Since Bill Parcells decided to go home and dedicate the rest of his life to eating lime flavored Tostitos, the Cowboys have been scrambling to find someone to coach them to victory in Super Bowl XLI.
So far, the leading candidates are:
NORV TURNER
- Turner somehow managed to offensive coordinate a ragtag, patchwork bunch that included such scrubeenies as Emmitt Smith, Troy Aikman, Michael Irvin, and Larry Allen to respectability in the 90s. Since then he helped lead the Redskins into the era of excellence they have enjoyed for the last 10 years, and in 2006 enjoyed his crowning achievement when he masterminded the most dynamic and unstoppable offense in San Francisco 49ers and possibly NFL history.
JASON GARRETT
- Played quarterback on Cowboys practice squad for 25 years, went to Ivy League School. Put those two together, and it's a formula that will have Jerry Jones dancing on Tom Landry's grave in no time.
TOM LANDRY
- His stone faced, stoic, and above all else, silent style would fit Jerry Jones perfectly. Modern taxidermy technology would definitely allow Landry to fill the suit and look the part, while Jones fulfills his lifelong dream of calling the plays that lead the Cowboys to glory.
As of now it is still anybody's guess who will wind up with the job. ESPN has commented on the situation saying, "TO. TO TO TO. Parcells. TO TO TO. Parcells." One thing is certain though, TO is going to catch 5 touchdown passes in the Super Bowl this Sunday.
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