Tuesday, October 30, 2007

Craplaticos - Andriy Shevchenko

Part three of the Craplacticos series "starring" Andriy Shevchenko during his time with Chelsea.

Three Technique- Week 8

(3-4) SAINTS 31, (2-5) NINERS 10

1. I was as quick as anyone to write them off after the 1-3 start, but guess what, the Saints are going to win the NFC South, and they are going to win it comfortably, and they are going to be a team nobody in the NFC wants to see in the playoffs.

2. Niners kicker Joe Nedney got booed by the home fans after booting a kickoff out of bounds, and he answered by giving them the finger. Very niiiice. How many fantasy points is that worth?

3. Since they started 2-0, the Niners haven't scored more than 16 points in a game, and have been outscored 154-51. Now Frank Gore is injured and probably won't play in Week 9. I remind you at this point that ESPN the magazine was beating off all over this team back in August. Oh yeah, I think I also said something in that time period about Mike Nolan being one of the great NFL coaches of the 2010's. Boo ya!

(5-2) LIONS 16, (3-5) BEARS 7

1. A huge, huge win for the Lions. They needed to show they could win away from Ford Field, and this one gave them a season sweep over the two time defending NFC North champs. We can all take them seriously now.

2. As for the Bears, their goose is cooked. They are virtually 4 games behind 2 teams in their own division, with only 1 game remaining against those teams, and their ain't gonna be 3 teams from the NFC North getting into the playoffs. This post Super Bowl faceplant couldn't have happened to an organization more full of hubris and self-satisfaction.

3. It also came out this week that Brian Urlacher has an arthritic back. That's not a condition that gets better by playing professional tackle football. It's really sad, but it's conceivable that this could be his last season.

(3-4) EAGLES 23, (2-5) VIKINGS 16

1. Good thing the Eagles won this game. If they fell to 2-5 there would have been a very good chance that he would be free to run his "drug emporium" fulltime very soon.

2. You can't run on the Vikes, so you have to throw on them to beat them, and the Eagles did. Reggie Brown and Kevin Curtis combined for 11 catches and 181 yards against the Vikings 32nd ranked pass defense.

3. Kelly Holcomb started this game for the Vikings, but left after taking a pile driver into the Metrodome floor, giving way to Brooks Bollinger. The Vikings QB situation is so dire that this week Jeff George was offering them his services. Brad Childress said thanks but no thanks.

(4-3) CHARGERS 35, (3-5) TEXANS 10

1. A tip o' the cap to the Chargers, who spent the week practicing in Arizona after being displaced by the SoCal wildfires. They came out, dominated, and gave everyone in Diego some much needed respite from a terrible week.

2. Speaking of terrible, I give you the Texans. Just when you thought they were making progress, they look spookier than ever. In the last 3 games they've given up 37, 38, and 35 points. They are the reverse Patriots. And remember, this is a team that keeps drafting defensive players in the top 10 every year, and they are still getting torched for 5 TDs a game. Meanwhile, on offense the magical, enchanted Matt Schaub is on the cusp of losing his job to Sage Rosenfels. That's what he gets for picking jersey #8. It's like "Hey look at me I suck, it's like David Carr never left, I'm just wearing his jersey and sucking just as bad.".

3. The story of this game was that Antonio Gates came in, gave everyone Stone Cold Stunners, and left. He caught 3 passes for 92 yards and 2 TDs, all in the first half. CB Antonio Cromartie also had a big day, getting a fumble recovery for a TD and taking a pick back 70 yards for a second score.

(5-2) JAGUARS 24, (4-4) BUCS 23

1. It took 8 weeks, but Jeff Garcia finally threw an INT. It went back for a TD. Then he threw three more. I think I hear the wheels coming off of Tampa Bay's wagon.

2. Up until this game, Jags WR Matt Jones had pretty much been a wasted first round draft choice. He may very well still be one. However, nobody can take away the acrobatic catch he made in the end zone in the 4th quarter to win this game for the Jaguars. They needed this one badly too. They're going to struggle until Garrard comes back, and now it looks like DT Marcus Stroud is going to face a steroid suspension on top of that.

3. Garcia had Ike Hilliard WIIIIIDE open on a bomb with 30 seconds left that would have won the game for the Bucs. His pass was overthrown though, or Hilliard was too slow to catch up to it, it looked like a little of both. On the next play, Hilliard had a ball that he should have caught get knocked out of his hands and into the air for an INT. If he would have held on, the Bucs could have lined up for a game winning 47 yard FG. It could be those 2 plays that makes the difference between the Bucs making the playoffs and not making the playoffs.

(5-2) TITANS 13, (2-5) RAIDERS 9

1. Let the record show that Vince Young was 6 of 14 for 42 yards in this game.There are days he makes Michael Vick look like Dan Fouts.VY also fumbled a snap on his own 10 yard line with just over ten minutes left that could have been disastrous if he wasn't able to fall on it.

2. This is probably the last game you'll see Daunte Culpepper starting at QB for the Raiders. Lane Kiffin's named Josh McCown the starter for this weekend's game, and with #1 overall pick JaMarcus Russell finally in uniform, it's only a matter of time before he gets a look.

3. LenDale White was awesome in this game, carrying 25 times for 133 yards, but let's all keep in mind that the Raiders D is giving up over 5 yards a carry this year.

(7-0) COLTS 31, (4-3) PANTHERS 7

1. Has anyone noticed that after the Colts play New England this week, they go on the road to face the red hot Chargers next week? That's a rough little stretch of road there.

2. The Colts romped, but Peyton Manning struggled a little without Marvin Harrison in the lineup, before Reggie Wayne decided to go bonkers and made everything OK. Manning completed only 14 of 30, and was only 1 of 6 late in the 2nd quarter. Harrison sat out practice on Thursday. If he doesn't play, I don't like the Colts chances in this week's November Bowl against New England.

3. Funny story about Panthers' rookie WR Dwayne Jarrett, who was a highly touted 2nd round pick out of USC but has been a colossal bust this year. Apparently he was talking to a reporter at his locker after the game, and Steve Smith butts in and tells Jarrett something to the effect, "Why don't you stop talking to reporters and start watching some film?" Jarrett then tries to laugh it off like aww stop bustin my chops, and Smith just stares at him and says "Seriously." Oh snap.

(4-3) BROWNS 27, (0-8) RAMS 20

1. I never hear this guy's name mentioned anywhere, so let me jump all over giving some kudos to Browns OC Rob Chudzinski. This is his first year with the Browns, and their offense has never looked better. Before this gig, he was tight ends coach for the Chargers and Browns, and helped developed a couple of really good ones in Antonio Gates and Kellen Winslow. Romeo Crennel better send him a nice fruit basket this Christmas, because Chudzinski's saved his job.

2. Braylon Edwards has been the breakout star of this offense. He's third in the league in receiving yards with 669, and tied for second with 9 TDs. He had 114 yards and 2 scores in this game.

3. Back in 2006, when the Rams were looking for a head coach to replace Mike Martz, their finalists were Scott Linehan and Cam Cameron. Now, Martz has had a huge hand in turning the Lions around, and Linehan and Cameron are both head coaches and are both 0-8.

