Wildcard Mess Hall- AFC

AFC WILDCARD MESS HALL

THE FRONTRUNNERS



NY JETS 9-6 (6-5 AFC)
Week 16-WON at Miami 13-10
Rushing Yards For/Against:95/124
Passing Yards: 229/129
Sacks; Turnovers: 3/1; 0/1
QB/Rushing/Receiving: Pennington 14-29-237 1/0; Barlow 18-36; Washington 4-108
WEEK 17 v. Oakland 2-13

Here's a team that ranks in the bottom third of the league in both rushing and passing, needing only a win at home against the Raiders to finish 10-6 and in the playoffs, despite looking everytime I watch them like a team who should lose by 20 points every time out. And remember, the AFC is supposed to be the GOOD conference.



DENVER BRONCOS 9-6 (8-4 AFC)
Week 16-WON vs. Cincinnati 24-23
Rushing Yards For/Against:127/149
Passing Yards: 160/194
Sacks; Turnovers: 2/3; 4/2
QB/Rushing/Receiving: Cutler 12-23-179 2/1; M. Bell 12-69 1 TD; Marshall 4-65
WEEK 17 v. San Francisco 6-9

The Broncos have come off the canvas of a 4 game losing streak to win 2 straight, and now only need to win at home against the Niners next week to go the postseason. Of course, that they are in this position is thanks primarily to a potential game tying extra point snap going right thru the hands of Bengals holder Kyle Larson. In 2006 though, the NFL is all about The Battle of Who Can Suck Less, so we won't hold that against them.

CALL A PRIEST

CINCINNATI BENGALS 8-7 (6-5 AFC)
WEEK 16 LOST at Denver 23-24
WEEK 17 v. Pittsburgh 7-8

The Bengals have been victims of a bad schedule and a worse pass defense. Still, all they had to do was kick a freakin extra point, and they would have had a great chance of making the playoffs. When it's not your year, it's not your year though, and this isn't the Bengals year. They remind me a lot of last year's Chargers, so next year look out, watch him now..here he come!

TENNESSEE TITANS 8-7 (5-6 AFC)
WEEK 16 WON at Buffalo 30-29
WEEK 17 v. New England 11-4

Of course, it's only appropo that the team that is playing better than anyone else in the league and is the best story in the league over the last 2 months won't be in the playoffs (unless either of the Bay Area suck squads can come up with an impossible road win next week). Instead, we get the Jets. Oh and probably the Seahawks too, maybe even the Packers if we're lucky. It's like the Itchy+Scratchy+Poochie cartoon where they drive past the fireworks factory at the end.

JACKSONVILLE JAGUARS 8-7 (5-6 AFC)
WEEK 16 LOST v. New England 21-24
WEEK 17 at Kansas City 8-7

The Jags are 2nd in the league in rushing offense and 3rd in the league in rushing defense, which, unless every color commentator I've ever listened to has lied to me, means they should be like 15-0 right now, but yet they are somehow 8-7 and won't be playing in January. Well, they'll always have that game where they beat the Colts by 70 points.

KANSAS CITY CHIEFS 8-7 (4-7 AFC)
WEEK 16 WON at Oakland 20-9
WEEK 17 vs. Jacksonville 8-7

Something tells me Trent Green will be spending the 07 NFL season naked and ballgagged, stomping grapes on Dick Vermiel's vineyard.

Wildcard Mess Hall

We're a mere 90 minutes away from the bulk of Week 16, with many teams playing for their playoff existence. Let's take a look at them:



NFC



Philadelphia Eagles 8-6 (7-3 NFC)
Recent Form- W at NYG , W at WSH, W v. CAR
Remaining Games- at Dallas (9-5), vs. Atlanta (7-7)

Offense- 11th Rushing, 3rd Passing
Defense- 28th Rushing, 12th Passing

Pro- It's hard to think of anyone in the NFC who is playing better than the Eagles right now. They've won back to back division games on the road, and the offense hasn't missed a beat with Jeff Garcia at QB. They also are the only team in the NFC wildcard picture who is actually above .500.

Con- The rushing defense is terrible, and they face a pair of top 10 rushing offenses in their last 2 games.

