Sunday, January 31, 2010

I told you Robinho fucking sucked

In October 21, 2007 I created a series called "Craplacticos" where I shit on overrated players. The inspiration for this video series was the first video I made, Robinho. And in no other video have I receive the most haterade than this video. Here are just some comments:

Guess these guys are now part of my new video, "A Bunch of Bitches and One Cup." Did you notice how many people said that I'm a "White bitch" just because I talked shit on Robinho? Another guy calls Robinho's retarded skill, "ginga." Ginga is defined as rhythm in soccer, but it's also defined as something else in the urban dictionary:

A term used by stupid, racist, unemployed Brits with a lot of time on their hands -- especially when they can't find any niggas or pakis to harass. Usually applied to fair-complexioned white persons with red hair and freckles.
Stupid Brit 1: Let's go out an' stomp some niggas ....

Stupid Brit 2: Bot thar' ain't no niggas in dis pa't o'Glastonbury ... an' no curry-stinkin' pakis eitha ....

Stupid Brit 1: (whispering) Hey, look ova' he'a: a ginga ....

Stupid Brit 2: (whispering) Yeah, let's go stomp his arse!!!

You fucking assholes. You just used a White racist term for a Black Brazilian. That's how fucking stupid Robinho fans are.

Robinshow leaves Real Madrid because he doesn't get playing time, has Man Shitty pay a gazillion dollars for him, and now he's running back to Brazil to play for Santos because he can't play with the big boys. Two fucking years later and I'm still champion. I already have douche bags talking trash about my Donovan video two years later because he played 2 good games for Everton. I'll leave those dipshits for later, but I can briefly say that Donovan still sucks and will come crying back like he always does. He already shows signs of being selfish. I win again.

I think things would be fine if Robinho and all his fans just realize he's a big pussy. Mark Hughes got fired because Robinho didn't perform. Mancini takes over and realizes what his Italian brethren Capello realizes: Robinho is just a supersub. He'll bust some tricks and that's about it. My video was 100% right and now all the Robinho fans are in need of a tampon because of the blood they're losing from my big bukake blast to their collective faces. I recently sent a letter to Robinho after moving to Santos:

Dear Robinho,

I thank you for making my purchase of tampon stock go up. All your fans need them, and we all know you'll need them when you have your "personal problems" that you had to fly back and forth to Brazil for. After you're done sucking your thumb, you and your fans can suck my big master blaster. Thanks for the 100k+ hits because you suck so much.

Your hero,

Patrick N

My ball; your cheek.

Friday, January 29, 2010

Juventus Fires Coach

- This soccer season has been notable for the struggles of two mega-clubs, one in Italy, and one in England. Predictably, both of the managers of those teams have been on the hot seat, and now the manager of the struggling Italian power Juventus, Ciro Ferrara, has been let go. Juve's 2-1 loss to Inter in the Quarterfinals of the Coppa Italia was the final blow. For now, Alberto Zaccheroni, who managed AC Milan in the late 90s, earning one Scudetto (Serie A title) there, and Inter for one season earlier in the 00s, will manage Juve. The thing is, everyone knows that Juve is eyeing the manager of England's struggling power. Liverpool boss Rafa Benitez is hanging by a thread at Liverpool, and Juve could be his next stop. Inter will play Fiorentina in the Coppa semis.

- While we're kinda talking about the Coppa Italia, neglected to mention a surprising result from Wednesday. Udinese knocked out AC Milan 1-0 and will face AS Roma in the semis. Milan was playing pretty much a second string lineup though. Still, a nice win for Udinese as this is the only trophy they will have a chance to win this season.

- Egypt will have a chance to win its 3rd straight African Cup of Nations after a 4-0 blowout win over an Algeria side that received THREE red cards in the match. This is notable because Algeria is in the US' group in the World Cup, and obviously they are not lookin so good right now.

- EPL leaders Chelsea will be in action again tomorrow just 72 hours after thumping Birmingham City 3-0 in another league match. Saturday they will travel to Burnley. Burnley's scored 1 goal in their last 5 matches combined and haven't won a match since Oct. 31. Chelsea won the first meeting this season 3-0 at Stamford Bridge back in August.

- Liverpool and Aston Villa are two clubs chasing the 4th spot and a bid in the Champions League, but it's crucial they win this weekend to keep those hopes alive. Liverpool dropped 2 points at Wolverhampton earlier this week. That match ended scoreless, and Liverpool has to get their offense going at home against Bolton tomorrow. Liverpool has won 3 straight at home. Villa hasn't lost yet in 2010 and hopes to keep that streak alive with a win at Craven Cottage against Fulham tomorrow. The current 4th place club, Tottenham, has a tough draw this weekend at a Birmingham club that will be looking to atone for a midweek thrashing at the hands of Chelsea.

- Barca and Real Madrid are in the familiar situation of dueling for the top spot in La Liga. Barca currently leads by 5 points. Both clubs are on the road tomorrow. Barca is at a Sporting Gijon club who they opened the season against with a 3-0 win. Real, meanwhile travels to a place they haven't won at in almost 20 years in Deportivo Coruna, and they might have to do so without Cristiano Ronaldo who is facing a 2 match ban for an elbow that is currently in the appeals process. Deportivo is in 5th place in La Liga, 5 points out of the 3rd and final Champions League spot currently held by Valencia.

- Aaand now for some NFL police blotter news. Rams RB Steven Jackson is accused of beating his girlfriend who was 9 months pregnant with their child at the time. Classy!

- The Chiefs will be replacing DC Clancy Prendergast with former Browns Head Coach Romeo Crennel. I loves me some Romeo Crennel! He's like a big chipmunk!

- The Broncos also have a new defensive coordinator. They fired Mike Nolan for improving the defense too much, and have replaced him with, wait for it, the linebackers coach "Wink" Martindale!! He has the same name as the host of Tic Tac Dough!

- And we close with some creepy College Football recruiting news! RB Lache Seastrunk, who the Sporting News has their #2 player in this year's recruiting class, has committed to play at Oregon. That's nice for him. Let us hope he doesn't get suspended for punching anyone in the face, as Oregon RB's are wont to do. Far cooler than that though is that Div I-AA Eastern Washington is doing Boise State one better by installing red turf on their football field. It will look like the field is running red with the blood of the non-believers!! I can't wait!

Thursday, January 28, 2010

On the Offense TV

This is me just messing around with show aspects. I basically created a show that's a cross between Conan's Tonight Show and Tosh.0. The first half has no video, but at 3 minutes, there is.

Man U Knocks Man City Out of Carling Cup

- It may only be the 3rd most fantastic trophy you can win in English football, but the Carling Cup has given us a pretty cracking semifinal matchup between intracity Mancunian rivals Manchester United and Manchester City. City won the opening leg 2-1 with an entertaining storyline that it is was former United man Carlos Tevez that provided the winning margin. The second leg was equally entertaining.

United got out to a 2-0 lead in the match and 3-2 on the aggregate, but again it was Tevez coming up with a big moment when he put home a Craig Bellamy cross in the 76th minute to even up the aggregate at 2. Wayne Rooney is having a career season though, and scored maybe his biggest goal of they year with a header in injury time that won the series for United. City came close to reaching it's first Carling or FA Cup final since 1981. Close, but no cigar. United will face Aston Villa in the final.

