Inter Milan: A guide to making treble winning teams in today's market

In today's economy, teams are either poor or REALLY rich. You have teams like Portsmouth owing 200 mil and getting relegated, and then you have Man U, Man City, Chelsea, Real Madrid, and Barcelona spending a zillion dollars for players. You may be thinking, "But Patrick, what about Liverpool, Aston Villa, and other high midtable teams? They don't have a lot of budget but do well." If by well you mean "high midtable" then yeah, they do "well." Liverpool gets a bunch of money for the players they lost and didn't buy shit. AC Milan got a bunch of money for Kaka and didn't buy shit. These teams either can't spend the money, or they can't offer up enough money to get the players worth spending a zillion dollars for. But back to the matter at hand, these rich teams leeched all the great players. You know what they didn't leech? A treble. Inter Milan was able to get a treble and manage money wisely. This is a guide on how to make an awesome team based on the Inter Milan model:

1) Defensive coach

Jose Mourinho was fired from Chelsea, not because he lost, but because he didn't win beautifully. Chelsea fans still sing his name. Jose's "teacher" Louis van Gaal was quoted as saying Mourinho just coaches to win, he coaches to play beautiful and win. Essentially, Jose's path to a Champions League title went through the three most beautifully playing soccer in the world: Chelsea, Barcelona, and Bayern Munich. In all three, these teams held a significant amount of possession, 65/35 in their favor, and still were unable to mount victory.

It is not that Jose's team plays ugly to win. They don't bunker. You can't win scoring 1 goal and then playing D all day. Jose's team played a counter style where they played beautifully when they actually had the ball, but mostly just conserved energy on D. How this fits for low budget teams is that you don't need to spend a zillion dollars for a defensive scheme. Jose was able to get a bunch of defenders that he rotated and, thus, was able to maintain a level of quality at all times in the backline. Essentially with a defensive coach, you can pay a little bit of money for B to B+ players for the backline, and still do well because a defensive team depends on the whole team holding their lines and being well-coordinated, which you can see in Inter's game.

2) Overvalue hyped players and use the money to get solid ones

Ibra is a crybaby pussy. The next few sentences have nothing to do with the guide, but I wanted to make sure everyone knew how much of a little pansy bitch Ibra is. Ibra does not want to go to the Premier League because it rains too much. Ibra = C U Next Time.

This does make a nice transition into the guide. Ibra wanted to leave to a "bigger club." He was THE striker teams wanted. Inter sold him for 40 mil and then picked up Eto'o (for free), Motta, Sneijder, Lucio, and Pandev. Besides Pandev (who was supposed to be good), all four of these players were instrumental in Inter's run for the treble, especially Sneijder who was unwanted by Real Madrid (he was willing to sit the bench to stay with them) and Lucio. These were solid players that fit the system. I remember when my friend who was an Inter fan was panicking because they got a "Real Madrid reject." I assured him that Sneijder, while injury prone, is really good. I'm so fucking smart.

You ever had those finger skateboards? I did. I held the sides of the board and sold it to this guy at school in 3rd grade. He gave me the $5 and I gave him the board and the wheels fell off. I said, "As is motherfucker." Patrick N 1 - Dumbass 0. Now replace Patrick N with Inter Milan, Dumbass with Barca, and the finger skateboard with Ibra and you have a perfect analogy.

Or think of in "Dumb and Dumber" when they sold the headless bird to the blind kid. It's like that. Yes, if you have never seen this movie, the headless bird sale is as funny as it reads.