(3-0-1) LIVERPOOL 2, (1-1-1) MANCHESTER UNITED 1
Liverpool's manager Rafael Benitez has had nine tries to get a win over Man U in Premier League play, and now he's finally got over the hump. Dutch forward Ryan Babel came off the bench and scored the winner in the 76th minute. Man U continues to struggle early in this season. They had an own goal and a red card in this match, and they wear the logo of a company that's going bankrupt on their shirt. Losers.
****
(1-2-1) BLACKBURN 0, (3-1-0) ARSENAL 4
Rovers celebrate becoming the club I support by getting throttled at home by Arsenal. Welcome to my circle of failure, lads. Emanuel Adebayor explooooooooodes for a hat trick, his first 3 goals of this season after scoring 24 last year.
****
(2-1-0) FULHAM 2, (1-2-1) BOLTON 1
Wellity, wellity, wellity....look at the Cottagers off to a fast start after shitcanning all their American players. As for Bolton, they are struggling, but I still celebrate their entire catalog.
****
(1-2-1) NEWCASTLE 1, (2-1-1) HULL CITY 2
The newcomers dust themselves off after absorbing a 5-0 pounding from Wigan in their last outing, and stun Newcastle on the road. A pair of goals for Marlon King provided the win for the Tigers. King is actually on loan to Hull from Wigan, which I always think is a bizarre arrangement, since nothing like that exists in American sports. It should though. Like, for example, how much would the Cubs love to loan out Felix Pie to say, the Mariners or something, to get major league at bats without hurting their own chances since Pie has yet to figure out how to hit major league pitching? I predict we will see this in the next 10 years. Meanwhile, the awesomely named "Xisco" scores Newcastle's only goal in defeat.
****
(2-2-0) PORTSMOUTH 2, (2-2-0) MIDDLESBROUGH 1
Boro had a 1-0 lead at halftime, and forced Pompey to come out in a more aggressive formation in the second half. The change worked, and Jermain Dafoe got a pair of second half goals to give Portsmouth the victory.
*****
(1-2-1) WEST BROM 3, (2-2-0) WEST HAM 2
Chris Brunt scored the goal that clinched West Brom's promotion last season, and he scored the goal that gave them their first Premiership win of this season. There was a guy in my frat in college named Brunt. One day he took a bunch of his roomates shit, took off, and never came back. I wonder if this is the same guy. Probably not.
*****
(1-2-1) WIGAN 1, (1-2-1) SUNDERLAND 1
Amr Zaki scored his league leading 4th goal of the season to give Wigan the draw at home. Amr Zaki, from here on out, on this website, you are "Tarbash, The Egyptian Magician". You do magic act. You eat hot coal. You stab customer in eye with sabre. For encore, you punch your chest, and it disappears into the crowd.
***
(2-2-0) MANCHESTER CITY 1, (3-0-1) CHELSEA 3
The amazing, fantastical, thumb-sucking Robinho made his MCFC debut, and scored a goal to put his new team up 1-0. Then Chelsea went to work and put the ass kicking on the home team. They're the best team in the world right now.
***
(1-3-0) STOKE CITY 2, (2-2-0) EVERTON 3
The Potters come back to equalise from a 2-0 deficit, but that lead magically disappeared, and Everton's Tim Cahill, who has been hampered by a foot injury this year, used the Cruciatus curse to score the winning goal and send the home team to Azakaban, 3-2. Mine tastes like cherry! Mine tastes like strawrberry! This tastes like penis!
****
(0-3-1) TOTTENHAM 1, (2-1-1) ASTON VILLA 2
Spurs had 2 new players in their lineup, but the result was the same as its been lately, another loss. They remain the only team in the league who has yet to taste the sweet, sweet nectar of victory.
***
THRU WEEK 4
TOP 5 (PLAYED/POINTS/GD)
1. CHELSEA 4/10/+7
2. LIVERPOOL 4/10/+3
3. ARSENAL 4/9/+7
4. ASTON VILLA 4/9/+2
5. HULL CITY 4/9/-3
BOTTOM 5
16. NEWCASTLE 4/4/-3
17. SUNDERLAND 4/4/-3
18. BLACKBURN 4/4/-6
19. STOKE CITY 4/3/-3
20. TOTTENHAM 4/1/-3
TOP 5 GOAL SCORERS
1. JERMAIN DEFOE, PORTSMOUTH 4
1. AMR ZAKI, WIGAN 4
3. EMMANUEL ADEBAYOR, ARSENAL 3
3. GABRIEL AGBONLAHOR, ASTON VILLA 3
3. BLUMER ELANO, MANCHESTER CITY 3
3. MIDO, MIDDLESBROUGH 3
3. ROBIN VAN PERSIE, ARSENAL 3
3. AYEGBENI YAKUBU, EVERTON 3
AROUND THE WORLD
Even though every league in the world sucks compared to the English one, here's an update on some of the more glamorous clubs weekend went.
FC BARCELONA
2 games, only 1 point so far in La Liga for Barca. They got the whistling of a lifetime as they bumbled their way to a 1-1 home draw against Racing Santander. They managed to pull it together though, to start off Champions League Group Stage play with a 3-1 win over Sporting Lisbon.
REAL MADRID
Thrilled their home crowd with 4 first half goals against Numancia, then held on for a 4-3 win. This was the first win of the league season for Real after they drew in their opener. They face Belarus' surprising BATE club in Champions League play this week.
INTER MILAN
Shook off a slow start to put away visiting Catania 2-1. Inter now has 4 points out of their first 2 matches.
AC MILAN
Ronaldinho's new club continues to sputter, dropping to 0-2 in Serie A with a 2-0 loss to Genoa. They are also shut out of Champions League play. This club is hurting.
JUVENTUS
Remain unbeaten (with one tie) with a 1-0 home win over Udinese. Juventus will face Zenit St. Petersburg in their first Champions League group play match this week.
BAYERN MUNICH
Drilled hosting Koln 3-0 behind 2 goals from Italian star Luca Toni, and a goal from Lukas Podolski. Bayern is in second place in the Bundesliga thru 4 weeks, 2 points behind Hamburg.
Wednesday, September 17, 2008
Sunday, September 14, 2008
pnfm 091408
liverpool, man u, chelsea, robinho, newcastle united/mike ashley situation
Oh, and if you want to see some of the fun emails I have been giving Dish Network after they canceled GolTV on me, check out my blog at www.ontheoffense.com.
Oh, and if you want to see some of the fun emails I have been giving Dish Network after they canceled GolTV on me, check out my blog at www.ontheoffense.com.
Week 2
I'm dragging ass today. I was at a Korean karaoke brothel until 2 in the morning last night. It was an interesting place. It had about 10 separate rooms where groups go in and huddle around a karaoke machine with a big flat screen displaying the lyrics. The machine lights up in about 30 different colors and all the writing on it is in Korean. All the songs are accompanied by ridiculous Korean music videos full of non-sequiturs. For example, the video for "Kokomo" was set against the backdrop of some kind of Yakuza fantasy. The whole thing has left me drained.
But if anything can revive me, a Sunday full of NFL football can! Let's take a look at the early games.
(1-0) TITANS at (0-1) BENGALS
You would think the Bengals would be a lock to be the most mentally unhinged team in any game they play, but now that Vince Young has apparently scaled the bell tower with a loaded rifle, they are going to have to defer to the T's. This surprised me, but in these team's last meeting last year, the Bengals torched the Titans 35-6 behind a 32 of 38 day for Carson Palmer. There are a lot of arrows pointing the Bengals' way here, but the Titans just looked so good last week, and the Bengals looked so bad, that makes it impossible for me to go with the Bengals.
MY PICK- TITANS 24, BENGALS 20
HALFTIME UPDATE
The Bengals defense did a good job bottling up Chris Johnson, until he broke a 50 yard run at th end of the first half, that set up a Kerry Collins to Justin Gage TD. TJ Houshmandzadeh, I think, is in some sort of waking coma. Chris Perry has had a nice day, carrying for 57 yards and a TD in the first half against the taut Tennesee defense. Titans lead 14-7.