- It's a continuous merry-go round for the top spot in the EPL, and after a couple of the horses on that merry go round were in action yesterday, Chelsea finds itself in first place, for now. The Blues impressively put the boot to Birmingham at Stamford Bridge, getting 2 goals from Frank Lampard in a convincing 3-0 win over a Birmingham club that entered the match on a 15 game unbeaten streak.

- Arsenal entered the day even with Chelsea, and one point back of Man U, but they now find themselves two points back of Chelsea and in 3rd place as they stalemated at Aston Villa, 0-0.

- The African Cup of Nations semifinals are today. Ghana has already advanced to the finals for the first time since 1992 with a 1-0 win over Nigeria. Both of these countries are in the World Cup this summer, and both could advance. Ghana will have to beat out Australia and Serbia to advance along with Germany (assuming Germany advances), and Nigeria could conceivably win their group that also includes a wobbly Argentina team, Greece, and South Korea. Algeria faces 2 time defending champs and 6 time Cup winners Egypt in the other semifinal match later today.

- Kurt Warner has scheduled a press conference for tomorrow, where the Cardinals quarterback, 2 time NFL MVP and former Super Bowl MVP is probably going to announce his retirement. The nice thing about Kurt Warner is, if he retires, I bet he stays retired, instead of performing a 5 month long aria that revolves around whether he is going to play for some other team or not.

Wednesday, January 27, 2010

Pro Bowl Stupid

- Credit Colts President Bill Polian not only for having his team get to its second Super Bowl in 4 years, but in pointing out how totally brain damaged this whole Pro Bowl setup is this year. As you probably know, the Pro Bowl is usually played the week after the Super Bowl, in Hawaii. This year, it's being played the week before the Super Bowl, in Miami. This creates an obvious issue for the players who not only are playing in the Pro Bowl, but are playing in the Super Bowl. Actually, they aren't playing in the Pro Bowl, but they do have to travel down to be in Miami for the game to do, in Polian's words "God knows what". The Pro Bowl needs to be put out of its misery. Nobody tries in it and I don't even know why they play it.

I have a better idea. Instead of playing the stupid Pro Bowl the weekend before the game and making a big deal out of it, put the Senior Bowl up on that pedestal. Give it the publicity and the media coverage, and then have the Seniors entering the draft playing their asses off to impress their future employers. Then have a nice ceremony at halftime to honor those voted as "Pro Bowlers". Give them the opportunity to work with and coach the players playing in the Senior Bowl during the week. It would be a great chance for these players to mentor young players. Integrate the Pro Bowl and the Senior Bowl in this way, and I think you'd have something really cool instead of the ridiculous charade you have now.

- Week 1 of the Brett Favre Retirement Watch begins. Brad Childress says...he won't give Favre a deadline to make up his mind!!! ZZZZZZzzzz.

- While I'm on a role with revolutionary ideas, let me tell you the best way to solve games that are tied at the end of regulation. There has been much hand wringing over the Saints advancing to the Super Bowl in large part because they won a coin flip. Surely there must be a better way? But how. Well, first of all, rule out what they do in college, college overtime is completely stupid. First of all it's not really football, it's a red zone drill. Secondly, the NFL lives to serve gamblers and fantasy players, if you get games that go into 6 overtimes, that royally screws up over/under bets and fantasy scores.

I have a better idea, and it's very simple. When the clock reads 0:00 in the 4th quarter, just keep playing. Turn the game clock off and whoever scores first wins. If the Saints have the ball on the one yard line and its 4th and goal, that's where overtime starts. Just think of it like extra time in soccer. It's fair in the sense that it's completely random and dependent on the flow of the game, and you'd still be playing real football, and there'd be no coin flips.

- A bad day for Liverpool yesterday. They entered the day just 1 point out of the 4th spot in the EPL, and ended it 3 points out. They could manage only a scoreless draw at Wolverhampton, who is fighiting to avoid relegation. Meanwhile, the team they are chasing, Tottenham, got a 2-0 win at home against Fulham with goals from Peter Crouch, and David Bentley. Bentley, ironically enough, wants the Spurs to set him free so he can get more playing time.

- More midweek action in England today. Man U and Man City play the second leg of their Carling Cup semifinal. City leads 2-1 but faces a tougher task as they play at Old Trafford today. The winner will face Aston Villa in the finals.

Villa has a league match today, they host one of the teams fighting for the league lead, Arsenal. Villa's banged up and has gone 3 Premier League matches without a win. Arsenal won easily when these teams faced off a month ago, blasting Villa 3-0.

Chelsea is tied with Arsenal for second place, two points back of first place Man U. They will try to keep pace when they face a very much in form Birmingham City team at Stamford Bridge today. Birmingham hasn't lost a match in any competition since Oct. 17. The newly promoted club is in 8th place in the EPL. The two teams muddled to a 0-0 draw on Boxing Day in their last meeting.

Tuesday, January 26, 2010

Tebow Only Takes Snaps From Jesus

- Yesterday's Senior Bowl prep session was Tim Tebow's first full practice under the harsh, piercing eyes of the NFL infidels, and things did not go well. Different reports have Tebow fumbling like 70% of the snaps he took from center, and when he was able to take the snap successfully, wobbling passes all over the place like Garo Yepremian. Tony Dungy may want to rethink his statement that if he had the first overall pick in the 2010 Draft, he'd use it on Tebow.

- You know your organization is a huge, hilarious mess when you lose out on a candidate for one of your coordinator jobs, to the Raiders. Ravens QB coach Hue Jackson cancelled his scheduled interview with the Bears for their OC job to go work for Al Davis and whoever the Raiders head coach will be in 2010. The Bears are a well run, respected organization.



- Lots of disciplinary actions taken for some angry football played over the past weekend. Cristiano Ronaldo will be suspended two matches for breaking the nose of a Malaga defender with an elbow last weekend. Meanwhile, Man U defender Rio Ferdinand, who returned to action last weekend, may be facing a 3 match ban for an elbow he threw in United's 4-0 win over Hull last weekend.

- There's a rumor going around that Moamarr Khadafi's son is going to buy financially destitute Premier League club Portsmouth.

- Rafa Benitez may be headed to Juventus. Juve hasn't fired Ciro Ferrara yet, but it's seen as a fait accompli, and Rafa, who is under a lot of fire himself at Liverpool, is said to be at the top of the club's list as a potential replacement.

- The Final 4 of the African Nations Cup is set. Nigeria advanced with a shootout win over Zambia yesterday, while two time defending champs Egypt advanced with a 3-1 win over Cameroon.

- We've got Premier League action today. Liverpool is only a point out of 4th place, which also is the final Champions League qualifying slot in the EPL. They can move closer to their goal of seizing that spot with a win at 17th place Wolverhampton today. The team currently holding that spot, Tottenham, is also in action today. Spurs are banged up, but they will fight to hold onto that Champions League spot when they face a Fulham squad that hasn't won an EPL match yet in 2010.