(5-2) STEELERS 24, (2-5) BENGALS 13

1. So here's a question. If Marvin Lewis gets fired, would anyone want him at his old profession of defensive coordinator? I mean, the Bengals defense is terrible, and the Ravens defense hasn't really gotten any worse since he left. It seems like he's only successful when he's in the right place at the right time.

2. Like, for example, there was a play the Steelers scored a TD on in this game where the Bengals only had 10 guys on the field. How does that happen?

3. The Steelers are going to pretty much lock down the AFC North title in the next two weeks if they can ice the Ravens and Browns, with both games in Pittsburgh. You can pin the success of this team on the play of 3 offensive players. Willie Parker, who is breathing down Adrian Peterson's neck for the league lead in rushing; Ben Roethlisberger, who has rebounded from a bad 2006 to post a 102.2 passer rating, which is only 0.7 behind Peyton Manning for 2nd in the league; and Santonio Holmes, who is on pace to have 1000 receiving yards in his second NFL season.

(6-2) GIANTS 13, (0-8) DOLPHINS 10

1. So now there's a rumor that Bill Parcells could be taking over as Dolphins' GM this offseason. I don't like this idea. They should just bring back Wannstedt. He's doing such an awesome job at Pitt.

2. That could be a wrap for Cleo Lemon as the Dolphins' starting QB. The Rotting Fish have a bye this week and Cameron Cameron has indicated that we might be seeing rookie John Beck in Week 10.

3. Eli Manning was awful in this game, completing 8 off 22 for 59 yards. But it was England and it was wet and they were playing on a surface that everyone kept falling down on so he gets a pass. On the other hand, Brandon Jacobs has been a straight up beast since he has returned from the injury he had at the start of the season. He's averaging 5.6 yards per on 80 carries. LT averaged 5.2 in his MVP season last year.

(3-4) BILLS 13, (1-7) JETS 3

1. This Jets team is so bad, it's only a matter of time before Rich Kotite materializes out of the ether on the Jets' sideline.

2. Just in time for Halloween, JP Losman returns from the dead. He came on in the 4th quarter to hook up with Lee Evans for the games only TD, and 85 yard score that looked like a play on Madden where someone takes control of his defensive back instead of just letting the computer control it like you are supposed to. Trent Edwards is injured or something and Losman is going to start this weekend for the Bills.

3. Kellen Clemens is finally officially the Jets starting quarterback now. The Jets have had enough of Chad Pennington and his 67% completion rate and his making Jerricho Cotchery and Lavaerneus Coles play like 1000 yard receivers. They are much better off with the guy who has set the world on fire with his 46.0 passer rating in 3 games this year. This will fix everything.

(8-0) PATRIOTS 52, (4-3) REDSKINS 7

1. I guess one of the Redskins' players said something to Belichick after this game, something along the lines of "Waaaaaaaaaaah why you run up the score on us?? Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!!!!"

2. Is it just me or is Belichick morphing more and more into Gollum from Lord of the Rings with each passing victory?

3. I seem to remember on New Years Day in 1984, Joe Gibbs' Redskins "ran up the score" in a playoff game against the Rams, winning by the ironic score of 51-7. See, it may take 23 1/2 years sometimes but NFL karma is always reapportioned. Don't worry Pats haters, Belichick will get his in 2030.

(6-1) PACKERS 19, (3-4) BRONCOS 13 OT

1. Yarrr...Capt. Dre Bly will have to walk the plank after getting scorched by Greg Jennings for an 85 yard TD on the first play of overtime.

2. No sacks and no turnovers in the entire game for the Broncos defense. Way to make things happen, fellas.

3. The Packers won because they had so many players step up and have huge games. Of course, Brett Favre throwing for 331 yards, 2 TDs, and no INTs qualifies, but Jennings had 6 catches for 141 yards, and rookie James Jones went over 100 yards thanks to a 79 yard scoring play. Aaron Kampman had 3 sacks, and rookie RB Ryan Grant had over 100 yards rushing and gave the Packers a running game for the first time this year.

Sunday, October 28, 2007

The Greatest Day In the History Of Our Sport- Week 8

Carolina's won 3 of 4, and is coming off a bye week. They'll try to be the first team to pin a loss on the undefeated Colts, who may be without WR Marvin Harrison for this game. Carolina's opting to start Vinny Testaverde at QB again this week, which should tell you a lot about the other option, David Carr.

Indy will win.

Both Peyton Manning and Vinny Testaverde are playing like Vinny Testaverde. The Colts went ahead late in the first half on a Joseph Addai TD run, and they lead 10-7. DeShaun Foster has the Panthers' score.

Carolina frustrated Manning early, but that just made him angry. He completed only 14 passes , but that was good for 254 yards and 2 TDs as the Colts roll to 7-0 with a 31-7 win. Reggie Wayne had 168 yards and a score in the absence of Marvin Harrison, and Joseph Addai had 100 rushing yards, and 3 scores.

(4-2) LIONS AT (3-4) BEARS
The Bears are 3-4, but they've also faced a really difficult schedule, with 5 of their 7 games coming against teams with winning records. DT Tommie Harris says the Bears aren't leaving without a win this week. The Lions are all like, "Oh no you di'nt."

Detroit will win.

Bears booed off the field as they are laying their third straight egg at home. Kevin Jones has 46 yards rushing and a TD, and the Lions are up 13-0.

The Lions take advantage of a brutal performance by the Bears to pick up a huge 16-7 road win. Brian Griese was picked off 4 times, and Kevin Jones ran for 105 yards and the Lions only TD.

The Steelers have looked a little wobbly of late, but they are far from the dysfunctional mess the Bengals have become. The Steelers have won 6 in a row at Cincy.

Pittsburgh will win.

The Bengals' disintegration continues. The Steelers are all over them 21-6 thanks to 2 Big Ben TD passes to Hines Ward. Willie Parker has 79 yards and a score.

Hines Ward lives! 88 yards and 2 TDs helps back 126 yards from Willie Parker as the Steelers stick the fork in the Bengals 24-13. Chad Johnson held to only 51 yards.

Tally-ho! This is the first regular season NFL game played in England. The Dolphins probably don't have a chance unless they get to use the giant robot Jason Taylor that's been used to promote the game.

NYG will win.

Big Blue is rolling on the other side of the pond. Brandon Jacobs has rumbled for 66 yards, and Eli Manning has run for a TD as the Giants are up 13-0.

It was as ugly as brain and kidney pie, but the Giants hold on for a 13-10 win despite only 59 yards passing from Eli. Brandon Jacobs ran for a career high 131 yards.

The Eagles unfathomable collapse on the final drive in last week's loss to the Bears makes this game a mandatory win if they're to avoid oblivion. Minnesota's been playing well of late, and there's a possibility they may not be weighted down by having Tarvaris Jackson on the field today.

Minnesota will win.

Donovan McNabb's been on fire. He already has 200 passing yards and a TD toss to Brian Westbrook. Kelly Holcomb is at QB for the Vikings today, and he's hooked up with Visanthe Shiancoe for a score, but the Eagles lead 17-10.

McNabb finishes with 333 yards and the Eagles avoid death with a 23-16 win. Kelly Holcomb left the game after taking a nasty smash on the noggin.

(3-3) BROWNS AT (0-7) RAMS
I'm soooo happy I loaded up on Browns at my fantasy draft. It seemed retarded at the time, but I ask you, who's retarded NOW???