FULLTIME UPDATE
The Titans seem to have benefitted from taking the reins of their offense away from the suicidal guy, and handing it over to the recovering alcoholic. Meanwhile, Captain America, Carson Palmer, can't find a way to throw for over 150 yards despite having supposedly 2 of the best wide receivers in the league. I dunno, maybe it's time to bring back David Klingler, until then, call me when this league starts making sense. 100+ rushing yards for Chris Johnson.
Actually, I feel bad about making light of Vince Young's issues. Get well, Vince.
FINAL- TITANS 24, BENGALS 7
*****
(1-0) BILLS at (0-1) JAGUARS
The Jags opened this season as everyone's darkhorse pick to win the Super Bowl. Everyone's. Especially mine. Then they shit the bed in week 1 against the Titans and got their whole offensive line hurt. Now I have no idea what this team is going to do. The Bills have the best special teams in the league and it won the game for them in their opener when they played a flawless game against the Seahawks. My guess is that the Bills can't be as good as they looked last week, and the Bills can't be as bad.
MY PICK- JAGUARS 17, BILLS 13
HALFTIME UPDATE
The Jaguars offense has been totally at sea so far this year. Fred Taylor has 7 yards on 6 carries, MJD has no carries. David Garrard is making up for lost time with the interceptions. Bills lead 10-3.
FULLTIME UPDATE
Jacksonville took a 16-10 4th quarter lead, and looked like finally they were waking their goat mouth asses up, even sneaking an onside kick past the Bills' vaunted special teams. But it's hard to protect a lead when your running back Wonder Twins average a little over 3 yards a carry, and eventually the Jags fell victim to a pair of perfectly thrown balls by Trent Edwards that gave the Bills the win and a surprising 2-0 start. The Jags fall to 0-2, which in a division with Tennessee and Indy is a bad thing. James Hardy scored his first NFL touchdown to put the Bills ahead. The cook at my frat house's name was also James Hardy. He had the wingspan of Yao Ming, and he used his arm to stir vats of Kool Aid. I guess when you have arms that long you find ways to use them.
FINAL- BILLS 20, JAGUARS 16
******
(0-1) RAIDERS AT (0-1) CHIEFS
I think the 2008 Chiefs legacy will be that they were the team that ended Tom Brady's season. They lost their own starting QB in that game too, but I think the loss of Brady is going to end up being more painful than the loss of Brodie Croyle. You can quote me on that. Damon Huard will take the snaps for KC today against a Raiders team that embarrassed themselves in their Monday Night opener at home against Denver in Week 1. ESPN's telling me that Lane Kiffin could be gone as soon as Monday, and Al Davis has said that, "He's not the guy I hired".
MY PICK- CHIEFS 23, RAIDERS 16
HALFTIME UPDATE
Justin Fargas appears to be in severe groinal discomfort, so Darren McFadden, it's your time to shine. JaMarcus Russell is 3 for 11. Tyler Thigpen and Damon Huard are 4 for 12. The Raiders are winning 6-0, but in reality, there are no winners here.
FULLTIME UPDATE
Well Eurethra! Who knew that if you just PUT DARREN MCFADDEN IN THE GAME that good things would happen? McFadden comes on for Huggy Bear and his injured groin and ends up with 164 rushing yards. Michael Bush had 90 yards too. Sweet Jesus, the Raiders rushed for 300 yards. Almost makes you not notice that surefire bust JaMarcus Russell completed only 6 of 17 passes for 55 yards. Raiders win, so Lane Kiffin doesn't get fired, which is a ridiculous statement. Basically, the Raiders change their plans for the future of the franchise because they beat a horrible Chiefs team. If it were me running the Raiders, Lane would still be fired, and replaced with Ned Yost.
FINAL- RAIDERS 23, CHIEFS 8
******
(1-0) PACKERS AT (0-1) LIONS
Brett Favre threw for 381 yards and 3 TDs when the Pack went to Ford Field last year. Aaron Rodgers is probably dressed in a Napoleon costume, licking his chops as I write this. As for the Lions, this Rod Marinelli thing is not going to work out. Their next head coach will probably be that assistant of theirs who got arrested for going thru the Burger King drive thru naked a couple of years ago. Either him or Kwame Kilpatrick.
MY PICK- PACKERS 33, LIONS 20
HALFTIME UPDATE
3 first half TD passes for Aaron Rodgers, and 107 receiving yards for Greg Jennings. I'm not sure if Rodgers performance has more to do with his playing against the Lions, or him playing against one of my fantasy teams.
FULLTIME UPDATE
I'm going to have a hard time watching the Packers this year, as they have a guy named "Lumpkin" on their team, and everytime I see him I can't help but think of the word "Blumpkin". It was cute when Detroit came back and took the lead in this game, and Calvin Johnson kept slam dunking the ball over the goalposts. Then Kitna kept getting picked off for touchdowns, and that was the end of that. 165 receiving yards for Greg Jennings, and the Packers win.
FINAL- PACKERS 48, LIONS 25
164 receiving yards for Moss, and 2 TDs for Clinton Portis. Moss' fantasy owners, I predict, will now have the pleasure of spending the rest of the season of chasing the dragon hoping for Moss to repeat this, which he will, in week 11 or so, after he's been benched by most owners after a string of 20 yard games.
(0-1) 49ers AT (0-1) SEAHAWKS
Seattle has no wide receivers, San Francisco has no quarterback. Thank God for me I have instructed DirecTv to black out all NFC West intra-divisional games from my Sunday Ticket package. They were all like, "Why? Don't you want to see as much NFL action as possible?" I was all like, "Trust me, I know what I'm doing".
MY PICK- SEAHAWKS 23, 49ERS 13
(0-1) CHARGERS AT (1-0) BRONCOS
I loves me some Eddie Royal. The Chargers sleepwalked thru their opener, you would hope that dropping one at home woke them up, and I think it will.
MY PICK- CHARGERS 30, BRONCOS 20
But if anything can revive me, a Sunday full of NFL football can! Let's take a look at the early games.
(1-0) TITANS at (0-1) BENGALS
You would think the Bengals would be a lock to be the most mentally unhinged team in any game they play, but now that Vince Young has apparently scaled the bell tower with a loaded rifle, they are going to have to defer to the T's. This surprised me, but in these team's last meeting last year, the Bengals torched the Titans 35-6 behind a 32 of 38 day for Carson Palmer. There are a lot of arrows pointing the Bengals' way here, but the Titans just looked so good last week, and the Bengals looked so bad, that makes it impossible for me to go with the Bengals.
MY PICK- TITANS 24, BENGALS 20
HALFTIME UPDATE
The Bengals defense did a good job bottling up Chris Johnson, until he broke a 50 yard run at th end of the first half, that set up a Kerry Collins to Justin Gage TD. TJ Houshmandzadeh, I think, is in some sort of waking coma. Chris Perry has had a nice day, carrying for 57 yards and a TD in the first half against the taut Tennesee defense. Titans lead 14-7.
FULLTIME UPDATE
The Titans seem to have benefitted from taking the reins of their offense away from the suicidal guy, and handing it over to the recovering alcoholic. Meanwhile, Captain America, Carson Palmer, can't find a way to throw for over 150 yards despite having supposedly 2 of the best wide receivers in the league. I dunno, maybe it's time to bring back David Klingler, until then, call me when this league starts making sense. 100+ rushing yards for Chris Johnson.
Actually, I feel bad about making light of Vince Young's issues. Get well, Vince.
FINAL- TITANS 24, BENGALS 7
*****
(1-0) BILLS at (0-1) JAGUARS
The Jags opened this season as everyone's darkhorse pick to win the Super Bowl. Everyone's. Especially mine. Then they shit the bed in week 1 against the Titans and got their whole offensive line hurt. Now I have no idea what this team is going to do. The Bills have the best special teams in the league and it won the game for them in their opener when they played a flawless game against the Seahawks. My guess is that the Bills can't be as good as they looked last week, and the Bills can't be as bad.
