I'm naked and you're a hot chick with a mic in front of me, what you want me to do?

There are times when genders should be locked out of certain things. A dude should not be able to try out for a women's team. A woman shouldn't be put on an NFL team. Yet women fought all hard to be in a men's locker room for access where they're all changing. If a guy reporter fought to go into a women's locker room, he'd be called a pervert (and awesome).

Ines Sainz, a reporter for TV Azteca, felt she was uncomfortable and hinted at sexual harassment while in locker rooms. Look at the above picture. That's how she's dressed when she interviews dudes on roids in a locker room. w0rd? So dudes are supposed to not do shit while she's like that in the locker room? Look, I know when a girl is naked and walking the streets, she does not deserve to get raped. She's not begging to get raped. I am not condoning that by any means. But, she *IS* naked and walking in the street. Feel?

Then Clinton Portis says this gem about the subject:

"I think you put women reporters in the locker room in position to see guys walking around naked, and you sit in the locker room with 53 guys, and all of the sudden you see a nice woman in the locker room. I think men are going to tend to turn and look and want to say something to that woman," Portis said in his weekly appearance on 106.7 The Fan.

"You know, somebody got to spark her interest, or she's going to want somebody. I don't know what kind of woman won't, if you get to go and look at 53 men's [bodies]," Portis said. "I know you're doing a job, but at the same time, the same way I'm going to cut my eye if I see somebody worth talking to, I'm sure they do the same thing."

You know, I don't like the guy, but he's 100% right. 100%. Not 95%. Not 99.9%. He's 100% right. NFL didn't like his honesty and said his comments were inappropriate, offensive, and had no place in the NFL, but she's hot and in a dude locker room. I want to be like her and go into a girl's water polo locker room and interview after a game. I swear I won't get a boner. (_(_)=====D <--- Don't mind this. It's my other mic I want you to speak into.

Want the harassment to stop but be equal to men and women? Let the athletes dress and wait for them outside you fucking perverts.

Week 1 Rundown- NFC East

1. NY GIANTS (1-0)
WON V. CAROLINA 31-18
The job of best team in the NFC looks vacant to me (people picking the 49ers to go the Super Bowl? Arre you serrrious??), and from where I'm sitting, I think the Giants might be a good candidate to fill it. The fact that late last year they played this same game and lost 41-9, then turned around and won it in week 1, tells me they are much improved. Eli Manning is continuing to progress to being a top tier QB, and the defense was fantastic. 4 sacks, 3 INTs, and generally making Matt Moore look inept, which maybe he is. 3 TDs for Hakeem Nicks gives future opponents something to worry about.



2.WASHINGTON REDSKINS (1-0)
WON V. DALLAS 13-7

3. DALLAS COWBOYS (0-1)
LOST V. REDSKINS 7-13

Don't read too much into this one, except maybe that the Cowboys offensive line, Alex Barron in particular, is really problematic. Dallas dominated this game in every category, except penalty yards (thanks to the 10 Yard Holding Penalty Machine that Barron is), and disastrous turnovers right before halftime. I don't think it's panic time for the Cowboys yet based on this. If they lose to the Bears though, then, maybe, it is. Oh and don't forget the Redskins won this game because of McNabb's veteran leadership. Never mind he went 15 of 32, and made a horrible throw for an INT in the end zone that was nullified by another Dallas penalty. He just knows how to win. He is one of the great quarterbacks of our era. Probably any era. Since we are unfamiliar with sarcasm, I shall end this paragraph at this point.





4. PHILADELPHIA EAGLES (0-1)
LOST v. Green Bay 20-27
Before we get all giddy over the triumphant return of Michael Vick and his 103 rushing yards, let's remember something. The Packers were up 20-3 in the second half of this game. If I'm up 20-3 ,the other team's QB can run the ball all day long as far as I'm concerned, I don't care. They aren't coming back from 20-3 in the second half having the QB run the ball. What I'm doing is dropping all my defenders back and letting him get 6 and 7 yard pickups all day and keep the clock moving. That's what the Packers did. It's garbage time stats and it doesn't mean anything. Kevin Kolb's awful play and subsequent concussion though, that's quite unsettling.

