(3-0-1) LIVERPOOL 2, (1-1-1) MANCHESTER UNITED 1
Liverpool's manager Rafael Benitez has had nine tries to get a win over Man U in Premier League play, and now he's finally got over the hump. Dutch forward Ryan Babel came off the bench and scored the winner in the 76th minute. Man U continues to struggle early in this season. They had an own goal and a red card in this match, and they wear the logo of a company that's going bankrupt on their shirt. Losers.
(1-2-1) BLACKBURN 0, (3-1-0) ARSENAL 4
Rovers celebrate becoming the club I support by getting throttled at home by Arsenal. Welcome to my circle of failure, lads. Emanuel Adebayor explooooooooodes for a hat trick, his first 3 goals of this season after scoring 24 last year.
(2-1-0) FULHAM 2, (1-2-1) BOLTON 1
Wellity, wellity, wellity....look at the Cottagers off to a fast start after shitcanning all their American players. As for Bolton, they are struggling, but I still celebrate their entire catalog.
(1-2-1) NEWCASTLE 1, (2-1-1) HULL CITY 2
The newcomers dust themselves off after absorbing a 5-0 pounding from Wigan in their last outing, and stun Newcastle on the road. A pair of goals for Marlon King provided the win for the Tigers. King is actually on loan to Hull from Wigan, which I always think is a bizarre arrangement, since nothing like that exists in American sports. It should though. Like, for example, how much would the Cubs love to loan out Felix Pie to say, the Mariners or something, to get major league at bats without hurting their own chances since Pie has yet to figure out how to hit major league pitching? I predict we will see this in the next 10 years. Meanwhile, the awesomely named "Xisco" scores Newcastle's only goal in defeat.
(2-2-0) PORTSMOUTH 2, (2-2-0) MIDDLESBROUGH 1
Boro had a 1-0 lead at halftime, and forced Pompey to come out in a more aggressive formation in the second half. The change worked, and Jermain Dafoe got a pair of second half goals to give Portsmouth the victory.
(1-2-1) WEST BROM 3, (2-2-0) WEST HAM 2
Chris Brunt scored the goal that clinched West Brom's promotion last season, and he scored the goal that gave them their first Premiership win of this season. There was a guy in my frat in college named Brunt. One day he took a bunch of his roomates shit, took off, and never came back. I wonder if this is the same guy. Probably not.
(1-2-1) WIGAN 1, (1-2-1) SUNDERLAND 1
Amr Zaki scored his league leading 4th goal of the season to give Wigan the draw at home. Amr Zaki, from here on out, on this website, you are "Tarbash, The Egyptian Magician". You do magic act. You eat hot coal. You stab customer in eye with sabre. For encore, you punch your chest, and it disappears into the crowd.
(2-2-0) MANCHESTER CITY 1, (3-0-1) CHELSEA 3
The amazing, fantastical, thumb-sucking Robinho made his MCFC debut, and scored a goal to put his new team up 1-0. Then Chelsea went to work and put the ass kicking on the home team. They're the best team in the world right now.
(1-3-0) STOKE CITY 2, (2-2-0) EVERTON 3
The Potters come back to equalise from a 2-0 deficit, but that lead magically disappeared, and Everton's Tim Cahill, who has been hampered by a foot injury this year, used the Cruciatus curse to score the winning goal and send the home team to Azakaban, 3-2. Mine tastes like cherry! Mine tastes like strawrberry! This tastes like penis!
(0-3-1) TOTTENHAM 1, (2-1-1) ASTON VILLA 2
Spurs had 2 new players in their lineup, but the result was the same as its been lately, another loss. They remain the only team in the league who has yet to taste the sweet, sweet nectar of victory.
THRU WEEK 4
TOP 5 (PLAYED/POINTS/GD)
1. CHELSEA 4/10/+7
2. LIVERPOOL 4/10/+3
3. ARSENAL 4/9/+7
4. ASTON VILLA 4/9/+2
5. HULL CITY 4/9/-3
16. NEWCASTLE 4/4/-3
17. SUNDERLAND 4/4/-3
18. BLACKBURN 4/4/-6
19. STOKE CITY 4/3/-3
20. TOTTENHAM 4/1/-3
TOP 5 GOAL SCORERS
1. JERMAIN DEFOE, PORTSMOUTH 4
1. AMR ZAKI, WIGAN 4
3. EMMANUEL ADEBAYOR, ARSENAL 3
3. GABRIEL AGBONLAHOR, ASTON VILLA 3
3. BLUMER ELANO, MANCHESTER CITY 3
3. MIDO, MIDDLESBROUGH 3
3. ROBIN VAN PERSIE, ARSENAL 3
3. AYEGBENI YAKUBU, EVERTON 3
AROUND THE WORLD
Even though every league in the world sucks compared to the English one, here's an update on some of the more glamorous clubs weekend went.
2 games, only 1 point so far in La Liga for Barca. They got the whistling of a lifetime as they bumbled their way to a 1-1 home draw against Racing Santander. They managed to pull it together though, to start off Champions League Group Stage play with a 3-1 win over Sporting Lisbon.
Thrilled their home crowd with 4 first half goals against Numancia, then held on for a 4-3 win. This was the first win of the league season for Real after they drew in their opener. They face Belarus' surprising BATE club in Champions League play this week.
Shook off a slow start to put away visiting Catania 2-1. Inter now has 4 points out of their first 2 matches.
Ronaldinho's new club continues to sputter, dropping to 0-2 in Serie A with a 2-0 loss to Genoa. They are also shut out of Champions League play. This club is hurting.
Remain unbeaten (with one tie) with a 1-0 home win over Udinese. Juventus will face Zenit St. Petersburg in their first Champions League group play match this week.
Drilled hosting Koln 3-0 behind 2 goals from Italian star Luca Toni, and a goal from Lukas Podolski. Bayern is in second place in the Bundesliga thru 4 weeks, 2 points behind Hamburg.