Three Technique- Week 7

(4-3) SEAHAWKS 33, (0-7) RAMS 6

1. The Rams are off to their worst start, ever.

2. It's not a pretty 0-7 either. The Rams have been held to 7 points or less in 4 out of their last 5 games. While they've been merely bad at home, they've been tragic on the road. In 4 away games this year, they've been outscored 114-19.

3. Meanwhile, Shaun Alexander continues to fade. He averaged 2.5 yards on 19 carries in this game, against a Rams defense that is 28th in the league against the run.





(2-4) SAINTS 22, (1-6) FALCONS 16

1. The stat line may not have been very impressive (54 yards rushing) but Reggie Bush gave 2 outstanding individual efforts an consecutive plays to score the final 8 points of the game for the Saints.

2. So Byron Leftwich is hurt, and now Joey Harrington is back as the Falcons QB. Just when you think he's dead, he re-surfaces a week later. He is the Stefano DiMera of NFL quarterbacks.

3. This week the Falcons released starting defensive tackle Grady Jackson. Give Bobby Petrino credit, if he's going down, he's going down in a blaze of hubris.




(4-2) LIONS 23, (4-3) BUCS 16

1. Check out this soldier's glass eye. This picture should immediately pop up on the TV screen next time I hear some commentator tell me what a "warrior" Steve McNair is for playing thru an injured nipple.

2. Calvin Johnson made the first big play of his NFL career when he took an end around 32 yards for a TD to put the Lions up 23-7. Couple that with running back Kevin Jones resurfacing with 110 yards from scrimmage, and hey, maybe the Lions finally are really turning it around.

3. That said, the play that stuck out in my mind most from this game was an onside kick late in the game where the Bucs Matt Bryant just drilled it as hard as he could to the guy standing 10 yards away from him. The ball bounced right off the guy and the Bucs recovered. I think you will see at least twelve more teams try this in the next month. This thing is going to be bigger than whispering "time out" to the side judge right before a kicker kicks a game winning field goal, and making him re-kick it, I can feel it.




(3-4) BEARS 19, (2-4) EAGLES 16

1. The Bears got the ball on their own 3 yard line, with under 2 minutes left, NO timeouts, and the fact that they are the Bears offense, and went right down the field to score the winning TD on a Brian Griese to Muhsin Muhammad pass.

2. Oh, and Greise's neurotransmitter went out in his helmet, so he was calling his own plays the whole time. Could Rex Grossman have done this? I'm betting Rex Grossman would have called at least 2 timeouts during this drive despite the fact the Bears did not have any time outs.

3. The day after Griese told reporters after the game that the radio went out and he was calling his own plays, the Bears held a press conference where Greise recanted and said that offensive coordinator Ron Turner was having plays signalled to him from the sideline, or uhhhh, he could read lips, or uhhh sent to him thru mental telepathy. The press conference had all the credibility of an Al-Qaeda hostage video.





(4-2) REDSKINS 21, (3-4) CARDINALS 19

1. Kurt Warner reminded me of either a cyborg or Bob Dole with his immobilized, hyperbarically sealed non-throwing arm in this game.

2. Neil Rackers missed an extra point after a botched hold, then spazzed out on Redskins DB Carlos Rodgers, grabbing his facemask and dragging him to the ground.

3. Because they blew that extra point, the Cardinals had to resort to trying a 2 point conversion with 30 seconds left out of a formation that had Anquan Boldin lined up as QB in the shotgun, backup QB Tim Rattay lined up at wide receiver, and everyone else wearing their helmets on their feet. Remarkably, the conversion attempt failed. They recovered the onside kick, but Rackers missed a 55 yard attempt as time expired.




(5-2) GIANTS 33, (2-4) 49ERS 15

1. Nobody in the NFC is playing better than the Giants. They haven't lost since Week 2, and during that five game winning streak haven't won by less than 7 points. Their pass rush is probably the most feared in the league, and they've scored 30 or more points in each of their last 3 games.

2. So I guess this means Tom Coughlin WON'T be fired now.

3. While the Giants started 0-2 and now look like a Super Bowl team, the Niners started 2-0, (no, really, they did) and now look like they might not win again. It's gotten so bad that Frank Gore is actually pining for Norv Turner, who was the Niners OC last year. When you're pining for Norv Turner, it's time to take the proverbial toaster bath.




(6-1) COWBOYS 24, (2-4) VIKINGS 14

1. People have been asking Brad Childress lots of questions. Questions like, "For the love of God...WHY do you keep trotting out Tarvaris Jackson as your starting quarterback?", and "WHY is Adrian Peterson splitting carries with Chester Taylor"? WHY?????

2. If they gave a bizarro Coach of the Year award, Childress would win it. The Vikings, on a per carry basis, are number 1 running the ball and number 1 stopping the run. Those 2 things are the time-honored main ingredients of not just winning teams, but champions. And yet here the Vikings are at 2-4, and it's in large part because of the topics explored in item 1.

3. If this were baseball, you'd give the save in this game to Marion the Barbarian Barber. The Cowboys got the ball up by 10 with 5:36 left. They then ran Barber nine straight times for 64 yards to virtually run out the clock. Remember, that's against the league's best run defense.