MY PICK- JAGUARS 17, BILLS 13
HALFTIME UPDATE
The Jaguars offense has been totally at sea so far this year. Fred Taylor has 7 yards on 6 carries, MJD has no carries. David Garrard is making up for lost time with the interceptions. Bills lead 10-3.
FULLTIME UPDATE
Jacksonville took a 16-10 4th quarter lead, and looked like finally they were waking their goat mouth asses up, even sneaking an onside kick past the Bills' vaunted special teams. But it's hard to protect a lead when your running back Wonder Twins average a little over 3 yards a carry, and eventually the Jags fell victim to a pair of perfectly thrown balls by Trent Edwards that gave the Bills the win and a surprising 2-0 start. The Jags fall to 0-2, which in a division with Tennessee and Indy is a bad thing. James Hardy scored his first NFL touchdown to put the Bills ahead. The cook at my frat house's name was also James Hardy. He had the wingspan of Yao Ming, and he used his arm to stir vats of Kool Aid. I guess when you have arms that long you find ways to use them.
FINAL- BILLS 20, JAGUARS 16
******
(0-1) RAIDERS AT (0-1) CHIEFS
I think the 2008 Chiefs legacy will be that they were the team that ended Tom Brady's season. They lost their own starting QB in that game too, but I think the loss of Brady is going to end up being more painful than the loss of Brodie Croyle. You can quote me on that. Damon Huard will take the snaps for KC today against a Raiders team that embarrassed themselves in their Monday Night opener at home against Denver in Week 1. ESPN's telling me that Lane Kiffin could be gone as soon as Monday, and Al Davis has said that, "He's not the guy I hired".
MY PICK- CHIEFS 23, RAIDERS 16
HALFTIME UPDATE
Justin Fargas appears to be in severe groinal discomfort, so Darren McFadden, it's your time to shine. JaMarcus Russell is 3 for 11. Tyler Thigpen and Damon Huard are 4 for 12. The Raiders are winning 6-0, but in reality, there are no winners here.
FULLTIME UPDATE
Well Eurethra! Who knew that if you just PUT DARREN MCFADDEN IN THE GAME that good things would happen? McFadden comes on for Huggy Bear and his injured groin and ends up with 164 rushing yards. Michael Bush had 90 yards too. Sweet Jesus, the Raiders rushed for 300 yards. Almost makes you not notice that surefire bust JaMarcus Russell completed only 6 of 17 passes for 55 yards. Raiders win, so Lane Kiffin doesn't get fired, which is a ridiculous statement. Basically, the Raiders change their plans for the future of the franchise because they beat a horrible Chiefs team. If it were me running the Raiders, Lane would still be fired, and replaced with Ned Yost.
FINAL- RAIDERS 23, CHIEFS 8
******
(0-1) COLTS AT (0-1) VIKINGS
One of two things will happen this week. Either Peyton Manning will look as bad and as shackled as he did against the Bears last week, or he's going to come out royally pissed and light up a pass defense that ranked last in the league in yards allowed last year, and didn't look a whole lot better against Aaron Rodgers and the Packers last week. I will not bet against Peyton Manning. I saw him during the pregame show, and he had that crazy look in his eye.
MY PICK- COLTS 37, VIKINGS 17
HALFTIME UPDATE
The story of this season so far has been AFC teams that are traditionally powers are all shitting the bed. The Colts look awful. Adrian Peterson already has 100+ rushing yards and Indy's getting shut out 9-0.
One of two things will happen this week. Either Peyton Manning will look as bad and as shackled as he did against the Bears last week, or he's going to come out royally pissed and light up a pass defense that ranked last in the league in yards allowed last year, and didn't look a whole lot better against Aaron Rodgers and the Packers last week. I will not bet against Peyton Manning. I saw him during the pregame show, and he had that crazy look in his eye.
MY PICK- COLTS 37, VIKINGS 17
HALFTIME UPDATE
The story of this season so far has been AFC teams that are traditionally powers are all shitting the bed. The Colts look awful. Adrian Peterson already has 100+ rushing yards and Indy's getting shut out 9-0.
FULLTIME UPDATE
One of these teams was going to be 0-2. In the end it was the irresistable force (Peyton Manning) meeting the very movable object (Vikings pass defense), leading to the Vikings being unable to hold a 15-0 second half lead, and the Colts winning on a Vinatieri field goal in the waning moments. Anthony Gonzalez torches the Viking secondary for 137 receiving yards, and I think its safe to say that he's Peyton's new Marvin Harrison. Adrian Peterson runs for 160 yards, but no touchdowns. The Vikings kicked field goals though, lots and lots of field goals. If the Vikings don't get their shit together and make the playoffs this year, I deem that a fireable offense for Brad Childress.
FINAL- COLTS 18, VIKINGS 15
*****
(1-0) BEARS AT (1-0) PANTHERS
Both teams are coming off shocking wins on the road against AFC heavyweights. One of these teams is for real, and I'm pretty sure it's not the Bears. If they win this game though, then I'm on board.
MY PICK- PANTHERS 24, BEARS 10
HALFTIME UPDATE
The Bears get more out of the special teams phase of the game than any team outside of the Bills. A blocked punt for a TD has the Bears up 10-3 at the half, and Matt Forte is on pace for another 100 yard game.
(1-0) BEARS AT (1-0) PANTHERS
Both teams are coming off shocking wins on the road against AFC heavyweights. One of these teams is for real, and I'm pretty sure it's not the Bears. If they win this game though, then I'm on board.
MY PICK- PANTHERS 24, BEARS 10
HALFTIME UPDATE
The Bears get more out of the special teams phase of the game than any team outside of the Bills. A blocked punt for a TD has the Bears up 10-3 at the half, and Matt Forte is on pace for another 100 yard game.
FULLTIME UPDATE
People here in Chicago are rending their garments that they playcalling was too conservative, but the fact is the Bears offensive and defensive lines both ran out of gas in the second half, and couldn't run the ball or stop Jonathan Stewart from running on them, and the result was the Bears coughing up a 17-3 lead and dropping one to the Panthers. Stewart took over the second half, finishing with 77 yards on 14 carries and 2 TDs. Carolina's 2-0 and all alone atop the NFC South.
FINAL- PANTHERS 20, BEARS 17
(1-0) PACKERS AT (0-1) LIONS
Brett Favre threw for 381 yards and 3 TDs when the Pack went to Ford Field last year. Aaron Rodgers is probably dressed in a Napoleon costume, licking his chops as I write this. As for the Lions, this Rod Marinelli thing is not going to work out. Their next head coach will probably be that assistant of theirs who got arrested for going thru the Burger King drive thru naked a couple of years ago. Either him or Kwame Kilpatrick.
MY PICK- PACKERS 33, LIONS 20
HALFTIME UPDATE
3 first half TD passes for Aaron Rodgers, and 107 receiving yards for Greg Jennings. I'm not sure if Rodgers performance has more to do with his playing against the Lions, or him playing against one of my fantasy teams.
FULLTIME UPDATE
I'm going to have a hard time watching the Packers this year, as they have a guy named "Lumpkin" on their team, and everytime I see him I can't help but think of the word "Blumpkin". It was cute when Detroit came back and took the lead in this game, and Calvin Johnson kept slam dunking the ball over the goalposts. Then Kitna kept getting picked off for touchdowns, and that was the end of that. 165 receiving yards for Greg Jennings, and the Packers win.
FINAL- PACKERS 48, LIONS 25
(1-0) GIANTS AT (0-1) RAMS
I love how the town fathers spent the whole month of August clucking their tongues and stroking their beards and lamenting oh woe is the New York Giants, and now it's almost guaranteed they are going to start the season 2-0. Kobe, how's my ass taste.