Week 1 Picks

RAIDERS AT TITANS -6 1/2
Last year the Titans ranked 1st in the league in Y/A on offense, the Raiders ranked 28th in Y/A on defense. All the preseason "Watch out for the Raiders" punditry in the world isn't going to fix that.
TITANS 30, RAIDERS 13

DOLPHINS -3 AT BILLS
I would say something like "watch out the Bills could surprise you" or something, but now I see the line is only Dolphins by 3 so that isn't too big of a surprise if the Bills hang close. When these teams met in Buffalo last year, the Bills won 31-14 and Chad Henne had a brutal game, getting picked off 3 times. I think the Dolphins can cover 3 points against the Bills though.
DOLPHINS 20, BILLS 13

BRONCOS AT JAGUARS -3
MJD should be able to have a pretty big day against a Broncos D that ranked 27th in Y/A against the run last year. Denver lost 7 out of 9 to end last season, and since then has lost their best player on both the offensive (Brandon Marshall) and defensive (Elvis Dumervil) sides of the ball.
JAGUARS 30, BRONCOS 20

PANTHERS AT GIANTS -6 1/2
The Giants favored by almost a touchdown here? Did we not see the Panthers go into Ye Olde Meadowlands and beat them 41-9 at the end of last season? Did the Giants pick up 38 points on them in the offseason?
PANTHERS 27, GIANTS 23

COLTS -2 AT TEXANS
Here's the way I see this thing going down. The Texans dominate the stat sheet, but the Colts hang around thanks to a couple key turnovers, probably fumbles by Arian Foster. The Texans are unable to put them away in the 4th quarter because they can't run the ball effectively, leading to Peyton Manning surgically dismembering them on a gamewinning drive to end the game.
COLTS 31, TEXANS 27

FALCONS -1 AT STEELERS
Let's not forget this is a Steelers team that lost at home to the Chiefs and Browns last year, and that was with Not So Gentle Ben and Santonio Holmes. Now they've got an offense that's relying heavily on Dennis Dixon, Mike Wallace, and possibly Morly Safer. Falcons will bring the reality check today.
FALCONS 27, STEELERS 10

BROWNS -2 1/2 AT BUCS
Tampa was DFL in Y/A against the run last year, and I think you could see another 200+ yard rushing day out of Jerome Harrison today. Tampa could actually have a pretty exciting offense this year, they've got a lot of weapons in the passing game for Josh Freeman, but if you can't stop the run you've got no chance.
BROWNS 23, BUCS 17

BENGALS AT PATRIOTS -5 1/2
The Patriots defense didn't inspire alot of confidence giving up 36 points to the Rams in the preseason. All you hear about the Bengals right now is about their offense, with OchoTO, and a couple hot young rookies. Let's not forget though, that the Bengals defense was great last year, ranking 7th in Y/A against both the run and the pass. All the facts point to the Bengals winning this game, but, I'm not picking against the Patriots in week 1. They haven't lost their opener since 2003. That's Belichick. Pats win but Bengals cover.
PATRIOTS 20, BENGALS 17

LIONS AT BEARS -6 1/2
There's a lot of pressure on the Bears today. Mr. Schedulemaker gives you a Week 1 matchup at home against a team that is 2-30 the last seasons, well, if you don't win that one, you might want to think about not even bothering with the rest of them. The thing is, the Bears are in a place where I don't know if any game is an automatic win for them. I think they do start 1-o, but it's not going to be a confidence builder.
BEARS 27, LIONS 24

PACKERS -3 AT EAGLES
All eyes are going to be on Kevin Kolb, but don't forget that this is a matchup of two really good defenses. I think the Packers just barely get the win here, and it's going to be low scoring.
PACKERS 17, EAGLES 16

