Monday, December 29, 2008

Bill Parcells's 11 Commandments Applied

Parcells, while controversial with his "Jap plays," is a genius. When he talks, you listen because he actually knows what he's talking about. I want to use his 11 Commandments for quarterbacks and grade three quarterbacks: Tony Romo (who apparently reads them in the beginning and end of each season), Brett Farve, and Matt Ryan, different age groups in the NFL.

1. Press or t.v., agents or advisors, family or wives, friends or relatives, fans or hangers on, ignore them on matters of football, they don't know what's happening here.

Romo: F - Stop listening to Colin Cowherd who says your team owns and stop listening to Jessica Simpson. She's not stupid; she dupid.
Farve: C - He didn't listen to his wife to stay retired.
Ryan: n/g - No one told him to do shit.

2. Don't forget to have fun, but don't be the class clown. Clowns and leaders don't mix. Clowns can't run a huddle.

Romo: F - Fucking clown shoes.
Farve: A - One thing Farve isn't is a clown. But that speech before the Miami game brought more insight into Farve's leadership skills. He obviously leads more my example than by words because his speech sucks.
Ryan: A - No personality, had fun because all he had to do was hand off to Michael "I'm Larry Johnson now" Turner.

3. A quarterback throws with his legs more than his arms. Squat and run. Fat quarterbacks can't avoid the rush.

Romo: B - Well, he ain't fat, but did he really need to fumble the ball so much?
Farve: A - At 39 he was still avoiding the rush by throwing INTs.
Ryan: A - Young guys aren't fat.

4. Know your job cold. This is not a game without errors. Keep yours to a minimum. Study.

Romo: C - He more like crammed.
Farve: F - He showed up to class and was like, "Oh snap, there's a test? I just wing dis shit."
Ryan: B - He made errors, but for a rookie, they weren't too bad. It does help that if shit goes bad you can just hand the ball off to Turner. Ask Philip Rivers last year.

5. Know your own players. Who's fast? Who can catch? Who needs encouragement? Be precise. Know your opponent.

Romo: D - He really sucked at this. I felt like TO was more a leader than Romo, and that's not good.
Farve: F - PICKED OFF.
Ryan: A - "Michael Turner really runs the ball well. I should encourage myself to hand the ball to him. A lot."

6. Be the same guy everyday. In condition, preparing to lead, studying your plan. A coach can't prepare you for every eventuality. Prepare yourself and remember, impulse decisions usually equal mistakes.

Romo: F - "Shit, Bill was right about that impulse shit. 44-6 :("
Farve: F - This guy is 90% impulse.
Ryan: C - Rookies are streaky, even the good ones. I couldn't depend on Ryan for my fantasy team and had to bench him for Cassel mid-season.

7. Throwing the ball away is a good play. Sacks, interceptions, and fumbles are bad plays. Protect against those.

Romo: D - 44-6.
Farve: F - Shiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiittttttttttt.
Ryan: B - He had an INT problem sometimes, but I don't remember him having a game where he had more INTs than TDs.

8. You must learn to manage the game. Personnel, play call, motions, ball handling, proper reads, accurate throws, play fakes. Clock, clock, clock, don't you ever lose track of the clock.

Romo: F - "Is it time to end the season yet?"
Farve: F - "It's not time for me to retire yet."
Ryan: A - "Time for the playoffs!"

9. Passing stats and td passes are not how you're gonna be judged. Your job is to get your team in the end zone and that's how you're gonna be judged.

Romo: F - 44-6.
Farve: B - One thing's for sure, he don't care about stats.
Ryan: A - For a rookie, he did well managing his team into the end zone whether through the air or ground.

10. When all around you is in chaos, you must be the hand that steers the ship. If you have a panic button, so will everyone else. Our ship can't have panic buttons.

Romo: F - Panic Button hit when Williams was crying for the ball.
Farve: B - He didn't really panic; he just was Farve and threw a bunch of INTs. His completion percentage is 70%, half of that percentage are completions to the other team.
Ryan: C - No real drama. Was it Ryan's doing? Probably not, but we'll never know and that's how it should be.

11. Don't be a celebrity quarterback. We don't need any of those. We need battlefield commanders that are willing to fight it out everyday, every week, and every season, and lead their team to win after win after win.

Romo: F - Me and Jessica sitting in a tree, EFF - YOO - SEE - KAY - EYE - EN - GEE my career.
Farve: F - Madden: "He's a God, BOOM!"
Ryan: A - Who the fuck are you?


Obviously, being a rookie and having a stud for a RB helped Ryan do well. Romo is overrated, but really not even Parcells was able to handle the Cowboys when it was just TO being TO. Now TO was more of the sane head on the team, which shows how bad things are. Farve is Farve and led to Mangini getting fired. OOPS. Who would have thought you needed to keep Chad Pennington over Farve to keep your job?

Lions livin' the dream. Thank you for doing it. I poured one for the homies in homor of your historic season. I'm buying a Lions jersey today.

1 comment:

Nick Pomazak said...

CLOWN SHOES...bwahahahahha...awesome..