Thursday, August 9, 2007

Third Hand News

As always, I swipe these topics of discussion from's Truth and Rumors page....

- Joey Harrington told USA Today that when he was in Detroit, he felt "handcuffed" because the Lions' offense had the center making all the line calls and sight adjustments. So, Joey, that explains why you sucked in Detroit. Now tell us why you sucked in Miami.

- Pacman Jones will make his pro wrestling debut for TNA on tonight's episode of TNA Impact!. Pro wrestling is a great environment for a troubled soul like Adam Jones to get his life together, what with all the double murder/suicides and drug overdoses.

- Here's the reason Rex Grossman gave the Chicago Tribune for not putting forth more of an effort to tackle the Colts' Kelvin Hayden on his Super Bowl Pick Six:

"First, I thought he had stepped out of bounds," Grossman said. "Then I thought he was going to cut back [toward the center of the field]. Then I couldn't get around somebody and was thinking, 'What's going on?'"

I dunno, if it were me I wouldn't have been thinking any of those three things. I would have been thinking.."'s the Super Bowl and I just threw an interception, I better try and tackle this guy before he gets to the end zone and we lose." Sometimes I think Rex might be better off if he had surgery to remove half of his brain, like Dave Matthews had on House this week.

- I guess the Dolphins are liking what they are seeing out of first round pick, WR Ted Ginn in training camp. That's funny, I was expecting them to say "God this guy looks like shit, I can't believe we passed on Brady Quinn to pick him."

- The first overall pick in this year's draft, Raiders QB JaMarcus Russell, remains a holdout. If he can't agree to terms with the Raiders, expect Russell to appear at SummerSlam in a 4 way ladder match against Michael Vick, Pacman Jones, and a rottweiler.

- Anthony "Booger" McFarland is out for the year with a knee injury, so the Indy Star is reporting that Tony Dungy is interested in acquiring either Warren Sapp or Tank Johnson to replace him.

- Bill Walsh was a very ill man before he passed away last week. Knowing he was knock knock knockin on heaven's door, he scripted out his own funeral in advance, much like he did the first 20 odd plays of every Niners game. That sounds like a nice idea, so I, being of unsound mind and rapidly deteriorating body, would like the following festivities to take place at my funeral service in the event of my death:

8 AM- Check-in and continental breakfast, entertainment provided by organ grinder with monkey
8:15 AM- Welcome speech and PowerPoint presentation, delivered by the officiating minister, Cookie Monster.
8:30 AM- 2 Live Crew performs "Me So Horny"
8:45 AM- Mourners file past my casket and punch me in the face
9:00 AM- I am strapped to the fuselage of the space shuttle, and launched into outer space

Simple and elegant, yet profound I think.

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