Mexican Beckham, Cuauhtémoc Blanco

They call him the Mexican David Beckham. When Lalas heard of the Beckham Rule (i.e. the designated player rule), you could tell what his idea was for the two teams he owned, the LA Galaxy and the Chicago Fire. “I’ll just get the most popular face in all of soccer for one team, and the most popular face in soccer in Mexico for the other. So for the Galaxy, he got David Beckham. Becks is a pretty boy, yes. But what people in America may not know is that he was his team’s enforcer. When his teammates got the bad end of a poor tackle, Becks would be the first to get into the face of the enemy, and then give a dangerous tackle in return. You probably won’t see that part of him here in the States, but Becks is not all pretty and nice.

Then there’s the Mexican David Beckham.

He was the symbol of Club America, Mexican soccer’s New York Yankees. A team that was really loved or really hated because they solve problems like Patrick N solves problems: throw money at it.

Chicago, do you know who you’re really getting?

Cuauhtémoc Blanco is really loved by allies and really hated by enemies. Cua will flop like a bitch one moment, and foul the shit out of you the next. If one of his opponents gets hurt, instead of checking to see if the opponent is alright like a sportsman, he will tell the ref to check the watch because the opponent is time wasting. And if he is in a mood, maybe after a goal he’ll get on all fours and pretend to piss in your goal like a dog.

Chicago, do you know who you’re really getting?

If his team is down, he will start fights just to rile up his own team. And most of the time it works. He carries a team in a sport where one player shouldn’t be able to influence a game with 11 players staring against you, but he does. He is not a glory hog. He does not mind the assist. He just hates losing more than he loves winning. And he is also very protective of his teammates. When Mexican National stand out Nery Castillo was getting shitted on by the press for taking so long to choose Mexico to play for, Castillo, who isn’t used to press pressure, didn’t know what to say or how to handle it. Blanco did. He basically tells the press, “You guys always want to make up drama. Why don’t you guys just fuck off.” And they did. And as opposed to Beckham, where the Galaxy will get a calmer, more gentlemanly version of Becks, you will get the same Blanco from Mexico: a loyal, unsportsmanlike asshole who hates to lose more than he loves to win and is very protective of his teammates.

Chicago, you are getting the Mexican Patrick N.