football helmets could do that.


NP- It was that kind of season for the Falcons though right?

MR. F- Oh yes, it was a magical ride to the moon on a licorice whip.

NP- And how did that happen for a team that was so awful in 2007?

MR. F- Everything that their new GM, Tom Dimitroff, did in the offseason turned out to be a home run. Signing Michael Turner, a guy who was a good backup but had never started? He carries 376 times for 1699 yards. Draft a rookie quarterback with the 3rd overall pick AND start him from day 1? That's crazy...even Troy Aikman went 1-15 or something as a rookie...no wait Steve Walsh was QB for that "1"...he went 0 and whatever. No problem for the Falcons though, Ryan is awesome all year. Everything went right.

NP- Will Matt Ryan be as good in his sophomore season?

MR. F- They are going to lean on him a lot more than they did last year. Michael Turner cannot carry the ball 376 times this year, unless he wants to be Eddie George's backcourt mate in wheelchair basketball next year. So the Falcons are going to throw the ball more. They recognize that though, and got Ryan another weapon, a very good weapon, a Hall of Fame weapon in tight end Tony Gonzalez.

NP- So the Chiefs spend all this money on Matt Cassel, and then take away what would have been his #1 receiver, trading him for a second round draft pick?

MR. F- That's why they are the Chiefs.

NP- Who's a fantasy sleeper on this team?

MR. F- I don't think you can call Roddy White a sleeper any more. He's a legit star. Michael Turner is going to need someone to be for him this year what he was to LaDanian Tomlinson in San Diego, meaning somebody who can carry the ball 10-15 times a game to lighten the load on the top guy. Jerrious Norwood is that guy, and he always has been able to break a big run here and there. He might be worth taking a flyer on, especially since there's a good chance Turner could be hurt for a portion of this season given the workload he had last year.

NP- The Falcons have a special player on the defensive side of the ball too don't they?

MR. F- Oh yes. John Abraham had 16 1/2 sacks last year. He'll have to be that good again this year because the Falcons lost their best corner, Dominique Foxworth, to free agency. You know Foxworth is good because he signed with the Ravens and if the Ravens think he's good enough to play on their defense than he is good. So the Falcons are going to be vulnerable in the secondary, which means that the pass rush is going to have to get to the QB before he can have a chance to attack that secondary.

NP- Prediction time...

MR. F- The cruel wheel of NFL fate is going to cut the Falcons down to size this year. Meaning the schedule. They've got road games at New England, SF, Dallas, New Orleans, Carolina, both New York teams, and Tampa. I don't see any easy wins there and I don't see more than 2 or 3 wins total. They are going to have to be close to perfect at home to make the playoffs, and that's going to be difficult when their status as an NFC South member means that Tampa, Carolina, and New Orleans all come into the Georgia Dome. Not to mention the incomparable Jay Cutler and the Bears, who will go 16-0 this year due to Cutler's greatness. I say 8-8 for the Falcons. No playoffs.

What I Think Of the Cardinals

OK so training camp is mere weeks away. I know because I've been waking up with hard nipples a lot lately. In the days leading up to training camp, I think it is important that you and I and everybody know where every team stands with me. I see no better way to do this than to take each team in alphabetical order and to give you a short, concise, interview with myself on how I feel about each of them. So I give you the first in what may or may not be a series of 32 interviews between Nicky P and his alter ego, Mr. Football.


NP- So the Cardinals went to the Super Bowl last year?

Mr.F- Yes, I'm pretty sure they did. Which is amazing. This is a team that headed into Week 17 of the regular season having lost 4 out of 5 games. And they lost them spectacularly. 35-14 to the Vikings, 47-7 to New England in a game that could have been 400-7, 48-20 to the Eagles. They were terrible.

NP- So how did they get to the Super Bowl?

Mr. F- Larry Fitzgerald turned into the best player in the NFL for a month, and basically would not be denied. You saw it in the Super Bowl, when he caught that pass over the middle from Kurt Warner and just pulled away from everyone to put this shitty Cardinals team ahead late in the 4th quarter of the Super Bowl. When you always always always have the best player on the field, you are always going to have a chance to win against anyone, and as mediocre as the NFL was last year, that was enough to almost get them a Lombardi trophy.

NP- Will they be back in the Super Bowl this year?

Mr. F- No.

NP- What are the areas of concern?

Mr. F- Anquan Boldin has been unhappy with his contract for the better part of 2 years, but he seems to set that aside on the field. A bigger concern is that the Cardinals have both new offensive and defensive coordinators this year, which is strange for a team coming off a Super Bowl run.

NP- Who's the fantasy sleeper on this team?

Mr. F- It shouldn't take long for Beanie Wells to take the starting job away from Tim Hightower. Unless Beanie Wells turns into the next Maurice Clarett. I'm struggling to think of the last Ohio St. running back to be any good in the NFL...Eddie George? Is he the last one? Hmmm. We're also talking about a team here that has struggled mightily to run the football competently since 1930. So, on second thought, stay away from Beanie Wells. Just load up on Cardinal receivers. Steve Breaston always makes a nice stocking stuffer.

NP- If you're coaching against the Cardinals, how do you beat them?

Mr. F- Play nickel or dime defense all day and dare them to run the ball. Turn loose your passing game because they don't rush the passer very well and their secondary is very mediocre.

NP- Is Kurt Warner a future Hall of Famer?

Mr. F- Absolutely.

NP- Will Matt Leinart ever be any good?

