Wednesday, April 28, 2010

Dez Bryant's mom a ho?

This has become a big ass deal, so now it's time to talk about it here. Recap: Dolphins GM Jeff Ireland asked prospect Dez Bryant if his mom was a prostitute. The logic being that his mom sold crack so maybe she was a crack whore. Here are the two sides:

Certain questions are out of bounds and a question like that would get your face fucked up


If you're going to spend a zillion dollars, and especially with the conduct policy in the NFL, you can ask any question you want

Here's Patrick N's take:

If you spend a zillion dollars on a player, then yes, you can ask any fucking question you want. That being said, if you are going to ask fucked up questions like, "Is your mom a whore?" "Does your mom tickle ass with her tongue?" "Would she give me a hand job?" then you probably should warn the interviewee that you are going to ask possibly offensive questions about family members, and if these are questions you may not want to address, then you can walk on the interview.

Now, some kid is probably going to say yes it's cool ask me these fucked up questions because he wants any chance to make his money. But that's his choice at that point. Shit, maybe that IS what happened. The question is legit, but any natural reaction is legit as well. If he "flipped a desk" and "punched him" then that's cool. If he did what Dez Bryant did and just gritted his teeth, then that's cool too. But if the GM was testing his demeanor, I think it was a bad test. If a player throws blows because the opponent whispered shit about his mom, most would argue then that's cool, making that interview question useless.


Quickie Champions League

HAHAHAHHA BARCA. Tried to cheat going 11/10 on a bullshit flop send off of Inter's Motta, Barca fans crying Inter bunkered when THAT'S WHAT YOU DO WHEN YOU LOSE A PLAYER, regardless if Inter was up 3-1 or not. Inter wins and Barca, the classless assholes they are, turn on the sprinklers to get Inter off their field so they can't celebrate. So Barca fans jump Mourinho in his car, go to their hotel and bust noise, flop like a bitch (if you see replays, the Barca player is looking between his hands to see if the ref is looking), and then lose so you turn on the sprinklers. Lose.

Oh and props to Daniel Sturridge for jerkin' after his goal. The British commentators were like WHAT IS HE DOING?

Thursday, April 22, 2010

Drafting My Ass Off 2010

The NFL is trying something new this year, moving the first round of their draft to Thursday prime! This of course works out horribly for me, because instead of the alternative of having it on a lazy Saturday afternoon where there's nothing else on, they're having it on a Thursday night when the Bulls and Blackhawks both have playoff games. So they've got a lot of competition. We'll see how well they hold my interest tonight..I'll be updating periodically and we'll see how this goes. I just had a Chipotle chicken burrito with guac and now I feel sick.

6:15 PM
So here we go..instead of having Goodell announce the picks this year, they are having each team have a representative to announce their picks..pretty cool.

Saints- Drew Brees
Browns- Jim Brown, the opposite of white
Floyd Little, forgot which team
Dolphins- Dan Marino
Niners- Joe Montana
Bears- Brittany and Jarret Payton, children of Walter Payton
Vikings- John Randle

Actually here's Jerry Rice now, I'm not sure who he's representing since Montana is already out there, so I'm not sure what the hell is going on anymore. Maybe he's representing the Raiders.

Barry Sanders and Deion Sanders out next, followed by Lawrence Taylor. Now Rod Woodson is out, actually I no longer know what this is all about other than just announcing some random NFL greats.

Now let's bring out the new generation! Eric Berry! Jahvid Best! Sam Bradford and his big teeth! Ryan Bulaga! Hooo boy...let's see how the Bulls are doing.

Bulls are winning 12-8? Well this is unexpected. Be back when the #1 pick is announced. It'll probably be Sam Bradford, aren't you excited??

Hey, here's an interview with Tim Tebow. I've finally put my finger on he reminds me of. Chris Klein in Election. He's just so nice that it drives you nuts. He's wearing a teal/aqua shirt today, does that mean that the Dolphins or Jaguars are drafting him, or the Panthers? Hmmmmm.

And here's the commish ready to start the draft. Say what you want about the XFL, but how awesome would it be to have Vince McMahon emceeing the draft instead of Roger Goodell? "TIM TEBOW, YOU'RE NOT GETTING DRAFTED! NOT TONIGHT, NOT ANY NIGHT!! NOW HIT MY MUSIC!!" No chance, that's what you've da boop booop boo doo boo boop.

Alot of times the #1 pick is already signed before the draft, but not this year. The Rams are "open for business", just like Euro Itchy and Scratchy Land. Michael Irvin is still on the NFL Network? Christ how many times does someone have to get arrested before they get fired?

Pregnant Lady is sitting and watching with me. Her statement on this pick, "Why are they on the phone if they are in the same room?" I really don't know.

Sam Bradford is selected by the Rams. Let's see if he can make it up to the podium without separating his shoulder. Eisen asks Marshall, "How will the people in St. Louis welcome this pick?" My guess, "with apathy!"

