Beckham Plays and Other Stuff

I watched the first half of Los Angeles FC and DC United knowing that Beckham probably wouldn't play until the second half. Becks came in, made some nice passes, made a nice cross, and shit on the ref. He hates losing, hates refs, but is pretty gentlemanly in losing.

Good News

LAFC put Becks in a 10 role (creative midfielder) and he was pretty good. Becks couldn't defend for shit, but he moved alright and got the offense organized. He was the center of every offensive chance, and LAFC should have won 3-1. Instead, they lost 1-0 (see bad news). I expected to see Becks play his normal wing position dumping crosses, but he was actually surprisingly better in the 10 spot.

Bad News

The Galaxy suck. Bad. New signing Pavon missed two sitters (i.e. free goals) set up by Becks. That's pretty pathetic that you were picked up for goal scoring, and all you have to do is head that shit in and you can't. Battle missed two sitters as well from Becks. Donovan missed an easy chance, but he's a puss. The Galaxy need to learn how to score.

Overall, the Galaxy aren't going to make the playoffs this year (that's cool, as the announcers mentioned, Pele didn't get his team into the playoffs his first year either), but LAFC's offense will get better as Beckham plays.

Other News

A River Plate fan club head was murderer in the aftermath of in-fighting in the fan club. I like River Plate, but for Argentina, soccer is war. Fuck that noise.

Fifa 08 released the cover to the North American version. It features, Club America goalie Guillermo Ochoa, horseface Ronaldinho, and the New York Red Bulls' 17 year-old Josmer Altidore. Ochoa is the best goal keeper in North and South America, so that's cool. Ronaldinho is pretty much the face of soccer for the world sans someone else, so that's cool. But why the fuck is Altidore on the cover when there are still people in the world. Shit, if you couldn't put Becks, put a dog, it'd be the same shit in terms of face recognition of Altidore.

Power Rankings

1: Barcelona

Signing Henry, Yaya Touré, Éric Abidal, and Gabriel Milito forces me to.

2: Inter Milan

They dominated their league last year. They're pretty much the same team except the added former Roma defender Christian Chivu who was wanted by Real Madrid, Chelsea, and your mom.

3: Manchester United

I don't think they're that good because they had to beat a b-team Chelsea with their a-team on PKs, but Man U has Owen Hargreaves, Anderson, and Nani on the bench and West Ham United's reason for still being in the EPL, Tevez teaming up with Wayne Rooney up front to sit and take crosses and passes from Cristiano Ronaldo. They have to be good, right?

4: Real Madrid

As a fan, I wasn't too happy about them being linked with every player on the planet. The pick ups they did get, defenders Pepe and Cristoph Metzelder as well as former Barca player Javier Saviola, are pretty solid because RM's weakness was in defense (which is weird to say for a Capello team). From watching preseason, Real Madrid is still a second half team, which won't hack it this season if that's the case. Everyone in La Liga is much better than last year.

5: AC Milan

Champions League winners last year, they were able to convince Kaka to stay instead of going to Real Madrid, they have Fat Boy Ronaldo getting healthier, and picked up a young phenom in Alexander Pato. I have a feeling they are going to suck. They got lucky in last year's Champions League. This year, luck won't cut it.

The Rest:

6: Chelsea
7: Liverpool
8: Sevilla
9: Newcastle
10: Lyon

You're probably wondering why I placed Newcastle so high. I bet my former writing buddy Oli Porter they would finish 8th in the EPL table or higher. If I win, he writes a guest column here at Footfut. If I lose...I'm not telling what I have to do because it's so horrible.

Third Hand News

As always, I swipe these topics of discussion from SI.com's Truth and Rumors page....

- Joey Harrington told USA Today that when he was in Detroit, he felt "handcuffed" because the Lions' offense had the center making all the line calls and sight adjustments. So, Joey, that explains why you sucked in Detroit. Now tell us why you sucked in Miami.

- Pacman Jones will make his pro wrestling debut for TNA on tonight's episode of TNA Impact!. Pro wrestling is a great environment for a troubled soul like Adam Jones to get his life together, what with all the double murder/suicides and drug overdoses.

- Here's the reason Rex Grossman gave the Chicago Tribune for not putting forth more of an effort to tackle the Colts' Kelvin Hayden on his Super Bowl Pick Six:

"First, I thought he had stepped out of bounds," Grossman said. "Then I thought he was going to cut back [toward the center of the field]. Then I couldn't get around somebody and was thinking, 'What's going on?'"