MY PICK- GIANTS 30, RAMS 13
HALFTIME UPDATE
Josh Brown is using his super playing against one of my fantasy teams powers to nail two 54 yard field goals. Chris Long has his first NFL sack, and the Rams are hanging tough against the Giants, trailing only 10-6. Brandon Jacobs has been ineffective with less than 3 yards per on 10 carries, but Derrick Ward has been getting carries and has 41 yards on 6 carries.
I love how the town fathers spent the whole month of August clucking their tongues and stroking their beards and lamenting oh woe is the New York Giants, and now it's almost guaranteed they are going to start the season 2-0. Kobe, how's my ass taste.
MY PICK- GIANTS 30, RAMS 13
HALFTIME UPDATE
Josh Brown is using his super playing against one of my fantasy teams powers to nail two 54 yard field goals. Chris Long has his first NFL sack, and the Rams are hanging tough against the Giants, trailing only 10-6. Brandon Jacobs has been ineffective with less than 3 yards per on 10 carries, but Derrick Ward has been getting carries and has 41 yards on 6 carries.
FULLTIME UPDATE
I get the same thought watching the Rams as I do watching the patients on "Brookhaven Obesity Clinic", that thought of, "My God how do you let it get to this point?". Horrible though they are, the Rams are down only a TD in the 4th quarter, but then they come unglued and take their pounding. The state of Missouri has 2 really awful football teams. 3 TD passes for Eli. Justin Tuck has 2 sacks and takes an INT at the line back for a score.
FINAL- GIANTS 41, RAMS 13
(1-0) SAINTS AT (0-1) REDSKINS
One of the best games you heard nothing about last week was the Saints/Bucs NFC South showdown. It was a huge win for the Saints, who really need a good start this season to send the message that last year's struggles were an aberration. The Redskins just can't get out of their own way as a franchise, and their offense looked completely bewildered in their season opening loss to the Giants. They face a softer defense this week, again at home, but I still like the Saints to eke one out.
MY PICK- SAINTS 20, REDSKINS 17
HALFTIME UPDATE
Pierre Thomas' one yard plunge is the only TD in what's been a 10-9 taffy pull thus far.
One of the best games you heard nothing about last week was the Saints/Bucs NFC South showdown. It was a huge win for the Saints, who really need a good start this season to send the message that last year's struggles were an aberration. The Redskins just can't get out of their own way as a franchise, and their offense looked completely bewildered in their season opening loss to the Giants. They face a softer defense this week, again at home, but I still like the Saints to eke one out.
MY PICK- SAINTS 20, REDSKINS 17
HALFTIME UPDATE
Pierre Thomas' one yard plunge is the only TD in what's been a 10-9 taffy pull thus far.
FULLTIME UPDATE
This game went and got all exciting in the second half. Reggie Bush took a punt back for a TD to give the Saints a 24-15 lead.
An inability to run the ball, you'll find, is like having a lousy bullpen in baseball, leads tend to evaporate. The Saints can't run, and their lead evaporated, with Santana Moss torching a rookie corner and catching a 67 yard bomb from Jason Campbell to put the Skins ahead to stay.
164 receiving yards for Moss, and 2 TDs for Clinton Portis. Moss' fantasy owners, I predict, will now have the pleasure of spending the rest of the season of chasing the dragon hoping for Moss to repeat this, which he will, in week 11 or so, after he's been benched by most owners after a string of 20 yard games.
FINAL- REDSKINS 29, SAINTS 24
LATE GAMES
(1-0) FALCONS AT (0-1) BUCS
Now that Jeff Garcia is, ahem, "injured", the Bucs have turned things over to Brian Griese, and need a win here to avoid an 0-2 start. Gruden said he "didn't like the way he (Garcia) was playing". Well, I don't like Gruden's face. Atlanta's win last week over Detroit is looking a little more impressive now that Detroit is beating Green Bay late in the 4th quarter, and we're all anxious to see how Michael Turner follows up his 200+ yard debut as a feature back.
MY PICK- BUCS 24, FALCONS 13
Now that Jeff Garcia is, ahem, "injured", the Bucs have turned things over to Brian Griese, and need a win here to avoid an 0-2 start. Gruden said he "didn't like the way he (Garcia) was playing". Well, I don't like Gruden's face. Atlanta's win last week over Detroit is looking a little more impressive now that Detroit is beating Green Bay late in the 4th quarter, and we're all anxious to see how Michael Turner follows up his 200+ yard debut as a feature back.
MY PICK- BUCS 24, FALCONS 13
FULLTIME UPDATE
The Falcons MO to stay competitive this year should be to give the ball to Michael Turner and Jerrious Norwood 20 times each and then let Matt Ryan fling it downfield to Roddy White 2 or 3 times a game, then hope for the best. Instead, they fell behind 17-0 early here and just kind of threw the gameplan out the window. Turner and Norwood only got 20 carries combined, and didn't do a whole lot with them. The defense hung in there, and the outcome was in doubt until Honest Earnest Graham busted a 61 yard TD run to put it away with 3 minutes left. 2 sacks for Gaines Adams, who was a top 10 draft choice for the Bucs last year.
FINAL- BUCS 24, FALCONS 9
(0-1) 49ers AT (0-1) SEAHAWKS
Seattle has no wide receivers, San Francisco has no quarterback. Thank God for me I have instructed DirecTv to black out all NFC West intra-divisional games from my Sunday Ticket package. They were all like, "Why? Don't you want to see as much NFL action as possible?" I was all like, "Trust me, I know what I'm doing".
MY PICK- SEAHAWKS 23, 49ERS 13
FULLTIME UPDATE
Sometimes it just takes one big win to completely turn a franchise around. Sometimes you can even pinpoint one play in that game as the moment where a team stopped sucking. In this game, the Seahawks were driving midway thru the 3rd quarter toward a score that would have put them up 27-17, and seemingly on their way to yet another beatdown of the doormat 49ers. Then Patrick Willis picked off Matt Hasselbeck and took it 86 yards for a TD that instead put SF up 24-20. I've always thought Mike Nolan was a good coach, and that he would succeed in San Francisco, and I think this may have been the moment the Niners begin turn it all around.
JT O'Sullivan gets sacked 8 times, and still is able to lead the Niners on a 10 play drive to a game winning Joe Nedney field goal in OT. Isaac Bruce does his best Ponce de Leon imitation and pops for 153 receiving yards. The Seahawks got 127 rushing yards from Julius Jones, and those 8 sacks, but it wasn't enough to keep them from going on the 0-2 deathwatch list.
FINAL- NINERS 33, SEAHAWKS 30 OT
*****
(1-0) PATRIOTS AT (1-0) JETS
If Belichick is the defensive mastermind he is purported to be, I expect Favre to get picked off 6 times today. This is supposed to be where the Patriots get their ultimate comeuppance and Mangenius videotapes himself having Belichick perform a Rusty Trombone on him, but I do not buy into the Jets one bit.
MY PICK- PATRIOTS 27, JETS 10
(1-0) PATRIOTS AT (1-0) JETS
If Belichick is the defensive mastermind he is purported to be, I expect Favre to get picked off 6 times today. This is supposed to be where the Patriots get their ultimate comeuppance and Mangenius videotapes himself having Belichick perform a Rusty Trombone on him, but I do not buy into the Jets one bit.
MY PICK- PATRIOTS 27, JETS 10
FULLTIME UPDATE
I think we all forgot this in the hailstorm of 40+ point victories last year, but the Patriots made their bones by being a boring ass team that sucked the life out of the opposition and won a lot of 17-10 type games. They can very easily play that type of game, and win those type of games, and they've now done it twice already this year. The Pats just kept pounding the ball on the ground unsuccessfully with Laurence Maroney (8 carries, 16 yards) and Sammy Morris (ZERO yards on EIGHT carries! )until they finally found a back in Lamont Jordan who didn't get shut down (11 carries for 62 yards). And when Favre set up the Pats on the 30 yard line with an interception, they capitalized with a TD.