The Lions take Nebraska DT Ndamukong Suh. What? The Lions taking a defensive tackle and not a wide receiver? Matt Millen is digging his grave so he can start rolling over in it. See I'm thinking of graves because everyone on the panel is comparing him to dead people like Reggie White and Jerome Brown.

Gerald McCoy, DT from Oklahoma goes 3rd. Wow, 2 Sooners taken in the first 3 picks, no wonder they were sooo good last year. I will now sit back and listen to people compare him to Warren Sapp for the next 1o minutes. See, they are both defensive tackles, and they were both drafted by Tampa Bay, so they are the same.

Trent "Silverback" Williams, OT Oklahoma. Thumbs down to the commish on saying a guy's nickname. You're commissioner of the NFL, that's more important than Obama, have some diginity. Wow, that's 3 Sooners taken out of the top 4 picks. Let me look up what Oklahoma did last year, they must have went 39-0 or something.

Pregnant Lady and I are both sprawled on the couch with our laptops, looking like we are on the space cruiseship in Wall-E. The Chiefs take Tennessee safety Eric Berry, who is supposed to be an Ed Reed type talent. I guess this is the end of the Mike Brown era in KC.

Russell Okung is drafted in hopes that he will be the new Walter Jones. He also is a Sooner. He has long arms, 36 inches long apparently, and he had 127 de-cleaters, and 341 reacharounds.

And offensive guru Mike Holmgren begins his overhaul of the beleaguered Browns offense by taking....Florida corner Joe Haden. Cue sad trombone.

Oh dear God now comes the best part of the whole night..the Raiders pick.

Hmf. Alabama LB Rolando McClain is no Derrius Heyward-Bey in terms of comedic value. He has a reputation as a smart player and a good run stopper, and he's ranked 35th on the draft board I'm looking at instead of 350th, so that's an improvement for the Raiders. The cognoscenti on's draft tracker seem to think he's a decent pick too. Well, this draft just got a whole lot more boring. If Al Davis isn't playing the part of the guy at your fantasy draft who started drinking too early, it really takes alot away from the NFL draft.

Well, there goes my master plan to make CJ Spiller my #2 fantasy back. I think Marshawn Lynch will be sent to Toronto now to await the rest of the team's move there.

PICK #10
The Jags take Cal DT Tyson Alaulau. The Sporting News has him 17th on their board. Not 17th out of all players, 17th out of all defensive tackles. Holy geez Jacksonville, if you were going to make a pick this fucking crazy you may as well just have taken Tebow and at least saved your franchise's future in South Georgia.

PICK #11
Well, if you're a Bears fan this is an interesting pick, because this is the pick you traded for Jay Cutler.

Was it really necessary to trade up to get Rutgers OT Anthony Davis? I guess it was. He is the top OT left on the board so I guess it's acceptable.

PICK #12
SD takes Fresno St. running back Ryan Matthews. Sporting News' Warroom's comparison of him is to former Bears and Lions RB Kevin Jones, who I think is currently unemployed. Nice pick!

PICK #13
Wow, great draft, nobody wants these fucking picks. Who can blame them when someone just took Kevin Jones V2 with the 12th overall pick. The Eagles take Michigan DE Brandon Graham, who is seen as a 3-4 OLB or 4-3 defensive end tweener type. This is right about where he was projected to go.

PICK #14
Seattle's having a nice draft. They got the top rated tackle in the draft in Russell Okung, and now they get the top rated safety in the draft (Sporting News has him ranked above Eric Berry, who I think was helped by the nice SI profile a couple of weeks ago) Texas' Earl Thomas, filling a huge need of theirs.

PICK #15
They've got a long tradition of pass rushers, and S. Florida's Jason Pierre Paul certainly fits that mold. He's a raw talent, high ceiling, low floor.

PICK #16
The T's steal Georgia Tech DE Derrick Morgan. Sporting News had him #3 on their board. He came out early as junior and maybe that hurt his draft status but really I have no idea why he fell this far, other than everyone else screwed up.

PICK #17
Idaho G Mike Iupati, making it 2 first round offensive linemen. Bad pick, this dude's overrated. If you want a guard you draft a tackle and make him a guard, you don't spend a #17 pick on a guy who is already a guard and played in the WAC.

PICK #18
They go with Florida C Maurkice Pouncey. He's the best center in the draft, but again, taking an interior lineman this early is called bidding against yourself. He's also coming out early, so his development may be behind schedule. WR's Dez Bryant and Demariyus Thomas are still on the board and last I checked, Pittsburgh just lost their best WR. At least the fans at the draft didn't boo the Make-A-Wish kid that announced the pick.

PICK #19
Of Missouri LB Sean Weatherspoon, the Warroom says "He simply doesn't make enough plays to be drafted in the first round". Hey, way to use the nineteenth pick on him Atlanta!

PICK #20
Alabama CB Kareem Jackson "lacks size and elite speed", and he's projected as a late second round pick by the Warroom, sooooo, this is a bit of a reach no? I mean, he's the eight rated corner on my list here, I may not be some big city lawya, but my God.