Clevleand will win.

St. Louis has all their offensive skill players back, and they look much better on that side of the ball. Tory Holt has 72 yards and a TD, and Stephen Jackson 41 rushing yards and a score. The defense still sucks though, and Braylon Edwards and Kellen Winslow have gotten in to keep the Browns even at 17.

Jackson gets injured again and the Rams lose again, 27-20. 117 yards and 2 TDs for Braylon Edwards tops 110 and 1 TD for Holt.

Vince Young is back under center for the Titans this week. After they hung 38 points on the Texans with Kerry Collins last week, not sure if that's a good thing or a bad thing for the Titans.

Tennessee will win.

The Raiders have been in total control. Vince Young has completed only 2 passes for 16 yards, and Oakland leads 9-3. Could we be seeing any Kerry Collins today? Mmmmm???

VY 6 of 14 for 42 yards, but the Titans win 13-9 thanks to 133 yards from LenDale White.

(2-4) BILLS AT (1-6) JETS
The Bills have played some spirited ball of late, and last week it paid off with a win. The Jets have been terrible. Nothing is at stake in this game, except of course, Chad Pennington's career.

Buffalo will win.

This game is just flying by without any offense. We're halfway thru Q4, and the Bills are clinging to a 6-3 lead. I think Losman might be on for Edwards right now.

Losman completes 3 passes for 113 yards, and the Bills put it away 13-3 on an 85 yard TD reception by Lee Evans. Kellen Clemens goes 5 of 12 with 2 interceptions, so I guess benching Chad Pennington didn't fix everything.

Football hasn't been on anyone's mind in the San Diego area this week, but this is still a very important game for the Chargers. The Texans have done a faceplant since a 2-0 start.

SD will win.

Chargers destroying Houston 35-3. Antonio Gates has a pair of scores, and Chris Chambers has his first TD as a member of the Chargers. Schaub is out and Sage Rosenfels is in for the Texans who are on their way to their 5th loss in 6 games.

Both teams pretty much forgo second half. Chargers cruise to a 35-10 win.

(4-2) JAGUARS AT (4-3) BUCS
Two teams who are going to be in the thick of the playoff hunt, but still have a lot to prove. The Jags got stomped on Monday Night by the Colts last week, and the Bucs are not playing all that well either. Huge game for both teams, but Jacksonville will have to win it with Quinn Gray at QB.

TB will win.

A back and forth game has the Bucs up 20-17 on a 19 yard TD run by Michael Bennett. Joey Galloway's caught a 58 yard TD pass in the first half, and Aaron Glenn has taken a pick back for a score for the Jags. Gray is 3 of 10 for 44 yards.

Matt Jones makes an acrobatic catch in the corner of the end zone to give the Jags a 24-23 lead, and they hold on for a big win despite completing only 7 forward passes the whole afternoon.

(2-4) SAINTS AT (2-4) NINERS
Both of these teams were expected to be playoff contenders, but this is a loser leaves town match. NOLA has won 2 straight after an 0-4 start, and they'd like nothing better than to continue clawing out of their hole.

NO will win.

The Saints are up 24-0 and look like they are firing on all cylinders again. 3 TD passes for Drew Brees, 2 to Marques Colston and 1 to Terrance Copper. David Patten has 109 receiving yards, and Reggie Bush has 100 yards from scrimmage.

Drew Brees is back in all his glory, completing 31 of 39 for 336 yards and 4 TDs, 3 to Colston, as the Saints stomp the Niners 34-10.

Tom Brady faces what is probably the best pass defense he's seen all year. Will that be enough for the Skins to stay competitive against a team that has left a path of destruction in its wake this year?

New England will win.

We're late in the third quarter and New England's up 38-0. Brady's run for 2 scores and passed for 2 more. Randy Moss has been held to 1 catch for 6 yards, but it was good for a TD.

The Pats put the boot to the throat as only they can, emasculating the Redskins 52-7. 13 tackles, 3 sacks, 3 forced fumbles, and a TD reception for LB Mike Vrabel.

I'll be back with halftime updates when these teams are back in the locker room sucking on oranges. Until then have a great morning!

Thursday, October 25, 2007

Tuesday, October 23, 2007

Three Technique- Week 7

(4-3) SEAHAWKS 33, (0-7) RAMS 6

1. The Rams are off to their worst start, ever.

2. It's not a pretty 0-7 either. The Rams have been held to 7 points or less in 4 out of their last 5 games. While they've been merely bad at home, they've been tragic on the road. In 4 away games this year, they've been outscored 114-19.

3. Meanwhile, Shaun Alexander continues to fade. He averaged 2.5 yards on 19 carries in this game, against a Rams defense that is 28th in the league against the run.

(2-4) SAINTS 22, (1-6) FALCONS 16

1. The stat line may not have been very impressive (54 yards rushing) but Reggie Bush gave 2 outstanding individual efforts an consecutive plays to score the final 8 points of the game for the Saints.

2. So Byron Leftwich is hurt, and now Joey Harrington is back as the Falcons QB. Just when you think he's dead, he re-surfaces a week later. He is the Stefano DiMera of NFL quarterbacks.

3. This week the Falcons released starting defensive tackle Grady Jackson. Give Bobby Petrino credit, if he's going down, he's going down in a blaze of hubris.

(4-2) LIONS 23, (4-3) BUCS 16

1. Check out this soldier's glass eye. This picture should immediately pop up on the TV screen next time I hear some commentator tell me what a "warrior" Steve McNair is for playing thru an injured nipple.

2. Calvin Johnson made the first big play of his NFL career when he took an end around 32 yards for a TD to put the Lions up 23-7. Couple that with running back Kevin Jones resurfacing with 110 yards from scrimmage, and hey, maybe the Lions finally are really turning it around.

3. That said, the play that stuck out in my mind most from this game was an onside kick late in the game where the Bucs Matt Bryant just drilled it as hard as he could to the guy standing 10 yards away from him. The ball bounced right off the guy and the Bucs recovered. I think you will see at least twelve more teams try this in the next month. This thing is going to be bigger than whispering "time out" to the side judge right before a kicker kicks a game winning field goal, and making him re-kick it, I can feel it.

(3-4) BEARS 19, (2-4) EAGLES 16

1. The Bears got the ball on their own 3 yard line, with under 2 minutes left, NO timeouts, and the fact that they are the Bears offense, and went right down the field to score the winning TD on a Brian Griese to Muhsin Muhammad pass.

2. Oh, and Greise's neurotransmitter went out in his helmet, so he was calling his own plays the whole time. Could Rex Grossman have done this? I'm betting Rex Grossman would have called at least 2 timeouts during this drive despite the fact the Bears did not have any time outs.

3. The day after Griese told reporters after the game that the radio went out and he was calling his own plays, the Bears held a press conference where Greise recanted and said that offensive coordinator Ron Turner was having plays signalled to him from the sideline, or uhhhh, he could read lips, or uhhh sent to him thru mental telepathy. The press conference had all the credibility of an Al-Qaeda hostage video.

(4-2) REDSKINS 21, (3-4) CARDINALS 19

1. Kurt Warner reminded me of either a cyborg or Bob Dole with his immobilized, hyperbarically sealed non-throwing arm in this game.