I dunno, if it were me I wouldn't have been thinking any of those three things. I would have been thinking.."FUCK..it's the Super Bowl and I just threw an interception, I better try and tackle this guy before he gets to the end zone and we lose." Sometimes I think Rex might be better off if he had surgery to remove half of his brain, like Dave Matthews had on House this week.

- I guess the Dolphins are liking what they are seeing out of first round pick, WR Ted Ginn in training camp. That's funny, I was expecting them to say "God this guy looks like shit, I can't believe we passed on Brady Quinn to pick him."

- The first overall pick in this year's draft, Raiders QB JaMarcus Russell, remains a holdout. If he can't agree to terms with the Raiders, expect Russell to appear at SummerSlam in a 4 way ladder match against Michael Vick, Pacman Jones, and a rottweiler.

- Anthony "Booger" McFarland is out for the year with a knee injury, so the Indy Star is reporting that Tony Dungy is interested in acquiring either Warren Sapp or Tank Johnson to replace him.

- Bill Walsh was a very ill man before he passed away last week. Knowing he was knock knock knockin on heaven's door, he scripted out his own funeral in advance, much like he did the first 20 odd plays of every Niners game. That sounds like a nice idea, so I, being of unsound mind and rapidly deteriorating body, would like the following festivities to take place at my funeral service in the event of my death:

8 AM- Check-in and continental breakfast, entertainment provided by organ grinder with monkey
8:15 AM- Welcome speech and PowerPoint presentation, delivered by the officiating minister, Cookie Monster.
8:30 AM- 2 Live Crew performs "Me So Horny"
8:45 AM- Mourners file past my casket and punch me in the face
9:00 AM- I am strapped to the fuselage of the space shuttle, and launched into outer space

Simple and elegant, yet profound I think.

Becks Wants Grass Not Artifical Turf

I wake up this morning and find this from some random fan:

(11:30:30 PM) Knu: http://sports.bostonherald.com/soccer/view.bg?articleid=1016097
(11:30:32 PM) Knu: cry more plz

So I click on it and this is the article from the Boston Herald:

The playing surface at Gillette Stadium may dissuade David Beckham from taking the field when the Los Angeles Galaxy visit the Revolution on Sunday.

While Beckham was unsure about his playing status for tonight’s match against D.C. United at RFK Stadium, he had a strong message for MLS: Ditch the artificial turf.

Beckham said he’s noticed some things that are “not right” about MLS, and foremost in his mind was the fake grass used at four MLS stadiums. He said the fact that RFK Stadium has the real thing - unlike Gillette, which has FieldTurf - will be a “huge factor” in whether he will play.

“As a professional athlete, you can’t play a game like soccer on that sort of field,” Beckham said. “What it does to your body as a soccer player, you’re in bits for three days after that.”

People are pissed with Becks not playing from an ankle injury after all they hype. The PTI guys say Becks is a wash and a faker. Now I get random people messaging me that Becks is crying about not wanting to play on artificial turf, and I'm sure he's not the only fan to feel the way Knu feels. But one thing you fans have to understand is how Becks feels. He's been playing for the two best soccer leagues in the world, the EPL and La Liga in Spain. All the teams there actually have real facilities. It's like playing in the NBA all your life and then you join a street league and the fucking backboard is metal, there are chains instead of rope in the basket, and there is no give on the rim when you dunk. Screw that.

NFL and Baseball players get more injuries on turf then on grass. It's worse for a soccer player that has to constantly twist and run in different directions, torso one way and legs in another, for 90 minutes. And being the "money solves everything" guy that I am, I side with Becks on this one. You sign up Becks to make your league more respectable. Shithole leagues in Columbia and Africa have grass. How about the former richest country in the world put some grass on the field.

Montenegro Busting Stone Age Racism Techniques

It's finally happened. American and French in turmoil together. During a match in the of a Champions League qualifier between Scotland's Rangers and Montenegro's FK Zeta, American DeMarcus Beasley and French teammate Jean-Claude Darcheville were victims to monkey taunts by the FK Zeta fans after they were butthurt about losing to Beasley's goal.

Monkey taunts? For real?

I know there's a feeling that there's still racism in America, but if a whole crowd did monkey noises during an NBA game...see I can't even imagine it because it wouldn't happen here. Beasley said it best:

'This is the 21st century, and we are still having trouble with it.

'That's not normal, not just for us, black players, that's not normal for all other normal people.'