In or Out?- In, they may very well finish 8-8, but too many other things have to happen for them not to make it.



NY Giants 7-7 (6-4 NFC)
Recent Form- L vs. PHI, W at CAR, L vs DAL
Remaining Games- vs. New Orleans (9-5), at Washington (5-9)

Offense- 9th Rushing, 15th Passing
Defense- 11th Rushing, 28th Passing

Pro- They beat the Falcons back in October, which gives them a tiebreaker over a team they may very well be tied with for the final wildcard spot at the end of the year. They face a Redskins team in their finale that has nothing to play for and whom they have already beaten 19-3.

Con- Drew Brees should have a field day against the Giants terrible pass defense today. That means the Giants could very well be 7-8 heading into Week 17, and a game behind an Atlanta team who is at home against the disintegrating Panthers this week.

In Or Out?-That tiebreaker over the Falcons is huge. Atlanta probably will beat Carolina today, but then they go on the road to Philly in Week 17. I see both teams finishing 8-8, which means the Giants are likely in, the Falcons out.





Atlanta Falcons 7-7 (5-5 NFC)
Recent Form- L vs. DAL, W at TB, W at WSH
Remaining Games- vs. Carolina (6-8), at Philadelphia (8-6)

Offense- 1st Rushing, 32nd Passing
Defense- 10th Rushing, 30th Passing

Pro- Honestly there is not a whole lot to like about the Falcons chances right now. They've got to run the table and get help to get in. On the plus side, they should be 8-7 heading into Week 17 as they face the 1-17 as an NFL starter Chris Weinke this week, an assignment that even their 30th ranked pass defense should be able to handle.

Con- Warrick Dunn and Michael Vick are both banged up, head coach Jim Mora Jr. has been fending off questions about his future, the Falcons lose on pretty much every tiebreaker, and they have to go to Philly in Week 17.

In Or Out?- The Falcons will miss the playoffs, and it will probably be best for the franchise for them to do so. The best thing they could do would be to start over next year with a new coach and Matt Schaub at quarterback, and a second consecutive out of the money finish may be the impetus needed to make that change.

OTHERS IN THE MIX
Green Bay Packers 7-8 (6-5 NFC)
The Packers have a chance to be an unlikely entry in the wildcard tiebreaker. They go on the road to face the Bears next week in their season finale, but the Bears have already locked up the homefield advantage in the NFC and likely will treat it as a preseason game. That means the Pack could pick up a cheap win, get to 8-8, and then anything can happen. An October loss to the Rams could come back to haunt them though.

Carolina Panthers 6-8 (4-6 NFC)
They still have Chris Weinke at QB, and go on the road to ATL and NO for their last two. They are dead as fried chicken.

San Francisco 49ers 6-8 (5-6 NFC)
The Niners still have their eyes on an NFC West title. Unfortunately, they finish up the season in Denver, a game they have no chance of winning. So no playoffs for them.

St. Louis Rams 6-8 (4-6 NFC)
Their remaining games are at home against Washington and at Minnesota, so it's completely within the realm of possibility that they can finish at 8-8. They also own a win over the Packers, which could come into play if both of those teams finish in the tiebreaker. Playoff fever is sweeping St. Louis, as their home game today against the Skins will be blacked out because for the first time ever the Rams failed to sell out a home game in STL.

Week 15 AFC Playoff Picture

1. SAN DIEGO CHARGERS (12-2)

WON vs. Kansas City 20-9
Rushing Yards For/Against 265/90
Passing Yards 88/151
Sacks 6/2
Turnovers 2/2
QB- Rivers 8-23-97 0/2; RB-Tomlinson 25-199 2 TD; Rec- V. Jackson 3-66

Nobody, and I mean nobody loves to bash Rex Grossman more than I. However, Pro Bowler Philip Rivers posted a 12.4 rating in this game. So if you say that the Bears can't win the Super Bowl because you never know when their quarterback is going to suck to high heaven, then you have to say the same thing about the Chargers now too.

That doesn't change though that the Chargers are still far and away the best team in the NFL right now. The only thing keeping them from being a slam-dunk pick to win it all is the fact that their coach has never been to a Super Bowl as a head coach despite having like 37 opportunities to have done so.

