1. I think the FCC needs to investigate and possibly fine ESPN for that Jon Gruden/Ron Jaworski/Brett Favre bukkake they broadcast on Monday Night. There was way more homoeroticism during that broadcast than anything I've seen on Bravo in the past year. That, and I don't think I've heard the word "laser" that many times in one evening in my life. The next morning at Dunkin Donuts I was all like, "Wow look at that coffee coming out of the machine, that's like a LASER!".
2. So the Vikings are 4-0, which puts them in the company of 2 other NFC teams. One of them is the Saints, who had a showdown against the 3-0 Jets in Week 4, and came out on top 24-10 despite their wacky circus offense only managing 190 passing yards. It turns out they could have won without any offense at all, as the 2 TDs the Saints defense scored were enough to win the game. Darren Sharper had a 99 yard INT return, and Remi Ayodele recovered a Mark Sanchez fumble in the end zone. The Saints now have a turnover differential of +7, best in the NFL, and a defense that has played on almost as a high a level as their well-documented offense. They have a bye this week, but come back in Week 6 for another clash of the unbeatens, this time against the Giants.
3. Me and Dook!e's fantasy team is off to a 3-1 start, and I think it's 100% because of the bet we made on Eli Manning to Steve Smith being the breakout connection of 2009. First off, here's how good Eli has been, I drafted him to be my backup to Tom Brady, and Brady's ass has been on my bench the last 2 weeks and will be again this week so long as Eli's plantar fascitis is under control enough to allow him to play. Thru 4 weeks Eli has a 104.0 passer rating. His favorite target has been Smith, who I grabbed laaaaate in our draft, like after the 10th round late. Smith leads the NFL in receptions and yards, and has over 100 yards receiving per game. Mind you, this is a guy I tried to trade for Willie Parker straight up, and for Cedric Benson AND a draft pick. You know what response I got on the Benson deal? "I thought it was the Steve Smith from the Panthers." Yeah well this one is better. Now Parker and Benson are both hurt and I still have the #1 receiver in the NFL. Oh yeah, and the Giants are 4-0 and stomped the Chefs, who really need to pack up their knives and go, 27-16.
4. The 49ers rebounded from their smiting by a mighty laser from Brett Favre, scoring 3 DST touchdowns in a 35-0 emasculation of the soon to be Rush Limbaugh-owned St. Louis Rams. The Niners are 3-1 and already have a 1 1/2 game lead with a game in hand over the second place Cardinals in the NFC West. I would be excited about the Niners and their hot start, but they have 3 wins, and all 3 of them are against the NFC West. So until they prove they can beat anyone who isn't in that crappy division or about to be bought by someone who is only buying them for the free painkillers in the trainers room. I think the best they do is winning the division with a 6-10 record. Oh yeah...Michael Crabtree is signed. Hope he is ready to get taped to a goalpost. Because I think that's going to happen to him once a week.
5. The Lions' winning streak ended at 1. They lost 48-24 to the Bears despite being tied 21-21 at halftime. Matt Stafford looked really good in the first half, but since there is no hope allowed in Detroit, he dislocated his kneecap in the second half and now the Lions may have to rely on Daunte Culpepper and his tiny little kizzarny hands.
6. Everybody is gaga over this ballboy who apparently is "as fast as Johnny Knox". What? Looking at this video it looks like Knox overtakes him at the 50 then ends up 20 yards ahead of him. How is this as fast as Johnny Knox? When I was a Bears ballboy and Neal Anderson broke a long TD run, I'd get there BEFORE him and be waiting with a box of Brown's Chicken for him. Then I'd go wax his Mercedes before the next kickoff. I also used to line up as a 3rd tight end in the goal line formation, and I'm pretty sure in 1991 I blocked a Donald Igwebuike field goal attempt. Of course, this was in the era before YouTube so it all went unappreciated.
7. The Cowboys lost a tough one in Denver to fall to 2-2. Tony Romo seems to be breaking his long standing pattern of playing well at the beginning of the year and awful at the end of the year, as he is now also awful at the beginning of the year. In the 17-10 loss, Romo got the Cowboys down near the Broncos goal line with a chance to tie in regulation, but didn't get the memo that you should probably try throwing the ball to a receiver that Champ Bailey is not covering. Romo threw to Sam Hurd, who was covered by Bailey one on one on both third and goal and fourth and goal. Unsuccessfully.
8. I'm starting to get a little worried about Aaron Rodgers getting the David Carr treatment from the media. When a quarterback gets consistently pounded like Rodgers has this season, the media can't wait to start playing their giant violins for the quarterback and say "Oh he has no offensive line poor poor quarterback." We heard that about Carr for I don't know how long, but the reality was that Carr just did not know how to get rid of the freakin ball and it was his fatal flaw as a quarterback. Rodgers has to start checking down quicker and not holding onto the ball like it's got the antidote in it. He's got plenty of weapons on that team and guys who can make a play with the ball in their hands. It's his job to get the ball out of his own hands and into theirs as fast as possible.
AFC Tomorrow..Week 5 Picks Sunday Morning..