2. Neil Rackers missed an extra point after a botched hold, then spazzed out on Redskins DB Carlos Rodgers, grabbing his facemask and dragging him to the ground.

3. Because they blew that extra point, the Cardinals had to resort to trying a 2 point conversion with 30 seconds left out of a formation that had Anquan Boldin lined up as QB in the shotgun, backup QB Tim Rattay lined up at wide receiver, and everyone else wearing their helmets on their feet. Remarkably, the conversion attempt failed. They recovered the onside kick, but Rackers missed a 55 yard attempt as time expired.

(5-2) GIANTS 33, (2-4) 49ERS 15

1. Nobody in the NFC is playing better than the Giants. They haven't lost since Week 2, and during that five game winning streak haven't won by less than 7 points. Their pass rush is probably the most feared in the league, and they've scored 30 or more points in each of their last 3 games.

2. So I guess this means Tom Coughlin WON'T be fired now.

3. While the Giants started 0-2 and now look like a Super Bowl team, the Niners started 2-0, (no, really, they did) and now look like they might not win again. It's gotten so bad that Frank Gore is actually pining for Norv Turner, who was the Niners OC last year. When you're pining for Norv Turner, it's time to take the proverbial toaster bath.

(6-1) COWBOYS 24, (2-4) VIKINGS 14

1. People have been asking Brad Childress lots of questions. Questions like, "For the love of God...WHY do you keep trotting out Tarvaris Jackson as your starting quarterback?", and "WHY is Adrian Peterson splitting carries with Chester Taylor"? WHY?????

2. If they gave a bizarro Coach of the Year award, Childress would win it. The Vikings, on a per carry basis, are number 1 running the ball and number 1 stopping the run. Those 2 things are the time-honored main ingredients of not just winning teams, but champions. And yet here the Vikings are at 2-4, and it's in large part because of the topics explored in item 1.

3. If this were baseball, you'd give the save in this game to Marion the Barbarian Barber. The Cowboys got the ball up by 10 with 5:36 left. They then ran Barber nine straight times for 64 yards to virtually run out the clock. Remember, that's against the league's best run defense.

(4-3) CHIEFS 12, (2-4) RAIDERS 10

1. Here's why you shouldn't go for it on 4th and 1 in the 2nd quarter when you have the ball on the opponent's 17 yard line; the Raiders did, got stuffed, and they ended up losing by 2 points. Sure would have been nice to have the 3 points from that field goal you didn't kick, huh?

2. 2 more sacks for KC's Jared Allen. He's tied with Osi Umenyiora for the NFL lead with 8.

3. Make it NINE in a row for the Chiefs over the Raiders. Al Davis is spinning in the coffin he sleeps in.

(4-2) TITANS 38, (3-4) TEXANS 36

1. Take your pick on what was the goofiest thing about this game. An easy place to start is that the Texans were down 32-7, but came back to take a 36-35 lead.

2. Or you can go with Titans' kicker Rod Bironas knocking home an NFL record 8 field goals, including the game winner with no time remaining.

3. Me, personally, I'll go with the fact that Kerry Collins and Sage Rosenfels combined to throw for 570 yards in a 38-36 game. I'll now point out that Sage Rosenfels has only 1 less TD pass this season than Matt Schaub does despite Schaub playing 6 games and Sage playing 3/4 of a game.

(2-4) BENGALS 38, (1-6) JETS 31

1. All I want for Christmas is for the Jets to either bench Chad Pennington or not bench Chad Pennington, but for the love of God please make up your mind one way or the other so I'm not getting constant updates on who is going to be QBing this piece of shit team. What was the score of this game? 38-31? Kenny Watson was running around like Barry Sanders? Please explain to me how changing quarterbacks fixes this.

2. And how bad is the Bengals defense giving up 31 points to a team that can't stop talking about benching its quarterback?

3. That, and it looks like someone who's name starts with Ocho and ends with Cinco has been getting into TO's stash of crazy pills.

(2-4) BILLS 19, (4-3) RAVENS 14

1. Willis McGahee, an ex-Bill who had his best game as a Raven with 114 yards and a TD, is reviled in Buffalo for once suggesting the Bills move to Toronto. Now, lo and behold, the Bills are trying to get permission from the league to play 1 home game a year in Toronto.

2. The Bills' starting QB job has now officially been bequeathed to Senator Trent Edwards. Next stop for JP Losman is a reality show starring him and Rex Grossman, similar to the one this summer starring Corey Haim and Corey Feldman.

3. On the Ravens last possession of this game, trailing by 5 points, they had second down and ONE yard to go on the Bills 49 yard line. They then proceeded to throw 3 straight incomplete passes to essentially end the game. That's some nice play calling.

(7-0) PATRIOTS 49, (0-7) DOLPHINS 28

1. I don't want to hear any pissing and moaning about the Patriots running up the score in their games this year. Yes, of course they've been running up the score, and they should run up the score. If true greatness is right there for the taking, as it is for this year's Patriots team, you take it and you don't need to apologize to anyone.

2. And the flip side to that, a team as bad as the Dolphins are deserves to get their doors blown off. The NFL is a league built on the premise that every team has an equal chance to compete, and they do that to create excitement in all 32 NFL cities, and a team that fails this miserably given that environment deserves to pay for it. The Dolphins are a proud franchise that has completely gone to shit, and anyone involved with them, especially their head coach, deserves to be made to look incompetent right now, because they ARE incompetent. If I'm not mistaken, they had a guy who they let walk this offseason, Wes Welker, get 138 receiving yards and 2 TDs against them in this game. But instead of paying him they pay washed up Joey Porter to run his mouth and do nothing on defense. So, shut up and take your ass whupping and try not to be so stupid anymore.

3. Meanwhile, things are only getting worse for the Dolphins, as Ronnie Brown, who was having an excellent season on a terrible team, is now out for the season with a blown out knee ligament. This, of course, has led to the required speculation that Ricky Williams will soon be back in a Dolphins uniform.

(3-3) BRONCOS 31, (4-2) STEELERS 28

1. Jay Cutler is the only reason the bottom hasn't completely fallen out of this Broncos team. He made plays with his arm and his feet in this game, and showed great composure in leading the team to the game winning field goal. He's good.

2. Unfortunately for him, he's losing Travis Henry any week now to the weed suspension, the guy who was supposed to be his top wideout, Javon Walker, is out for essentially the rest of the year, and now his next best receiver, Brandon Marshall, just got arrested for a DUI.

3. Don't look now, but the Steelers have lost 2 out of their last 3, and those losses weren't to teams that are going to have an episode of America's Game made about them (the Broncos and the Cardinals). They now have 3 games in a row against division opponents. They could salt the division away over those 3 weeks, but the way they are playing right now, I wouldn't be so sure.

(6-0) COLTS 29, (4-2) JAGUARS 7

1. I demand the UN send Jags backup QB Quinn Gray to Myanmar to overthrow the repressive regime there. He overthrew everything else on Monday night, so he seems up to the job.

2. Quinn Gray makes Tarvaris Jackson look like Johnny Unitas.

3. Interesting how Joseph Addai and Kenton Keith split carries right down the middle in this game. I think Dungy is having serious thoughts about reprising the 2 back attack that won him a Super Bowl last year.

Monday, October 22, 2007

Devin Hester and His Pimped Out Ride

One of Dook!e's friends took this photo of Devin Hester....very niiiice..

