Monday, July 30, 2007

Third Hand News

Here's your Third Hand News for July 30, 2007. As always, these are lifted directly from's Truth and Rumors, except for the brilliant commentary, which is mine.

- The AJC reports that 200 fans gathered yesterday to show their support for indicted Falcons QB Michael Vick. These people need to be put to sleep.

- The Jaguars have signed 1999 first overall pick Tim Couch to a 2 year contract, and he is expected to compete for a backup QB slot. You may think Tim Couch is a big loser because he was a colossal bust as a football player. I think otherwise, because he's married to this woman:

There are MUCH better photos available on the interweb of Mrs. Tim Couch. But this is a family site.

- The Cincinnati Enquirer reports that corner Deltha O'Neal, who was suspended from the team for a DUI incident last year, is back and better than ever in camp this year, with a "positive attitude". He is now high on one thing, life. Life, and quaaludes.

- The Charlotte Observer tells us the Panthers are happy that coach John Fox has them on a lighter practice schedule this year. I believe this is called getting the players on your side so that it makes it harder to fire you when your team comes up way short of high expectations again.

- Both NY teams have high profile players who are unhappy. Jets O linemen Pete Kendall has said he expects to be playing elsewhere this year, and Michael Strahan is holding out of Giants camp. Strahan's holdout should leave him more time to pursue his offseason hobby of having sex with men.

- With Strahan unhappy, the Giants are considering the option of signing recently released former Buc Simeon Rice. Rice missed half of last year, and had only 2 sacks, but he combined for 26 sack in 04 and 05.

- Contract holdout talk is so goddamn boring. Here's your high profile rookie in camp/out of camp scorecard:

Adrian Peterson: signed and in camp
Brady Quinn: not signed and not in camp, hopefully he is using this time to learn how to tie a tie and not look like such a douchebag.

- The Tampa Tribune says Jon Gruden is totally gay for Jeff Garcia.

- I see Matt Schaub is now wearing David Carr's old #8 jersey for the Texans. I am assuming he is doing this in hopes that if he ends up sucking for them, that the national football media will blame it all on his offensive line. Seriously, ESPN has talked about David Carr like he's a a 6 year old Bengladeshi kid with a hare lip for the last 5 years, like I'm supposed to feel sorry for him or something. OK, I'm sorry you've been getting paid millions and millions of dollars for sucking balls for 5 years. Is there some sort of red iPod I can purchase to help you?

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