Tuesday, June 10, 2008

Euro 08--Kinda Like The World Cup I Guess, Day 3






You all remember this right? Of course you do. World Cup Final, 2 years ago, Greasy Daygo calls bald French guy's sister a whore, bald French guy headbutts greasy Daygo. It was awesome.

Well, here we are two years later, and, by some crazy coincidence that would embarrass David Stern, Italy and France somehow end up in the SAME GROUP of the Euro 08 draw. I know, crazy how that stuff works out, right?
In addition to Italy and France, Group C also drew the Netherlands, earning it the designation as this tournament's "Group Of Death"!!

So what happened when the Group Of Doom convened for the first time on Monday? Let's find out.


BLEHHHHHH!

FRANCE 0, ROMANIA 0

Like the vampires they probably are, Romania sucked the life out of heavily favored France's jugular vein, impaling anyone's desire to watch this game as they ground to a 0-0 draw. They celebrated this moral victory well into the night, all the way until sunrise in fact, when they all crawled back in their coffins and went to sleep.





Ayyyyyy.....Ohhhhhhh....Whatsammatta You???

NETHERLANDS 3, ITALY 0
As you might remember, Italy is the defending World Cup champion. They may have months old mountains of garbage piled up in the streets of Naples, but you can't take that away from them. On Monday, the Dutch paid no mind to that though, and handed the Italians their worst loss evah in European Championship play.

Ruud Van Nistelrooy got things started by scoring a goal on which he was clearly offsides, and the Italians protested, as seen above.

That Ruud was offsides shouldn't be much of a surprise though. You know that guy you play hoops with at the gym that is always cherry picking and never playing defense, that's Van Nistelrooy. He can score though.

That goal ended up being just one of many though, as the Dutch continued to pour it on, virtually raping the comatose bodies of the Italian team, then calling their friend Dowry to take it out into the water and dump the body. That's how the Dutch roll, just ask Joran Van Der Sloot.




The Italians looked old (9 starters over 30) and bad (scoreboard). Their goalie, Giorgi Buffon, gave up three goals, but at least he has this hotness to go home to (wife pictured below):




Very nice. I'm pretty sure she's Russian though, which, according to my Polish born soon to be bride, automatically makes her a big whore. Not that there's anything wrong with that.

1 comment:

Patrick N said...

three great articles, nicky p oh ho ho