FINAL- PATRIOTS 19, JETS 10
(0-1) CHARGERS AT (1-0) BRONCOS
I loves me some Eddie Royal. The Chargers sleepwalked thru their opener, you would hope that dropping one at home woke them up, and I think it will.
MY PICK- CHARGERS 30, BRONCOS 20
FULLTIME UPDATE
God, where do I begin with this game more beautiful than anything the Brazilian soccer team could produce?
Let's start with the emergence of Jay Cutler as the most impressive QB in the league so far this season. Mike Shanahan now has so much confidence in him that not only does he elect to go for 2 and go for the win with seconds remaining in the game and the score 38-37 Chargers, but he calls a pass play, and Cutler zips it home to Eddie Royal, just as he did on the preceding play for a TD, to get the 2 points and give the Broncos the win.
Then there's Brandon Marshall returning from suspension and catching 18 passes, 2 short of the NFL record, for 166 yards.
Let's not forget Philip Rivers throwing for 377 yards and 3 TDs and bringing the Chargers back from a 31-17 halftime deficit.
And, of course, let us pay homage to Ed Hochuli, whose inadvertent whistle on a Cutler fumble with 2 minutes left in the game screwed the Chargers out of a win. Hochuli told Norv Turner right after the play that he screwed up. Now he will be downgraded by the NFL, and forced to work Rams games the rest of the season.
FINAL- BRONCOS 39, CHARGERS 38
(0-1) DOLPHINS AT (1-0) CARDINALS
You know what. I think this might finally be the season the Cardinals finally actually do get good, and make the playoffs. Actually, they can still be absolutely horrible and still make the playoffs playing in the NFC West. I think CBS has Patrick Duffy and Lorenzo Llamas doing the call on this one.
MY PICK- CARDINALS 27, DOLPHINS 16
You know what. I think this might finally be the season the Cardinals finally actually do get good, and make the playoffs. Actually, they can still be absolutely horrible and still make the playoffs playing in the NFC West. I think CBS has Patrick Duffy and Lorenzo Llamas doing the call on this one.
MY PICK- CARDINALS 27, DOLPHINS 16
FULLTIME UPDATE
Oh woe to the Dolphins. Jimmy Johnson couldn't save them. Bill Parcells cannot save them. Brent Musburger cannot save them. No pregame show personality can save them. Larry Fitzgerald and Anquan Boldin combine for 293 receiving yards. 3 TD for Boldin. The Cardinals are 2-0 for the first time since 1991, when Tom Tupa was their quarterback and their punter and would have to go to his night job at the factory after games.
FINAL- CARDINALS 31, DOLPHINS 10
******
SUNDAY NIGHT
(1-0) STEELERS AT (0-1) BROWNS
Great things were predicted for the Browns this year. Great things. They've yet to win a football game of any kind this season though, be it practice game or real game, and a loss here puts them 2 games back in their division with 1/4 of their home schedule already gone.
NICK'S PICK- STEELERS BY A SMIDGE
FULLTIME UPDATE
Didn't see too much of this game. I was too busy throwing things and speaking in tongues as the White Sox and Octavio Dotel blew a 7-0 lead on ESPN. I guess the Steelers ended up winning 10-6. Sounds like a really exciting game. I think someone needs to give Derek Anderson another can of spinach, because his super powers seem to have run out. It's looking more and more like its only a matter of time before Brady Quinn, Medicine Woman, is called on to save the Browns season.
FINAL- STEELERS 10, BROWNS 6
MONDAY NIGHT
(1-0) EAGLES AT (1-0) COWBOYS
Everyone love, love, loooooves the Eagles this year. You certainly have to be impressed by the way they blew out the Rams. That's some quality opposition right there. They may very well be a little better than last year, but it doesn't change that Donovan McNabb is still a vag and somewhere along the line he'll go south, probably right when Westbrook gets hurt, and the media will start making all kinds of excuses for him (which they already are even though the Eagles have been good), and dur dee dur dee dur.
NICK'S PICK- COWBOYS BY A BUNCH
FULLTIME UPDATE
The Eagles and Cowboys kept trading touchdowns, until McNabb boofed up 2 handoffs to Westbrook, the final one being almost funny where he was like, "Here take the ball, no wait don't take it, just kidding, here you go, uh oh", causing a fumble that ended the Eagles hopes of winning. Which only goes to prove my point about McNabb. I don't care how good he looked in this game, he fucked up 2 handoffs at the most crucial moments of the game. It's the same old McNabb. He may as well have barfed on the field after that second botched exchange just to drive that point home. I'm still not buying the Eagles. The only reason they remained in this game was the Cowboys racked up 108 yards in penalties.
Meanwhile, Westbrook had 3 TDs. DeSean Jackson had his second 100+ yard receiving game, and spiked the ball on the 1 yard line, illustrating a major problem of his of knowing where the end zone is. TO had 2 TDs, and Jason Witten had 110 receiving yards. Felix Jones had a kickoff return for a TD, and the vaunted Eagles secondary looked terrible, giving up over 10 yards per pass play.
FINAL- COWBOYS 41, EAGLES 37
Monday, September 8, 2008
Monday Night Doubleheader
Usually I hate this Monday Night doubleheader. I get home too late to see most of the early game, and go to bed to early to see most of the late game. This year is different since I took the day off today, which means the early game is no problem for me, and I'm still on Hawaiian time, so I should be able to stay up for most of the late game. I have the added bonus of having my fantasy game on the line, as a big performance out of Darren McFadden can nail one down for me.
VIKINGS AT PACKERS
PREVIEW
Brett Favre's face is actually on the ticket stub for this game. They were supposed to retire his number tonight. I propose an alternate ceremony where Ted Thompson takes a big steaming dump on a Favre jersey at the 50 yard line, then wipes his ass with an 8x10 of Vince Lombardi. I'd pay to see that. Aaron Rodgers dressed in a full Civil War Union soldier uniform for the bus ride to the game. This in itself earns him 1,000 points in my book. Minnesota's pass defense stunk last year, and Green Bay has the weapons to exploit that.
MY PICK- PACKERS 27, VIKINGS 14
FULLTIME UPDATE
How's an 82% completion percentage, a 115.5 passer rating, and a win over the supposed co-favorite in the division on Monday Night Football grab ya for the big debut? It grabs me just fine. Aaron Rodgers, you are cold as ice! Cold blooooded!!! 103 rushing yards and a TD for Adrian Peterson, but it's in a losing effort.
FINAL- PACKERS 24, VIKINGS 19
BRONCOS AT RAIDERS
PREVIEW
Both teams are horrible at stopping the run, and both can run the ball pretty well. This should be a weird game where both teams are continually gashing each other for long runs. Interesting nugget is that last time these teams met, the Raiders actually thumped the Broncos pretty good, beating them 34-20 in Oakland. Denver's still going thru their annual running back dosey doh, and they are missing their best wide receiver, so I say the Raiders do it again.
MY PICK- RAIDERS 27, BRONCOS 24
FULLTIME UPDATE
I liked Greenberg and Golic in the booth during last year's Opening Week Monday Night Late Game, they got on my nerves this year. Maybe it was just because Lane Kiffin in his infinite wisdom couldn't find a way to get Darren McFadden on the field more than once every 10 plays, leaving me 3 points shy of a fantasy win. Broncos rookie WR Eddie Royal had 9 catches for 146 yards and a TD, pinballing around the field like he was Gizmo Williams or something. D'Angelo Hall racked up I think 150 yards in personal foul penalties. I hope that d-bag that commented on my less than flattering Raiders preview a couple of months ago was watching this abortion. Lane Kiffin, grab a harmonica and take your seat next to Scott Linehan, Mike Nolan, Marvin Lewis, Jim Zorn, and Rod Marinelli on the Vessel of Doomed Coaches.