Sunday, October 21, 2007

Craptastico - Robinho

The first in hopefully a series of separating the great players with the overhyped and overrated ones in soccer.

The first episode is on Robinho AKA "Little Pele"


The two biggest stars in the MLS throwdown to see who makes the playoffs. Injury ridden Beckham vs. the Fire Eagle Blanco. Should the Galaxy win vs. the Fire, FC Dallas must beat the Kansas City Wizards and Real Salt Lake must draw or win against the Colorado Rapids, then the Galaxy makes the playoffs. The Chicago Fire control their own destiny. This game has been super hyped because the two top players are playing in a regular season game the means something. Well, one of them at least. Beckham is still hurt and probably will be playing as a sub. He came as a sub last game and sucked more than Jenna Jamison. Don't be fooled though. Just because Beckham isn't playing doens't mean there's no chance for the Galaxy to win. The Galaxy actually play better without Beckham in the lineup because Galaxy Head Coach Frank Yallop can't handle the media pressure with Becks in the lineup.

Prediction: Fire take a dump on the Galaxy 2-1 to make the playoffs.

Tuesday, October 16, 2007

Three Technique- Week 6

(2-3) VIKINGS 34, (2-4) BEARS 31

1. Mark this game down as the game that Adrian Peterson, who ran for 224 yards and 3 TDs, officially became Purple Jesus.

2. The 3 most valuable players in the league right now are Tom Brady, Peyton Manning, and Devin Hester. Hester is valuable not only for the TD return he seems to get every week, but he's valuable because the Bears almost never get the ball inside their own 40 because teams are so afraid to kick to him, and now as a receiver the fear of him means that it's easier for the rest of their receivers to get open.

3. I bet someone a dollar this week that the Vikings would win the NFC North this year.

(4-2) PANTHERS 25, (3-3) CARDINALS 10

1. This game taught me that the Texans should have drafted Vinny Testaverde with the top pick in the 02 draft instead of David Carr.

2. The Panthers are 4-2, but they'll probably have Vinny as their QB the rest of the season. If Vinny Testaverde finally gets to a Super Bowl now after 20 years in the league, so help me God I will plotz.

3. I swear to God I thought I saw Tim Rattay on the Buccaneers sideline this weekend. I think he may actually be playing for 2 teams. I'm not sure that is prohibited by NFL bylaws.

(5-1) PACKERS 17, (3-2) REDSKINS 14

1. Santana Moss fumbled the game away and then benched himself. "I had to really sleep on it to understand you ain't perfect, you know what I mean." was how Moss summed up the situation. Sometimes this stuff just writes itself.

2. I no understand how a team can have its QB go 19 of 37 with two INTs, and have a leading rusher who ran wild for 37 yards, and still win. This Packers team is doing it with mirrors.

3. Brett Favre broke the all time record for interceptions thrown in this game. They stopped the game for a video montage, and then Chris Berman and John Madden came on the field to pay homage to his balls.

(3-3) CHARGERS 28, (2-3) RAIDERS 14

1. I know the Raiders have been kind of a feel-good story this year because they've been competitive for the most part, but let's not forget that they had the first overall pick in this year's draft, and they used it on JaMarcus Russell, who is still not signed, and if he ever does sign I feel like it's guaranteed he'll be a bust. That and their defense has completely gone in the toilet after being pretty good last year.

2. In a trade deadline deal, the Chargers acquired former Dolphins WR Chris Chambers. Chambers was on pace for a 1000 yard season on a terrible Dolphins team, now he goes to a team that never throws to its wide receivers. Is it because the receivers are bad or is that just how the Chargers roll? I guess we'll find out now.

3. I guess this was a big win for Norv Turner since apparently he once was the Raiders head coach, although I don't remember it.

(4-2) BUCS 13, (3-2) TITANS 10

1. You won't see a better 2 minute drill than the one Jeff Garcia led at the end of this game. The Bucs had first and 10 at their own 20 with 1:17 left. Garcia then completed 4 out of 6 pass attempts to get the Bucs to the Tennessee 25 with 11 seconds left for the game winning field goal.

2. It looks like the Bucs new feature back is going to be Michael Bennett, who was acquired from KC this week. Bennett was last an effective NFL running back in 2003, when he was averaging 5 yards a carry for the Vikings before getting injured. This year, he's averaging 2.6 yards per on 20 attempts.

3. Vince Young left this game with an injury after completing 11 of 14 passes. He's been limited in practice this week, but he's probably going to play this week against Houston, if for no other reason than to make Mario "Chopped Liver" Williams look bad.

(4-1) JAGUARS 37, (3-3) TEXANS 17

1. For all the rending of garments over the Falcons trading Matt Schaub, let's note that thru Week 6, Schaub has thrown 5 TDs and 5 INTs, while Joey Harrington has thrown 4 TDs and 4 INTs for the Falcons. I don't see that big of a dropoff.

2. The top 3 QBs in the league in passer rating thru Week 6 with a minimum of 5 starts are: 1. Tom Brady, 2. Peyton Manning, 3. David Garrard. It's absolutely true.

3. This week's Monday Night game at home against Indy is a huge game for the Jaguars franchise. They've been chasing the Colts for years, and this is their chance to claim a spot as their equals.

(3-3) CHIEFS 27, (1-4) BENGALS 20

1. What is it with the AFC North? Marvin Lewis is supposed to be a defensive genius, but his defense is terrible. Same with Romeo Crennel. Meanwhile, Brian Billick is supposed to be an offensive mastermind and the Ravens have had a bad offense for almost a decade now.

2. The Bengals are in complete chaos right now. Carson Palmer and Chad Johnson are regularly bitching at each other on the sideline, their 1st round draft pick is on an illegal substances suspension, their coach is crippled. I almost expect David Klingler to apparate at this point.

3. If you asked me to name a coach of the year right now, I would have to say Herm Edwards. I thought this team would be a Miami Dolphins-esque disaster this year, and here they are at 3-3 and with Larry Johnson heating up they are only going to get better.

(4-2) RAVENS 22, (0-6) RAMS 3

1. I think finally, at long last, this 5 INT performance may mean that this is the last time Gus Frerotte ever starts an NFL game. He almost got to start for every NFL team once. Of course, Vinny just won a game last weekend so I'm sure we'll see Gus again somewhere.

2. The Ravens are a very soft 4-2. The combined record of the teams they've played this year is 10-24. They better fatten up while they can, because beginning Thanksgiving weekend they play the Chargers, Patriots, and Colts in succession. Now THAT'S a difficult schedule.

3. There might be some hope for the Rams, because this week they get back Marc Bulger, Steven Jackson, and Isaac Bruce. Of course, Scott Linehan will still be coaching them. That's why I said MIGHT be some hope.

(2-3) EAGLES 16, (1-5) JETS 9

1. I've noticed a trend with the Eagles. They only win when one team is wearing goofy looking throwback uniforms. Those looked like Rams throwbacks, not Jets throwbacks.

2. Speaking of which, how come whenever a team wears throwback uniforms it's always some uniform they wore for one year a million years ago that nobody remembers. If the Jets want to wear throwbacks why don't they bust out the Mark Gastineau/Richard Todd getups with the green helmets and the big fat green stripes on the sleeves. That might warm my cochals a little.

