Third Hand News

Welcome to a new feature of mine, called "Third Hand News".

The concept is simple, I lift NFL news stories from SI.com's Truth and Rumors page, which they have in turn lifted from newspapers across the country. What value do I add to this? Neither SI nor the local papers offer my pithy commentary and analysis of each story, which you can only find here.

Here we go.

- The Detroit Free Press reports that rookie WR Calvin Johnson will be a holdout at the beginning of camp this weekend, but that the Lions don't expect it to be a long holdout. I'm sure everything will work out great. The Lions are a highly competent organization. Now I will hug some snakes. I will hug and kiss some poisonous snakes.


- Another rookie holdout is Vikings RB Adrian Peterson. Peterson told the St. Paul Pioneer Press, "This is about the future. It's not about being greedy." He stole that line from Walter Payton's rap in the Super Bowl Shuffle I think.

- Daunte Culpepper and his dwarf-like hands have been turned away by the Falcons, Jaguars, Ravens, and Rams so far this offseason. When you're getting turned down by the Falcons right now, that's gotta hurt. It's like, "No thanks, we're fine with Joey Harrington and our gas-huffin', orphan beatin', soon to be convicted felon the Michael Vick Experience." Culpepper must be feeling worse than the suicide robot in that Super Bowl commercial right now.

- With Lance Briggs signed to a one-year extension by the Bears, Pats corner Asante Samuel is now the highest profile veteran holdout.

- The NY Post dedicated some space to a heated denial that new GM Jerry Reese is pulling a Rachel Phelps in Major League, or a Jerry Angelo with Dick Jauron in 2003, and setting his coach Tom Coughlin up to fail this year so he can bring in his own coach in 2008 without even having to pay lip service to giving Coughlin an extension. Reese said, "That's insane. That's silly. I'll be very disappointed if we don't win, and win big." By disappointed, he means happy.

- The Pittsburgh Tribune Review reports that the Steelers are in "exploratory" talks with former Raiders and Saints QB Aaron Brooks. Now THAT's "insane" and "silly".

- And in what is by far the most interesting story of the day, it appears that Priest Holmes has been exhumed and re-animated, ala Serpentor, and the Chiefs are dangling the possibility that they may send running back Larry Johnson and his perpetual frowny face elsewhere, and re-instate Holmes as their feature back if LJ doesn't pipe down about wanting LaDanian Tomlinson money. Holmes is 30 years old, which in running back years makes him 210, but the Chiefs must figure that they were able to milk a couple more useful years out of Marcus Allen back in the day, so maybe they can do that with Holmes too.