FINAL- BRONCOS 41, RAIDERS 14
VIKINGS AT PACKERS
PREVIEW
Brett Favre's face is actually on the ticket stub for this game. They were supposed to retire his number tonight. I propose an alternate ceremony where Ted Thompson takes a big steaming dump on a Favre jersey at the 50 yard line, then wipes his ass with an 8x10 of Vince Lombardi. I'd pay to see that. Aaron Rodgers dressed in a full Civil War Union soldier uniform for the bus ride to the game. This in itself earns him 1,000 points in my book. Minnesota's pass defense stunk last year, and Green Bay has the weapons to exploit that.
MY PICK- PACKERS 27, VIKINGS 14
FULLTIME UPDATE
How's an 82% completion percentage, a 115.5 passer rating, and a win over the supposed co-favorite in the division on Monday Night Football grab ya for the big debut? It grabs me just fine. Aaron Rodgers, you are cold as ice! Cold blooooded!!! 103 rushing yards and a TD for Adrian Peterson, but it's in a losing effort.
FINAL- PACKERS 24, VIKINGS 19
BRONCOS AT RAIDERS
PREVIEW
Both teams are horrible at stopping the run, and both can run the ball pretty well. This should be a weird game where both teams are continually gashing each other for long runs. Interesting nugget is that last time these teams met, the Raiders actually thumped the Broncos pretty good, beating them 34-20 in Oakland. Denver's still going thru their annual running back dosey doh, and they are missing their best wide receiver, so I say the Raiders do it again.
MY PICK- RAIDERS 27, BRONCOS 24
FULLTIME UPDATE
I liked Greenberg and Golic in the booth during last year's Opening Week Monday Night Late Game, they got on my nerves this year. Maybe it was just because Lane Kiffin in his infinite wisdom couldn't find a way to get Darren McFadden on the field more than once every 10 plays, leaving me 3 points shy of a fantasy win. Broncos rookie WR Eddie Royal had 9 catches for 146 yards and a TD, pinballing around the field like he was Gizmo Williams or something. D'Angelo Hall racked up I think 150 yards in personal foul penalties. I hope that d-bag that commented on my less than flattering Raiders preview a couple of months ago was watching this abortion. Lane Kiffin, grab a harmonica and take your seat next to Scott Linehan, Mike Nolan, Marvin Lewis, Jim Zorn, and Rod Marinelli on the Vessel of Doomed Coaches.
FINAL- BRONCOS 41, RAIDERS 14
Sunday, September 7, 2008
Week 1 Late Games
DALLAS AT CLEVELAND
I have a bad feeling about the Browns. They went 0-4 in the preseason, and played as good as they will probably ever play last year, and still missed the playoffs. None of the wags like Dallas this year, for some reason, maybe because they have too many really good players, and seem too obvious as a Super Bowl pick. None of that for me. Dallas is going to the Super Bowl. And they'll win today.
MY PICK- COWBOYS 33, BROWNS 13
HALFTIME UPDATE
Dallas just looks kind of better than Cleveland. At everything. 2 TDs for Marion the Barbarian III as the Cowboys lead 21-7 at the break.
FULLTIME UPDATE
Felix Jones scores his first NFL touchdown, and the Cowboys just take apart the Browns. Romo throws for 320 yards, while Derek Anderson completes only 11 passes, and Braylon Edwards has just 2 catches for 14 yards.
FINAL- COWBOYS 28, BROWNS 10
ARIZONA AT SAN FRANCISCO
This seems like a great game to take a nap during.
MY PICK- NINERS 23, CARDS 20
HALFTIME UPDATE
Mike Martz's offense looks good. Frank Gore has 80 yards and a TD, JT O'Sullivan is is 10 of 14 for 141 yards. The Niners still aren't winning, mostly because they've turned it over 4 times. 10-10 at the half.
FULLTIME UPDATE
It's kind of funny how 2 coaches that are probably slam dunks to be fired either during or after this season are both former Ravens defensive coordinators (Mike Nolan and Marvin Lewis). And yet, here we are and the Ravens defense is still pretty good. Guess it's the players, not the system. 100 rushing yards on the nose for Edgerrin James, TDs for Larry Fitzgerald and rookie RB Tim Hightower.
FINAL- CARDINALS 23, NINERS 13
CAROLINA AT SAN DIEGO
The Chargers are so good that they had no use for a guy that ran for 220 yards today.
MY PICK- CHARGERS 30, PANTHERS 17
HALFTIME UPDATE
The Panthers are grrrrowling....they lead 9-7 with 3 field goals. DeAngelo Williams and Jonathan Stewart have 112 rushing yards in the first half for Carolina. LT has but a mere 35 yards on 9 carries. What this guy needs is to play against one of my fantasy teams.
FULLTIME UPDATE
It doesn't get more exciting than a last second pass thru the fingertips of two defenders and into the waiting arms of its intended target for the game winning touchdown with :00 left on the clock. Jake Delhomme and Dante Rosario's hookup gave a great game a great finish.
FINAL- PANTHERS 26, CHARGERS 24
CHICAGO AT INDIANAPOLIS
How crazy would it be if both Brady and Manning go down for the year today? Wouldn't that be crazy? That would be crazy.
MY PICK- COLTS 23, BEARS 10
FULLTIME UPDATE
Wow. If you ever wanted to see a 140 lb Peyton Manning dinking and dunking his way toward a fugly loss as if he were channeling the ghost of Shane Matthews, this game was for you. Matt Forte defies the Curse of Rashaan Salaam, the Curtis Enis Onus, and the Malediction of Cedric Benson to rush for 123 yards and get his face plastered on the Madden Horse Trailer.
FINAL - BEARS 29, COLTS 13
I have a bad feeling about the Browns. They went 0-4 in the preseason, and played as good as they will probably ever play last year, and still missed the playoffs. None of the wags like Dallas this year, for some reason, maybe because they have too many really good players, and seem too obvious as a Super Bowl pick. None of that for me. Dallas is going to the Super Bowl. And they'll win today.
MY PICK- COWBOYS 33, BROWNS 13
HALFTIME UPDATE
Dallas just looks kind of better than Cleveland. At everything. 2 TDs for Marion the Barbarian III as the Cowboys lead 21-7 at the break.
FULLTIME UPDATE
Felix Jones scores his first NFL touchdown, and the Cowboys just take apart the Browns. Romo throws for 320 yards, while Derek Anderson completes only 11 passes, and Braylon Edwards has just 2 catches for 14 yards.
FINAL- COWBOYS 28, BROWNS 10
ARIZONA AT SAN FRANCISCO
This seems like a great game to take a nap during.
MY PICK- NINERS 23, CARDS 20
HALFTIME UPDATE
Mike Martz's offense looks good. Frank Gore has 80 yards and a TD, JT O'Sullivan is is 10 of 14 for 141 yards. The Niners still aren't winning, mostly because they've turned it over 4 times. 10-10 at the half.
FULLTIME UPDATE
It's kind of funny how 2 coaches that are probably slam dunks to be fired either during or after this season are both former Ravens defensive coordinators (Mike Nolan and Marvin Lewis). And yet, here we are and the Ravens defense is still pretty good. Guess it's the players, not the system. 100 rushing yards on the nose for Edgerrin James, TDs for Larry Fitzgerald and rookie RB Tim Hightower.
FINAL- CARDINALS 23, NINERS 13
CAROLINA AT SAN DIEGO
The Chargers are so good that they had no use for a guy that ran for 220 yards today.
MY PICK- CHARGERS 30, PANTHERS 17
HALFTIME UPDATE
The Panthers are grrrrowling....they lead 9-7 with 3 field goals. DeAngelo Williams and Jonathan Stewart have 112 rushing yards in the first half for Carolina. LT has but a mere 35 yards on 9 carries. What this guy needs is to play against one of my fantasy teams.
FULLTIME UPDATE
It doesn't get more exciting than a last second pass thru the fingertips of two defenders and into the waiting arms of its intended target for the game winning touchdown with :00 left on the clock. Jake Delhomme and Dante Rosario's hookup gave a great game a great finish.
