Thursday, October 1, 2009
My real interview with Sir Alex Ferguson
With Manchester United recent haxed win against Manchester City, I had a chance to sit down with this wonderful man:
Balls the Size of Moon: Thank you so much, Fergie, for giving me the chance to interview you.
Fergie: Anything for someone who gives me so much respect...
Balls the Size of Moon: Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaait a minute here. I never said I gave a fuck about you. [whips out ball sack to teabag Fergie while sitting]
Fergie: Oh, I thoroughly deserved that. Good show, chap. That's what I deserve for thinking someone respects me.
Balls the Size of Moon: True. So tell me, you do know no one respects your ass right?
Fergie: Well, I DID win Champions League twice and the Premiership 11 times.
Balls the Size of Moon: [farts a loooooooong loud one]
Fergie: And I've won the FA Cup five times.
Balls the Size of Moon: Uh huh, so anyways, is it true that you're a big piece of shit someone vomited and ate and shit out again?
Balls the Size of Moon: Nice! Can you tell us your secret in getting everyone to not respect you?
Fergie: Every morning after I hug my monkey I raped the night before. Then I jackoff four or five guys to bukake me. Then I try to fart in public and shit myself. They say old people should never trust a fart! He. He.
Balls the Size of Moon: That is the grossest thing I have ever heard. How did you get the "Sir" attached to your name?
Fergie: Actually, I wasn't knighted. When these two guys shit on my face, one of them said, "Yes, sir. That was a big log you just ate." So "Sir" is actually a nickname, not a title.
Balls the Size of Moon: Dude, you're pretty fucking pathetic.
Fergie: [Laughs] Yes, yes. I am a big donkey raper.
Balls the Size of Moon: Well, thanks for the interview and good luck with the season. And by "good luck" I mean I hope you choke on all the dicks you suck and get AIDS from the monkey you rape every day.
Fergie: Cheerio, my homie. [extends hand to shake--rejected].