Monday, February 25, 2008

American Liverpool owner's son shit on by own fans

You know people are pissed at you if your own son gets buttfucked.

Liverpool ruiner and American owner Tom Hicks is sad. He is sad because his son, Tom Hicks Jr. decided to go to the Sandon pub to see the birthplace of his daddy's club after the 3-2 lucky ass Liverpool win over Middlesbrough. Everyone was happy in the pub until people started to recognize Hicks Jr. They then chanted mean shit to him with one guy pouring his expensive beer on Hicks Jr's ass and another guy spitting on the owner's son.

Feel free to sell the ex-world class team anytime.

Sunday, February 24, 2008

Futbol Weekly 4


Arsenal was in shock when Eduardo literally got his leg chopped off and ended up trying 2-2 to give Man U a chance to shit on Newcastle 5-1 and be within 3 points.

Warning: This video is pretty fucked unless you like horror movies.

Chelsea played terrible and lost the Carling Cup to Tottenham from a hand ball pk and Woodgate's first goal. Tottenham wins 2-1 and Chelsea boss Avram Grant shows sitting on your hands with awesome players isn't enough to win.

Liverpool got a hat trick from striker Fernando Torres, but they really looked terrible. The fans have chosen Liverpool boss Benitez's side, but his substitution pattern even leaves Oli Porter confused.

Pan-Pacific Title

Beckham set up two assists to help the Galaxy win third place over Sydney FC, 2-1.

Japan's Gamba Osaka took a big dump on MLS's Houston Dynamo 6-1 to show how far back the MLS is from actually having legit teams.

La Liga

Real Madrid had a 9 point lead in the beginning of Feburary. A month later, they are 2 points up and one loss away from being booted by Roma in the Champions League. Barca won 5-1 while Real Madrid's whole D got caught celebrating on a goal that was disallowed and Getafe went on the "counter" and scored 5 on 2. The problem was that the refs didn't happen to tell Real Madrid it was an offsides.

I haven't been writing much because I'm working on a super secret project that I'll probably reveal this week or next.

Tuesday, February 19, 2008

Free Agent Foofarah-- Randy Moss

Randy Moss reclaimed his status as the best wide receiver in the game in 2007. He had 1493 receiving yards, and an insane 23 of them went for TDs. He also caught what would have been the game winning TD in the Super Bowl were it not for Eli Manning's unconscionable game winning drive in the New Greatest Game Ever Played.

Randy's one season in New England was the final season of a free agent contract he signed with the Oakland Raiders back in 2005. His value has never been higher, but questions remain about how much of his success in New England was attributable to Tom Brady, to the Patriots O-line which gave him time to get open deep, and to Wes Welker, who created an underneath threat to take the heat off of the deep threat of Moss.

Most experts are saying that Moss would be a fool to do anything except sign a long term deal with the Patriots. Those experts are probably right, but that doesn't mean it's inevitable that Moss will remain in New England.

One scenario that isn't too hard to envision would be Moss signing with the Dallas Cowboys, which would give Tony Romo the opportunity to throw to the greatest wide receiver tandem in NFL history in Terrell Owens and Randy Moss.

Another would be Brett Favre getting his unfulfilled wish of last year and having the Packers land Moss.

I also wouldn't rule out Crazy Dan Snyder having his buddy Tom Cruise present him a suitcase filled with a gazillion dollars, luring him to Washington, or the Jets landing the next limp wristed slap in their never ending catfight with the Patriots and re-uniting Moss with college QB, Chad Pennington.

All of those scenarios seem unlikely, but then again, Moss seemingly holds all the cards right now, and the Patriots have never been a franchise to give into a player's demands. If Moss were to bolt, you can bet that they will find a way to get Chad Johnson out of Cincinnati, and plug him into the role that Moss filled in 2007.

Randy Moss, without question, is the number one prize in this year's free agent class. Where he ends up will go a long way toward determining the fates of a lot of teams in 2008.

Thursday, February 14, 2008

Ram It Down!

I want to know where the hell this video has been all my life...

Sunday, February 10, 2008

Futbol Weekly 3

(Skip to the next heading if you want to get to the soccer part)

Rambo > Your Face

I just saw Rambo (a movie beat out by Meet the Spartans) and holy shit that rocked. I could never finish any of the previous Rambo movies because they were all...well...stupid. I'm sorry, but they weren't really action movies to me. So when this new Rambo movie came out, I didn't care. But I went out to see the movie and it's EXACTLY WHAT A RAMBO SHOULD BE.

Rambo hates life and literally says ,"Fuck the world." Some doctor volunteers come and are like. Rambo, can you boat our asses to Burma where people are getting killed and raped all day. In the best exchange in the movie, Rambo lets all the peacekeeping, anti-violence people know what's up:

Hot Chick Doctor: We can make a difference!
Rambo: Did you bring guns?
Hot Chick Doctor: No.
Rambo: Then you won't make a difference. Go home.

Of course, Rambo boats their asses there and some pirates are about to rape the doctor to which Rambo kills four guys in three seconds. The doctor's husband is like, "IMMA HAVE TO REPORT THAT. I KNOW YOU THINK WHAT YOU DID WAS RIGHT BUT KILLING IS ALWAYS WRONG." This shit is classic action movie.