3. The Eagles have very quietly played some really good defense this year. They rank in the top 10 against both the run and the pass. and DE Trent Cole already has 6 sacks.

(3-3) BROWNS 41, (0-6) DOLPHINS 31

1. Now Trent Green says he's fine and wants to come back. Uhhh..yeah..sure...the Dolphins have one young QB who looks like he can play a little in Cleo Lemon, and another guy they drafted early in the 2nd round this year in John Beck, and they're going to want Trent Green's old, concussed ass back to QB their winless team. That makes total sense.

2. This week's trade of Chris Chambers to SD was made so the Dolphins could get WR Ted Ginn, the 9th overall pick in this year's draft, on the field more. So far Ginn has caught only 3 passes this year, but he's averaged almost 30 yards per reception. I picked his ass up on BOTH of my fantasy teams.

3. Kellen Winslow won his showdown with Dolphins LB Joey Porter. The two had been sniping at each other all week. Winslow had 5 catches for 90 yards, Porter had 4 tackles and was basically as invisible as he's been all season. Porter had 17 1/2 sacks total in the last 2 seasons with Pittsburgh, this year he's got 0.

(6-0) PATRIOTS 48, (5-1) COWBOYS 27

1. The Patriots are really good. They are 6-0. But they aren't going to 16-0. Here's why.

2. They are giving up 4 yards a carry on defense. That's not awful, but it's not impermeable either. If a team committed to running the ball against the Pats, it would keep Tom Brady off the field and it would probably keep the game close.

3. The Pats aren't particularly adept at running the ball either. If I'm scheming a defense to stop the Patriots. I drop 8 or 9 guys into coverage on every play, and dare Maroney, Kevin Faulk, Sammy Morris, or whoever they have running the ball to beat me.

(1-4) SAINTS 28, (3-3) SEAHAWKS 17

1. I know that in Seattle they are big on calling their fans the "12th Man". Why is it then that I kept hearing the "12th Man" booing their offense thru most of the game. If they truly are the "12th Man" on the team, they shouldn't boo their teammates should they? Not even TO has ever done that yet.

2. That said, they were booing Shaun Alexander mostly, who at this point in his career has a running style similar to someone trying to play wearing an Easter bunny costume.

3. A nice win for the Saints, but they are still done as far as 2007 goes. They'll probably play more like the team you saw in this game than the team you saw in Weeks 1 thru 4 the rest of the way, but 0-4 is a hole too big to climb out of.

(4-2) GIANTS 31, (1-5) FALCONS 10

1. Lord almighty, just how brittle is Brandon Jacobs? He looks like he gets hurt every time he touches the ball. It's like watching Frank Thomas play running back or something.

2. For the moment it seems like Tom Coughlin is turning into the new milennium's Wayne Fontes, having a team just good enough for him not to get fired.

3. Meanwhile, the Falcons can't stop bitching about Bobby Petrino. Alge Crumpler's all like, "Mehhhhhhhhhhhhhh he's phasing out the veterans...meeeeeeeeeeeehhhhhhhh". Well YES of course he's phasing out the veterans because the veterans haven't won anything and are not that good. This isn't Japan or Germany or some other pinko country where you are promised employment for life. Why is it surprising to Alge Crumpler or D'Angelo Hall or any of the other crybaby Falcons that a new coach would want to see who he wants to be a part of his program and who he doesn't and then "phase out" those he wants gone? Jeebus just because Jim Mora Jr. kissed the asses of his players doesn't mean every coach will. This probably goes all the way up to the owner, Arthur Blank. He treats his players like his sons, so the players feel like they don't have to sweat some lowly head coach. God what a fucking mess this team is.

Sunday, October 14, 2007

Taxes Suck

Taxes suck. Yes, I know they are necessary. Someone has to fund the war for 1.5 million a day instead of having universal health care for at least poor kids. But when I get a job and it tells me I'm making 70k, it makes me believe I'm a bad ass. Instead, you take 1/3rd from that, and that's what I really make. What a scam.

Well, I thought it was bad in the USA until I found out how Spain rolls. Ronaldinho, super famous and often said to be one of the best players in soccer, was not a Spanish citizen. So he took up one of the three spots allowed for foreign players. Now, he is a Spanish citizen and has to pay Spanish taxes. That's right, he has to pay 45% of his wages to Spain in taxes. I don't know about you, but if you take 45% of my wages, that'd make me leave the country pretty quick.

Ronaldinho is no different. He is going to want out of Barcelona pretty soon. Besides the fact that there is already three quality forward in his position, Chelsea, who has an owner that is trying to save face about his decision to sack fan favorite coach Jose Mourinho, is trying to get Ronaldinho. Taxes in England is NOT 45% but much less. Couple that with Roman's pockets that can easily pay the 80 mil that it'll take to move Ronaldinho and you have the perfect scenario for Ronaldinho to join Chelsea. Maybe I'll stay on the bandwagon after all.

Speaking of Roman, he had a sit down with some Chelsea fans to talk about the team and discuss his decision to dump Mourinho. Some people thought it was bs and didn't go, but for those who did, Roman argued that Mourinho thought he was God and thought he was bigger than the club. While the ten people with him were skeptical, they appreciated the big man spending time to talk to the little man. Like I said, Roman's not an idiot. He made a billion with skills and that includes unique people skills.

The Greatest Day In the History Of Our Sport- Week 6

Only 12 games today? They better be good. Oh yeah, the Patriots are playing the Cowboys. That's the only game we need.

(0-5) RAMS AT (3-2) RAVENS
The Rams' horrible defense should help the Ravens' struggling offense get back on track. Bulger, Jackson, and Orlando Pace all out again for the Rams as their season of woe continues.

Baltimore will win.

Unless Gus Frerotte can pull off one of his patented miracles the Rams will be 0-6. Baltimore dominating 13-0 at the half with Kyle Boller at QB.

Frerotte gets picked off 5 times, and the Ravens win 22-3.

(3-1) TITANS AT (3-2) BUCS
What malady will befall Earnest Graham today? He must feel like the Spinal Tap drummer. Meanwhile, it will be interesting to see whether Vince Young's horrible 3 INT performance last week was an aberration or the start of a trend.

Tampa will win.

Early in the third quarter its a defensive slugfest that has the Titans and Bucs tied at 3. Michael Clayton leads all receivers with 53 yards, which I guess is OK for someone who has a movie starring George Clooney out about him.

Vince Young exits wih an injury, and Jeff Garcia calmly takes Bucs down field in last minute to set up game winning Matt Bryant field goal. Bucs win 13-10. 97 yards and a TD for Joey Galloway.

(1-3) EAGLES AT (1-4) JETS
Andy Reid is 8-0 coming off a bye week, as he is this week, and he's also getting a lot of injured players back, including Brian Westbrook. The Eagles need this game or else they are finished.

Philly will win.

Now it's the Jets turn to wear goofy throwback uniforms that nobody remembers. They are using the magical powers of those unis to trail 10-6. Kevin Curtis has a 75 yard TD reception, and someone has woken Thomas Jones from his coma as he has rushed for 99 yards.

Eagles stop Jets on the 4 yard line late in the game. 156 yards from scrimmage for Brian Westbrook, and Philly wins 16-9.