PICK #21
So you say you missed last season with a knee injury, you've had 2 surgeries in 5 years, and you have drawn comparisons to the great Leonard Pope of the Cardinals. Jermaine Gresham TE from Oklahoma, welcome to the Bengals!

PICK #22
Well, here's your Brandon Marshall replacement. Sporting News has GT wideout Demariyus Thomas as the #4 player on its board, and the Broncos get him at 22. There are negatives though, he is nursing a broken foot, and while his measurables are off the charts, his stuff like being able to catch the ball which is kind of important are questionable.

PICK #23
Iowa OT Brian Bulaga looks like a Green Bay Packer. And his name reminds me of balugas.

PICK #24
Oklahoma St. WR Dez Bryant is a big guy with a lot of talent, but he ran a 4.6 40 which is not really that spectacular, and there's the little matter of him looking like the next Pac Man Jones in terms of citizenship. Anyway, Dallas has a new diva WR to take TO's place. That didn't take long.

PICK #25
TIM TEBOW! Someone did it! Holy shiiiiiit. Wow Josh McDaniels and Tim Tebow, if nothing else the Broncos will be very, very annoying.

PICK #26
Tennessee DT Dan Williams was a star of the Senior Bowl, and he plays better than he looks. People on the chat thing I was following thought he would go higher, the Warroom didn't have him as a 1st rounder, so I guess he's an enigman. That's a typo, but I like that word, so I'll keep it.

PICK #27
Surprising that teams that are picking corners are not picking the one from Boise St., Kyle Wilson, who was projected as the 3rd best corner in the draft. Rutgers CB Devin McCourty is 8th on the board I'm looking at, and he's a Patriot now.

PICK #28
The Dolphins are pleased that Penn St. DT Jared Odrick fell this far. Bill Parcells' is smiling and showing all his big stupid teeth. I love him, but he ain't worth a shit. Jerry Jones you are still my new hero.

PICK #29
This defense gets even scarier now that they've added Boise St. CB Kyle Wilson. He's a little on the small side, but he's the fastest corner in the draft. He'll push the newly acquired Antonio Cromartie for a starting spot opposite Revis Island.

PICK #30
DETROIT LIONS that they've got Cal RB Jahvid Best, Calvin Johnson, Ndamukong Suh, and if Matt Stafford turns out to be any good, geez the Lions may end up being pretty damn good pretty soon.

PICK #31
The stat wonks at love TCU's Jerry Hughes, and think he'll be the best pass rusher to come out of this draft. Apparently so do the Colts.

PICK #32
Aaand the Saints close out this gala evening by taking Florida St. CB Patrick Robinson, who the Sporting News had as #17 on their board. So, let's go ahead and call this a steal for them in an area they needed help.

So that's it! Only one round tonight! Here's some notables who Sporting News had in their top 20 that didn't go in the first look for them to go early on day 2

Sergio Kindle OLB Texas- Apparently has been marginalized by the iPad.

Thaddeus Gibson OLB Ohio St.- A bad night for black Polish people.

Rob Gronkowski TE Arizona- Back injury scaring people

D'Anthony Smith DT Louisiana Tech- Mom should have named him D'Brickashaw, then he would have gone top 5.

Wednesday, April 21, 2010

Jose Mourinho Is the Goods

I challenge you to find a more impressive coaching performance in any sport in any country than the one Jose Mourinho has done in this year's Champions League. Inter is not the best team in the world, but after their 3-1 win over Barca yesterday, it looks like they are now the odds on favorites to win the competition that crowns the best team in the world.

If you're talking talent, this year's Barcelona squad is at least one of the most talented if not the most talented of the last decade, but their Champions League hopes are as good as dead after yesterday. Jose Mourinho is not coaching a team that pisses away a 3-1 lead in the second leg of a matchup, even if it is with this "Martian" (the Italian press' description of Barca's otherworldly talent) Barca squad as the opposition.

Did the 14 hour volcanic ash necessitated bus ride Barca had to take to Milan for this match affect the outcome? Yes, almost certainly it did. But after Barca took an early 1-0 lead, Inter scored 3 unanswered goals. 3 in a row is just a woodshed beating, and now Mourinho's team has done that to the 2 most talented teams in Europe, Chelsea and now Barca.

Bayern and Lyon square off in the other semi today, but really, at this point it seems inevitable that what they are playing for is second place. Nobody's beating Jose Mourinho's team in the Champions League this year.

As for this historically talented Barca team, they're now in danger of suffering an epic late season collapse that sees them win neither the Champions League or La Liga, when it seemed inevitable that they would win both. They have a 1 point lead over Real Madrid in the Spanish league, and Real's schedule is much softer than Barca's down the stretch. The reprucussions if they come up empty on both could be interesting.

