The draft is over. Now it is left to know nothing know it alls like myself to try and pick "winners" and "losers". Never mind that in reality, we won't know who the real winners and losers in this draft were until 2010, and by then we should all be much too busy being pleasured by and pleasuring our robot wives to care.
With that in mind, I embark on an ambitious project to critique each of the 32 teams drafts in the next 32 days. I am sure I'll miss some days here in there...but the idea is to have this finished by, like, July.
So, we start with the team that picked first overall, the Miami Dolphins.
Of course, this was the Dolphins' first draft under the auspices of their new president.
That, of course, is Bill Parcells. The guy who would not acknowledge Jason Taylor's existence because Taylor is too busy mincing around in sequins on Dancing With the Stars to mince around in mesh shorts at minicamp.
So who did Parcells and the Dolphins select?
With the first pick in the draft, the Dolphins selected Michigan offensive tackle Jake Long. In doing so, they passed on a pass rusher, Virginia's Chris Long. Jake Long is considered to be a much better run blocker than he is a pass blocker, which I guess is a good thing being that the Dolphins probably will run Ronnie Brown about 700 times next year, seeing as how they have no quarterback and no decent receivers.
The Dolphins used their first pick of the second round to get a defensive end, taking Clemson junior Phillip Merling. Merling, like the guy they passed on, Chris Long, played in the ACC last year. Long had 14 sacks though, while Merling had only 7. The thinking is that Merling is big enough to do more than rush the passer. He's 6-5, while Long is only 6-3. He'll probably start opposite Taylor at end this year.
Miami used its other second round selection to take Michigan QB Chad Henne. Henne is best known for being the QB of the Michigan team that lost to Appalachian State. Because he's a QB and he played at Michigan, a lot of people compared him to Tom Brady going into the draft. Who am I to argue with that logic?
Third round D-lineman Kendall Langford is from I-AA Hampton, and is said to be a project who is 2 years away from contributing. So now you all have something to look forward to.
With their remaining picks, the Dolphins got a pair of O-linemen. Utah State's Shawn Murphy went in the 4th round. He's a Mormon and should play hard to support his wives and children. UConn's Donald Thomas went in the 6th round. They also got a pair of running backs, the more promising of which is Toledo's Jalen Parmele, who ran for 14 TDs last year.
Big Tuna's first draft
UM sucked last year