Mr. F- If Fitzgerald is still on the Cardinals after Warner retires, sure, he'll be fine. It's hard for a QB not to do well when you have a receiver like that.

NP- Prediction for the Cardinals...

Mr. F- Their schedule outside the division is tough this year, and the Seahawks, Rams and Niners all should be a little better..so they won't go 6-0 in the NFC West again. The Cardinals may be a better team than last year, but go 7-9. One of those kind of things. That's the NFL for ya.

Donovan and Beckham are bitches

So Landon "Bitchtits" Donovan decided to talk shit on Beckham in some new book that no one cares about saying Becks was a poor leader and that he gave up after one year full of injuries and the next year leading the team to not make the playoffs. By the way, that is all true. Becks ran to AC Milan, which makes sense because the Galaxy were sucking and he was still good. Plus you get to play next to Kaka, Ronaldinho, and Pato, so screw it, right? But then Becks started to cry, "I WANT TO STAY HERE I DON'T WANT TO GO BACK TO THE GALAXY." This is probably the proper idea, but the way he cried about it was kind of lame. This made Captain Crybaby Donovan cry in a book. And now Beckham, the example of a gentleman, responds to Donovan in the media:

"It's unprofessional," Beckham blasted on his return to the USA. "In 17 years, I have played with the biggest teams in the world and the biggest players and not once been criticised for my professionalism."

1) You just blasted Donovan for the same shit you just did with your blast;
2) You were professional in those other 17 years, but you were not professional towards the Galaxy when your loan was supposed to be up at AC Milan.

Look, I get it. The Galaxy is that girlfriend you need until you get a real girlfriend. Real Madrid was about to dump you, so you dumped her first to make her feel bad. Then you humped the Galaxy's brains out until you built enough self esteem to find a better girlfriend. I get it. And break ups aren't clean. So you bang AC Milan, and she wants you to move in but you can't because you have another mistress. So you come back to her and, even though it is your fault, you blame the Galaxy (or in this case, Donovan, but he's just verbalizing what everyone at the Galaxy feels). It's the oldest guy trick in the book. You always blame the person you cheated on for you cheating. It's cool. I get it.

Just be prepared to be shot and left in a hotel to die.

Steve McNair Shot Dead

Former Titans and Ravens QB Steve McNair found dead from a shot to the head next to a female. They have no suspects and don't know the circumstances of the shooting.

His last year was 2007 and here is a list of his accomplishments:

• Honored as three-time Pro Bowler
• Shared league's MVP award with Peyton Manning in 2003
• Led Tennessee to Super Bowl XXXIV in 1999, the only such appearance in franchise history, where the Titans lost to the Rams 23-16
• Joined Fran Tarkenton and Steve Young as the only players to pass for 30,000 yards and rush for 3,500 yards

-ESPN

McNair put the Titans on the map. Didn't know if the guy was a nice guy or what he was into. All I know is that he really wasn't controvercial and was a solid QB. Bummer of a summer.

UFL Will Consider Vick

You don't know what the United Football League is? It's a league owned by some rich guys that will have 8 teams - 6 established now.

Las Vegas (Coach, Jim Fassell)
New York
Orlando (Coach, Jim Haslett)
San Francisco (Coach, Dennis "THEY WERE WHO WE THOUGHT THEY WERE" Green coaches them)
Hartford
Los Angeles

You'll be able to see it on Versus this year in October. Yes, I know. It's pretty stupid to have a league the runs the same time as the NFL. Why not run it in the summer when there's shitty baseball and MLS to compete with? Ah well. Here is the current roster for four of the teams.

Well the league, of course, is ready to snatch up Ron Mexico which will make the league high profile immediately. I'd watch it. I admit it. And you would too. I'm actually excited about the UFL because there will be "pro" football in LA now. SET SET HIKE.

Brazil Wins Confederations Cup, 2010 World Cup Could Be Gigantic Clustermess

Ok so this is old news by now, but as I'm sure you already know, Brazil came back from a 2-0 deficit to nip the plucky US side 3-2, and win the Confederations Cup, considered to be the closest thing you are gonna get to a World Cup Preview.

There were 2 main stories of this tournament, one, of course, was the surprising finals appearance of the US team. Surprising mainly because they managed to even qualify for the semifinals after getting pounded in their first two matches, and then they jumped up and bit a Spanish side which was considered the best soccer team in the world.

The other main story was how bad of an idea it might be to hold the World Cup in the Republic of South Africa next year. Most of this tournament was played in half empty stadiums. South Africa has a 23.5% unemployment rate, along with a murder and rape rate that are near tops in the world. And that doesn't even count the carjackings and Pulp Fiction-esque restaurant robberies that are common there. That and it's really not easy to get to from anywhere in the world. I understand FIFA wanting to recognize the importance of African football, as the continent has a lively football scene and has provided some of the top players in the world, but this thing has potential to be a huge disaster next year. We'll see. Hope I'm wrong.

- Back in the relatively crime-free world of American football (Bwahahahaha), you can stop caring about where Plaxico Burress is going to end up this year, because most likely he'll be watching football on his couch, hopefully without a gun tucked into his sweatpants. Roger Goodell is said to be considering an "indefinite" suspension for him, so my guess is he won't be playing anywhere in 2009.

- And I'll leave you today with this discussion question, as it caused quite a lively drunken debate between me and my father at my brother's bachelor party this weekend; which NFC North QB will play in a Super Bowl first, Jay Cutler, or Aaron Rodgers? Anyone who reads this regularly knows where I stand on this, what do you think?