Cabanas Footage

This was sent to me by a Mexican friend of mine. Basically, the bouncers let the two guys that shot Cabanas run and the bar tried to change the story to Televisa (the TV station reporting). If you can't read all the comments below, the mirror the sentiments of the Club America fans in Mexico City. That bar and that bouncer are going to get fucked up. They caught the two dudes that capped Cabanas as well. Uh oh. Word is that Cabanas is responding well. The bullet entered in the back of his head and got lodged , but doctors did not try to remove it because they claimed it would do more damage.

Monday, January 25, 2010

It's Colts vs. Saints

- It's funny that I have to spill so much virtual ink covering the regular season, but then we get to the Conference Championships, and, well, there's only 2 games to cover so its just kind of like here it is. However, I have decided in my mind that the goal of this site is that it can be a place where somebody can log on for 10 minutes, get caught up on the NFL and the wide wide world of soccer from a non-mainstream point of view, and maybe have a giggle while they are at it.

So that said, we've got our Super Bowl Matchup, and for the first time since 1993 I think they said, both of the #1 seeds in the conference playoffs have gone on thru to the Super Bowl.

In the early game, it looked at the beginning as if it would be a continuation of the magical story of how a Jets team that went 1-6 thru one stretch of this season all of a sudden could do no wrong come playoff time, and it was making me want to barf. The Jets got out to a 17-6 lead over the Colts thanks to a long TD pass from Mark Sanchez to Braylon Edwards, in which the rookie corner covering Edwards looked like he was on roller skates, and to a wildcat pass thrown by Brad Smith to Jerricho Cotchery that set up a touchdown.

It looked like the roof was caving in on the Colts, as it has so many times in the postseason, especially when Joseph Addai fumbled the ball away on his own 29 yard line with the Colts already trailing 14-6.

The Jets couldn't manage anything other than a field goal out of that opportunity though, and when the Colts answered with a 4 play TD drive that consisted of nothing but passes to Austin Collie, I kind of had a feeling that Colts had taken the Jets' best shot, and were still standing, and that for the rest of the game it would be all Colts. I was right, and I promise you I really thought this at that point in time and am not just saying that.

Manning did exactly what you should do against the Jets defense, which is hit the slot receiver when they blitz (Collie, who had 7 catches for 123 yards), and throw a lot to the end who is not being covered by Darrell Revis (Pierre Garcon, who had 11 catches for 151 yards). Manning threw for 377 yards, 3 TD and no picks against the vaunted Rex Ryan and his giant belly, leading the Colts to a 30-17 win and their second AFC Championship in 4 years.

The NFC Championship game wasn't a perfectly played or even very well played game. I think I counted about 15 fumbles between the two teams. However, it was intense, hard hitting, high scoring, dramatic, and when all was said and done, easily one of the 10 most entertaining football games I have ever seen. I can't remember the other 9 off the top of my head, but I'm sure I will have to make a feature out of it at some point to keep the content rolling here.

The Saints and Vikings traded touchdowns and turnovers pretty much the whole game. Brett Favre absorbed hit after hit after hit (and of course let you know about it too, limping around like he just had bunyon surgery one minute and twirling around like a ballerina and diving after fumbles the next like the drama queen he is). Adrian Peterson, despite running for over 100 yards and scoring 3 TDs, scuttled a number of Vikings drives with a severe case of the Fumblys, the Vikings had an over 200 yard advantage in total offense over the Saints, and ran 27 more plays than the Saints, and still lost.

How could that happen? Well, 5 turnovers to start. In addition to AP's numerous fumbles, Brett Favre threw an incomprehensible Rex Grossman like pass very late in the game when the Vikings were driving for what could have been the winning FG. With less than 20 seconds remaining and the Vikings on the New Orleans 38 yard line, Favre rolled to his right, threw across the field to his left, and was picked off by Tracy Porter, who added a Jared Allen TA DAAAA after it for good measure. So a characteristic late in a big game brain fart by Favre. But, I let him off the hook here, because that play was only necessitated because the Vikings got called for 12 men in the huddle on the play before that. This pushed them back 5 yards, out of Ryan Longwell's field goal range, and necessitating them trying to pick up more yards instead of just positioning the ball for Longwell to attempt a 50 yardish game winning field goal.

So we've got the Colts and the Saints. Peyton Manning trying to crush the dreams of the team his father played for most of his career and the team he grew up rooting for. Not a bad storyline. I'll take it, considering the alternative was two weeks of Brett Favre and Rex Ryan, which would have caused me to set myself on fire.


- Ivory Coast was the favorites in the African Nations Cup, but they are now out in the quarterfinals. They were ousted 3-2 by Algeria yesterday with the deciding goal coming in extra time. The host nation, Angola, is also gone following a 1-0 loss to Ghana. Algeria and Ghana advance to the semifinals. They are both going to be playing in the World Cup this summer, as will Ivory Coast.

- Real Madrid moved back within 5 points of undefeated Barcelona in La Liga after a 2-0 win over Malaga. Cristiano Ronaldo was a madman, scoring two goals and then getting a red card after elbowing a defender in the face.

- Forgot to mention this yesterday somehow, but on Saturday Wayne Rooney, who is having the best season of his career, scored FOUR goals to put Man U on top of the Premiership with a 4-0 win against Hull City. Rooney leads the Premier League with 19 goals, 5 ahead of his closest competition.

- The marquee matchup of the day saw Inter Milan pretty much salt away yet another Scudetto with a 2-0 win over archrivals AC Milan. Inter now has a nine point lead over Milan in Serie A, and they won this match despite playing a man down for most of it after Wesley Sneijder was sent off early in the match. Alberto Diego Milito put Inter up early in the match, scoring in the 10th minute, and Goran Pandley hooked in a free kick in the 65th minute to put the game out of reach.

- In case you were wondering, Jay-Z is an Arsenal fan.

Sunday, January 24, 2010

Championship Sunday

I'm not making any predictions today, not after going 0-4 last week. Any prediction I make would probably end up being wrong and then I won't be able to enjoy the games because I will be too irritated. Sooo, I will just make a few observations.

- The last thing I want to see is a Super Bowl with Brett Favre in it, but I'm a little worried about the Saints today. They ranked 26th in the league yards per attempt against their rushing defense. I know he's been kind of invisible for a while, but Adrian Peterson still plays for the Vikings. He's still the best running back in the league. I've seen enough movies to know that the hero always comes back at the end when you think he's down and out. Peterson will be the best player in the building today, and I think he could be the difference in the game.

- I'm also concerned about how the Saints offense is going to deal with the Vikings pass rush. The best way to attack the Vikings is to use 3 step drops and wing the ball in the flats. That's not the Saints offense. They rely on a downfield passing game. They've only given up 20 sacks all season, so they've done a great job of protecting Drew Brees. But I wonder if that changes today.