And he's right. It's not normal...in America. Yeah, America's known to be racist, but at least our racism is more creative than monkey chants. We'll deny jobs, pay less, impose age limits that we know only hurts one race, all subtle shit, but monkey chants? It's like Montenegro is stuck in the stone ages. I'm not sure if I'm more offended by the racism or the stupidity. I want to get mad, but it was a bunch of Neanderthals making animal noises. Nice job, dipshits.

Are we that afraid of competition, Montenegro, or that afraid of DIFFERENT COLORED PEOPLE that we have to bust out the monkey chant bombshell? Take your loss, bitches. I have never heard of this country until this incident so I had to look that shit up on Wikipedia. Montenegro was only recognized as a real country LAST YEAR. WAY TO START YOUR YEAR, A-HOLES. What do you do for an encore? Are you going to makes rice references when you see Asians? Are you going to Google some racist jokes from kkk.com? At least you'll be more updated in your racism...like 1960.

Go back to the bottom of the toilet bowel where you came from, Montenegro, and make sure you say hi to your family down there, Ass Mildew and Shitstain.

Up To Speed- Atlanta Falcons

LAST SEASON
I can't think of one team for whom what happened in the 2006 season has less relevance than the Atlanta Falcons.

The reason for that, of course, is that Ron Mexico, aka Michael Vick, aka The Dog Whisperer, is under federal indictment for crimes against caninity, is going to miss this NFL season, and has a 99% chance of going away for a while. In the shadow of that, really nothing else concerning the Falcons seems to mean anything.

In the interest of completeness, the Falcons probably would have gone undefeated last year, if last year was 1918 and the forward pass had not yet been invented. No NFL team was more prolific in rushing offense last year, and few were harder to run against.

The problem was, that in this era of plastic helmets, it is essential that you not only be able to gain yardage by throwing the ball forward from one player to another, but also to prevent the other team from doing so. The Falcons struggled with both of those concepts last year, ranking 29th in pass defense, and dead last in passing offense. The end result was that the Falcons won only 2 out of their last 9 games, and head coach Jim Mora Jr. got the ax.

OFFSEASON
Mora's replacement is former University of Louisville head coach Bobby Petrino. The Falcons are hoping that Petrino can replicate the success of other college coaches who have made the jump to the pros, like Jimmy Johnson, and....uh.....you know...that guy...uhh...help me out here Midge.

Petrino brings a virtual wonderland of offensive trickery and doo-dads that are sure to work as great against NFL defenses as they did against Conference USA, or whatever conference Louisville is now in.

Petrino's star protege in Vick's absence will be former Lions failed savior Joey Harrington. Harrington did the impossible and was actually WORSE last year in Miami than he had been in Detroit, posting a 68.2 passer rating after being in the 70's the last 2 years. Harrington is just as lousy a passer as Vick is, only he can't run either.

Harrington will have the usual assortment of bad wide receivers to work with that Vick always had. The only change will be that the Falcons have said goodbye to perennial disappointment Ashley Lelie, who continues to struggle with having a very girly name. He'll be replaced by former Saints WR Joe Horn, who hasn't had a 1000 yard season since 2004.

You can tell a lot about where the Falcons are talent wise right now by the fact that they plan on starting three rookies in Week 1. First round pick Jamaal Anderson is a towering defensive end who the Falcons hope will boost their anemic pass rush. Anderson will replace free agent loss Patrick Kerney, who has been injured and/or ineffective for most of the last two seasons.

Second round pick Justin Blalock is expected to start at guard, and the team hopes that third round pick Chris Houston will be able to beat out journeyman Lewis Sanders for a starting corner job.

Louisville QB Brian Brohm is an early favorite to be the first overall pick in the 2008 draft. As I enthusiastically rub my crystal ball, I see a distinct possibility that he and Petrino could be re-united in Atlanta. Of course, that means the Falcons would have to be horrible this year, which they will be. Now you're up to speed on the Falcons.

Greetings From... Michigan!

The University of Michigan, arguably crippled in their attempt for a bid at the 2006 National Championship by the deficiencies inherent to the BCS system, are looking to rebound from a disappointing 32-18 loss to the University of Southern California in the Rose Bowl. For Head Coach Lloyd Carr, the 2007 season will mark a pivotal turning point in the immediate fortunes for the Wolverines. Returning senior quarterback Chad Henne will stand as one of the Big-Ten's top passing threats during the '07 campaign, while senior halfback Mike Hart has been identified as a preseason Maxwell Award candidate, along with the possibility of leading the NCAA in major rushing statistical fields. Michigan has the luxury of returning an explosive talent in the form of junior wide reciever Mario Manningham. Manningham, nicknamed "Super Mario", has the talent and agility to change the face of a game with one play, arguably giving the Wolverines the best QB-HB-WR trio in all of college football. Anchoring the defense in 2007 will be a pair of standouts: sophomore safety Jamar Adams and senior linebacker Shawn Crable are both considered early front-runners for the coveted Bronko Nagurski Award for top defensive player in the nation.

