Sunday, October 11, 2009

Week 5 Picks



I've been red hot lately. How long will this astonishing run of competence continue? Probably not very.

(3-1) BENGALS AT (3-1) RAVENS
I played this game on Madden yesterday with 12 minute quarters. It ended in a tie. I feel confident in predicting that Madden will be inaccurate on this projection.
RAVENS 27, BENGALS 13

(0-4) BROWNS AT (1-3) BILLS
I expect this game to have roughly the same entertainment value as the 10 minutes of the Orlando Tuskers vs. NY Sentinels UFL game I caught last night. Only with less Paul Maguire and FUBU looking uniforms.
BILLS 23, BROWNS 17

(2-2) REDSKINS AT (0-3) PANTHERS
The Panthers are giving up close to 200 rushing yards a game. I don't see how you can beat anybody that way. Even the Redskins.
REDSKINS 20, PANTHERS 17

(2-2) STEELERS AT (1-3) LIONS
I think now that the Steelers have finally put Willie Parker out of his misery as their feature back, they start to get back to being the Steelers we know and love. Daunte Culpepper is starting for the Lions, so..
STEELERS 33, LIONS 13

(2-2) COWBOYS AT (0-4) CHIEFS
The Cowboys are kind of completely lost right now. I don't know what their identity is anymore and neither do they. The Chiefs, however, are wearing a map of Texas on their helmets and obviously don't know what state they play in, and lost at home to the Raiders. So their identity, to me, seems to be horrible team who thinks they are from Texas but isn't.
COWBOYS 27, CHIEFS 17

(1-3) RAIDERS AT (4-0) GIANTS
Eli has plantar fascitis but he should be able to hop around on one foot and do fine against the Raiders.
GIANTS 27, RAIDERS 3

(0-4) BUCS AT (2-1) EAGLES
We could have 3 or 4 teams go 0-16 this year. The Bucs are one of them. Donovan McNabb is back this week, what a warrior!
EAGLES 34, BUCS 13

(4-0) VIKINGS AT (0-4) RAMS
The Rams are wearing their 1999 throwbacks today, to celebrate the 10th anniversary of their Super Bowl win. They also had those uniforms in 1998, when they were awful, like they are now.
VIKINGS 30, RAMS 7

LATE GAMES
(2-1) FALCONS AT (3-1) 49ERS
The Falcons are really getting the Joan Collins Special from the schedule makers this year. Their last game they had to go to Foxboro, now after a bye week they go to the other coast and play a 3-1 Niners team that would be 4-0 if it wasn't for a laser thrown with childlike joy in the waning seconds of their loss to the Vikings. The Falcons have been having some problems running the ball, and the SF defense isn't going to help them get over those problems. I like the Niners.
49ERS 20, FALCONS 16

(2-2) TEXANS AT (1-2) CARDINALS
So many Fantasy Points will be scored in this game, you may see a Donkey Kong Kill Screen.
CARDINALS 30, TEXANS 27

(3-1) PATRIOTS AT (4-0) BRONCOS
Aside from the combined 7-1 record of these teams, this game has tremendous comic value in one coach being dressed up exactly like the other coach.
PATRIOTS 23, BRONCOS 20

(2-2) JAGUARS AT (1-3) SEAHAWKS
Very quietly the Jaguars have taken on the look of a team that is getting its shit together. The Seahawks are a neon green train wreck.
JAGUARS 31, SEAHAWKS 27

SUNDAY NIGHT
(4-0) COLTS AT (0-4) TITANS
Peyton Manning should go bonkers against a very very bad Titans pass defense.
COLTS 30, TITANS 17





2 comments:

Patrick N said...

They really need to change the rules in the UFL and treat it like the WNBA or something. Shorter quarters, mandatory no huddle at end of every quarter, 2 points for every turnover, anything to make the game have more points and move faster. That shit was painful to watch.

Nick Pomazak said...

less quinn gray might not be a bad idea either..