-Meanwhile, I hit Pro Football Talk this morning and find a headline that reads "RAMS DON'T WANT ROETHLISBERGER". Dude, when the Rams don't even want your date raping ass, you have hit rock bottom. Adam Schefter says the Steelers are trying to deal him. I think Ben Roethlisberger is a scumbag of epic proportions, but hey, if you're an NFL GM, 80% of your roster is scumbags and you're lying to yourself if you think otherwise. If I'm a GM, I go get him, and put him on a very very short leash. QB's in their 20s who have already won 2 Super Bowls don't grow on trees. He's young, and he'll get his character issues straightened out, and now has a lot of incentive to do so, because if he screws up again his career his over. I think he's a good risk.

- And if I'm the Steelers, I'm thinking reeeeally long and hard before I trade Roofylisberger. They signed Byron Leftwich yesterday, and if your alternative is Byron Leftwich, that's not a very good Plan B.

- A couple of years ago, Tony Scheffler was a hot fantasy guy at TE for the Broncos. He has sucked hard in the interim, and now he is traded to the Lions. Going to the Broncos in return is LB Ernie Sims. Sims was the 9th overall pick in the 2006 draft, and started out looking like he was going to be a really good player, but then the reality of being a Lion set in and he got progressively worse.

- The Patriots are going back to the old WR well that sometimes pays off for them (Randy Moss), and sometimes doesn't (Joey Galloway). Torry Holt is now a Patriot, and they could be relying pretty heavily on him with Wes Welker's health questionable.

- Pass rusher Jason Taylor will be a new toy for Rex Ryan to play with. He signed with the Jets as a FA yesterday. Taylor had a mild resurgence (7 sacks) with the Dolphins last year, after being the Redskins annual free agent bust in 2008.

- Did someone say "Redskins"? And "bust"? Both of those now apply to DT Adam Carriker, who the Rams made the 13th pick of the 2007 draft. He's been injured alot in his short career, so we'll see if that problem clears up with the Redskins, because they have such a good history with free agent signings.

Tuesday, April 20, 2010

Nicky's UEFA Top 10

Well, it's been a couple of weeks. My apologies for absence. Work is nuts, my wife is preggo and throwing up all over the place, and the first two weeks of what is turning into a ridiculous Chicago baseball season have gotten the better of my attention.

I usually like to do a week in review type thing but two weeks is just to much to review in one sitting, so I give you,


1. Barcelona
It's been since AC Milan in 1989-1990 that we've had back to back Champions League winners, but it will be a huge upset if that doesn't change this year. Of the 4 semifinalists, Barca is easily the best of the bunch. They destroyed Arsenal 4-1 in the second leg of their quarterfinal, and a couple weeks later completed the sweep of Real Madrid in La Liga with a 2-0 road win in "El Clasico". A hiccup last week though in the Barcelona Derby, as middle of the table Espanyol held them to a 0-0 draw, which shrunk their La Liga lead to just 1 point. They'll try and put the down to the wire domestic league race out of their minds when they travel to Milan to take on Mourinho and Inter today.

2. Bayern Munich
Bizarre as it is to say a German team is better than any English team, here we are. Bayern proved it by knocking Man U out of the Champions League. They should be favored in their semifinal against Lyon, which earn them the right to play the role of the New England Patriots versus the 1985 Bears against Barcelona in the final. They've had some struggles in the Bundesliga of late though. March saw them get just 4 points out of a possible 12, with losses to Frankfurt and Stuttgart. I guess they can use the excuse they were focused on the Champions League. They still hold a 2 point lead over Schalke with 3 matches left, so if they keep it together they will win the Bundesliga in a year that the German league has gained a lot of Euro cred.

3. Inter
Jose Mourinho is a very clever cat. His team is struggling to nail down its annual Scudetto, with AS Roma proving to be quite the sticky wicket, so what does he do? He makes the statement that he doesn't like Italian football and it doesn't like him, meaning "I don't give a shit about winning Serie A, I plan on winning the Champions League, so all you Guidos can stick your Scudetto up your ass, then I'm out of here and saving Liverpool." We'll see how that works out. I personally don't think he stands a chance against Barca, but he's the Special One so let's see if he proves me wrong.

4. Chelsea
The EPL has no teams in the Champions League semifinals, but I don't think anyone can make a reasonable argument that it isn't the best league in the world. In fact, maybe the rigors of the Premier League is part of the reason there are no teams in the Champions League semis. I mean, Lyon has looked great in the Champions League, but they are tied for third in the French league, 9 points back, and could conceivably finish as low as 6th. Chelsea may be long gone from international play, but sorry, being 1st in the Premier League still counts for alot, and if they can hold on and TCB in the FA Cup final against the true Cinderella club Portsmouth, it should still be considered a very successful season.

5. Man U
Again, I think a lot of what I said about Chelsea applies to Man U. I realize they are out of the Champions League, but would they be out if Wayne Rooney was healthy? Probably not. Still, he's not healthy and injuries are a part of the game so there you go. This team has a lot of heart though, and a lot of talent. They continue to battle hard, and just when you think things were falling apart after they got bounced from the CL by Bayern, lost the showdown at Old Trafford with Chelsea, and followed that up with a frustrating 0-0 draw at Rovers, they pull out a gutty win in injury time against upstart Man City at the Eastlands. In a year when a few big clubs have embarrassed themselves (Liverpool, Juve), Man U continues to be Man U.

