Tuesday, October 2, 2007

Three Technique- Week Four

(4-0) PATRIOTS 34, (1-3) BENGALS 13

1. Tom Brady's posted a 134.7 passer rating thru 4 games. 130 is a perfect rating. If he gets up to 140, he will actually burst out of The Matrix.

2. Note that the Patriots were without their feature back, Laurence Maroney in this game. Sammy Morris stepped in and ran for 117 yards.

3. The Bengals are a mess right now. Chad Johnson was screaming at Carson Palmer as the team walked off the field at halfime, and Marvin Lewis was maniacally swinging his crutches at players in the locker room during the post game rant. I'm not sure about that second part. I kind of just imagined it.

(2-2) GIANTS 16, (1-3) EAGLES 6

1. Osi Umenyiora had as many sacks as the Eagles had points.

2. Donovan McNabb got sacked TWELVE times in this game. He played like the Madden version of him when I'm controlling him at 2 AM on a Saturday night and I've just finished up vomiting 5 minutes earlier.

3. Andy Reid's sons will probably have to hit the crack pipe extra hard after watching that display.

(3-1) SEAHAWKS 23, (2-2) NINERS 3

1. I'm beginning to think my faith in Mike Nolan being one of the coaching genius of the 2010's may be misplaced.

2. I don't know what's more fascinating to ponder, my belly button, or whether Trent Dilfer is worse than Alex Smith.

3. It is time for me to officially admit I was wrong about the Seahawks. I saw them as an NFC power that was going to fall apart this year. The Bears have decided that they are going to fill that role. The Seahawks, meanwhile, look like they will once again win the NL Central, NFL Division.

(3-1) BUCS 20, (2-2) PANTHERS 7

1. Steve Smith caught only 5 passes for 32 yards, and spent most of the second half either sitting on the bench with a towel over his head, or on the phone to the press box screaming at his offensive coaches.

2. Smith may want to save those vocal cords. He'll probably need them again this week because it looks like David Carr is going to start at QB again for the Panthers. The David Carr who went 19 of 41 last week. Chris "No More Yinky My" Weinke not lookin so bad now, huh.

3. RIP Cadillac Williams.

(3-1) LIONS 37, (1-3) BEARS 27

1. The Bears have (or at least are perceived to have) had a great deal of success recently, so it's kind of weird to note that this is actually the 4th time in the last 5 seasons they've started 1-3. The only season since 2003 they didn't start 1-3 was last season.

2. Ho ho and what a 1-3 start it is. Amazing how quickly you can go from hoisting the NFC Championship trophy on your home field, to giving up 34 points to the LIONS in one quarter.

3. This was a huge win for Lions' head coach Mike Martz. What do you mean he's not the head coach? I thought he was. If he's not the head coach why were they saying his name and showing him on the sidelines every five minutes?

(2-2) CHIEFS 30, (1-3) CHARGERS 16

1. A star is being born in KC and he is Dwayne Bowe. The rookie receiver out of LSU had 164 receiving yards and a TD, and has now scored in 3 straight games.

2. Sweet sassy molassey, where do I begin with Chargers? It's too easy to blame Norv Turner, so I'm going to throw some heat Philip Rivers' way. He posted a 44.9 rating in this game, and he's already thrown 6 picks this year after throwing 9 all last season.

3. The Merriman "Lights Out" dance looks really stupid when it's done in a game the Chargers lose 30-16 to a team like the Chiefs.

(4-0) COLTS 38, (2-2) BRONCOS 20

1. Here's the injury report for the Colts heading into a Week 5 tilt with the 3-1 Bucs. Peyton Manning is not hurt. Just about everyone else is.

2. That everyone else includes Joseph Addai, Marvin Harrison, and the man the national media has brainwashed me into believing is the Colts 2nd most valuable player, Bob Sanders.

3. Is it just me or does it seem like Jay Cutler gets worse every week? Hmm..perusing his game log on Si.com I see that he has thrown for progressively less yards every game. So I guess it's not just me.

(2-2) CARDINALS 21, (3-1) STEELERS 14

1. This marked Game 2 of the Cardinals wacky new strategy of using 2 QBs. Matt Leinart no likey this arrangement, he said earlier this week that he wishes the Cardinals would either "ride me or die with me". Geez, when you put it that way I don't know how Ken Whisenhunt can pass up the options of riding Matt Leinart or dying.

2. If you're keeping score, Kurt Warner posted a a 99.7 rating in this game, and Leinart was at 71.4. He also looks like the funkiest middle aged, white, born again Christian I've ever seen playing QB in those receivers gloves.

