Wednesday, October 10, 2007

Three Technique- Week 5

(3-2) CARDINALS 34, (0-5) RAMS 31

1. The Rams are exhibiting all the classic signs of a team whose season has gone horribly wrong. Such as having Gus Frerotte playing quarterback for them.

2. Matt Leinart's season ending collarbone injury should leave him with more time to hang out with Archie Manning and be an absentee father.

3. I'm digging this Kurt Warner renaissaince. Or is it renaissance? I'm drunk.

(3-2) PANTHERS 16, (0-4) SAINTS 13

1. It looks like Sean Payton is going to have to have another funeral for his team, because they are officially dead now.

2. Meanwhile, the Panthers are going to try and win themselves a division title with Vinny Testaverde at quarterback.

3. There's been talk the Saints are looking to replace kicker Olindo Mare, who has missed 4 out of 7 field goal attempts. That should fix everything.

(3-1) REDSKINS 34, (3-2) LIONS 3

1. It's games like this that make it impossible for the Lions to get the bad team stink off of them.

2. Jason Campbell and Antwaan Randle El are becoming a nice little hookup for the Redskins. Randle El is just 14 yards away from eclipsing his receiving total for all of 2006.

3. It looks like the long and storied Tatum Bell era is ending in Detroit. He's been put on the back burner in favor of Kevin Jones and has been reported to have requested a trade.

(2-3) CHARGERS 41, (2-3) BRONCOS 3

1. Funny how in a span of 3 hours Sunday afternoon, these teams switched places as far as the panic level associated with them.

2. The Broncos are ranked 32nd in the league in run defense, and are giving up about 75 more rushing yards a game than they did last year.

3. Meanwhile, I think it may be time for the Chargers to think about (gasp) splitting carries between Michael Turner and LT. It's starting to look like having six consecutive seasons of right around 400 touches may have caught up with Tomlinson (he's averaging only 3.2 yards per carry thru 5 games), and geez if you have somebody who can lighten his load a little, which the Chargers do in Turner for the rest of this season, why not do it? It might make the offense better this year and lengthen LT's career.

(3-1) JAGUARS 17, (2-3) CHIEFS 7

1. Jesus, I just KNEW that the second I benched MJD he would finally start playing like he did last year. Now I don't know what to do with him.

2. It seems like just yesterday Dick Vermiel was telling Larry Johnson to take off his diaper. Now he's rushing for 12 yards and looks like he's ready for the glue factory. Like sands thru the hourglass.

3. Give credit to the Jags for making the right decision, and a ballsy decision, in cutting loose Byron Leftwich and keeping Dave Garrard. Garrard has the Jags ranked 3rd in the league in yards per pass attempt, and has posted a 105.4 rating thru 4 games, all with Dennis Northcutt as his top receiver.

(3-1) TITANS 20, (1-4) FALCONS 14

1. The Falcons had 1st and goal at the 1 with 2:24 left and succeeded only in moving backwards 8 yards. They should have just kicked a field goal on 1st down. They still would have lost but it would have saved them some embarrassment.

2. I love how everyone in my fantasy league was falling all over themselves to pick up Joey Harrington last week, then he goes out and throws for 87 yards and gets benched for someone who's been on the team for two weeks.

3. Vince Young was brutal in this game too. 0 TDs and 3 INTs. The Titans have been winning, but it ain't because of Young. That QB triumvirate from last year's draft (Young, Leinart, Cutler) are all having years ranging from bad to disastrous.

(5-0) COLTS 33, (3-2) BUCS 14

1. After watching Kenton Keith run for 121 yards and 2 TDs, I conclude that Colts running back is the 2nd easiest job in the world, next to Colts backup QB.

2. Worst job in the world appears to be Buccaneers running back, as one seems to get carted off every week, with Michael Pittman being wounded in this game.

3. It's amazing how the Colts can just stick nobodies in there when their big names get hurt, and they put up exactly the same numbers as the guys they replace. Keith looked just like Joseph Addai, and rookie Anthony Gonzalez (not a nobody but he is unproven), steps in for Marvin Harrison and catches 7 passes for 71 yards. Makes me wonder how Jim Sorgi would do. Probably not so good.

(3-2) RAVENS 9, (2-3) 49ERS 7

1. It was reported that Niners QB Trent Dilfer spoke with Brian Billick before the game and the two patched up the differences they've had since Billick cut Dilfer after Dilfer was QB on the Ravens' Super Bowl winning 2000 team. Way to bury the hatchet.

