The pregame hoopla this week in Chicago has focused on what Rex Grossman's suck level will be in this game. That's all well and good, but that's ignoring the fact that the defense has been real bad lately too, and any success the Bears have starts with having a dominating defense. The Bears are only a couple of weeks removed from somehow finding a way to give up 31 points to the Buccaneers. That's not dominating.
So, being that I am kind of sort of a lifelong Bears fan (although I've liked other incarnations of the team much more than I like this one), I think it's only appropriate to throw a glog at you as the Beloved attempt to avoid falling to 0-3 in the playoffs in this decade.
- Pam Oliver tells me that Rex said "Don't be surprised if we dominate". Wow. The sheer unjustified cockiness of this douchebag never ceases to amaze me.
- Josh Brown kicks off to start the game, and squibs it just inside the pylon and out of the end zone for a touchback.
- On 2nd and 8 Rex throws a curl to Berrian, and manages not to have it picked off for a touchdown. We're on a roll.
- 3rd and 3 and Thomas Jones bounces through the right guard hole for a first down.
- An end around to Rashied Davis picks up a healthy 8 yards.
- Joe Buck points out that the Seahawks have a guy who was a hobo only 2 weeks ago playing corner for them today. He is actually playing this game for a sandwich.
- Meanwhile, we have another 3rd and short. Jones bursts thru the line again for 6 yards. So far the Bears have ran it every play except one, and been successful.
- Rex slings one over the fullbacks head for an incompletion on first down. His mechanics are flawless as usual. Just once I'd like to seem him play as if he were not on a trampoline.
- Jones gets stopped on second down, and the Bears face their first 3rd and long situation of the game. Rashied Davis makes a phenomenal catch on a pass over the middle for a 37 yard gain. That hobo covering him must not want to eat today.
- I'm searching frantically for a shot of that chick wearing the "Fuck Da Eagles" t-shirt that somehow made it onto Fox's broadcast of the Eagles/Saints game last night. My search is fruitless. Meanwhile, Jones runs it into the end zone on 3rd down and it's 7-0 Bears.
-We'll use this commercial break to recap yesterday's early game:
COLTS 15, RAVENS 6
This game featured a matchup of the 2003 co-MVPs, Peyton Manning and Steve McNair. They combined for 0 TDs and 4 INTs. The Colts won this game although I am unable to ascertain why. They just sucked a little bit less. They do look like geniuses for signing Adam Vinatieri now I think. Now all we need is for Gostkowski to miss a game-winner against the Chargers today, and we'll have the story we keep getting pounded into our cerebellums all next week.
Meanwhile, Peyton Manning is only one game away from his first Super Bowl, thru none of his own efforts. He almost looked like he was apologizing for winning the game in his postgame press conference.
- We're back at Soldier Field. Nate Burleson took the kickoff back 41 yards, but Matt Hasselbeck and Shaun Alexander do nothing on first and second down. Then on third down, Peanut Tillman has a ball that should have been an INT TD bounce off his chest and float Madden style into Darrel Jackson's hands. D-Jack comes up a yard short and the Seahawks punt. The punt is perfectly placed and goes out of bounds inside the 10. The way the Seahawks have punted and kicked today reminds me of some guy I played online in Madden last night, he sucked at everything else but he was some kind of kicking savant. Every punt he had was perfectly placed. He must spend 7 hours a day in training camp mode practicing his punting.
- The Bears run again on 1st down and pick up 4 yards. The Bears are running at will, we're only 8 1/2 minutes into this game but the Seahawks look like they are going to lose 37-6 again or whatever they lost by against the Bears earlier this year.
- Rex converts a 3rd and 2 on a stop route to Muhammad. Then picks up 7 on an identical play to Berrian. The Bears have pretty much run the same 2 plays on every snap, and the Seahawks have done nothing to stop them.
- Rex gets blown up on a corner blitz, and protects the ball as only he can, dumping it onto the ground. By the grace of God his arm was going forward and the play is whistled dead, otherwise it's a fumble deep in Bears territory.
- D Jack finds a seam in the zone and Hasselbeck finds him for a 20ish yard gain to midfield On the next play, Hasselbeck dumps it over the middle to his #2 tight end for a nine yard gain. He comes up clutching his hand, but stays in the game. Alexander then carries for the first down.
- 2nd and 10 and Hasselbeck over throws an open Deion Branch down the sideline. Holmgren is bright red and snarling on the sideline.
- The Bears blitz on 3rd and long, but Hasselbeck hangs in and finds Jackson for the first down. Darrell Jackson is eating the Bears lunch so far. Not quite Steve Smith esque yet, but the Seahawks are effectively employing the Panthers strategy of picking on Chinnuts Tillman.
- Alexander takes a draw up the middle on 2nd and 10, and it will be 3rd and 4 as we start the second quarter. Some sort of weird vibrato effect is added to Joe Buck's voice as they cut to commercial.