6. Lyon
I've tooted the French horn all year long, and now one of them gets to the Final 4 and I disrespect them by saying they are the 6th best team in Europe? Well, they got there by beating another French team, Bordeaux, who happens to be completely disintegrating in the late part of the season, so really I don't know what that tells me, and in the Round of 16 they beat Real Madrid who have made a tradition out of losing in the Round of 16, and on top of that they have no hope of winning Ligue 1 and are in serious danger of not even qualifying for next year's Champions League, sooo.

7. AS Roma
In terms of talent this isn't one of the top 10 teams in Europe, but they must be acknowledged for their performance this season in Serie A. They've overtaken Inter for first place, leading by a point, and they haven't lost a match in Serie A since November. And if that doesn't impress you, check out this fan brawl during their win over Roma rivals Lazio last weekend! Those crazy greaseballs! Ey shaddaupa you face! Ba da ba boo pee!

Well now they have some hope of actually salvaging something out of this really disappointing season. They can thank Espanyol Barcelona for that. The previously mentioned scoreless draw they played Barca to last weekend opened the door for Real to entertain thoughts of winning La Liga. They seem like they are motivated, they took are of 3rd place Valencia 2-0 last weekend. Barca still has to travel to Sevilla and Villarreal, where it's very possible they could drop some points, and if the Champions League takes some starch out of them too, well, Real could sneak in and take La Liga. They're still soft as Kool Whip though and the only league I'd pick them to win is a pillow fight league where the only two teams are them and Arsenal.

I think Robespierre was the last time anything has terrorized France like Olympique Marseille has in the last month and a half. 18 points in their last 6 matches has vaulted them to what seems like an insurmountable 5 point lead in Ligue 1. This will probably be Marseille's first Ligue 1 title since 1992-93. They were stripped of that title though due to match fixing and bankruptcy and rampant sodomy, so technically it's been even longer than that.

Congratulations! You win nothing!

Meanwhile, here in the land of the free, we will take time out from organizing our militias to enjoy the NFL draft this week. Oklahoma QB Sam Bradford will probably be the number one pick despite having a horrible season last year, so hmmm, not so excited about that. I am interested to see where CJ Spiller ends up though because I promise you when the Fantasy Draft rolls around in August, I will make him mine. I plan on doing a live draft blog on Thursday night if everything plays out the way I hope it does, so look for that.

- Jerry Jones is pretty much my new hero for his drunken cutting down to size of master motivator and prickly fat man Bill Parcells.

- Speaking of Parcells, I think he is still kind of in charge of the Miami franchise right? Well, they made some noise by taking the Broncos best player off their hands, acquiring Brandon Marshall for a second round pick this year and a second round pick next year. This is a trade that seems to be bad for both teams. Denver loses the only player on their offense worth a poop, and Miami is going to have to deal with Marshall trying to exist in Miami's goofy 1930's offense, which I'm sure he's going to luuvvvvvvvvvvvv.

Okay then that's it. Enjoy the Champions League semis today! I'll recap tomorrow. Promise.

Friday, April 16, 2010

Liverpool fans...chill out

I was reading comments about Liverpool being for sale when I saw this awesome post:

www.Rooney (4/16/2010 at 1:46 PM)

...yep, gotta love this anti American B.S. Lets see there are no wealthy scourers around the Merseyside, only bag pipes full of air, what gives?. Hmm, if I can relive some history here maybe some of you remember the bombs raining down and around Liverpool. Ah let me see whom saved your as.s. Yeah us scumbag Americans, fought and died for your sorry behind. Now you beg for some Arab Sheik to save you, or German, or Russian, you dont care as long as its not AMERICAN. How many of those Arabs stepped up for Portsmouth? just ask them what change can bring...

...if you find some foreign owner/group to buy LFC, and they decide to go Chelski/Citeh, what do you think will happen than. A bunch of mercenary players and coaches that come and go. How many players do you think will even speak english, let alone from your home land?...

...P.S. your team song is from two American song writers. I hope you love that song, and every time you sing it, just remember its AMERICAN...


Yeah it's from a shitty name like "www.rooney," but this post is kinda owned. :/ Here's some more fun:

bannedpoolfan2 (4/16/2010 at 12:41 PM)
It will be a welcome relief to see the 2 morons americans have their booted out the door. Bring some stability back to the C suite. I'm not sure it will do much for the available funds.. given how pathetic the fat spanish pile of trash is at making buys.. the new owners should not trust that clown with the checkbook! But good riddance to the 2 a.s.sclowns.. go back to losing money on your US based teams!

TheGoDawg (4/16/2010 at 2:38 PM)
I can think of 6 other managers that would have LFC higher than 56 pts.