- I've been hearing all week how the Jets plan to throw all kinds of blitzes at Peyton Manning. That just doesn't seem to make any sense to me. If there's one guy in the league that won't be rattled by wacky blitzing schemes, it's Peyton Manning. I'm not too worried about Revis Island either. The Colts' passing offense doesn't run thru the wideouts, it runs thru Dallas Clark. The Jets blitz Manning, I see Manning dumping off to Clark and/or Joseph Addai all day long. Peyton Manning never had that big of a problem beating Rex Ryan's defenses when he was Baltimore's DC, I don't see why he should have that big of a problem today.


- Not a very good opening to the US World Cup team's tuneup schedule. They didn't play their top flight lineup, but still, losing 3-1 in California to Honduras is not where they want to be with that WC opener against England a little over 120 days away.

- It looks like Juventus' 2-1 home loss to Roma yesterday is going to be the final strike against coach Ciro Ferrara. A Torino newspaper is saying that he's done and going to be dismissed.

- Former Premier League and Real Madrid star Ruud van Nistelrooy is leaving La Liga to join German club Hamburg. He was one of the top goal scorers in Europe during the last decade, but has riding a lot of pine lately with Real. He should get more playing time in the Bundesliga.

- Leeds United continues to be the Cinderella boys of this year's FA Cup. After bouncing Man U in the last round, they now are in position to do the same to Tottenham after earning a replay at home with a 2-2 draw at Spurs yesterday. Jermaine Beckford drove home a PK in stoppage time to even the score. It was his second goal of the game for Leeds.

- Barca has gotten thru the first half of the La Liga schedule without a loss. They coasted to a 3-0 win at Valladolid yesterday. Goals for Xavi, Alves, and Messi.

- A lot of results in the books already today. In La Liga, 3rd place Valencia stumbled a bit with a scoreless draw against drop zone club Tenerife. Real Madrid plays later today hoping to rebound from last week's loss at Bilbao. They should rebound as they host a Malaga team that is winless on the road this year.

- AC Milan is red hot with 13 points in their last 5 matches. They hope to continue that in what is the biggest match of this weekend, when they face Serie A leaders Inter in this afternoon's Milan Derby. Inter currently leads AC Milan by 6 points.

- Arsenal may be fighting for the lead in the Premier League, but they are now out of the FA Cup thanks to a 3-1 loss today to Stoke. The defeat spoils the return of former Arsenal defender Sol Campbell to the Gunners. Arsenal was banged up and didn't really have their A team out there.

- Finally, it looks like Robinho's time with Man City and in the EPL is over. The Brazilian star, who came to Eastlands last year and scored 14 goals, hasn't scored yet this year and has seen his playing time evaporate. He is heading back to Brazil and probably will rejoin Santos, the club he started his career with.

Friday, January 22, 2010

The Passion of the Michael Vick to Air on BET Feb 2

- BET is airing a 10 part series on the tribulations and I guess redemption of Michael Vick beginning on Feb. 2. Scuse me while I kiss the toilet.

- Hey, that picture reminds me, another show starts Feb 2....a show about a creepy island, much like Revis Island. That brings to mind the Jets, and coach Rex Ryan ,who apparently has sent a game ball from his team's upset win over the Chargers to former Marty Schottenheimer as a form of redemption for all those times Schottenheimer got blamed for the Chargers faceplanting in the playoffs when he was the coach. If this makes Marty Schottenheimer feel better about himself he's an even bigger douche than Rex Ryan.
- Norv Turner got an extension after the Chargers got knocked out of the playoffs last week, and now Wade Phillips has been similarly rewarded by the Cowboys. He will get 2 more years.
- This is an FA Cup weekend in England, and since it's only the 4th round it's really not worth covering yet unless somebody big gets knocked out like Man U did by Leeds. I'll let you know if anything similar happens on Saturday.
- The only EPL match on Saturday happens to feature Man U, who will try an vault into first place with what should be a cakewalk at home against crappy Hull City. They will get a boost from the return of defender Rio Ferdinand after a 3 month absence. Hull hasn't won a match since Nov. 25.
- Chelsea midfielder Michael Essien is going to be out 6 weeks after suffering a knee injury playing for Ghana in the African Nations Cup. Essien's had a history of getting hurt playing for Ghana.
- Barca is 14-0-4 in La Liga this year, and they hope to extend their current 5 point lead over Real Madrid with a win over 17th place Valladolid tomorrow.
- A big match in Italy tomorrow, as 3rd place Roma heads to Torino to take on a 5th place Juventus squad that has been bumbling and stumbling as of late and is coming off a loss to Chievo Verona last week. Making things more juicy is that Juve coach Ciro Ferrara is on the hot seat big time, and the home crowd will turn hostile if things don't go well against a Roma squad
that is coached by former Juve boss Claudio Ranieri.

Thursday, January 21, 2010

Stop telling Rex Ryan what to do

I'm not sure why people say Rex Ryan should change ANYTHING. He's doing everything right. His defense is good. He knows how to coach a rookie with a brain. He knows how to motivate his troops. He knows how to use the media and make things exciting. And most of all, he knows how to watch his weight. All you fucking pompous assholes who think everyone should have muscles and have an awesome body is a girl or a bitch. People are different and that's how they are. Rex Ryan can't help the way he looks. Stop telling him to change this and change that. His defense is fine. His shit talking's fine. And his diet is fine. He eats as much as any normal person. Here's his official diet:

3 Egg McMuffins (900 calories)
2 Sausage Burritos (600 calories)
4 Hash Browns (600 calories)

Quarter Pounder w/Cheese (510 calories)
McRib (500 calories)
Large Fries (500 calories)
2 Hot Apple Pies (500 calories)

2 Big Macs (1080 calories)
2 Filet-O-Fish Sandwiches (760 Calories)
10 piece Chicken McNuggets (460 calories)
Large Fries (500 calories)
Chocolate Chip Cookie (160 calories)

As you can see, it is only 7000 calories. Okay, I lied about the diet, but only what he eats. The amount he eats is actually 7000 calories. NORMAL guys. Get off his nuts you fucking weight watching pricks. Rex Ryan said it best:

"I don't know how losing weight makes me a better coach."

Soccer With Scoring? Oh It's True..

- A wild and wooly second leg to Aston Villa and Blackburn's Carling Cup semifinal yesterday. Would you believe TEN goals?? Rovers got a pair of early scores from Nikola Kalinic (who has 0 Premier League goals this season) to go up 2-0. From then on it was a veritable game of Arena Football, ending up with Villa on top 6-4, giving them the 7-4 aggregate win and putting them in the final against either Man U or Man City.

- There was also League action in England yesterday, and a couple of significant changes in the table. Arsenal is now tied with Chelsea for tops in the league after beating Bolton 4-2 yesterday. As seems to have been the theme of yesterday's action, the Gunners fell behind 2-0 early. Goals from Tomas Rosicky and Cesc Fabregas evened things up though, and Thomas Vermalaen scored off the scramble after a corner to put Arsenal up to stay.

- Liverpool is now only a point out of being back in their familiar spot of the top 4, getting two goals from Dirk Kuyt in an impressive 2-0 home win over Tottenham.

- Bordeaux extended their lead in Ligue 1 to a commanding 8 points with a come from behind 3-1 win at 10 man Grenoble.