UP NEXT
AT SEATTLE 8-6 (1-2 LAST 3); SD -4 1/2

RUSHING- SD O 3RD IN NFL VS. SEA D 22ND
SEA O 16TH VS. SD D 3RD

PASSING- SD O 17TH VS. SEA D 16TH
SEA O 20TH VS. SD D 11TH



2. INDIANAPOLIS COLTS (11-3)
WON vs. Cincinnati 34-16
Rushing Yards For/Against 112/133
Passing Yards 282/145
Sacks 4/1
Turnovers 1/1
QB- Manning 29-36-282 4/0; RB-Rhodes 19-52; Rec- Harrison 8-86 3 TD

If you had Peyton Manning on your fantasy team, chances are you were already out of the playoffs for this one thanks to his abomination last week in Jacksonville. Chances are you watched this game and could not stop dropping f bombs as you watched Manning, who has been putting up Brad Johnson numbers for the last month or so, suddenly unable to stop throwing touchdown passes.

As for the Colts, they really, really needed this game. Dwight Freeney was possessed, with 3 sacks and 3 forced fumbles. As Disco Stu once said, if these trends continue....ayyyyyyy. Actually though, now that I think about it, this game was set up perfectly for the Colts to win. The only teams they have a chance to beat are passing teams (Indy is 2nd versus the pass, 32nd versus the run). That works out great against a team like the Bengals, and might even work against, say, the Patriots in the playffs. Against LT and the Chargers, that no worky.

UP NEXT
AT HOUSTON 4-10 (1-2 LAST 3); IND -9

RUSHING- IND O 17TH IN NFL VS. HOU D 20TH
HOU O 24TH VS. IND D 32ND

PASSING- IND O 2ND VS. HOU D 24TH
HOU O 24TH VS. IND D 2ND







3. BALTIMORE RAVENS (11-3)
WON vs. Cleveland 27-17
Rushing Yards For/Against 142/68
Passing Yards 231/168
Sacks 6/1
Turnovers 2/3
QB- Boller 13-21-238 2/1; RB-Lewis 22-109 1 TD; Rec- Williams 3-100

Just like Christmas, the Steve McNair Injury can be counted on to come once a year. McNair injured his hand on the team's first series of this game, and the lamentable Kyle Boller came on in relief to game manage the Ravens to a home win over Cleveland. That's all well and good, but once the playoffs start their won't be any more home games against the Browns.

The Ravens have to pick up a game on the Colts in order to get a first round bye, because the Colts hold the common-opponent tiebreaker over them. In order to do that they will have to win their final two games, and they won't do that with Boller under center. This week's game at red-hot Pittsburgh is anything but a gimme, the Ravens are currently 3 point underdogs with the assumption that McNair will play. If he doesn't, it'll be at least twice that.

UP NEXT
AT PITTSBURGH 7-7 (3-0 LAST 3); BAL +3

RUSHING- BAL O 23RD IN NFL VS. PIT D 5TH
PIT O 12TH VS. BAL D 2ND

PASSING- BAL O 12TH VS. PIT D 15TH
PIT O 8TH VS. BAL D 6TH



4. NEW ENGLAND PATRIOTS (10-4)
WON vs. Houston 40-7
Rushing Yards For/Against 105/105
Passing Yards 125/93
Sacks 4/1
Turnovers 4/0
QB- Brady 16-23-109 2/0; RB-Dillon 10-61; Rec- Faulk 2-46 1 TD

Screw Santa Claus, if I'm a Super Bowl hopeful hoping to rebound from a pair of dreadful performances, I want David Carr to come to town. His 4 interceptions were more responsible than anything for the Pats 40-7 whoopin of the Texans.

In fact, if I have to pick one quarterback who contributed most to this New England victory, it would be Carr, and not Tom Brady, who has now thrown for a combined 180 some yards in NE's last 2 games, which should answer the burning question of "Meeeeeeeeeeehhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh why didn't Tom Brady make the Pro Bowl!?!?!"