(4-3) CHIEFS 12, (2-4) RAIDERS 10

1. Here's why you shouldn't go for it on 4th and 1 in the 2nd quarter when you have the ball on the opponent's 17 yard line; the Raiders did, got stuffed, and they ended up losing by 2 points. Sure would have been nice to have the 3 points from that field goal you didn't kick, huh?

2. 2 more sacks for KC's Jared Allen. He's tied with Osi Umenyiora for the NFL lead with 8.

3. Make it NINE in a row for the Chiefs over the Raiders. Al Davis is spinning in the coffin he sleeps in.




(4-2) TITANS 38, (3-4) TEXANS 36

1. Take your pick on what was the goofiest thing about this game. An easy place to start is that the Texans were down 32-7, but came back to take a 36-35 lead.

2. Or you can go with Titans' kicker Rod Bironas knocking home an NFL record 8 field goals, including the game winner with no time remaining.

3. Me, personally, I'll go with the fact that Kerry Collins and Sage Rosenfels combined to throw for 570 yards in a 38-36 game. I'll now point out that Sage Rosenfels has only 1 less TD pass this season than Matt Schaub does despite Schaub playing 6 games and Sage playing 3/4 of a game.





(2-4) BENGALS 38, (1-6) JETS 31

1. All I want for Christmas is for the Jets to either bench Chad Pennington or not bench Chad Pennington, but for the love of God please make up your mind one way or the other so I'm not getting constant updates on who is going to be QBing this piece of shit team. What was the score of this game? 38-31? Kenny Watson was running around like Barry Sanders? Please explain to me how changing quarterbacks fixes this.

2. And how bad is the Bengals defense giving up 31 points to a team that can't stop talking about benching its quarterback?

3. That, and it looks like someone who's name starts with Ocho and ends with Cinco has been getting into TO's stash of crazy pills.






(2-4) BILLS 19, (4-3) RAVENS 14

1. Willis McGahee, an ex-Bill who had his best game as a Raven with 114 yards and a TD, is reviled in Buffalo for once suggesting the Bills move to Toronto. Now, lo and behold, the Bills are trying to get permission from the league to play 1 home game a year in Toronto.

2. The Bills' starting QB job has now officially been bequeathed to Senator Trent Edwards. Next stop for JP Losman is a reality show starring him and Rex Grossman, similar to the one this summer starring Corey Haim and Corey Feldman.

3. On the Ravens last possession of this game, trailing by 5 points, they had second down and ONE yard to go on the Bills 49 yard line. They then proceeded to throw 3 straight incomplete passes to essentially end the game. That's some nice play calling.






(7-0) PATRIOTS 49, (0-7) DOLPHINS 28

1. I don't want to hear any pissing and moaning about the Patriots running up the score in their games this year. Yes, of course they've been running up the score, and they should run up the score. If true greatness is right there for the taking, as it is for this year's Patriots team, you take it and you don't need to apologize to anyone.

2. And the flip side to that, a team as bad as the Dolphins are deserves to get their doors blown off. The NFL is a league built on the premise that every team has an equal chance to compete, and they do that to create excitement in all 32 NFL cities, and a team that fails this miserably given that environment deserves to pay for it. The Dolphins are a proud franchise that has completely gone to shit, and anyone involved with them, especially their head coach, deserves to be made to look incompetent right now, because they ARE incompetent. If I'm not mistaken, they had a guy who they let walk this offseason, Wes Welker, get 138 receiving yards and 2 TDs against them in this game. But instead of paying him they pay washed up Joey Porter to run his mouth and do nothing on defense. So, shut up and take your ass whupping and try not to be so stupid anymore.

3. Meanwhile, things are only getting worse for the Dolphins, as Ronnie Brown, who was having an excellent season on a terrible team, is now out for the season with a blown out knee ligament. This, of course, has led to the required speculation that Ricky Williams will soon be back in a Dolphins uniform.





(3-3) BRONCOS 31, (4-2) STEELERS 28

1. Jay Cutler is the only reason the bottom hasn't completely fallen out of this Broncos team. He made plays with his arm and his feet in this game, and showed great composure in leading the team to the game winning field goal. He's good.

2. Unfortunately for him, he's losing Travis Henry any week now to the weed suspension, the guy who was supposed to be his top wideout, Javon Walker, is out for essentially the rest of the year, and now his next best receiver, Brandon Marshall, just got arrested for a DUI.

3. Don't look now, but the Steelers have lost 2 out of their last 3, and those losses weren't to teams that are going to have an episode of America's Game made about them (the Broncos and the Cardinals). They now have 3 games in a row against division opponents. They could salt the division away over those 3 weeks, but the way they are playing right now, I wouldn't be so sure.




(6-0) COLTS 29, (4-2) JAGUARS 7

1. I demand the UN send Jags backup QB Quinn Gray to Myanmar to overthrow the repressive regime there. He overthrew everything else on Monday night, so he seems up to the job.

2. Quinn Gray makes Tarvaris Jackson look like Johnny Unitas.

3. Interesting how Joseph Addai and Kenton Keith split carries right down the middle in this game. I think Dungy is having serious thoughts about reprising the 2 back attack that won him a Super Bowl last year.