- Add Kevin Williams to the list of Vikings d-linemen who are nursing injuries. He was held out of practice with a knee injury Wednesday, so added to Ray Edwards that's now 2 of their 4 starting d-linemen who are very banged up ahead of the NFC Championship game.

- The Seahawks new GM is John Schneider. In addition to being on the Dukes of Hazzard as Bo Duke, and playing Clark Kent's father on Smallville, he used to work as an intern for the Packers. Part of his job was writing player assessments, such as this piece of hard core analysis, “Reggie White is a very good football player". Not making this up. With football acumen such as this, I think we know who the team of 10's is going to be.

- Who will the Raiders next head coach be? Jim Fassel? Marc Trestman? Jim Harbaugh? Only Al Davis knows for sure, but one thing is certain, nobody wants this job.

Wednesday, January 20, 2010

The fan that said Raiders are better than Chargers is 100% right

I love the Raiders. They have a rich tradition like fucking over running backs, being a safehaven for retarded people and people that aren't allowed to vote anymore because they're felons, and Al Davis. So when this Raiders fan went on Jim Rome's show after the Chargers loss saying, "CHARGERS SUCK; RAIDERS RULE...once Al Davis dies...and we get a new O...and D...and coach...and quarterback," this fan is 100% right. Here's how all this fan's claims are 100% true:

Chargers suck:

They fire Marty Shotty because he gets an awesome regular season record and loses in the playoffs. Then they put in Norv "Jerry Rice said I was the worst coach he's ever played for" Turner where he barely makes the playoffs his first few years but is a "success" because he wins one playoff game a year. Then he has his best year ever and chokes in the playoffs exactly like Marty did, but this asshole gets a three year deal. Eventually, you gotta let Gay Leno go.

Raiders rule:

Amendment 1: Once Al Davis dies

You know your fan base are FUCKED UP CONVICTS when they believe the best thing for their team, and the team you own, is for YOU TO DIE. But there you go. The truth is not wrong. If Al Davis dies, the team moves Anaheim where they rename them the Oakland Mighty Raiders of Anaheim and you get poor and rich people supporting the team. win/win

Amendment 2, 3, 4: New O, D, and coach

Having a new team is better than having a team that sucked. Basic logic here.

Amendment 5: New QB

Jamarcus Russell. Talk about the modern day Ryan Leaf. With a new QB, you avoid letting this abortion throw the ball ever again. You can get a better QB than this guy anywhere, like the forest where a squirrel may help them out or a raccoon. You can even eat corn, lettuce, cucumber, broccoli, laxatives, and rabbit shit, take a big dump, put a Raiders helmet and the tuck rule on that bad boy and call it square.

Tevez BeDevils Man U in Carling Semis

- Former Man U star Carlos Tevez had both of Man City's goals in their 2-1 win at the City of Manchester Stadium. Ryan Giggs banged in a rebound of a Wayne Rooney shot to give United the lead in the 17th minute. Tevez equalised on a PK late in the first half after Rafael was whistled for tugging on Craig Bellamy's shirt in the vicinity of the penalty area. I say in the vicinity because whether it was inside the box and thus warranted a PK is questionable. Tevez headed in the game winner in the 65th minute. Tevez had a long, drawn out transfer saga last summer that ended with him signing with United's crosstown rivals. The second leg of this series will be at Old Trafford, with the winner moving on to the Carling Cup Finals. Aston Villa tries to nail down the other finals berth today, they lead Blackburn 1-0 and face Rovers at home.

- Arsenal will be trying to move into a 1st place tie with Chelsea in the EPL when they take on Bolton at the Emirates today. It's the second match of a home and home, as Arsenal took care of the away end of it pretty easily this past weekend with a 2-0 win.

- For all the weeping and gnashing of teeth over Liverpool's wretched season, they can move within one point of a qualifying Champions League spot and 4th place in the EPL if they can win at home against Spurs today. Conversely, a loss would really put them in a huge hole as far as any hopes of returning to Champions League play this fall.

- French side Bordeaux is having a wonderful season. They are in first place comfortably in Ligue 1, and still alive in Champions League play, having advanced to the final 8. They are in action today against Grenoble in Ligue 1.


-Didn't take long for Mike Nolan to find a new home, he was hired by the Dolphins to be their new defensive coordinator barely a day after being fired by that little tyrant Josh McDaniels in Denver.

- And from the "that was weird" department, Deuce McAllister is retired again. Lots of times teams bring back old stars to be on their sideline for big games and provide inspiration of some sort. The Saints bizarrely went the extra mile of actually having McAllister suit up and be on the active roster last week. That's over now.

Tuesday, January 19, 2010

You Look Norvelous! Turner Gets 3 Year Extension

- Norv Turner has been rewarded handsomely for the Chargers one and done playoff run, signing a 3 year extension yesterday. Norv has this thing all figured out, beat up on the Raiders, Chiefs, and Broncos, get your 6 free wins so you get into the playoffs every year, and everything will be hunky dory.

- Norv's job will get a little easier next year, as the Broncos have gotten rid of defensive coordinator Mike Nolan, apparently in an effort to make head coach Josh McDaniels feel like more of a man. Nolan turned around a defense that was one of the worst in 2008, and made it one of the better units in the league in 2009, most notably implementing a 3-4 scheme and making an All Pro out of pass rusher Elvis Dumervil who led the league with 17 sacks this year. I'd say Nolan is a great candidate to be the Bears new defensive coordinator, but I think Lovie Smith is looking for something more along the lines of a sack of footballs wearing a headset. A sack of footballs who really, really likes playing the Cover 2.

- The Bills will announce a new head coach today, and it will be former Cowboys and Georgia Tech head coach Chan Gailey. Gailey is seen as an offensive mind. He, ironically enough, takes over a team that has no offense. He shall enjoy trying to score points with a Ryan Fitzpatrick at quarterback.

- The Vikings are hoping defensive end Ray Edwards will be able to play in the NFC Championship game this weekend. He's nursing a knee injury after his monster three sack and 6 hurry game against the Cowboys last week.


- A fun matchup in the Carling Cup today as Man U takes on Man City in the first leg of the semifinals. City is looking for their first finals birth in either the FA or Carling Cups since 1981. Of the 3 big trophies in England this is probably the least prestigious, but hey, it beats a kick in the nuts.

- Really interesting article on Yahoo Sports about Athletic Bilbao (who beat Real Madrid) this weekend, and their link to the Basque culture.

- Barcelona is sniffing around buying Wayne Rooney from Man U, and the price tag is said to be 8 million pounds. Rooney is having probably his best season ever, he's already got 15 premier league goals, only one short of his career high.

Monday, January 18, 2010

Surely You Jets

I used to suspect this was a really shitty NFL season with no good teams, but now I know for sure. Here's how I know. The NY Jets at one point had lost six out of seven games this season. Count the bye week that was sandwiched in there, and you've got a team that went two months with only one win to show for it. Two months, one win.

Now that team is one game away from playing in the Super Bowl after a dumbfounding 17-14 win in San Diego yesterday.