UP NEXT
AT JACKSONVILLE (8-6); NE +3

RUSHING- NE O 13TH IN NFL VS. JAX D 3RD
JAX O 2ND VS. NE D 4TH

PASSING- NE O 14TH VS. JAX D 7TH
JAX O 27TH VS. NE D 13TH


That's it for the AFC Division leaders. Tomorrow, I put on my gulashes and wade thru the wildcard cesspool.

The Lilywhites

I give you, the cockerel and ball.

TallyHO Lads...EPL Update

Here's what happened last weekend in the English Premiership...

(9-5-4, 3RD PLACE) LIVERPOOL 3
(3-12-3, 19TH PLACE) AT CHARLTON 0

(5-8-5, 15TH) SHEFFIELD UNITED 1
(6-8-4, 12TH) AT WIGAN 0

(5-8-4, 16TH) BLACKBURN ROVERS 2
(8-8-2, 8TH) AT READING 1

(1-8-8, 20TH) WATFORD 1
(6-8-4, 13TH) AT NEWCASTLE 2

(8-5-5, 6TH) PORTSMOUTH 2
(8-4-6, 4TH) AT ARSENAL 2

(9-6-3, 5TH) BOLTON WANDERERS 1
(5-3-10, 9TH) AT ASTON VILLA 0

(13-2-3, 2ND) CHELSEA 3
(6-6-6, 10TH) AT EVERTON 2

(8-6-4, 7TH) TOTTENHAM HOTSPUR 2
(5-8-5, 14TH) AT MANCHESTER CITY 1

(14-2-2, 1ST) MANCHESTER UNITED 0
(5-11-2, 18TH) AT WEST HAM 1

(4-9-5, 17TH) MIDDLESBROUGH 1
(6-7-5, 11TH) AT FULHAM 2

2007 Cubs December Report Card

Good
Soriano

Bad
2nd Base - after going thru like 12 second baseman last year, we sign 2 more in this offseason (for sake of argument, I'm counting DeRosa and Soriano as 2-bagsmen).

Soriano in center

Lofton would have been a great understudy for Felix the Pie.

Theodore Roosevelt Lilly for $10mil

Ugly
Aardsma for Cotts

Marquis for $7mil

Cliff Floyd

No closer

Grade: D

Basically what happened in the pitching area, is a bunch of MLB teams let Scott Boras set the market value for pitching this offseason, simply based on who his priority is at any given time. This is why Lilly gets $10mil and Zito will get $14mil.

You Are Forgetting...

My shotgun marriage in 2002 to then White Sox reliever Antonio Osuna...

Congratulations..

To our Editor-in-Chief for getting himself engaged to a woman this past weekend. His previous 5 engagements were to members of the Chicago Bears defense.

Starman

I'm going to throw up from all these people today talking about how much better the Colt defense is. I watched them let Rudi J walk into the end zone from the 12 yard line with blue-bodies bouncing off him to the turf. It looked like he had the invincibility star in Super Mario Bros.

My question to ESPN analysts.. what game were you watching last night? They still gave up 133 on the ground and 278 overall. This game was more about 3rd down efficiency than anything.

Week 15 NFC Playoff Picture

WEEK 15
NFC
1. CHICAGO BEARS (12-2)
WON v. Tampa Bay 34-31 OT

A team that gave up 3 second half TD passes by the undead Tim Rattay and had to battle into the wee small minutes of overtime to finish off the 3-11 Bucs at home is 12-2 and has clinched homefield advantage throughout the NFC Playoffs. Thus proving beyond any shadow of a doubt that the winner of the NFC should be awarded a berth in the Poulin Weed Smoker Bowl, while the SEC champion should advance to meet the AFC champion in Super Bowl Whatever Number This Upcoming Super Bowl Is.

The Bears can now look back fondly on the halcyon days of 2 weeks ago when their biggest problem was having a quarterback who could not post a double digit rating in an NFL game. Now their defense is a mess and they've got Tank Johnson's capering to explain. If you told me that a Bears Super Bowl year could be this little fun I would never have believed you.

NEXT WEEK
at Detroit (2-12)
The Bears have nothing to play for and the Lions have nothing to live for.


