Free Agent Foofrarah

The first day of NFL Free Agency 2008 was so hot. Players were changing teams all over the place and teams were trading players for draft picks and the whole thing just left me really horny.

So here's a quick recap:

- The Eagles landed the biggest prize of this free agent class, signing former New England corner Asante Samuel. In a division that forces them to face TO and Plaxico Burress twice apiece, the Eagles need a tippy top corner, and now they have one. Bravo.

- The Big Tuna began imposing his will on the Miami Dolphins. Josh McCown apparently is going to be their starting QB next year, and is going to have former Jaguar Ernest Wilford as his #1 receiver. The Patriots must be shitting their pants right about now.

- The Dolphins are also overhauling the interior of their defensive line by signing tackle Randy Starks, who had 16 tackles and no sacks for the Titans last year, and are reportedly near a trade deal for Dallas DT Jason Ferguson, who is 33 and has spent pretty much his whole career playing for Parcells.

- To replace Wilford, the Jaguars signed former Raider Jerry Porter. Porter is widely renowned as being the only player in NFL history to have a vagina. This follows a trade the Jags made earlier this week for Vikings WR Troy Williamson, who was the 7th pick in the 2005 draft. I'm sure that when the Vikings used that 7th overall pick on him, they were totally hoping they could turn around and trade him for a 6th round pick 3 years later.

- Not a good day for the Bengals already beleaguered defense. A trade for Detroit DT Shaun Rogers that looked like it was done and was reported all over the internet that it was done turned out not to be done. Making matters worse, Rogers instead was traded to the archrival Browns for corner Leigh Bodden. Then, hours later, DE Justin Smith bolted to sign a free agent deal with the 49ers. As a grim finale, safety Madeiu Williams signed with the Vikings. The Bengals have addressed all these losses by signing nobody. This franchise is a mess, and I think Chad Johnson's the next to go.

- Not only did the Browns add Rogers to their defense, they traded a second round pick to Green Bay for DT Corey Williams, who has had 7 sacks in each of his last 2 seasons. They also locked up QB Derek Anderson. They had a damn good day.

- Tampa Bay made a nice pickup in signing former Saints center Jeff Faine. I'm not going to pretend I know anything about judging how good a center is, but he was first round pick in 2003, and has started 66 NFL games, and has played on a pretty good Saints offense the last few years, so I'm guessing he's quality.

- Isaac Bruce's 42 year career with the Rams has reached its end. He will play for the Niners next year, where he'll try and catch passes from Alex Smith. We wish him luck with that.

- The defending champion Giants lost 2 members of their defense. Safety Gibril Wilson signed with Oakland, and linebacker Kawika Mitchell joins the Buffalo Bills.

- The Jets did some wheeling and dealing. They sent a third round pick and a fifth round pick to Carolina for behemoth DT Kris Jenkins, then sent LB Jonathan Vilma to the Saints for an undisclosed draft pick. Vilma had a phenomenal year in 2005, his second in the league, but has fallen off since Mangenius came in and switched to a 3-4 defense. He's only 26 though, and he'll be back in a 4-3 in NOLA. This is a great pickup for the Saints.

- The Niners signed DeShaun Foster to back up Frank Gore. Thus ends the maddening situation in Carolina where you a guy named DeShaun and a guy named DeAngelo who both seemed like DeSame player.

- Randy Moss, still a free agent.