Jintanah (4/16/2010 at 2:12 AM)
"Having grown the Club this far we have now decided together to look to sell the Club to owners committed to take the Club through its next level of growth and development.

The cowboys lies till the end.

Trackman20 (4/16/2010 at 4:59 AM)
Look at all of those cute signs hating on the Yank Ownership......I should take offense, but realize your goons don't know any better. Enjoy your "climb" to the middle of the table 'Pools. Villa (American) and Man Utd (American) will continue to get better......but at least you'll have some Brits running your pony show.

Thursday, April 15, 2010

On the Offense, Apr 15

Welcome to what I felt like was a good time for an On-the-Offense-style article. I haven't written many things in a post in some time seeing that Nicky P fits that mold, but right now I'm bored.

College Rule Changes

College football just busted out some rule changes to keep college football more about the game and less about personal expression.

The Rule Changes:

1) No eye black messages

Good. I'm sick of assholes talking about religious belief, messages to their girlfriends, and how many dudes touched them in the shower on their fucking eyes. Go get a Twitter account for the media to rape you on. I don't want to see what you're tweeting on your fucking face.

2) In 2011, taunting before you score negates the score.

There is no reason to cry about this one because you can just taunt after you score like a normal person would. Or maybe this is lame because you can't high-step into the end zone. I'd have to see the application of this before I'd bitch about it, but initially, I don't see this as a big deal like most of the media does.

3) No wedge blocks on kickoffs

One of the rare times where the pros did something that's good for the game before college did. I know football is a man's sport, but you're not a man if you get a concussion on a stupid fucking kickoff. It's a kickoff for fucks sake.

Jones and Parcells

Some asshole secretly records Cowboys owner Jerry Jones talking some shit on his ex-coach Bill Parcells. That's just dick. Jones said Bill wasn't worth a fuck or something like that. Jones called Parcells after the asshole released the secretly recorded shit to the media explaining it was sarcastic and Parcells bought it. I can kinda see how it was sarcastic kinda like how I would tell fat chicks they look REALLY FAT but make it sound sarcastic so they don't know I'm calling them fat. My cock is also big.

She said "stop," Ben

They released the police report on Ben's encounter with a 20 year old drunk as fuck sorority girl. Ben, when a drunk girl says stop, that means go. Media is mixed about this defending and attacking the credibility of the girl, but it's pretty much a fact she was drunk and they did have sex. This was someone's daughter he raped...erm...I mean have sex with while under the influence when she was dragged into a bathroom by Ben's bodyguards as she said no and when he was about to be accused the video tapes on it magically disappeared.

I really feel in the minority about this. For example, we all know Raider fans are now Steelers fans. So, I'm talking to this guy at work who's a big Steeler fan and I'm like, "Yo, sup with your QB, dawg?" And he was like, and I shit you not, "Hey, Ben's got two rings, so he can do whatever the fuck he wants." THAT IS A DIRECT QUOTE. I am not fucking shitting you, and I get the feeling a lot of people feel the same fucking way. My dick flops on your face.

The Teabag Party

Here is the real Teabag Party: Tim Tebow, Sam Bradford, and Jimmy Clauson. What a bunch of useless QBs. Fucking Mel Kiper saying Clauson is #4 best player in the draft. Why? Because he played in an NFL-style offense in a normal NFL scenerio where the pressure is constant? Yeah, the pressure was constant because his o-line sucked, but HE DIDN'T DO FUCKING SHIT. Just because you throw some TDs vs shitty ass schools with a shitty o-line doesn't make you awesome. Tim Tebow just sucks. Can't throw right and can't keep his opinions to himself. Gotta make a commercial about "YAY, MY MOM DIDN'T ABORT MY ASS!" Might as well because you a future Ryan Leaf. And is it me or does Sam Bradford look like and act like the biggest doochebag in the fucking world. Man, I clown tools like this everyday. Patrick N teabag on all three of these bitches.

Portsmouths can't be choosers

So, Portsmouth made the FA Cup final, but they have no money to pay players and some players on loan would get like millions of dollars in bonuses if they play in this game. Money Portsmouth don't have. So Lens, the French club one of the players was loaned from, tried to be coo like, "Yo, we let him play for free (would have owed 4 mil) if he doesn't play any other game." Portsmouth should be like hell ya bitches, right? I mean, they not going to win anything else. NOope. Pompay was like, "AND WE SAY NO, FUCKERS." Come on, for real? That's cool. I'm already thinking Chelsea will field a tard squad to make it even versus the return of the Ordinary One, Avram Grant. I tell you one thing, if Ancelotti doesn't win shit, he'll have won as many trophies as Avram Grant did and I think that should be fired city.

Until next time, here's hoping I can get enough inspiration to do this every week.