The Jets won despite racking up a whopping 262 yards of total offense. They won despite giving up 204 combined receiving yards to Antonio Gates and Vincent Jackson. They won because ALL-PRO kicker Nate Kaeding missed all three of his field goal attempts. That's ALL PRO, as in, the guy who was supposed to be the best kicker in the league this year. He missed all three field goal attempts.

Yes, Shonn Greene has been a breakout star of the playoffs...he ran for 128 yards and the game-sealing TD, and he probably should be a first round fantasy pick next year. But the Jets are probably the worst team I have ever seen get this far. This loss by the Chargers is probably the worst NFL playoff faceplant I've seen since the Vikings losing to the Falcons in the 98 NFC Championship game, and at least the Vikings had won a game before that, so this is the worst. At least the worst that did not involve Marty Schottenheimer. This was Cub-like. I don't see how they bring Norv Turner back after this, except that I'm sure they probably will.


Meanwhile, in the NFC the Vikings just came out and squashed the Cowboys. This was not the team that got it handed to them by the not so good Panthers and Bears, this was the Vikings team that was on a tear at the beginning of the season. Brett Favre threw 4 TD passes, 3 to Sidney Rice and one to Visanthe Shiancoe at the end of the game just to rub it in and show everyone how Jesus-like he is. Tony Romo got sacked six times, as apparently the Cowboys didn't watch any film of the great Matt Moore and the incomparable Jay Cutler picking the Vikings apart using three step drops that negated their pass rush. Instead we saw Romo dropping deep into the pocket and getting beat up all day.


Not a lot of soccer heavyweights were in action yesterday.

In the EPL, 3rd place Arsenal got a goal from the healed Cesc Fabregas as they handled 19th place Bolton and their new manager Owen Coyle (who was Burnley's manager for most of this season), 2-0.

Valencia is breathing down Real Madrid's neck for second place in La Liga. They throttled Villarreal 4-1 with 2 goals from David Villa, who is tied for the league lead in goals with 14.

AC Milan pulled back within 6 points of Serie A leaders Inter with a 4-0 romp over cellar dwellers Siena. A hat trick for Ronaldinho!! AS Roma vaulted into third place (which is the final automatic Champions League bid for Serie A), with an easy 3-0 home win over Genoa. Luca Toni, the Italian national team and Roma icon who is back in the Graffitti Capital of the World on loan from Bayern Munich, had a pair of goals. Roma takes third place from Juventus, whose coach Ciro Ferrara is feeling the heat, and its hotter now after a 1-0 loss at Chievo Verona.

Sunday, January 17, 2010

Bears' Gaines Adams Dead

It's a tragedy whenever someone dies at 26 and that's a given, so forgive me from looking at this from a football standpoint.

Gaines Adams was the 4th overall pick in the 2007 draft. He was picked ahead of Adrian Peterson, Patrick Willis, and Darrelle Revis. Things didn't work out for him at all with Tampa, the team that selected him, and he was traded during the 2009 season to the Bears for a second round draft pick. For the Bears, this is a huge blow. Adams did not get on the field hardly at all after being traded, but the word was that the team had big hopes for him in 2010.

His girlfriend found him unresponsive this morning and he was taken to the hospital where he was pronounced dead. An autopsy will be performed but preliminary reports is that the cause of death was a heart attack.

Nice Shootin' Tex

Wow I really did a number on yesterday's games. How's 0 for 2 taste! Eat your fruitcake and like it!

First, the afternoon game. I was sure that the Saints had peaked sometime around Halloween, and would be exposed by the Cardinals. Surely the Cardinals defense only gave up 45 points last week because the Packers offense was sooo good, not because the Cardinals defense was horrible, right? Hmmm. The Cards made Reggie Bush look like Gayle Sayers thru a combination of missed tackles and just not being where they were supposed to be, and got pounded by the Saints 45-14. Tim Hightower broke the first snap from scrimmage for a 70 yard TD, and then from that point on it was all Saints. Reggie broke a pair of long runs, one a truly ridiculous one where it looked like he was tackled, but he wasn't, then he cut back and took it about 40 yards for a TD. He also ran a punt back for a TD.

This game was not competitive. As soon as Kurt Warner was removed from the game after getting xploded trying to make up for throwing an INT, the only thing left to do was look at the Saints cheerleaders in their hooker boots for the remainder of the game.

I actually did not watch the night game, went out for pizza with my lovely wife instead. Didn't miss a whole lot. Indy won 20-3. I guess I should have accounted for the fact that no team has the ability to win on when they are not hitting on all cylinders like the Colts do. Indy looked all kinds of off in this game, so they just went into conservative let's get a win and get out of here mode, and they were able to do so.

Will I redeem myself today? I think I will.

Before yesterday, I was 100% sure the Cowboys would win this game. The Vikings are in that club with the Saints and Colts of teams that ruled in the 1st 10 games of the season and then kind of coasted the rest of the way. I was all about thinking those teams were going to get bounced early. As it turns out though, those teams are now 2-0, and it looks like they were doing the right thing by taking the last few weeks of the season off.

Here's the thing though, the Saints and Colts weren't really trying at the end, but I think the Vikings were. I watched them play horribly in both of their prime time games at the end of the year, getting pounded by Carolina and then losing to a Bears team that is a total mess. The Vikings have transitioned from being a team with an unstoppable running game and a ferocious defense to being a team with a struggling running game and a defense that gives up 36 points to the Bears. They will lose today.



Sorry, I'm not buying what the Jets are selling. Rex Ryan is getting on my nerves and I look forward to ending my football weekend watching them get pounded.


Saturday, January 16, 2010

Saturday Soccer Roundup

- Both of the top 2 teams win handily. Chelsea just brutalized Sunderland 7-2. They did this without Drogba, Kalou, and Essien, who are all out for the African Cup. Nicolas Anelka and Frank Lampard each had a pair of goals for the league leaders.

Man U kept pace with a pretty impressive win of their own, 3-0 over Burnley. The game was 0-0 at the half, but United exploded for 3 goals in the second half. Dimitar Berbitov opened the scoring, and Wayne Rooney and Mame Biram Douf added goals. United fans got some anti-Glazer chants going, in response to the large amount of debt the club is currently teetering under.

Spurs picked up a point on Man City in the race for the final Champions League berth, despite playing to a disappointing scoreless draw at home against Hull. It was enough to gain ground though, as City was upset 2-0 at Everton, their first loss under manager Roberto Mancini.

Barca was given an opportunity to grow their lead over 2nd place Real Madrid. The Meringues had a rough trip to Basque country, dropping a 1-0 decision to Athletic Bilbao. Barca expands their lead in La Liga by 2 points, as they beat up on Sevilla, payback for Sevilla's knocking them out of the Copa del Rey this week. 2 goals for Lionel Messi, he now has 100 career for Barca.

Bari got 2 penalty kick goals within 3 minutes of each other in the second half to get out to 2-0 lead on league leaders Inter. Jose Mourinho's team came back though, getting the equaliser on a PK of their own. They get a point from the 2-2 draw and now lead AC Milan by 9 points. Milan faces last place Siena on Sunday, so that lead probably will shrink.

Friday, January 15, 2010


For the second installment of Alternative Major Newspaper Headline, I'll start by giving my opinion that any newspaper headline should be in upper case, bold characters, and should end with an exclamation mark. How better to get a reader's attention?

