Welcome to what I felt like was a good time for an On-the-Offense-style article. I haven't written many things in a post in some time seeing that Nicky P fits that mold, but right now I'm bored.
College Rule Changes
College football just busted out some rule changes to keep college football more about the game and less about personal expression.
The Rule Changes:
1) No eye black messages
Good. I'm sick of assholes talking about religious belief, messages to their girlfriends, and how many dudes touched them in the shower on their fucking eyes. Go get a Twitter account for the media to rape you on. I don't want to see what you're tweeting on your fucking face.
2) In 2011, taunting before you score negates the score.
There is no reason to cry about this one because you can just taunt after you score like a normal person would. Or maybe this is lame because you can't high-step into the end zone. I'd have to see the application of this before I'd bitch about it, but initially, I don't see this as a big deal like most of the media does.
3) No wedge blocks on kickoffs
One of the rare times where the pros did something that's good for the game before college did. I know football is a man's sport, but you're not a man if you get a concussion on a stupid fucking kickoff. It's a kickoff for fucks sake.
Jones and Parcells
Some asshole secretly records Cowboys owner Jerry Jones talking some shit on his ex-coach Bill Parcells. That's just dick. Jones said Bill wasn't worth a fuck or something like that. Jones called Parcells after the asshole released the secretly recorded shit to the media explaining it was sarcastic and Parcells bought it. I can kinda see how it was sarcastic kinda like how I would tell fat chicks they look REALLY FAT but make it sound sarcastic so they don't know I'm calling them fat. My cock is also big.
She said "stop," Ben
They released the police report on Ben's encounter with a 20 year old drunk as fuck sorority girl. Ben, when a drunk girl says stop, that means go. Media is mixed about this defending and attacking the credibility of the girl, but it's pretty much a fact she was drunk and they did have sex. This was someone's daughter he raped...erm...I mean have sex with while under the influence when she was dragged into a bathroom by Ben's bodyguards as she said no and when he was about to be accused the video tapes on it magically disappeared.
I really feel in the minority about this. For example, we all know Raider fans are now Steelers fans. So, I'm talking to this guy at work who's a big Steeler fan and I'm like, "Yo, sup with your QB, dawg?" And he was like, and I shit you not, "Hey, Ben's got two rings, so he can do whatever the fuck he wants." THAT IS A DIRECT QUOTE. I am not fucking shitting you, and I get the feeling a lot of people feel the same fucking way. My dick flops on your face.
The Teabag Party
Here is the real Teabag Party: Tim Tebow, Sam Bradford, and Jimmy Clauson. What a bunch of useless QBs. Fucking Mel Kiper saying Clauson is #4 best player in the draft. Why? Because he played in an NFL-style offense in a normal NFL scenerio where the pressure is constant? Yeah, the pressure was constant because his o-line sucked, but HE DIDN'T DO FUCKING SHIT. Just because you throw some TDs vs shitty ass schools with a shitty o-line doesn't make you awesome. Tim Tebow just sucks. Can't throw right and can't keep his opinions to himself. Gotta make a commercial about "YAY, MY MOM DIDN'T ABORT MY ASS!" Might as well because you a future Ryan Leaf. And is it me or does Sam Bradford look like and act like the biggest doochebag in the fucking world. Man, I clown tools like this everyday. Patrick N teabag on all three of these bitches.
Portsmouths can't be choosers
So, Portsmouth made the FA Cup final, but they have no money to pay players and some players on loan would get like millions of dollars in bonuses if they play in this game. Money Portsmouth don't have. So Lens, the French club one of the players was loaned from, tried to be coo like, "Yo, we let him play for free (would have owed 4 mil) if he doesn't play any other game." Portsmouth should be like hell ya bitches, right? I mean, they not going to win anything else. NOope. Pompay was like, "AND WE SAY NO, FUCKERS." Come on, for real? That's cool. I'm already thinking Chelsea will field a tard squad to make it even versus the return of the Ordinary One, Avram Grant. I tell you one thing, if Ancelotti doesn't win shit, he'll have won as many trophies as Avram Grant did and I think that should be fired city.
Until next time, here's hoping I can get enough inspiration to do this every week.