Saturday, April 10, 2010

Ben's Lawyers Win

From discussions on the ESPN board:

McPimpington says: April 9, 2010, 4:1 PM ET
All the loudmouths who assumed he was guilty before even being charged are now officially fools.

god_of_modesty says: April 9, 2010, 4:0 PM ET
Typical. Another case of fame and money > citizens rights.
Because it's normal to take women into a public restroom and post guards to prevent access AFTER buying the UNDERAGE woman drinks all night.
FBI should be checking bank accounts of Milledgeville, GBI and the club for sudden deposits.

natijim235 (4/10/2010 at 7:08 AM)
wonder how much he had to pay this girl? hey ben - guilty or not - why don't you act your age and if you and your boys need to show off - go out to grownup bars where people your age go.

brynorb (4/10/2010 at 5:27 AM)
Hey Steelers fans! Waddya say we pool our money together and send him an inflatable doll?? Y'know -- to keep him outta trouble

gulfcoastwriter (4/10/2010 at 4:51 AM)
I will never watch another football game in which Roethlisberger is involved. Never. I will not attend a game in which he is involved and I will not view the game of television. He needs to go away.

jwilso1 (4/10/2010 at 4:32 AM)
Actually, she was probably a Steelers fan who came on to Ben, who waanted something more than just a quickie, and Ben said, "Sure, baby," all the while knowing that it would be a quickie, but when she began to protest he turned deaf-oaf. It's who he is. It's what he does. He has been defined. He has the ultimate protection for a serial QB...and it sure aint his O-line.

Monday, April 5, 2010

McNabb Traded to Redskins, Arsenal and Barcenal Give Us A Classic, Chelsea Tops Man U

- Donovan McNabb's decade plus run as starting quarterback of the Philadelphia Eagles is over. He's been traded, and surprisingly traded to a team in the NFC East, the Washington Redskins. This trade doesn't make the Redskins contenders, it merely kind of stabilizes one of the legion of problems this team has had in the Dan Snyder era, the quarterback position.

What it does say to me, though, is that at this point the Eagles don't really think a whole hell of a lot of Donovan McNabb. When Brett Favre left the Packers, the Packers made a point of doing everything they could to avoid him going to Minnesota in 2008, because they didn't want him coming back to haunt them twice a year. While he did eventually end up in Minnesota, and did in fact haunt them by beating them twice last year and costing them home field in the playoffs, he had to do a one year stopover with the Jets before he was able to end up there. The Eagles say the hell with all that, they're sending Donovan to Washington and aren't really worried about facing him twice next year and for the forseeable future.

The closest parallel I can draw here, is when the Patriots let Drew Bledsoe go after he got hurt in the beginning of their first Super Bowl season (2001), and he signed with Buffalo. Bledsoe and McNabb have a lot in common. They both were highly regarded college quarterbacks and first round picks, they both peaked early, they both played in one Super Bowl and lost, they both were probably regarded as better pros in their day then they really were. Bledsoe had a couple of decent seasons in Buffalo and later Dallas, but after he left the Patriots his career generally continued its downward arc. His replacement, Tom Brady, became Tom Brady. I'm not saying Kevin Kolb is Tom Brady, but the Eagles are doing the right thing by turning the keys over to him.

I know I'm kind of all over the place here, but McNabb has always been a lightning rod for me. I think Rush Limbaugh was right about one thing in his life, and McNabb is it. I think he's been very overrated and if there is anything that annoys me it's when the media fawns over someone for no reason. That's not McNabb's fault, but something about him has just always rubbed me the wrong way. The national media is always falling all over themselves to make excuses for him whenever he fails to live up to expectations, or chokes in the 4th quarter of the Super Bowl, or fights with TO, or doesn't know that a game can end in a tie, or dur dee dur dur and so on down the line, and now that he's on the Redskins I don't forsee an end to the excuses being made for him.

It's Opening Day of basebol season! I know because as I write this Obama is getting ready to throw out the first pitch in Washington DC. His pitch was horrible. But he was wearing a White Sox hat, so good for him.

So in honor of Opening Day..lets do a This Week In Baseball style run down of This Week In Futbol....blink blonk...blink blonk

- Wayne Rooney scored in the second minute of Man U's CL match in Munich against Bayern, so everything was going according to plan. But things didn't end so well, Rooney got hurt, and Bayern scored twice in the final 16 minutes of the game to pull out a stunning 2-1 win in the first leg against the club that is the favorites to win this thing. Gary Neville's handball just outside the box gave Frank Ribery a free kick which deflected off Rooney for the equaliser, and Ivica Olic scored the game winner, followed by Rooney being stretchered off the field.

- The scoring started early in the all Ligue 1 quarterfinal matchup between Lyon and Bordeaux. By the 14th minute it was already 1-1. Michel Fernandes Bastos had the go ahead goal in the 32nd minute for Lyon, and Lisandro Lopez added another goal on a PK in the 77th minute to give Lyon a 3-1 advantage heading into the second leg.

- CONCACAF also has a Champions League, it's just not very good. All the semifinalists are from the Mexican League. Toluca and Pachuca tied 1-1 in their semi.