The Bengals are another team fighting for survival today, and Arrowhead is a bad place to have to do that. They'll be without first round starting corner Johnathan Joseph, who is serving his Bengals initiation league suspension. Can LJ get it going against the league's worst defense? Will Dwayne Bowe continue to play like the rookie of the year?

KC will win.

LJ's rushed for 106 yards and a TD, Tony Gonzalez has 70 yards and a TD, and the Chiefs lead 20-7 as the buzzards circle around Marvin Lewis. 2 1/2 sacks in the first half for KC's Jared Allen.

The Bengals mount a comeback late in the game, but neither it nor TJ Houshmandzadeh's 145 yards and a TD are enough. KC wins 24-20 and the Bengals are 1-4.

The 2nd place team in the AFC South is probably going to the playoffs this year, and this game will be a critical factor in deciding who that will be. Houston's been struggling after a 2-0 start, while Jacksonville is coming off road wins at Denver and KC.

Jacksonville will win.

Fred Taylor's rushed for 83 yards and the Jags lead 10-6. The Texans had a Schaub to Andre Davis TD reversed into a fumble and a touchback by replay.

MJD is back in a big way. He has 184 yards from scrimmage and 2 TDs. Jacksonville rolls 37-17. Houston's lost 3 out of their last 4.

ESPN keeps telling me the Packers are leaking oil. That must be the cool new thing to say. Something's wrong with my car too, the "SERVICE ENGINE SOON" light went on. Time to sell my other kidney.

Washington will win.

Jason Campbell's run for a TD and thrown another to Chris Cooley, Skins lead 14-7. Cooley is becoming the latest tight end to victimize GB's defense, he has 7 catches for 97 yards.

Packers D comes up with some big stops in the second half, and Charles Woodson scoops up a Santana Moss fumble for what proves to be the game winning score as Packers win 17-14.

Call me now! Cleo Lemon starts at QB for the concussed Trent Green. Everyone's falling all over themselves to pick up Cleveland's backup running back Jason Wright as a write this, because Jamal Lewis is out.

Cleveland will win.

The Browns are dominating. I bet that's the first time I've ever written that. Braylon Edwards, Jason Wright, and Derek Anderson have scores and Cleveland leads 27-10.

Dolphins pull within a field goal in the second half, but then Browns pull away again, cruising to 41-31 win. 3 TDs for Braylon Edwards. Cleo Lemon plays pretty well for Miami, throwing for 2 scores and running for 2 more.

(1-3) VIKINGS AT (2-3) BEARS
The Bears roused themselves in the second half to save their season at Green Bay last week. The Vikings will need to get an upset on the road this week or else their season is over. My super duper computer ranking system says the Vikings are actually one of the best teams in the league. I'm pretty sure their QB situation is the reason they haven't played like one.

Minnesota will win.

A surprisingly exciting game is tied 14-14 at the half. Devin Hester has yet another punt return TD, but Adrian Peterson and Troy Williamson have both broken big plays for TDs to keep the Vikings right there. LB EJ Henderson laid about the biggest hit I've seen this season on Bears FB Jason McKie on the last play of the half.

A crazy game ends on a 55 yard Ryan Longwell field goal, giving the Vikings a 34-31 win. The game looked over with just over 4 minutes left when Adrian Peterson's 3rd TD of the game put Minnesota up 31-17. The Bears came back though, and an 81 yard Griese to Devin Hester pass tied it up at 31. Peterson then ripped a long return on the ensuing kickoff, and Longwell hit the long distance field goal to win the game. Peterson and Chester Taylor combine for 327 rushing yards.

Kurt Warner and Vinny Testaverde are the starting QBs in a game between two teams who are playoff contenders. My most vivid memory of Vinny Testaverde was when I saw him standing outside Dick's Supermarket in Platteville WI in 1994 holding 2 bags of groceries.

Arizona will win.

We're actually late in the 3rd quarter. Kurt Warner has left with an injury, and Tim Rattay, who signed with the Cards earlier this week is on at QB. Carolina leads 9-7 on 3 Jon Kasay field goals. Vinny is 13 of 21 for 83 yards.

Steve Smith catches 10 passes for 136 yards...from Vinny Testaverde. D'Angelo Williams runs for 121 yards and the Panthers win 25-10. So help me God they pulled Vinny Testaverde off the street to be their starting QB and looked better than they have all year.

This is it. Whip out your nipples and start rubbing them. This is your battle of Moggedo. Until the Colts and Pats play later this year.

New England will win.

Tom Brady has 3 TD passes, 2 to Wes Welker, but the Cowboys have answered with a touchdown off a sack and fumble, and a Romo to TO pass and are right there at the half, trailing 21-17.

Dallas actually took the lead early in the 3rd quarter on a Romo to Crayton pass, but that just seemed to make the Pats angry, as they outscore the Cowboys 27-3 after that to roll to a 48-27 win. 388 yards and 5 TDs for Tom Brady, while Donte Stallworth and Wes Welker combine for 260 receiving yards and 3 scores.

The Chargers went all Lord Voldemort in Goblet of Fire by resurrecting themselves and destroying the Broncos at Mile High this week. This week they meet the AFC West leading Raiders, who should be a little worried.

SD will win.

LT is back. 105 rushing yards and 3 TDs. San Diego leads 21-7.

Tomlinson finishes with 198 yards and 4 TDS on the ground, and the Chargers easily handle the Raiders 28-14. 2 1/2 sacks for Shawne Merriman as Culpepper goes down 6 times.

I see here on NFL.com that the key matchup is Reggie Bush against Shaun Alexander. Just how are they matching up. Is one going to be glowering from the sideline when the other is on the field?

Seattle will win.

The Saints ambushed the Seahawks by taking a 28-7 lead and never looked back. Reggie Bush had 141 yards from scrimmage and David Patten had 8 catches for 113 yards as the Saints get their first win of the season, 28-17.

Bobby Petrino and Cameron Cameron are in a heated contest to see who can have the more completely disastrous first year as head coach. Petrino's players hate him and Cameron almost got Trent Green killed dead. The Falcons don't know who their starting QB will be, and they are starting a hobo at left tackle.

NYG will win.

Wednesday, October 10, 2007

Three Technique- Week 5

(3-2) CARDINALS 34, (0-5) RAMS 31

1. The Rams are exhibiting all the classic signs of a team whose season has gone horribly wrong. Such as having Gus Frerotte playing quarterback for them.

2. Matt Leinart's season ending collarbone injury should leave him with more time to hang out with Archie Manning and be an absentee father.

3. I'm digging this Kurt Warner renaissaince. Or is it renaissance? I'm drunk.

(3-2) PANTHERS 16, (0-4) SAINTS 13

1. It looks like Sean Payton is going to have to have another funeral for his team, because they are officially dead now.

2. Meanwhile, the Panthers are going to try and win themselves a division title with Vinny Testaverde at quarterback.

3. There's been talk the Saints are looking to replace kicker Olindo Mare, who has missed 4 out of 7 field goal attempts. That should fix everything.

(3-1) REDSKINS 34, (3-2) LIONS 3

1. It's games like this that make it impossible for the Lions to get the bad team stink off of them.

2. Jason Campbell and Antwaan Randle El are becoming a nice little hookup for the Redskins. Randle El is just 14 yards away from eclipsing his receiving total for all of 2006.