49ERS -3 AT SEAHAWKS
The Seahawks are probably the biggest mystery team to me in the entire league. I have no idea what they're going to do this year. They're just kind of tucked up there in the Pacific Northwest with their ugly uniforms and their always injured QB, and their college coach, and a team that nobody picked anybody from in either of my fantasy drafts, their just kind of there. For that reason, I pick them to win today. Now that's some logic.
SEAHAWKS 20, 49ERS 17

CARDINALS -3 1/2 AT RAMS
This is the year everyone finds out what a good coach Ken "The Desert Fox" Whisenhunt really is. He's going to win 10+ games with Derek Anderson at QB.
CARDS 27, RAMS 13

COWBOYS -3 1/2 AT REDSKINS
If you look at the Y/A numbers, the only thing the Redskins were really bad at last year was running the ball. Everything else, they were kind of average. Shanahan probably fixes that, but not yet, and not against a very talented Cowboys team.
COWBOYS 24, REDSKINS 16

Vikings Childlike Joy Level Not High Enough To Knock Off Champs

(1-0) SAINTS 14, (0-1) VIKINGS 9

If you have Adrian Peterson on your team, and your defense holds an offense as potent as the Saints' to 14 points, in the Superdome no less, that should equal a huge season opening win over the Super Bowl Champs.

It didn't though, and I blame Brad Childress for inexplicably abandoning the run after his team fell behind 14-9 in the second half.

He did this even though there was more than a quarter left to play, even though he was down by only one score, even though he has arguably the best running back in the game, and even though Brett Favre had only Visanthe Shiancoe to throw the ball to with any confidence at all. That's just stupid coaching, so who knows, maybe Favre was right with his rumored assessment that Chili doesn't know how to run an offense, it sure looked like it last night.

Contrast that with the Saints, who seemed to take control of the game the moment they stopped being afraid to run the ball. They ran it 3 times in the first half, and trailed 9-7 going into the locker room. After Pierre Thomas plunged it in to give the Saints the lead, it seemed to take away their fear of the Williams Wall, and they had no problem running it for the remainder of the contest, shortening the game and running out the clock without giving Favre a chance to lead one last comeback drive. The Saints had confidence in their running game with Pierre Thomas, and the Vikings didn't with Adrian Peterson. That don't make no sense.

I admire what people like the Football Outsiders are doing trying to Sabremetricize the NFL, but I've got to disagree with one of their main tenets, that it's a myth that a strong running game leads to victory. They maintain it's the other way around, that victory breeds big running totals because you're trying to run out the clock. In this game, if the Saints weren't able to run the ball effectively, they wouldn't have won, because they wouldn't have been able to hold that 14-9 second half lead and keep Adrian Peterson off the field. One team had confidence in its ability to run, and the other team, for whatever reason, did not. Guess which team won.

Terrelle Pryor is that guy

You ever known one of those friends or family where you get raped by someone, then that someone comes to the friend of family member's birthday party and he's like, "It's my party and I want to invite your rapist. Man that was in the past, you need to let things go, that was his decision and you need to respect that." Oh you don't know this guy? Well now you do. His name is Terrelle Pryor:

"If LeBron does come, just treat him with respect and respect his decision," Pryor said. "Please, no name calling, or booing, or anything like that because that's my mentor. I have a lot of respect and a lot of love for him."

HAHAHAHAHHAHAH This guy just got past being the point of irritation by Buckeye fans because he cried Pryor's coach didn't use his talents properly. Now he's going to tell the people of Ohio, many of whom took Lebron's move to Miami so hard they were burning jerseys and making songs about his sexuality, that they should just get over it and respect him. Look, man, I know Lebron is your friend, but they were about to riot when a Heat fan wore a Lebron Heat jersey to a baseball game. IT WAS A FUCKING BASEBALL GAME. No one ever gets mad at a baseball game unless it's Red Sox fan. What do you think hardcore college football fans who paint their faces and come a zillion strong are going to do if they see Lebron? Are you trying to caught a riot you dumb shit? Sometimes, when someone raped your fan base, you might want to just shut the fuck up about telling the victim to be cool with the rapist. Don't be that guy, Terrelle.

..And the Rest...Closing the Book on the Preseason..