- Nobody makes as consistently unfunny commercials as the good people at Coors Light. They should go back to the ads featuring Pete Coors wandering drunkenly thru the Colorado mountains. That made me want to drink a lot more than these mock press conferences.
- We've got a big 3rd and 4 now as we start the 2nd quarter. Hasselbeck finds Burleson sitting in the middle of the Bears zone, and Burleson stretches out over the goal line to tie the game. As we all should have feared, the Bears D looks terrible so far.
- The Bears get the ball back, and Rex does the only thing Rex does well, which is to throw the deep ball to Bernard Berrian. Berrian hauls it in, takes it to the end zone, and it's 14-7 Bears.
- Berrian absolutely scorched the Seahawks rookie corner Kelly Jennings on that play.
- Burleson takes the ensuing kickoff back to the Seattle 40. The Bears kickoff coverage has been bad.
- Everyone's lining up on the sideline to grab Grossman's ass. To quote Winston Wolf, "Let's not start sucking each other's dicks just yet".
- At 12:50 PM we get our first "This Is Our Country" commercial. I want that written on my gravestone.
- I wonder what song I've heard more. "This Is Our Country" during the 2006 football season, or "Vertigo" in the iPod commercials in the 2004 football season.
- Meanwhile, Cedric Benson carries for 11 yards and a Bear first down.
- Rex throws two horrible passes on second and third downs, and the Bears punt.
- I'll point out at this juncture that Shaun Alexander has 7 yards on 5 carries. I think they may need to make "Seabiscuit 2" starring him and Barbaro.
- From the East Coast..to the West Coast.
- On 3rd and 8 Jackson bobbles a ball that should have been a first down. Now the Seahawks punt. The Windy City Flyer tries to field a bouncing punt on the D+L and it almost results in disaster. For my money, there aren't too many teams more undisciplined than the Bears. Mark my words they are going to make at least one colossal boner in this game that they will pay for.
- Benson truck sticks for a nine yard gain. If they made up their mind right now to give him 35 carries in this game, the game would be over.
- Troy tells us that Benson has languished on the bench because the Bears have questioned his work ethic. See, with the Bears, you can have a garage full of guns and pit bulls and have the police come to your house 5 times a month, and that's cool, you're a starter baby. So I have to question what exactly Benson has been doing these 2 years to make the Bears say, we're not putting THAT guy on the field.
- This is our country.
- Mark Bradley has left with an injury. On 3rd down Rex can't hit Berrian and the Bears punt. The Seahawks have been blitzing Rex relentlessly.
- Mo Morris carries outside for 5 yards. He does not look like he's running on an oatmeal playing surface like Alexander does.
- Hester fumbles a line drive punt but falls on it after the Seahawks go 3 and out. This game is beginning to make me sleepy.
- And there's the gigantic mistake. Julian Peterson blitzes Rex, and Rex, who runs like a 6.2 40 yard dash, tries to elude him rather than take the sack. He holds the ball out as if to say "Please knock it out of my hand", and Peterson does and the Hawks have it deep in Bears territory.
- Alexander returns and rips a 12 yard run and Seattle is in the red zone.
- Hasselbeck has all day to throw on 1st and 10 but fires it over Bobby Engram's head in the end zone. Decent coverage by Tillman.
- Alexander up the middle for a 7 yard gain. It'll be 3rd and 3 from the Bear 6.
- Alexander spins out of a tackle and comes ever so close to picking up the first. Hasselbeck holds his hands up before they measure to show how far they are from the first down. He actually looked like he made it to me. But he is in fact short by like 2 inches.
- Seattle's going for it.
- Alexander bounces it outside for the TD. This game is tied at 14 just ahead of the 2 minute warning before the half.
- Seattle does an ill-advised squib kick and the Bears set up shop at their 42 yard line.
- Rex flings one over the middle to Muhammad for a 25 yard gain, then a quick swing to Rashied Davis, who takes it to the Seahawk 15 with 1:26 left in the half. Davis gets up gimpy.
- Rex throws for the corner of the end zone to Berrian, and we've got a flag. Probably illegal contact on Kelly Jennings. Or not. The ref says no illegal contact because Rex was out of the pocket.
- Bryce Fisher hits Rex from behind and disaster is narrowly averted as he manages to get rid of the ball and bounce it off Des Clark standing right in front of him.
- Muhammad catches a 10 yard slant, he is just short of the first down. Rex calls time out, and we'll see what Lovie Smith decides to do here. It looks like they are going to go for it on 4th and 1 from the Seattle 7 yard line.
- Thomas Jones bursts thru right tackle for a touchdown. Huge play for the Bears. They lead 21-14. Seattle will get the ball back with :48 left in the half.
- The Hawks start at their own 30, and Hasselbeck gets sacked by Alex Brown. Mo Morris then takes a handoff up the middle to run out the half. Joe Buck says some of the questions about Rex Grossman have been answered. I dunno, by my count he's been the same player he always is today, a big play here and there, sandwiched around unacceptable mistakes. Bears lead 21-14 at the half.
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