I'll admit I found this nugget tucked into the middle of an article from a major newspaper. To be honest, up until this point I thought the Bears were looking to hire Perry Farrell as defensive coordinator, member of the musical groups Porno For Pyros and Janes Addiction. Now that I realize it is not the guy who got caught stealing, and his name is pronounced "fuel", this headline seems to make sense.

Update: Perry Fewell has decided to join the New York Giants as defensive coordinator.

Lets hope oil dips back below $80/barrel, eh Lovie?

Belated Self Congratulations

Some of you may not be aware I play football, aka soccer, in my spare time. As a member of FP United I FC, I've had the pleasure with playing alongside some great people. This past fall, our squad vaulted to 1st place in the Spanish Primera Division of the league. While I did not repeat my Golden Boot performance of 2008, due to a scotsman by the name of Baillie, I did receive the coveted MVP plaque for the numerous goals and assists I had this year. Thanks to everyone who played alongside me!

I'm Back with my.. Alternative Major Newspaper Headline

There's one very good reason I have not contributed to this blog the past year or so. As an Alternate Headline Writer for some major newspapers in the Chicago area, my contract excluded me from writing anything on a public website. While my great ideas were never used in-print, or online, my contract has recently expired and the Bears are not interested. So, those chains are broken, and I'm ready to spill my ideas onto my pants like a warm espresso.

Nothing makes me more excited about the next Bears season like the possibility of a head coach with no coordinators. Zero. No OC, no DC. They are overrated and overpaid. Lovie is so composed on the sideline that it looks like he calls no plays (nothing at all.. nothing at all.. stupid sexy lovie!). That, and the fact that no respected football coach wants anything to do with the Bears ownership, makes me think that we are better off with nobody. But, I guess if we absolutely NEED a coordinator, make it an "uhhfensive" coordinator (skip ahead to 5:25 in the podcast). And who better to serve in that capacity for Ted Theodore Phillips, than Ernie Zampese's offspring, Ken. At this point, a chimp could do the job that Lovie needs.

Saturday Football Funhouse Preview

The divisional playoff weekend is unquestionably the best football weekend of the year. If you think otherwise, you are wrong, and I am sorry you are stupid.

Two days with the 8 best teams in the NFL facing off against each other in elimination games, trying to get to the biggest stage in American professional sports. All I know is, I've got my beer, and I've got my guacamole, and I've got my nacho chips, and it's going to be a very, very good weekend.

So let's take a look at Saturday's matchups.

Any analysis I do on this game is certainly tainted by the fact that I am 100% gay for both Kurt Warner and Larry Fitzgerald. Fitz's one man wolfpack performance in last year's playoffs cemented him as my favorite player in the league (that and the fact that he's a fellow former NFL ballboy, which helps). Warner, meanwhile, is for my money the single most compelling sports story of this century. First he emerged from nowhere to take a previously horrible Rams team to 2 Super Bowls, winning MVPs in the process. Then all of a sudden nobody wants him. The Bears were going to sign him as Rex Grossman's backup after the Giants cut him. Seriously, think about that for a second. He then goes out to the desert to slowly fade away as Matt Leinart's backup, and now somehow he's better than he ever was and trying to take the Arizona Cardinals to their second straight Super Bowl. THE ARIZONA CARDINALS...SECOND STRAIGHT SUPER BOWL. Put those words together. They no make sense. Then add to that the fact that he is a genuinely good guy in a sporting world full of scumbags and criminals, and there you go. He's the NFL player of the decade in my mind.

As for this game, New Orleans is going to lose. They've lost 3 straight, but of course there's the caveat that they were not really trying because they had nothing to play for. OK, fine, but before that they were struggling too. They beat an injury crippled Falcons team (who didn't have either Matt Ryan or Michael Turner) by 3 and the Redskins by 3. Their defense has been steadily disintegrating to the point that it's really really bad right now.

I've simmed this game 5 times on and the Saints win every time. I call bullshit on that. The Saints gave up 30 points to the Redskins, okay?


Geez isn't this what the Colts specialize in? Losing in the first round of the playoffs? After watching the Ravens go all shock and awe in Foxboro last week and making Tom Brady look like a modern day Curtis Painter, this is almost too easy. Ray Rice looks to me like he's angling to get the 2010 Larry Fitzgerald award for just being so much better than everyone else on the field, and thus carrying his team to the Super Bowl.


So there you go, I picked 2 road teams, two upsets. Which is par for the course this season where for some reason it turned into junior high at the end of the year and became cool for all the good teams not to try their hardest. We'll see how that strategy works out, because the Saints and Colts are the two biggest perpetrators of this. So far this gambit has been validated, because the Patriots lost Wes Welker in a game they didn't need to win, then got their doors blown off in the playoffs. Maybe a part of me is hoping the Colts and Saints fall on their faces in the playoffs as punishment for sandbagging the last two weeks of the season.

...and don't think I forgot about the futbol..


The ol' wolves are at Rafa Benitez' door! Rrrrowwrrr!! Not only has Liverpool been bounced from the Champions League, not only are they tied for 7th in the Premier League with mighty Birmingham, they just got knocked out of the FA Cup by second tier Reading this week. Oh and a bunch of players got hurt in that match too. It's been a lovely season for Liverpool.

The Blues lead the EPL by 1 point over Man U. They should be able to keep that lead as they face a Sunderland side that hasn't won a league match since Nov. 21. The onion in the ointment is that Chelsea has a bunch of their studs out playing in the African Nations Cup and trying not to be on a bus that gets shot at.

United got knocked out of the FA Cup by second tier Leeds, but they trail Chelsea by only 1 point for the Premiership lead, so they can get that taste of their mouth real quick if they vault into the lead. Burnley has earned a whopping 1 point on the road all season, so this should be an easy win for the Devils.

Spurs manager Harry Redknapp is feeling the heat for tax evasion. Or is it avoision? I'm never sure. Hull's been getting their brains beat in on the regular lately, so Tottenham should be able to get 3 points in their quest to finish 4th and be allowed to play in the Champions League qualifying rounds in the fall.

City are the current holders of that 4th spot. They got a big scare with that Togo bus tragedy, as Emmanuel Adebayor was on that bus. He's OK though. City's red hot, having won 5 matches in a row, including their 1-0 FA Cup win over Middelsbrough.

Real Madrid and Barca are both in action on Saturday. Real trails Barca by 2 points for the league lead. They have an away match at mid-table club Bilbao. Barca faces Sevilla again after seeing them this week in the Copa del Rey. Barca beat Sevilla in that match 1-0, but it wasn't enough to give them the win in their home and home matchup, so Barca is out of the Copa Del Rey. Is it payback time?? With a vengeance??

Jose Mourinho's boys at Inter look like they could lap the field, up by 8 points (although AC Milan has been playing well lately). Inter travels to the land of my ancestors, Bari, for a match tomorrow. This is Bari's first season in Serie A, and they have been scrappy, residing in the top half of the table. Hope this is on GOL TV!

