"Hey Patrick, my DirecTV box just crashed right in the middle of a Sunday Ticket day. Even in the future, nothing works." -Nicky P
This is an email I sent today to Dish Network:
This afternoon I went to visit a fountain to reflect upon the loss of the only channel I cared about, GolTV, before it was cruelly taken from me 3 days after I signed to your terrible service. There was a father and son there. The son said, "Daddy, when will mommy be coming back? I miss her." The father sadly told him she wasn't ever coming back. The father walked away and the boy solemnly stood there in front of the fountain. Another child saw the boy sad and told him that if he threw a coin into the fountain, he could make any wish he wanted to. The boy, invigorated by the prospect of a wish, took out the only quarter he owned, ironically given to him by his mother. As the boy closed his eyes, he reared back to throw the coin. Suddenly, I charged in, took the coin from the boy's hand and threw the coin into the fountain so that I could wish that GolTV came back. Thanks for killing this boy's mother.
In a choice between mommy killers and a box crashing, I hate mommy killers more.