Tuesday, May 20, 2008

Liverpool is the Best Club (FUoliporter)

In the beginning of the season, I bet Oli Porter that if Newcastle wasn't in the top 6, I would write something for him. Well, fuck, here it is.

Fuck you.

10 Reasons Why Liverpool is the best club

10. Cool logo

The bird looks like a phoenix (it's a liver bird), it's got flames that are symbolic of the Hillsborough Memorial, and it says, "You'll never walk alone" on the logo. All these things are better than a boat on the logo with two volley balls on the side.

9. Cool jersey

Besides the fact that they were the first British professional jersey to have a sponsor on it, it's red. And not the annoying red.

8. Cool nickname

The Reds. It's simple and you know what color their jersey is from their nickname.

7. Crazy fans

They kill people. See #2

6. Cool chant

"You'll never walk alone" was written by two guys from Liverpool. Why is this song cool? In the musical it was written for, "Carousel," Nettie Fowler, the cousin of the female protagonist Julie Jordan, sings the song to comfort and encourage Julie when her husband, Billy Bigelow, the male lead, has killed himself after a failed robbery. It's a song comforting someone that killed himself because he fucked up stealing shit. How is that not cool?

5. Nice stadium

Whereas everyone else makes new stadiums, Liverpool did it right the first time, only ever playing in Anfield. Alright, another one is being built, but it's because Americans want that.

4. Great history

18 football league championships, seven League Cup victories, five European cups, twice winning three cups in one season, and once getting the double (League and FA Cup). And a partridge in a pear fucking tree, eat shit.

3. Amazing players

Steven Gerrard, Michael Owen, Robbie Fowler, John Barnes, Steve McManaman, Peter Beardsley, and Fernando Torres are some of the sweet players the have or are playing for the club. Big boner time. When I look at other teams' historic rosters, RIP my boner.

2. Great rivalries

Liverpool fans are crazy and they kill people. They fight for anything. They hate Manchester United because they are successful and are near them. They hate Everton because of religion. They hate your mom because she didn't give birth to a Liverpool fan. Liverpool fans are crazy and will go to your country to tell you so.

1. Great city to play in

Have you ever even BEEN to Liverpool to see how awesome it is? Okay, well, I haven't either. But Oli Porter says it's awesome like the picture below.

There Oli. I paid off my debt. Dick.


Oli said...

What are we betting on this season then??

Patrick N said...

I dunno, I have to see the teams. Fuck John Terry.

Nick Pomazak said...

You forgot that their jerseys advertise beer, which reminds you of being drunk..which is always a good thing

Patrick N said...

Or how about Newcastle is cool because there's a beer named after them. That's pretty cool too