Wednesday, January 23, 2008

8 In The Box- NFC Championship

1. The most insightful analysis of this game came not from anybody involved in the broadcast, or any of the interviews with the players involved. No, the most insightful analysis came from my football hating girl Sylvia, who, watching this game asked me, "I thought New England just won the championship? So is this game for like second place or something?".

I explained to her that New England had won the conference championship, and would play in the Super Bowl, and the winner of this game would play New England in the Super Bowl in two weeks. Then, while listening to myself explain this to her, realized she was right in the first place, and said, "Yes, for all intents and purposes, this game is for second place, you are exactly right."

2. I'm thinking sometime next Tuesday I will accidentally trip over Charles Woodson, being that Brandon Jacobs knocked him into next week on his first carry of the game. My God.

3. While I'm picking on Green Bay cornerbacks, let's point out that Plaxico Burress (11 catches, 154 yards) absolutely sodomized the renowned Al Harris. I hope Al Harris showered thoroughly after the game to reduce his chances of catching HIV. I get all my HIV avoidance tips from African National Congress president Jacob Zuma.

4. When Jacobs ran it in from the 1 yard line to give the Giants a 13-10 lead, I do have to say I was very disappointed in his choice of "Superman dance" over his signature "Launching the Ball Angrily and Frighteningly Into the Wall" celebration. His football into the gameclock routine in Dallas better be executable on Madden next year or else it's going right back to Gamestop.

5. Everybody knows that Lawrence Tynes saved himself from being villified and unemployed by drilling the game winning field goal after missing one that could have won it in regulation. Less publicized was that Giants corner Sam Madison made an even bigger screw up than Tynes when he got called for a personal foul (committed nowhere near the play) in the 3rd quarter that kept a Green Bay drive alive and led to a Packer TD on the next play, rather than a 47 yard field goal attempt.

6. Do NOT let RW McQuarters hold your baby! Unless it's wearing a helmet. I think the RW stands for "Shit I fumbled again.". He carries the ball like he has no fingers. I could go on all day like this.

7. The Packers had one offensive weapon in this game, Donald Driver. Driver had 141 receiving yards. The rest of the team had a combined 124 yards from scrimmage.

8. Count me as somebody who has just discovered It's an amazing site where in a matter of seconds you can simulate a game between literally any NFL, NBA, MLB, or NHL team of all time against another one. Just for shitz and giggles, I'm gonna run 5 Super Bowl sims right now.

Game 1: Patriots 23, Giants 21

The Pats get the ball down 21-20 on their own 18 at the 2 minute warning, and they drive downfield for a game winning 38 yard FG by Gostkowski. Brady throws for only 180 yards. Brandon Jacobs has 113 rushing yards.

Game 2: Giants 24, Patriots 22

Jacobs destroys the Pats, rushing for 173 yards and 3 TDs. Justin Tuck has 3 sacks for the Giants.

Game 3: Giants 17, Patriots 16

Giants somehow win despite having only 7 completed passes. Patriots have trouble converting long drives into TDs.

Game 4: Giants 20, Patriots 10

Jacobs gets 100 yards on 21 carries. Burress TD late in 4th quarter seals the victory.

Game 5: Patriots 23, Giants 10

Pats trail at half but pull away after Tom Petty's halftime zipper malfunction. Randy Moss wins MVP with 105 yards and a TD.

So there you go. Kind of surprising. 3 out of 5 scenarios the Giants win straight up, and I think they cover the spread in all 5. If this thing is worth anything, you should go bet on the Giants today.

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