FINAL- PANTHERS 26, CHARGERS 24
CHICAGO AT INDIANAPOLIS
How crazy would it be if both Brady and Manning go down for the year today? Wouldn't that be crazy? That would be crazy.
MY PICK- COLTS 23, BEARS 10
FULLTIME UPDATE
Wow. If you ever wanted to see a 140 lb Peyton Manning dinking and dunking his way toward a fugly loss as if he were channeling the ghost of Shane Matthews, this game was for you. Matt Forte defies the Curse of Rashaan Salaam, the Curtis Enis Onus, and the Malediction of Cedric Benson to rush for 123 yards and get his face plastered on the Madden Horse Trailer.
FINAL - BEARS 29, COLTS 13
Week 1 Early Games
If you are one of the people like me whose fantasy season took a death blow 15 minutes in when Tom Brady went down with what looks like a very bad injury, my condolences.
TITANS 17 JAGUARS 10
HALFTIME UPDATE
Chris Johnson is setting the world on fire in his pro debut, with 95 yards from scrimmage and a TD. Fred Taylor and MJD have 10 yards on 10 carries. This is my dynamic starting running back duo on my fantasy team that has Brady. It's been a bad day.
FULLTIME UPDATE
Jacksonville never gets anything going offensively. Johnson leaves late in the game with an injury, but LenDale White's 1 yard plunge provides the winning margin. 100+ yard game for Titans TE Bo Scaife.
STEELERS 38 TEXANS 17
HALFTIME UPDATE
A pair of TDs for Willie Parker and the Steelers are rolling like they always do in Week 1. I still am not convinced that Matt Schaub and David Carr are not the same person.
FULLTIME UPDATE
Parker finishes with 138 yards and 3 TDs, just because he was playing against both of my fantasy teams. 2 TDs for Hines Ward, and 3 sacks for James Harrison
EAGLES 38, RAMS 3
HALFTIME UPDATE
296 yards and 3 TD for McNabb in the first half. He will officially be named the greatest QB ever, until next week, when he's not playing the Rams anymore.
FULLTIME UPDATE
All I read leading up to this game was how dur dee dur dee dur the Eagles have no wide receivers. Then they have 3 guys have over 100 receiving yards (Desean Jackson, Hank Baskett, Greg Lewis). Those guys are all wide receivers. I am going to go ahead and chalk that up to the Ram Effect.
SAINTS 24, BUCS 20
HALFTIME UPDATE
Brees has 2 TD passes, but one to the wrong team.
FULLTIME UDPATE
During the game wife asks me, who is "Reggie", that guy that goes out with Kim Kardashian? I say, "Reggie Bush. He's a bum. He was on my fantasy team last year." Soon after I say this Reggie gets most of his 112 receiving yards and the game winning TD. Soooo glad I kept Jones Drew instead of him.
PATRIOTS 17, CHIEFS 10
HALFTIME UPDATE
When I saw Brady go down, I felt like I did when my wedding ring got sucked into the ocean earlier this week. To feel that way twice in one week probably requires hospitalization.
FULLTIME UPDATE
Randy Moss still goes for over 100 yards and a TD even without Brady. If Brady is out for a while, I guess we will find out who made who.
JETS 20, DOLPHINS 14
HALFTIME UPDATE
Two TD passes for Brett Favre. He just plays with so much childlike joy. I feel like going to the playground with some candy just watching him.
FULLTIME UPDATE
The Dolphins had the ball deep in Jets territory in the final minute with a chance to win, but the miracle finish did not happen for Chad Pennington. God must have been busy, healing someone's cancer.
BILLS 34, SEAHAWKS 10
HALFTIME UPDATE
Seattle has 11 rushing yards on 10 carries. Somewhere, Shaun Alexander is laughing. Laughing and falling down alot.
FULLTIME UPDATE
Hasselbeck goes 17 for 41. That's good if you are a baseball player. Not so good for a quarterback.
RAVENS 17, BENGALS 10
HALFTIME UPDATE
The Bengals are depressing. Chad Ocho Cinco has a big fat Zero on his stat line.
FULLTIME UPDATE
Carson Palmer throws for 99 yards, while the Bengals D gives up 150 yards on 41 carries to LeRon McClain and Ray Rice. Even Joe Flacco busted a long run. The Bengals are that special kind of team whose whole is so much less than the sum of its parts.
FALCONS 34, LIONS 21
HALFTIME UPDATE
Michael Turner rushed for 135 yards and 2 TDs in the first half. Matt Ryan threw a TD on his first NFL pass. I think I told you somewhere the Falcons wouldn't be as bad as everyone said they would. If I didn't, then I meant to.
FULLTIME UPDATE
Turner finishes with 220 rushing yards. Jerrious Norwood adds 93 yards. John Abraham has 3 sacks. It will be interesting to see whether all this was due to them playing the Lions or not.
TITANS 17 JAGUARS 10
HALFTIME UPDATE
Chris Johnson is setting the world on fire in his pro debut, with 95 yards from scrimmage and a TD. Fred Taylor and MJD have 10 yards on 10 carries. This is my dynamic starting running back duo on my fantasy team that has Brady. It's been a bad day.
FULLTIME UPDATE
Jacksonville never gets anything going offensively. Johnson leaves late in the game with an injury, but LenDale White's 1 yard plunge provides the winning margin. 100+ yard game for Titans TE Bo Scaife.
STEELERS 38 TEXANS 17
HALFTIME UPDATE
A pair of TDs for Willie Parker and the Steelers are rolling like they always do in Week 1. I still am not convinced that Matt Schaub and David Carr are not the same person.
FULLTIME UPDATE
Parker finishes with 138 yards and 3 TDs, just because he was playing against both of my fantasy teams. 2 TDs for Hines Ward, and 3 sacks for James Harrison
EAGLES 38, RAMS 3
HALFTIME UPDATE
296 yards and 3 TD for McNabb in the first half. He will officially be named the greatest QB ever, until next week, when he's not playing the Rams anymore.
FULLTIME UPDATE
All I read leading up to this game was how dur dee dur dee dur the Eagles have no wide receivers. Then they have 3 guys have over 100 receiving yards (Desean Jackson, Hank Baskett, Greg Lewis). Those guys are all wide receivers. I am going to go ahead and chalk that up to the Ram Effect.
SAINTS 24, BUCS 20
HALFTIME UPDATE
Brees has 2 TD passes, but one to the wrong team.
FULLTIME UDPATE
During the game wife asks me, who is "Reggie", that guy that goes out with Kim Kardashian? I say, "Reggie Bush. He's a bum. He was on my fantasy team last year." Soon after I say this Reggie gets most of his 112 receiving yards and the game winning TD. Soooo glad I kept Jones Drew instead of him.
PATRIOTS 17, CHIEFS 10
HALFTIME UPDATE
When I saw Brady go down, I felt like I did when my wedding ring got sucked into the ocean earlier this week. To feel that way twice in one week probably requires hospitalization.
FULLTIME UPDATE
Randy Moss still goes for over 100 yards and a TD even without Brady. If Brady is out for a while, I guess we will find out who made who.
JETS 20, DOLPHINS 14
HALFTIME UPDATE
Two TD passes for Brett Favre. He just plays with so much childlike joy. I feel like going to the playground with some candy just watching him.
FULLTIME UPDATE
The Dolphins had the ball deep in Jets territory in the final minute with a chance to win, but the miracle finish did not happen for Chad Pennington. God must have been busy, healing someone's cancer.
BILLS 34, SEAHAWKS 10
HALFTIME UPDATE
Seattle has 11 rushing yards on 10 carries. Somewhere, Shaun Alexander is laughing. Laughing and falling down alot.
FULLTIME UPDATE
Hasselbeck goes 17 for 41. That's good if you are a baseball player. Not so good for a quarterback.
RAVENS 17, BENGALS 10
HALFTIME UPDATE
The Bengals are depressing. Chad Ocho Cinco has a big fat Zero on his stat line.