2. The Ravens then went out and buried a hatchet in the Niners' offense, allowing only 163 yards of total offense.

3. Meanwhile, the Ravens offense is terrible, and they are terrible because they throw the ball way too much. A team with Steve McNair at QB and nobody I can name off the top of my head at wide receiver should not rank second in the league in pass attempts, but the Ravens do. Brian Billick took over the playcalling from Jim Fassel last year, and now it might be time to give that job to someone else.

(4-1) STEELERS 21, (3-2) SEAHAWKS 0

1. The Steelers were without Troy Polamalu, Casey Hampton, Hines Ward, and Santonio Holmes, and still shut out the Seahawks.

2. Doesn't this kind of render the rest of the Seahawks' season pointless? Let's say they somehow get to the Super Bowl. Based on this game, they'd lose 49-0.

3. Point #2 can be applied to pretty much any NFC team. If the Cowboys get done to them what I think will be done to them this weekend by the Patriots, it will be every NFC team.

(3-2) GIANTS 35, (1-4) JETS 24

1. I will sooner understand the inner workings of the Montauk Project than I will how the Jets made the playoffs last year.

2. Chad Pennington falls into a weird category of quarterback unique to this season, in that I think he might be traded. Nobody usually ever gets traded during the season in the NFL, but I can count him and Rex Grossman among guys who other teams who need a QB this year might be interested in.

3. The Giants keep running the ball effectively no matter who is doing it. With the success Derrick Ward has had this year, and the success it looks like Brandon Jacobs is going to have if he stays healthy, kind of takes the bloom off of Tiki Barber's rose a little doesn't it?

(5-0) PATRIOTS 34, (2-3) BROWNS 17

1. Bill Belichick looks like he has never had human to human contact in his life in this picture. Willie McGinest looks like he's missed Belichick like the deserts miss the rain.

2. The Patriots have scored 34 or more points in every game so far this year.

3. I don't know how they've managed to do this without having Charlie Weis around anymore as offensive coordinator. That man is a genius.

(3-2) TEXANS 22, (0-5) DOLPHINS 19

1. Congrats to Texans DE Travis Johnson, who became the first person I've ever seen talking trash to someone who was unconscious.

2. That someone was Trent Green, who suffered what we all hope will be the final concussion of his NFL career on what should be the final play of the career when he attempted some sort of roll block on Johnson, and got a knee in the head and a stretcher job for his troubles.

3. Cameron Cameron has been a disaster as Dolphins' head coach, and calling a play that calls for a QB who has known concussion issues to block a 300 pound defensive lineman is a fireable offense in my opinion. This guy is a fucking boob and I don't care if he's only been coaching this team for five games, he should be gone.

(2-3) BEARS 27, (4-1) PACKERS 20

1. I look more interested when I'm sitting in an IT operating expense meeting than Rex Grossman looked on the sidelines during this game. I saw Kyle Orton and Brian Greise and the Bears QB coach conversing often during this game, but not pictured during those occasions was Rex. With QBs dropping like flies around the league, I wouldn't be surprised if he was traded in the next couple of weeks.

2. I don't think the Packers will be able to match the 8 wins they had last year. Their schedule is about to get a lot tougher, they can't run the ball, they turn it over too often, and their defense has regressed from last year.

3. Here's some free advice to Bears GM Jerry Angelo. Take the money you no longer have to spend on Rex Grossman this offseason, and use it to re-sign linebacker Lance Briggs. He had 16 tackles in this game, wrapping himself around ballcarriers like he wraps Lamorghinis around guardrails.

(5-0) COWBOYS 25, (1-4) BILLS 24

1. What this game illustrated to me is that AFC is way, way, wayyyyyy better than the NFC. Even more than usual.

2. Somebody please help me out with how Tony Romo isn't a slightly more mobile version of Rex Grossman.

3. Wade Phillips said it was "unfair" of Dick Jauron to call time out from the sideline just before Nick Folk attempted a game winning 53 yard field goal. Apparently Wade Phillips has not watched any other football games this year. This happens in just about every game now.


dook!e said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
dook!e said...

Try this, sing the words "Its the Vinny Testaverde show..." to the tune of Itchy & Scratchy's theme music.

dook!e said...

If I were the Bears head coach, I would have run that Cam-Cam play a lot with Rex Grossman.

Kenneth said...

You are on crack. The Packers have a much easier schedule the rest of the way. They will EASILY win ten games this year.