3. The Cardinals didn't win this game because of Warner or Leinart. They won because their defense came up huge, holding Willie Parker to only 39 rushing yards. Parker had been over 100 in each of the Steelers first 3 games.

(2-2) RAIDERS 35, (0-4) DOLPHINS 17

1. Ladies and Gentlemen, your First Place Oakland Raiders.

2. I rag on Ronnie Brown a lot, but he has looked like a grown ass man the last couple of weeks. His yards per carry average is up almost a full yard over his career average, and there was a play where he just blew the fuck up one of Oakland's defenders in the end zone.

3. Daunte Culpepper getting his vengeance on the man that released him this offseason, the stupidly named Cam Cameron, was the big story in this game. For me, the big story was Huggy Bear from Starsky and Hutch's son, Justin Fargas, coming on for an injured Lamont Jordan and running for 179 yards. I probably was the only person in the entire CBS Sportsline fantasy universe who had him starting for their team last week. I am pretty much smarter than John Nash, and only half as insane.

(1-3) BILLS 17, (1-3) JETS 14

1. Trent Edwards got his first NFL start in this game, and all he did was complete 22 of 28 pass attempts and lead the Bills to a win over a division rival. I'm thinking that's pretty much a wrap for JP Losman.

2. Living in Chicago and listening to a lot of sports talk radio like I do, I hear at least 15 phone calls a day asking why the Bears got rid of Thomas Jones in favor of Cedric Benson. Thru 4 games, Jones has carried 75 times for 254 yards, and Benson's carried 74 times for 239 yards. I'm no Brian Baldinger, but to me, they seem pretty much like the same damn player.

3. Question: Whose career stock has dropped more in the last six months? Michael Vick, or Eric Mangenius? Discuss.

(1-3) FALCONS 26, (2-2) TEXANS 16

1. This was a big win for the Falcons as a franchise. If Matt Schaub came in and ate them up after the Falcons traded him this off-season, it would have amplified the impression that nobody in this organization knows what they are doing. Now nobody can say "Oh hoh hoh why did the Falcons trade Matt Schaub?", because now they've played against Matt Schaub, and Joey Harrington outplayed him and the Falcons won.

2. Bobby Petrino benched star corner D'Angelo Hall for much of this game. Hall and Petrino hate each other's guts. So not only was this Petrino's first NFL win, he also won a pissing contest with a player who said of him "Some guys are meant for the pros and some guys are meant for college".

3. Houston's much improved, but they still look like the 4th best team in the AFC South to me.

(2-2) BROWNS 27, (2-2) RAVENS 13

1. I'm not sure how the Ravens could run 73 offensive plays, the Browns run 48, and the Browns win going away. Let's break that down.

2. Hmmm. On the Ravens' first drive of the game, they got down to the Cleveland 27, then McNair threw an INT. Then on the next play they give up a 78 yard TD pass. Following that, an 11 play Raven drive ends in a missed field goal. OK I guess I'm starting to see how.

3. The Browns are proving to be quite the thorn in the balls of many a division rival this year. They've now beaten the Ravens and the Bengals. The Steelers killed them though.

(4-0) PACKERS 23, (1-3) VIKINGS 16

1. Today I was driving to work, and I saw a water stain under a viaduct that looked just like Brett Favre. On the way home I'm going to light some votive candles next to it. I bet Chris Berman will be there praying to it.

2. I liked the Vikings throwback unis. They weren't that different from the current ones, but I really liked that they did not incorporate any purple spandex. They look like they are either aerobics instructors or wearing Kip Winger's pants in those uniforms they wear now.

3. This Brad Childress thing just isn't going anywhere, is it? I thinks he and Scott Linehan need to be banished back to Norv Turner's Home for Transient Overmatched Offensive Geniuses.

(4-0) COWBOYS 35, (0-4) RAMS 7

1. Barring disaster, I think the Cowboys can go ahead and make their reservations for Glendale, AZ, the first Sunday in February. No, I don't think it's too early to say this. Who's going to stop them in the NFC? The Packers, who can't run the ball or stop the run? The Buccaneers? No. The Cowboys are a bigger slam dunk to be in the Super Bowl than the Patriots.

2. Marc Bulger keeps trying to play with broken ribs and keeps playing badly. Please, for the sake of Torry Holt and my fantasy team, take a couple Sundays off.

3. I wonder how smiley Smilin' Tony Romo is going to be on Oct. 14 at about 6 PM, when Adalius Thomas has his ears pinned back and is chasing after him as Tony runs for his life trying to bring the Cowboys within 3 touchdowns of the Patriots.


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