FULLTIME UPDATE
Carson Palmer throws for 99 yards, while the Bengals D gives up 150 yards on 41 carries to LeRon McClain and Ray Rice. Even Joe Flacco busted a long run. The Bengals are that special kind of team whose whole is so much less than the sum of its parts.
FALCONS 34, LIONS 21
HALFTIME UPDATE
Michael Turner rushed for 135 yards and 2 TDs in the first half. Matt Ryan threw a TD on his first NFL pass. I think I told you somewhere the Falcons wouldn't be as bad as everyone said they would. If I didn't, then I meant to.
FULLTIME UPDATE
Turner finishes with 220 rushing yards. Jerrious Norwood adds 93 yards. John Abraham has 3 sacks. It will be interesting to see whether all this was due to them playing the Lions or not.
Saturday, September 6, 2008
Week 1 Preview
I am back on the mainland. Back and completely jacked up body clock wise. I left Kauai at 10 PM Hawaiian time Friday night, 3 AM Saturday morning Chicago time. Had a absolutely inhumane 5 1/2 hour flight from Kauai to LA in the same plane I think that is used to transport prisoners to Guantanamo. Landed in LA at 5:30 Pacific Time, 7:30 Central. Had a one hour layover at LAX, then a 4 hour flight from LA to Chicago, finally landing in Chicago at 12:10 PM Saturday afternoon. No....sleep..whatsoever. Came home, went down for a nap at 3:00 PM, and woke up at 9:00 PM. I think I might be able to get back to sleep tonight, but we'll see. Who knows. All I knows is Jim Thome just hit a 700 foot home run to win it for my White Sox in the 15th inning and give them a 2 1/2 game over the Twins, so I'm happy.
I'm also happy because the NFL season starts for real tomorrow. Yes, we had that Thursday night shnorer between the Giants and Redskins on Thursday Night. About the only useful thing I gleaned out of the Giants 16-7 win was the assertion that I hope Jim Zorn's office furniture is rented.
What's going down tomorrow? I'll tell you.
EARLY GAMES
BENGALS -1 1/2 AT RAVENS
My SI NFL preview only has one starting cornerback listed for the Ravens. That might present a problem in shutting down the Bengals vaunted wide receiver duo of TJ and Chad Cinco. Joey Flacco makes his first start for the Ravens, and against the Bengals' really bad defense, who knows, things might go OK. Both these teams are horrid. I think McGahee and Ray Rice can keep the Bengals offense off the field, so I take the Ravens.
RAVENS 20, BENGALS 17
JETS -3 AT DOLPHINS
I've got to either see Brett Favre or Bill Parcells succeed here? Pass. I'll take the Dolphins. I'm not buying all this Jets hoo ha. Their defense ranked 29th against the run last year. Brett Favre fixes that how?
DOLPHINS 23, JETS 20
CHIEFS AT PATROITS -15 1/2
Yeah this...this won't be pretty.
PATRIOTS 44, CHIEFS 13
TEXANS AT STEELERS -6 1/2
The Steelers always start the season like ass-kickers. Mike Tomlin will win a Super Bowl one day. Write that down.
STEELERS 30, TEXANS 7
JAGUARS -3 AT TITANS
Here's the best of the early games. I am 100% on board with the Jaguars this year, but remember last year the Titans and Jags opened up against each other, and Tennessee rolled up 282 rushing yards en route to a 13-10 win in Florida. I will totally disregard that, I still like the Jags here.
JAGUARS 23, TITANS 13
LIONS -3 AT FALCONS
Detroit was the only team to go undefeated in the preseason. Everyone predicts dire 2-14 type things for the Falcons this year. I actually don't think the Falcons will be all that bad. Their pass defense though, that will be bad. That's a problem against the Lions. Everyone will be wetting themselves over Matt Ryan after this game. Write that down too.
LIONS 33, FALCONS 31
SEAHAWKS AT BILLS -1
This is a nice little matchup. Seattle is ready to reprise their role as the kings of the NFC West dipshits this year, while Buffalo hopes to break thru and find their way to the playoffs for the first time since the Music City Miracle, which I guess if you are a Bills fan wasn't all that miraculous, but it was karmic payback for that Frank Reich comeback win over the Titans' direct ancestors the Houston Oilers back in that playoff game in the early 90s. I think I'm the first person to uncover that connection. Patent pending.
BILLS 17, SEAHAWKS 16
BUCS AT SAINTS -3
New Orleans has an explosive passing offense, but guess what, you can't throw on the Bucs.
BUCS 23, SAINTS 10
RAMS AT EAGLES -7 1/2
Everybody's horny for the Eagles this year. That's completely retarded. They will still win big in this game though, thus making everyone even more horny for them, until Dallas cleans their clocks on national TV next Sunday Night.
EAGLES 37, RAMS 20
So those be your early games. I'll be updating throughout the day tomorrow, and preview the late games sometime during that flurry of activity. Good night.
I'm also happy because the NFL season starts for real tomorrow. Yes, we had that Thursday night shnorer between the Giants and Redskins on Thursday Night. About the only useful thing I gleaned out of the Giants 16-7 win was the assertion that I hope Jim Zorn's office furniture is rented.
What's going down tomorrow? I'll tell you.
EARLY GAMES
BENGALS -1 1/2 AT RAVENS
My SI NFL preview only has one starting cornerback listed for the Ravens. That might present a problem in shutting down the Bengals vaunted wide receiver duo of TJ and Chad Cinco. Joey Flacco makes his first start for the Ravens, and against the Bengals' really bad defense, who knows, things might go OK. Both these teams are horrid. I think McGahee and Ray Rice can keep the Bengals offense off the field, so I take the Ravens.
RAVENS 20, BENGALS 17
JETS -3 AT DOLPHINS
I've got to either see Brett Favre or Bill Parcells succeed here? Pass. I'll take the Dolphins. I'm not buying all this Jets hoo ha. Their defense ranked 29th against the run last year. Brett Favre fixes that how?
DOLPHINS 23, JETS 20
CHIEFS AT PATROITS -15 1/2
Yeah this...this won't be pretty.
PATRIOTS 44, CHIEFS 13
TEXANS AT STEELERS -6 1/2
The Steelers always start the season like ass-kickers. Mike Tomlin will win a Super Bowl one day. Write that down.
STEELERS 30, TEXANS 7
JAGUARS -3 AT TITANS
Here's the best of the early games. I am 100% on board with the Jaguars this year, but remember last year the Titans and Jags opened up against each other, and Tennessee rolled up 282 rushing yards en route to a 13-10 win in Florida. I will totally disregard that, I still like the Jags here.
JAGUARS 23, TITANS 13
LIONS -3 AT FALCONS
Detroit was the only team to go undefeated in the preseason. Everyone predicts dire 2-14 type things for the Falcons this year. I actually don't think the Falcons will be all that bad. Their pass defense though, that will be bad. That's a problem against the Lions. Everyone will be wetting themselves over Matt Ryan after this game. Write that down too.
LIONS 33, FALCONS 31
SEAHAWKS AT BILLS -1
This is a nice little matchup. Seattle is ready to reprise their role as the kings of the NFC West dipshits this year, while Buffalo hopes to break thru and find their way to the playoffs for the first time since the Music City Miracle, which I guess if you are a Bills fan wasn't all that miraculous, but it was karmic payback for that Frank Reich comeback win over the Titans' direct ancestors the Houston Oilers back in that playoff game in the early 90s. I think I'm the first person to uncover that connection. Patent pending.
BILLS 17, SEAHAWKS 16
BUCS AT SAINTS -3
New Orleans has an explosive passing offense, but guess what, you can't throw on the Bucs.
BUCS 23, SAINTS 10
RAMS AT EAGLES -7 1/2
Everybody's horny for the Eagles this year. That's completely retarded. They will still win big in this game though, thus making everyone even more horny for them, until Dallas cleans their clocks on national TV next Sunday Night.
EAGLES 37, RAMS 20
So those be your early games. I'll be updating throughout the day tomorrow, and preview the late games sometime during that flurry of activity. Good night.
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