Futbol Weekly 2

Fulham signs their fifth American on their team by signing Kansas City Wizards' forward Eddie Johnson. The other Americans on Fulham are goalkeeper Kasey Keller, defender Carlos Bocanegra, forward/midfielder Clint Dempsey and forward Brian McBride. While I appreciate that Fulham is taking a chance on fielding the best American players in the EPL, this team is in the regulation zone. If this team gets regulated, that probably should tell everyone that American soccer players suck.

Speaking of America-hating, very-hated Liverpool co-owner Thomas Hicks said, "People are worried that I might take money away from the (Texas) Rangers to build Liverpool," Hicks said, referring to his baseball team. "It's just the reverse."

So you're telling me you're taking money from a club loved all over the world to fund your shitty Texas Rangers? I wonder why Liverpool fans hate you assholes.

Oli Porter broke the bit of news to me about Newcastle United hero "King" Kevin Keegan taking over Newcastle as their new manager. With a big ass budget, big names are connected to a Newcastle move that includes Manchester City's defender Micah Richards (lowest paid starter on the England National Team), Middlesbrough's sweeper Jonathan Woodgate (9 mil), Lazio's striker Goran Pandev, Preston's 19-year old striker Andy Carroll, West Ham United striker Dean Ashton (7 mil) and even Los Angeles FC midfielder David Beckham. Wow, what a difference a manager makes.

While Cristiano Ronaldo's mom is wishing for a Real Madrid transfer, Real Madrid is looking to more realistic signings like Porto winger Ricardo Quaresma who I honestly think is just as marketable as Cristiano Ronaldo. Quaresma would love this move for two reasons: 1) he's too awesome to play on a small club like Porto and 2) he would like to avenge his being a bomb at RM rival Barcelona by shitting down their throats.

Until next time, here's hoping Oli Porter takes over Liverpool.