3. It looks like the long and storied Tatum Bell era is ending in Detroit. He's been put on the back burner in favor of Kevin Jones and has been reported to have requested a trade.

(2-3) CHARGERS 41, (2-3) BRONCOS 3

1. Funny how in a span of 3 hours Sunday afternoon, these teams switched places as far as the panic level associated with them.

2. The Broncos are ranked 32nd in the league in run defense, and are giving up about 75 more rushing yards a game than they did last year.

3. Meanwhile, I think it may be time for the Chargers to think about (gasp) splitting carries between Michael Turner and LT. It's starting to look like having six consecutive seasons of right around 400 touches may have caught up with Tomlinson (he's averaging only 3.2 yards per carry thru 5 games), and geez if you have somebody who can lighten his load a little, which the Chargers do in Turner for the rest of this season, why not do it? It might make the offense better this year and lengthen LT's career.

(3-1) JAGUARS 17, (2-3) CHIEFS 7

1. Jesus, I just KNEW that the second I benched MJD he would finally start playing like he did last year. Now I don't know what to do with him.

2. It seems like just yesterday Dick Vermiel was telling Larry Johnson to take off his diaper. Now he's rushing for 12 yards and looks like he's ready for the glue factory. Like sands thru the hourglass.

3. Give credit to the Jags for making the right decision, and a ballsy decision, in cutting loose Byron Leftwich and keeping Dave Garrard. Garrard has the Jags ranked 3rd in the league in yards per pass attempt, and has posted a 105.4 rating thru 4 games, all with Dennis Northcutt as his top receiver.

(3-1) TITANS 20, (1-4) FALCONS 14

1. The Falcons had 1st and goal at the 1 with 2:24 left and succeeded only in moving backwards 8 yards. They should have just kicked a field goal on 1st down. They still would have lost but it would have saved them some embarrassment.

2. I love how everyone in my fantasy league was falling all over themselves to pick up Joey Harrington last week, then he goes out and throws for 87 yards and gets benched for someone who's been on the team for two weeks.

3. Vince Young was brutal in this game too. 0 TDs and 3 INTs. The Titans have been winning, but it ain't because of Young. That QB triumvirate from last year's draft (Young, Leinart, Cutler) are all having years ranging from bad to disastrous.

(5-0) COLTS 33, (3-2) BUCS 14

1. After watching Kenton Keith run for 121 yards and 2 TDs, I conclude that Colts running back is the 2nd easiest job in the world, next to Colts backup QB.

2. Worst job in the world appears to be Buccaneers running back, as one seems to get carted off every week, with Michael Pittman being wounded in this game.

3. It's amazing how the Colts can just stick nobodies in there when their big names get hurt, and they put up exactly the same numbers as the guys they replace. Keith looked just like Joseph Addai, and rookie Anthony Gonzalez (not a nobody but he is unproven), steps in for Marvin Harrison and catches 7 passes for 71 yards. Makes me wonder how Jim Sorgi would do. Probably not so good.

(3-2) RAVENS 9, (2-3) 49ERS 7

1. It was reported that Niners QB Trent Dilfer spoke with Brian Billick before the game and the two patched up the differences they've had since Billick cut Dilfer after Dilfer was QB on the Ravens' Super Bowl winning 2000 team. Way to bury the hatchet.

2. The Ravens then went out and buried a hatchet in the Niners' offense, allowing only 163 yards of total offense.

3. Meanwhile, the Ravens offense is terrible, and they are terrible because they throw the ball way too much. A team with Steve McNair at QB and nobody I can name off the top of my head at wide receiver should not rank second in the league in pass attempts, but the Ravens do. Brian Billick took over the playcalling from Jim Fassel last year, and now it might be time to give that job to someone else.

(4-1) STEELERS 21, (3-2) SEAHAWKS 0

1. The Steelers were without Troy Polamalu, Casey Hampton, Hines Ward, and Santonio Holmes, and still shut out the Seahawks.

2. Doesn't this kind of render the rest of the Seahawks' season pointless? Let's say they somehow get to the Super Bowl. Based on this game, they'd lose 49-0.

3. Point #2 can be applied to pretty much any NFC team. If the Cowboys get done to them what I think will be done to them this weekend by the Patriots, it will be every NFC team.

(3-2) GIANTS 35, (1-4) JETS 24

1. I will sooner understand the inner workings of the Montauk Project than I will how the Jets made the playoffs last year.

2. Chad Pennington falls into a weird category of quarterback unique to this season, in that I think he might be traded. Nobody usually ever gets traded during the season in the NFL, but I can count him and Rex Grossman among guys who other teams who need a QB this year might be interested in.

3. The Giants keep running the ball effectively no matter who is doing it. With the success Derrick Ward has had this year, and the success it looks like Brandon Jacobs is going to have if he stays healthy, kind of takes the bloom off of Tiki Barber's rose a little doesn't it?

(5-0) PATRIOTS 34, (2-3) BROWNS 17

1. Bill Belichick looks like he has never had human to human contact in his life in this picture. Willie McGinest looks like he's missed Belichick like the deserts miss the rain.

2. The Patriots have scored 34 or more points in every game so far this year.

3. I don't know how they've managed to do this without having Charlie Weis around anymore as offensive coordinator. That man is a genius.

(3-2) TEXANS 22, (0-5) DOLPHINS 19

1. Congrats to Texans DE Travis Johnson, who became the first person I've ever seen talking trash to someone who was unconscious.

2. That someone was Trent Green, who suffered what we all hope will be the final concussion of his NFL career on what should be the final play of the career when he attempted some sort of roll block on Johnson, and got a knee in the head and a stretcher job for his troubles.

3. Cameron Cameron has been a disaster as Dolphins' head coach, and calling a play that calls for a QB who has known concussion issues to block a 300 pound defensive lineman is a fireable offense in my opinion. This guy is a fucking boob and I don't care if he's only been coaching this team for five games, he should be gone.

(2-3) BEARS 27, (4-1) PACKERS 20

1. I look more interested when I'm sitting in an IT operating expense meeting than Rex Grossman looked on the sidelines during this game. I saw Kyle Orton and Brian Greise and the Bears QB coach conversing often during this game, but not pictured during those occasions was Rex. With QBs dropping like flies around the league, I wouldn't be surprised if he was traded in the next couple of weeks.

2. I don't think the Packers will be able to match the 8 wins they had last year. Their schedule is about to get a lot tougher, they can't run the ball, they turn it over too often, and their defense has regressed from last year.

3. Here's some free advice to Bears GM Jerry Angelo. Take the money you no longer have to spend on Rex Grossman this offseason, and use it to re-sign linebacker Lance Briggs. He had 16 tackles in this game, wrapping himself around ballcarriers like he wraps Lamorghinis around guardrails.

(5-0) COWBOYS 25, (1-4) BILLS 24

1. What this game illustrated to me is that AFC is way, way, wayyyyyy better than the NFC. Even more than usual.

2. Somebody please help me out with how Tony Romo isn't a slightly more mobile version of Rex Grossman.

3. Wade Phillips said it was "unfair" of Dick Jauron to call time out from the sideline just before Nick Folk attempted a game winning 53 yard field goal. Apparently Wade Phillips has not watched any other football games this year. This happens in just about every game now.