- Last week I wrote something about Arsenal being soft and not having the heart of a champion and bluh bluh bluhhh. Well, they showed otherwise in the first leg of their CL quarterfinal against Barcelona at the Emirates. Zlatan Ibrahimovic scored twice to put favored Barca up 2-0, but Arsenal got up off the mat with a goal from sub Theo Wolcott, and Cesc Fabregas added a PK goal late to even the match up at 2. A nice comeback for Arsenal but it comes at a high cost as both Fabregas and Andrei Arshavin were injured.

- A disappointing home leg leaves Inter vulnerable to elimination when they head to Moscow for the finale against CSKA. Diego Milito scored to give Inter the 1-0 win at the San Siro, but their 2010 Champions League destiny is still very much up in the air with a match at a difficult location still to play. Meanwhile, the priceless Jose Mourinho said last week of Italian football, "I don't like it and it doesn't like me."

- UNAM won 1-0 in their CONCACAF CL match against Cruz Azul.

- The Europa League is also down to its quarterfinal round, and there was a lot of action on Thursday. Liverpool went up 1-0 at Benfica, but Ryan Babel was sent off with a red card, and Oscar Rene Cardozzo scored twice on PK's to give the Portugese side a 2-1 win in a dubiously refereed match. Fulham's Europa League run continues to be a nice story, they are on top 2-1 after the first leg of their matchup with defending German champs vFL Wolfsburg after a win at Craven Cottage. Ruud van Nistelrooy gave Hamburg the edge in a come from behind 2-1 win over Belgian club Standard, and Valencia and Atletico Madrid tied 2-2 in an all-Spanish quarterfinal.

- MLS action on Thursday night, Houston beat Real Salt Lake 2-1 on a pair of PK goals, in homage to the Liverpool loss. Bryan Ching was injured, which will hurt the Dynamo. Edson Buddle had a pair of goals in LA Galaxy's 2-0 win over Chivas USA in the "Superclassico", and the Galaxy are off to a 2-0 start.

- I don't think I've covered this at all, but in case you're interested, the teams currently in position to move up to the EPL, Newcastle, West Brom, and Nottingham Forest, whoa it's been a while for them huh?

- Chelsea has righted the ship after the landmark CL loss to Inter, and it looks like they could get a Premier League title. Saturday's 2-1 win at Old Trafford featured a goal by Drogba where he was clearly offside, but Chelsea dominated the action and deserved the 3 points. The Blues are now on top of the league by 2 points over Man U, and 3 over Arsenal, which ground out a 1-0 win at the Emirates over Wolves.

- Tottenham suffered a huge blow to their CL hopes with a 3-1 loss at Sunderland. The Black Cats were awarded a ludicrous 3 PK's in this match, and won despite missing 2 of them. Former Spur Darren Bent scored in the first minute, then proceeded to make just 1 of 3 penalty attempts, but it was good enough to deal his old team a crushing loss. Man City now moves into the 4th spot on the strength of a 6-1 demolition of Burnley, who looks like they are headed for relegation along with Portsmouth and either Hull or West Ham.

- Barca got 2 goals from Bojan Krkic as they held serve in their never ending game of ping pong against Real for the La Liga lead. They easily handled Athletic Bilbao 4-1 at Camp Neu. Sevilla got a 4-0 win over Richard Alpert's hometown of Tenerife, as they continue to battle Mallorca for the final CL spot from La Liga.

- Status quo holds atop Serie A, as all 3 teams in pursuit of the Scudetto win. Inter throttled Bologna 3-0, with 2 goals from Diego Motta. AS Roma remains 1 point back with a tough 1-0 win at my ancestral home of Bari, while AC Milan lurks 3 points back after surviving a see saw 3-2 win at Catania.

- In MLS, NY Red Bulls are off to a surprising 2-0 start. They got an upset 1-o win at Seattle, their first road win in 27 matches.

- A great week for Bayern Munich, not only did they get that huge win over Man U in the Champions League, but they vault into 1st place in the Bundesliga by topping the old leaders Schalke 2-1. Bayern got a pair of rapid fire goals early in the match from Franck Ribery and Tomas Muller.

- A similarly wonderful week for Lyon, as they follow up their win over Bordeaux with a 2-1 win at Stade Rennes that vaults them into a 3 way tie for the lead in Ligue 1 with Montpellier and Auxerre.

- PDM division leaders Monterrey got a 1-0 win at home over Pumas on a Walter Ayovi PK.

- Any Liverpool aspirations of still getting to the Champions League despite this lousy season took a big hit on Sunday when they could muster only a 1-1 draw at Birmingham. They are now 4 points back of Man City for 4th place.

- Real Madrid remains tied atop La Liga with Barca. They won 2-0 at Racing Santander. A PK goal for Cristiano Ronaldo, and an insurance tally added by Gonzalo Higuain, who now has 24 goals in this La Liga campaign.

- Chivas and Club America renewed their rivalry, and as expected Chivas came away with the 3 points at home in a 1-0 win. America continues to struggle, they are a mediocre 5-5-3.