Like many of the nation's premier football powers, the University of Michigan was no stranger to controversy during the 2007 "off season". In March, four players (including TE Carson Butler) were dismissed from the team for unspecified policy violations. A fifth, wideout Adrian Arrington was suspended for a period from the team as well, but was recently re-instated by Lloyd Carr. Adding to the complications is the injury of junior fullback Kevin Grady, who will miss the entire 2007 season due to a torn ACL. Similar to USC, the Wolverines have the ability to return their coaching staff largely in tact, with the only addition being the hiring of Vance Bedford to coach the defensive secondary.

KEY GAMES

• September 1st, vs. Appalachian State (Two-Time Reigning Division I Football Championship Subdivision Champions).
• September 15th, vs. Notre Dame (Defeated #3 Notre Dame, 47-21 at Notre Dame in 2006).
• November 3rd, at Michigan State
• November 10th, at Wisconsin
• November 17th, vs. Ohio State (Lost to Ohio State, 42-39 in 2006)

KEY ADDITIONS

• CB Donovan Warren (California)
• QB Ryan Malett (Texarkana, Texas)
• WR Martell Webb (New Kensington, Pennsylvania)
• LB Austin Panter (El Dorado, Kansas)
• DE Ryan VanBergen (Whitehall, Michigan)

KEY SUBTRACTIONS

• CB Leon Hall - Declared for NFL Draft (First Round, Selected by the Cincinnati Bengals).
• DT Alan Branch - Declared for NFL Draft (Second Round, Selected by the Arizona Cardinals).
• DE LaMarr Woodley - Declared for NFL Draft (Second Round, Selected by the Pittsburgh Steelers)
• LB David Harris - Declared for NFL Draft (Second Round, Selected by the New York Jets).
• WR Steve Breaston - Declared for NFL Draft (Fifth Round, Selected by the Arizona Cardinals).

The Verdict... the Michigan Wolverines have the luxury of playing a somewhat easier schedule than the other major National Championship contenders in 2007, although it is not an easy schedule by any stretch of the imagination. Ranked as the fifteenth toughest schedule in college football by Sports Illustrated, Michigan is fortunate enough to play a majority of their toughest matchups in Ann Arbor, where they play Oregon, Notre Dame, Penn State, and Ohio State. Their toughest test will come during a two week stretch in early November, where they play Michigan State and Wisconsin on the road back to back before returning home to play Ohio State in their regular season finale. As stated previously, Michigan may have the three of the top offensive weapons in college football this season, though depth may become an issue if the injury bug strikes again. Freshman recruit Vince Helmuth may be called on to replace Grady as the starting fullback, although an answer from the bench may be forthcoming instead. If Michigan can remain healthy, they should have the talent to overcome a system that gave a shot (and the eventual championship) to Florida instead of the Wolverines.

Prediction... the Michigan Wolverines will go 12-0, escaping a close call against upstart Minnesota at home and Wisconsin on the road, capturing the Big-Ten Championship and a spot in the BCS Championship game.

Hall of Fame Game- Saints Season Over

STEELERS 20, SAINTS 7
The Saints' dreams of a Super Bowl season were dealt a probably fatal blow when they dropped their preseason opener to the Steelers, 20-7. They'll probably play out the remainder of their 16 game schedule, although I don't really see the point.

But seriously folks, preseason openers actually do have some importance to teams that have a new head coach, like the Steelers do. Having a strong performance in the first outing against outside competition does nothing but aid the process of the players buying into the new coach's program. It's a good thing for the Steelers that they looked as good as they did in their preseason opener.

STEELERS STANDOUT
WR Cedric Wilson has been chirping about not getting enough balls thrown his way. In this case, it looks like the squeaky wheel got a little grease, as Wilson continually burnt the Saints' secondary deep, catching 4 passes for 99 yards.

SAINTS STANDOUT
The only thing that stood out about the Saints in this game was how bad everyone looked. Drew Brees went 1 for 6, and the re-vamped secondary was just scorched over and over again early in the game when both first teams were in.