- Remember what I'm saying now, Tampa Bay's Mike Williams is the next Randy Moss. At least, I really, really hope he is, because Mugatu drafted him. He had 3 catches for 83 yards in Tampa's 19-13 loss to Jacksonville. Josh Johnson was playing QB for the Bucs in place of the injured Josh Freeman, although this really doesn't matter because I couldn't pick out either of them if they were sitting on my lap as I type this, and I'm not Joshing.

- If you're looking for one QB poised to take the next step toward stardom this year, go with Joe Flacco. He looked great in the Ravens 24-10 win over the Giants, as they re-enacted the Super Bowl from 10 years ago. Todd Heap had 6 catches and a TD, and Anquan Boldin also had a score. Eli Manning looked shaky in his first outing back after being hit in the mouf two weeks ago, completing just 9 of 18. 2nd round DT Linval Joseph had a sack for NYG.

- Preseason games don't mean everything, but I'm also pretty sure they don't mean nothing. And if that's the case, the Cowboys have to be really concerned with their miserable performance in a 23-7 loss to Houston. Arian Foster ran for 110 yards for the Texans, and Andre Johnson and Jacoby Jones combined for 12 catches and 142 yards. The Cowboys RB troika of Barber/Jones/Choice combined for an alarming 9 yards on 9 carries.

- Carolina's D was impressive in bottling up Chris Johnson, holding him to just 10 yards 8 carries in a 15-7 win over the Titans. Tennessee's D was equally frustrating to D'Angelo Williams, who had only 13 yards on 9 carries. Carolina didn't seem to be missing Julius Peppers all that much, as they sacked Titans QBs 7 times.

- Seattle safety Earl Thomas earned the most memorable moment of his young career (he was the 14th pick in this year's draft), picking off Brett Favre and taking it back 86 yards in the Seahawks 24-13 loss to the Vikings. Favre had a pretty bad night, completing 16 of 26 with 2 INTS and no TDs. Chris Clemons had a pair of sacks for Seattle.

- The Cardinals played on Monday Night in Nashville, spent a couple days after that staying there and practicing with the Titans, then went to Chicago and beat the Bears 14-9 on Saturday. They did all this with Derek Anderson as their starting quarterback. So either this says something about the Cardinals or it says that the Bears are horrible. Rookie wideout Steven Williams had 79 yards and a TD. Tim Hightower looks like he just may win the starting RB job. He carried 8 times for 62 yards, while Beanie Wells averaged just 1.8 yards on 8 carries and had a red zone fumble. The great Jay Cutler added 2 more picks to his continuing homage to Rex Grossman.

- Bruce Gradkowski just can't stop playing awesome since he's been in a Raiders uniform. Jason Campbell left with an injury and Gradkowski stepped in and threw for 202 yards and 2 TDs and continues to make people think hmmm maybe he really can be a good starting QB in this league. The 49ers beat the Raiders 28-24, rookie RB Anthony Dixon had a big game, and don't be surprised if he's the one backing up Gore, not Brian Westbrook. Larry Murphy had 2 catches for 87 yards and a TD for the Raiders. SF is 3-0 and I hereby crown them Preseason Champions, joining such illustrious past winners as the 2008 Detroit Lions, who went undefeated in the preseason and whose opponents went undefeated in the regular season.

Best/Spiller Dueling Rookie RB Ruckus

- Rookie sensation Jahvid Best broke a 51 yard run on his only carry in the Lions 35-27 win over Cleveland, powered by a pair of 4th quarter TD runs from 3rd stringer Aaron Brown. Cleveland's defense just got absolutely shredded (5.9 yards per rush, 7.1 yards per pass), but Jake Delhomme continues his walking undead routine this preseason, completing 20 of 25 passes.

- Bills' RB CJ Spiller is absolutely running away with the preseason rookie of the year title, if there was such a thing. He had another impressive outing, getting 85 yards from scrimmage and 2 TDs. Buffalo beat the Bengals 35-20 .Cedric Benson had 8 carries for 50 yards, and Carson Palmer threw TD passes to Chad Ochocinco and rookie TE Jermaine Gresham.