It Is Time to Unleash Tim Rattay On the World

2. NEW ORLEANS SAINTS (9-5)
LOST vs. Washington 10-16

I think this picture says it all.



I've never seen somebody so ecstatic after clinching a division championship by losing at home to a team that hadn't won on the road in almost 3 months.

NEXT WEEK
at NY Giants (7-7)
The Saints, by virtue of their Week 14 win over Dallas, pretty much need to drop both of their remaining games to avoid getting a first round bye. The Giants, meanwhile, are hanging on to the final NFC wildcard spot via a tiebreaker over the Falcons, who are also 7-7. Of course, both of these teams have been so bad lately that they've let the PACKERS, I shit you not, back into the NFC Wildcard chase. It's getting to the point where I just don't care anymore. I'm starting to think the Padres are going to get in the NFC Playoffs.

3. DALLAS COWBOYS (9-5)
WON at Atlanta 38-28
Since the only kind of victories in the NFC are Pyrrhic ones, lets examine the flaws the Cowboys showed in their win over the Falcons. They let Michael Vick throw 4 TD passes, a week after Drew Brees hung 5 TD passes on them. You've got to be fearing that Bill Parcells defense right about now.

TO also spit in D'Angelo Hall's face in this game, drawing a $35,000 fine, which means now he's only got like 24 million 9 hundred thousand and 65 reasons not to kill himself, or something like that.

NEXT WEEK
vs. Philadelphia (8-6); Monday Night
Jeff Garcia's Eagles vs. TO's Cowboys for the NFC East Title on Monday Night Christmas Night Football. High Five. If any of you have forgotten, when a reporter asked TO a couple years ago if his ex-teammate Garcia was gay, TO said something to the effect of, "It it walks like a duck..etc. etc.", so there you go, this will be good.


TO Is Within Spitting Distance of the Playoffs.

4. SEATTLE SEAHAWKS (8-6)
LOST v. San Francisco 14-24
Then you've got this team. They somehow keep their head above water despite being without last year's NFL MVP and having to start a quarterback who is 4 1/2 feet tall and had never seen any meaningful playing time in his career. When they get the MVP and the QB back, they can't muster up the wherewithal to beat the Cardinals or the 49ers. I keep hearing about how everybody keeps forgetting about the Seahawks. Know why everyone forgets about the Seahawks? Because people like to forget things that suck.

NEXT WEEK
vs. San Diego (12-2)
A team that not once but twice has allowed the 49ers to rush for over 200 yards against them tries its luck against LT. That should work out great.




Seahawks Mediocre Again

That's it for the NFC division leaders, Wednesday it's the AFC. Thursday, sifting thru the wildcard compost heap.

Cold Pancakes - Xmas is only 1 week away...

I got the scoop on what every football player needs this holiday season...

Gould needs glasses
How else could you explain Robbie Gould missing 3 FGs in the last 2 weeks?

TO needs a woman
Lets face it, he needs somebody to talk to, to release his pent up aggression and his bodily fluids.

Jim Mora Jr. needs a bodyguard
The coach killer is back on the loose...

Tank needs another bodyguard
Prospective hirees should be 6'4" 250lbs, possess at least 3 firearms and be proficient in Microsoft Excel and distribution of illegal drugs.

Favre needs some uppers
That guy was as dry as dirt talking after the game about his NFL completions record. The venerable and muscular Ed Hochuli informed him of the record.

LT needs some downers
Save some TDs for the playoffs.. playoffs?!?

Vick needs a groin
Good luck with finding that gift, Ron Mexico.

Ralph Wilson, owner of Buffalo Bills franchise
This poor guy needs some revenue sharing, and an ear-job.


Please send all gifts to NFLPA Gift Givers c/o Ralph Wilson, PO Box 30-2, Buffalo, NY.

Pancakes In the Age of Enlightenment

How's it going kemosabes? Some of you might know me from my NFL column I publish over at another website. I thought I would expand my horizons to set up my own little corner shop here where I can post not only my own stuff but stuff friends and well-wishers write.

Stay tuned, I will be posting my thoughts on what went down in Week 14 of the NFL season, and a preview of Week 15 within the next couple of days.