MLS had its SUPERDRAFT!! Yesterday. The expansion Philadelphia Union had the 1st pick, and they took Oregon St. sophomore Danny Mwanga, who had 14 goals last year.

Thursday, January 14, 2010

Lazy Ass Breaks Silence, World Breathes Sigh of Relief

Hello everybody...I have returned! Patrick parachuted in with a blowtorch and thawed me out of the block of Lake Michigan ice I have been frozen in for the past month or so.

During that time in suspended animation I had quite a lot of time to think, and primarily what I thought about was how I can make this a better website.

I see Patrick has done a tremendous job of updating the sites look, very snazzy! Of course as always he has also been providing excellent content. As for me, I'm changing my style a little bit. What I've been doing for the past 3 years (for realz? 3 years this site has been up? Holy Geez) is doing more long form stuff, mostly in the form of weekly updates. That shit takes a long time to write, and the family of hookworms I have living on and off of my adrenal gland does not leave me with enough energy left over to write like that anymore. Soooo, in lieu of that what you will get from me is more frequent, shorter updates. It will be the literary equivalent of my wham, bam, thank you mam lovemaking style, so I should be pretty good at it.


Lane Kiffin is a mercenary and a punk and really doesn't have all that much on his resume to suggest he is even any good at coaching football. But I guess you can't begrudge him for looking out for his own career and following the money and the prestige to USC. In my mind, there's a much, much more disgusting aspect to college sports and college football in particular which make the whole exercise just a stomach turning charade in my mind.

A few weeks ago there was the big hubbub about Mike Leach and his groovy concussion shed, which I can only guess he uses because he sees it as part of his job to mold his players into "men", which it isn't.

For real, what qualifies a college football coach to teach anyone how to be a man? Because they get to hold the purse strings on the college education of 80 kids, and tell them what to do all day long with unquestioning authority and treat them like dirt, they think they are qualified to teach anyone how to be a man? Uhh no. On the scale of reasons to hate college football coaches, I find "lying mercenary" to be bad, but not quite as bad as "delusional bully", which is where Leach and Bobby Knight and the fired coaches from Kansas and South Florida fall into.

Of course, Kiffin is still kind of guilty of being a delusional bully too, because I've read stories about how he terrorized all the office employees at the Tennessee football program when he first got hired there. Firing and humiliating people because they are obviously not as impressive as he is a human being, and are not the sons of people that have been in the coaching business for 30+ years and have all kinds of connections that allow him to be in the position to be a head coach in a series of high profile jobs despite having had no success in any of those jobs. I guess that's a special kind of delusional.

You hear over and over that pro sports is a business. I applaud them for recognizing that. College sports, on the other hand, pretends it isn't a business. In reality, it's even a more cruel business than pro sports. In college sports, the kids that keep the money flowing are kept in line not by money (because they don't get any) but by fear. It takes a special kind of asshole to keep someone in line when the only tool they have to do so is fear. Judging by recent events there's no shortage of that special breed in college football.

Saturday, January 9, 2010

Saying South Africa will be safe does not make it safe

The African National Cup is stupid. It falls in the middle of most of the big soccer league seasons, they don't make accommodation for the clubs these players come from, and some third bad thing about the African Nation Cup. Oh, and it's not safe. At all. Some of you may heard of Togo's bus being attacked by Cabinda separatist, them pulling out, and now are back in. Some of you might not know what goes on in Africa, so I did a little research, and here are the characters in this story that suck my dick:

1. Cabinda separatist
Everyone knows an uncle like this. He's the guy who thinks by molesting your kid, he will fix all his problems he had when he was molested by his uncle. In this case, these jackasses are trying to fight for independence from Angola by killing soccer staff and players from Togo. They all have tattoo markings that show how many of their childrens' heads they've eaten and how many children corpses they rape.

2. Confederation of African Football
These are the types of people that fire you for taking a day off to console your daughter after being gang raped.

the team is "a bit bitter, we are a little disappointed with the Confederation of African Football (CAF)...which couldn't arrange for a postponement of our first match so we could bury our dead."
There's a special place in hell for people like this. It's called Africa.

3. Danny Jordaan
This dickless piece of shit is head of the 2010 South African World Cup. He thinks there should be no concern for the safety during the World Cup because the attack in Angola was "not our responsibility. This is the type of bitch that when he sees danger, he puts of towel over his head, sucks his own dick, and says oh see there's no danger and I'm happy. Hey fuckface, just because you say it's safe, doesn't make it fucking safe. Shit happened in your country, so it's a problem.

There's more of these types of people I could list from Africa, but I'm afraid I'll start scamming old people in America if I keep going.


Why are you not following me on twitter or facebook?

Monday, January 4, 2010

Random Thoughts: BCS, NFL, EPL

Some of you that talk to me on Facebook or AOL know that I have 2 month twins, so it's been a problem with consistent updates. Don't do twins if you can help it. It totally sucks. It especially sucks if they're just as asshole as you. You don't realize how much of an asshole you are until your babies do it. But then you think about how they'll do it to other people and you laugh.

So the two losers are asleep now allowing me to make this quick thought update until we get monster pro updates from Nicky P.


For bowl pick 'ems, I usually use vegas odds and rank the bowls according to spread. Boy did that fuck me. Wyoming won as 15 pt underdogs and SMU sexually assaulted Nevada with the same size spread. Blah.

Boise won the Non-conference National Title in a game I tried to watch but fell asleep. That's actually not a dis, I fell asleep. So let me know if the game was good.


Oli. I'm sorry man. I said the Texans would get in but they didn't because the Colts tanked their game.

It's pretty annoying how bandwagon the media is. I'll admit I'm pretty bandwagon, but I'm not media. I'm a sport entertainment writer. I don't report jack shit. You get these media fucks saying the Chargers look like the team to beat as they beat some lame teams, and now it's the Cowboys that are the hottest team. The Eagles didn't care after the first half because they'd just come back in and beat the Cowboys later. Bengals did the same shit. Everyone's feeling sorry for the Patriots losing Wes Welker, but they weren't going to do shit in the playoffs this year anyway. Their defense sucks way too much. It's not that the system or skill isn't there. My hero Belicheck knows what he's doing. The leadership on defense is just lacking. They don't look assertive or confident. I'm guessing the Pats pick up some vets next year.

Who wins the Super Bowl this year? This year's playoffs looks really balanced, but I can't really tell who's playing possum and who's shown all their cards. I mean, the Eagles are a blitzing defense and only blitzed on the Cowboys 6 times or something. The Colts look like everyone's favorite, and I kinda hope they win because of all the talk about MAN THEY SHOULDNT HAVE RESTED PLAYERS THEY SHOULD HAVE PLAYED FOR UNDEFEATED IN THE SNOW IN BUFFALO. I'm picking the Vikings hoping that Peterson picks up his shit and the Vikings D goes back to what they were earlier in the season.

Yes, I feel bad for Zorn. Yes, I feel bad for...Broncos fans.


My Chelsea is losing their best player to the African cup. If Man U doesn't catch up now, they won't at all. Oli won't talk to me about EPL for some reason, so I really don't have anything to talk about.

Add me on twitter. I just opened it.