So did everyone see the Oscars last night? All I kept thinking was, "God I hope this ends soon so they can get Peter O'Toole back in his sarcophagus before he turns to dust." I really shouldn't make fun though. To paraphrase Yoda, when nine hundred and seventy years old I am, look as good I will not.
I've decided that being that we have a little over a month until Opening Day, it might be a good idea to see how beloved White Sock stack up against their 4 rivals in the strongest division in baseball, the AL Central. Where do the Sox compare favorably with the perennially overachieving Twins and perennially underachieving Indians? Where do last year's darlings from Detroit have an edge over our Sox? Will the Royals be able to give any other AL Central teams besides the Sox a headache this year? I'm going to answer all of those questions over the next month.
When we're all done, hopefully we'll all be mincing around like the Cub fans who are expecting that they are going from 95 losses to the World Series this year. (They play in a weak division though, let's keep that in mind. A weak division that has a team that has won that division 3 years in a row, has the best player in the world, and is the defending World Champions. But the Cubs have Ted Lilly and Alfonso Soriano now, and the mastermind that turned the Devil Rays into the dynasty they are today pulling the strings, so let's hand them the division now why don't we.)
FIRST BASE
It only makes sense that the first position we look at is the lukewarm corner, first base. Let's meet the five guys projected to start at first base in the AL Central this year.
WHITE SOX- PAUL KONERKO
2006 STATS .313/35 HR/113 RBI/.932 OPS
Paulie's power numbers were very slightly down last year, but his 06 batting average was 30 points higher than in 2005, and was the best of his career. He's had 3 seasons in a row of 100+ RBI, and is as durable as they come. If I had to be sodomized by one man, it may as well be him.
MINNESOTA TWINS- JUSTIN MORNEAU
2006 STATS .321/34 HR/130 RBI/.934 OPS
The Twins waited and waited and waited for this 25 year old to blossom into manhood, enduring a dismal 05 season from him where he hit .239 with an OBP just slightly above .300. He had a miserable April in 06, but then caught fire and was one of the best hitters in baseball the rest of the season. I hope this asshole goes back to sucking this year, fuck him.
DETROIT TIGERS- SEAN CASEY
2006 STATS .272/8 HR/59 RBI/.786 OPS
These are your almighty Tigers, with a first baseman who is playing for his 3rd team in 2 seasons and hit 8 home runs last year. Eight home runs was a respectable total for a first baseman in 06 though, 1906. If Casey falters, the Tigers can always hope Chris Shelton's pact with Satan hasn't expired yet.
CLEVELAND INDIANS- RYAN GARKO
2006 STATS .292/7 HR/45 RBI/.829 OPS
Ladies and Gentlemen, Ben Broussard's right handed evil twin.
KC ROYALS- RYAN SHEALY
2006 STATS .280/7 HR/36 RBI/.789 OPS
Baseball Prospectus calls this guy a potential right handed version of Travis Hafner, but then they have this similarity index that says the guy most like him is Julio Zuleta, the big fruitcake that used to rub banana squashes on his bat when he was with the Cubs in the early aughts. That's a pretty wide disparity of who you're comparing him to, there. You can't have 2 days off for the Hamburglar's birthday, you have to pick one.
RANKINGS
So now that we've met the AL Central's first sackers, here's how I rank them.
1. Konerko SOX
2. Morneau TWINS
3. Shealy ROYALS
4. Garko INDIANS
5. Casey TIGERS
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