Of course, the peacekeepers get buttfucked and Rambo comes in with a bunch of Mercs and pretty much opens the biggest can of ass on 100+ assholes to where I teared up because of how bad ass it was. I'm not going to force myself to watch the other boring ass Rambo movies, but this one was just a straight action movie. No boring parts.

Oh, if you didn't want to know what happened in the movie, don't read the above.

USA vs. Mexico

USA should have won 3-2, but the third goal got discounted. Mexican goalie Ochoa (who plays for my team Club America and is being looked at by Man U) just got shitted on. He couldn't save for shit. It was pathetic. This rivalry is so weird. Mexico has the better players but USA plays as a team more. I wish our USA Basketball team was like that.

La Liga: Real Madrid and Barcelona

Barca escaped with a tie and Real Madrid opened a can winning 7-0 without Robinho. Guti is one of those players that when he's on, it's pretty much over, but he's only on every 10-15 games. Madrid has an 8 point lead with a meow schedule. Uh oh.

English Premier League: Chelsea, Liverpool, Manchester United, and Arsenal

Chelsea and Liverpool faced off and it was a congested, boring tie. Liverpool didn't have Torres and still played better than Chelsea. See, Oli! Moving from Liverpool to Chelsea isn't a downgrade.

Man U lost to cross-town rival Manchester City 2-1, but the score did not represent the teabag City laid across Man U's cheek. Arsenal seems destined for the EPL title. Man U boss Ferguson cried that they played poorly because they couldn't reschedule the game around the 50th annivery of the Munich air disaster that had a plane of Man U players crash. How about you have a stacked ass team. The retro, sponsorless gear was kinda cool, though.

MLS: DC United

Just as MLS allowed clubs to have more foreign players on their teams, DC United stacked their team with ten, including three Argentineans and two Brazilians. That's how you do it.

Monday, February 4, 2008

8 In the Box- Super Bowl

1. All irony aside, what a game that was. That fourth quarter was the best thing anyone will see on TV all year. I don't want to hear about friggin Alan Ameche's old balls anymore. In my book, this is the new Greatest Game Ever Played.

2. Was I the only one hoping Mercury Morris would present the Giants with their Super Bowl trophy? How dastardly would that have been? C'mon NFL, that was a slam dunk, do I have to think of everything for you?

3. Why is Bill Simmons stealing my format? Could he be the mysterious 4th person reading this page?

4. What were the prop bet odds on Eli Manning and David Tyree combining for the biggest "Get the fuck out of here, I don't believe what I just saw" play in Super Bowl history? I'm thinking at least 10 to 1.

5. This comment seems very insightful now that I can go ahead and make it after the fact, but do you think maybe just maybe the Patriots wouldn't have gone 16-0 if they didn't play in a division where they got to play 3 really, really bad teams twice apiece? The Giants played in a division that sent 3 teams to the playoffs (Giants, Cowboys, Redskins) and had a 4th team that usually makes it but didn't this year (Eagles). Meanwhile, the Pats got to smack around the 4-12 Jets and the 1-15 Dolphins twice apiece, and the second place team in their division was the 7-9 Bills.

6. You know what else was great about last night's game? I'm pretty sure Randy Moss' 4th quarter TD was the LAST time we'll see the "Supahman" pose after a touchdown. Who knows what the hot thing will be next year. Maybe simulated buttsex. YOOOOOOOOOOU. YOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOU. I'll always remember this as the "Soulja Boy" season. That's not a good thing.

7. I'm also pretty sure this is the last time you see Belichick wearing a RED sleeveless sweatshirt.

8. It's never too early to start thinking about next season. My Super Bowl pick for next year, made 1 day after this year's Super Bowl is.......


That's it. That's the END of the 2007 season. My head hurts. I'm taking a couple of weeks off. I'm bizack the first week of March when free agency starts.

I close the season with my current favorite YouTube video. This tastes like penis!

Sunday, February 3, 2008

Giants Manhandle Patriots

Out-coached. Out-played. Out-muscled. Out-smarted.

Just like it was a perfect storm for the Pats almost perfect season, it was a perfect storm for what had to happen in order for the Giants to upset the Patriots.

Last game in week 17, the Giants made Brady's life suck and that almost ruined the perfect regular season. Not until the END OF THE GAME did they figure to have Brady move out of the pocket to buy him more time. Giants didn't need to worry about double teaming all the weapons because Brady had no time to throw and Belicheck couldn't figure out how to buy Brady more time.

And how about the refs adding 1 more second after all the players were already on the field shaking hands and the coaches had already shook hands. They try to stop them from shaking hands, shortening the talk between the two head coaches and, just like any other person who hates fucking losing, Belicheck is like fuck that I'm going in the locker room I got owned. I know people are going to cry that he's a sore loser, but I understand.

Pats still could have won but messed up two easy int chances, so really the perfect storm had happened for the Giants to win. They deserved it. They proved that the league really is about parity and why it's the strongest professional league because anyone can win at any time.