Tuesday, March 24, 2009

I'm Checkin In.....

No more pills or alcohol....no more stinkin fun at all!!

Sorry broke into song there. Haven't posted in a while. I'm resting my neurons for the NFL draft I think. But I am watching, and lurking, and formulating opinions. Here's my opinions on some of the steady drizzle of football and futbol news thats been happening in the last few weeks. Settle back and pour yourself something nice and warm. Mr. Sakomoto wants you to be comfortable while he does his thing.


Damn I think someone is mixing some Boli in with Cutler's insulin. Oh wait, that's a different Jay Cutler. I meant this Jay Cutler:

Was he playing quarterback for the Broncos when they lost 5 in a row to end the season and miss the playoffs last year? He was? Hmmm..and he is good then why? Because he throws hard? OK. He played in a division where he gets to play the Raiders and Chiefs twice apiece and he still couldn't make the playoffs? Wow.

Somehow, despite having all these nice lines on his resume from last year, he sees fit to feel all sad because his new coach wanted to bring Matt Cassel in and trade him somewhere else. Well, here's the secret to that not happening Jay, don't suck so bad that you get your old coach fired.

So far, Jay Cutler is notable to me for three things. One, he had a cartoon character of him on South Park sitting in a hot tub, where it was said that he "kind of sucks right now, but might be good some day."

Second, judging by the 4 chins he's been wearing since the start of last season, he might accomplish the mean feat of going from Type 1 diabetes to Type 2 diabetes. Seriously, using my special proprietary software I've generated this photo of what he's going to look like in September at his current pace:

Three, he's the best quarterback to come out of the 06 draft. Better than Matt Leinart and Vince Young, yaaaay. Jay Cutler, you can have him.

The NFL will almost certainly extend their season to either 17 or 18 games beginning in 2010. Most likely 18 games because the teams that get only 8 home games on their schedule instead of 9 will bitch and moan like you have never seen if its an odd number of games. My opinion on this is, by the end of the NFL season I can't wait for it to be over as it is. Did the Lions really need to play 2 more games last year? Did we really need the Chiefs to roll it out there two more times? If anything they should eliminate half the teams after 8 games.

A quick rundown of the quarterfinal matchups, set to the tune of "Harden My Heart" by Quarterflash.


There's a very simple formula to use when handicapping Champions League matches. If an English team is playing against any non-English team, pick the English team. If a Spanish team is playing anyone besides an English team, take the Spanish team. So I take Barca. Oh sorry, I meant Catalan team. Yeesh, get over yourselves. I'll tell you the same thing I tell all the Quebecois. If your people were so great they'd have their own country.


Man U is busy coughing up the Premier League title as if they were the Mets trying to make the playoffs or something. They ain't losin to no Portugese team though.


Arsenal came damn close to blowing my whole England Uber Alles formula, needing PKs to get past AS Roma in the round of 16. They've been playing better since signing Andrei Arshavin, and they might be a darkhorse to win this thing. Villarreal got to the quarters by beating Panathinaikos, from Greece. This is the end of the line for them.


These 2 met in the semis last year, and Chelsea won. This matchup is notable because it gives Patrick another chance to kick Oli's ass, after Liverpool completely teabagged Real Madrid in the quarterfinals. If they do the same thing to Chelsea, Patrick has to become Oli's manservant.


"Major League" "Soccer" had their opening weekend last week. It was quite the hootnanny.

-Seattle won their inaugural match, clipping the wings of Red Bull New York 3-0. Fredi Montero, who is on loan from Colombian club Cali, had a pair of goals.

- The last 2 MLS Cup winners, Columbus and Houston squared off, and drew 1-1. Brian Ching scored for Dynamos and Guillermo Barros Schelotto, who played 10 years with Boca Juniors in Argentia, had the equaliser.

- Kenny Cooper scored a ridiculous goal from behind midfield for FC Dallas. I'd put a clip up but it's not on youtube. Somebody who works for MLS might want to put it out there to, I don't know, create some interest in the league or something. Chicago got goals from Justin Mapp, Brian McBride, and Cuauhtemoc Blanco though, and the Fire cruised to a 3-1 win.

- Amado Guevara, who it may interest you to know, is captain of the Honduran national team, scored twice to lead Toronto to a 3-2 win over Kansas City.

- Paulo Naga...naga...naga...na gonna work here anymore...Nagamura scored a pair of goals to give Chivas USA a 2-1 win over Colorado.

- Khele Dube is a Zimbabwean who earns a salary of 40 quadrillion Zimbabwe dollars an hour for the New England Revolution. He also scored the only goal in a 1-0 win at San Jose.

- Landon Donovan scored a pair of goals to give the LA Galaxy a 2-2 home draw against DC United.

Alright..that's it. See I'm not dead after all!

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