Fuck Sepp Blatter

FIFA president Sepp Blatter is still trying to find a way of curbing the Premier League's spending power. -ESPN

Are you serious? After my Spainard club Real Madrid spent 56 mil on Kaka and 80 mil on Cristiano Ronaldo, this bukake of hypocrisy is going to aim at Premier League spending? I've said it before: Sepp Blatter hates the EPL. You wonder why some people think Barca's win over Chelsea was rig so that there wouldn't be an all English Champions League final. But wait! Blatter has a reason why by qualifying his argument:

"There are big associations, like France, Germany and Spain where there is a by-law that the owners of the club must be at least 51% from the club," said Blatter. "They must be members of the club or partners from the same country. This does not exist in the Premier League and it is a problem we have to address." -ESPN

I just want to unload a punch on this guy's face. I'm getting a boner just thinking about it. Blatter is alright with Real Madrid because they are basically owned by THE COUNTRY. So spending more than anyone else is alright. But foreigners being in charge of businesses in other countries? FUCK THAT SHIT. THEY CAN'T SPEND AS MUCH MONEY AS A COUNTRY. So what if La Liga is a two team race every year. That is certainly better than a four team race soon to be five in EPL.

Maybe I have a problem with this because in America, foreign companies own American shit all the time. Or maybe I have a problem with it because Sepp Blatter is a fucking douche. Fuck Sepp Blatter. I remembered when Blatter did a hit and run and got his license suspended for a month because he took the license plate off his car after hurting some poor guy. That was the greatest month of my life.

You know, I think someone in the EPL, an owner or something, raped his dog or his tree. That is the only reason I can think of on why Blatter continues to pick on the EPL making hypocritical comments and trying to control how other countries do business. Waaaahh the French do thisssss waaaaahhh the Germans can't afford thaaat. THIS IS HOW CAPITALISM IN SPORTS WORKS. It's a global economy not the NBA where you have a draft for shitty teams and no one gets regulated. Socialism works for people because we care about people. No one cares that Nantes from Ligues 1 got regulated because they aren't as rich as Manchester United. No one fucking cares about KARLSRUHE from Bundesliga got regulated because they aren't owned by foreign rich people like Chelsea. Capitalism is perfect in sports. Shitty management? Fuck you, you're the Expos. Eat shit Sepp Fatter you hit and run piece of shit.

USA vs. Spain

This is what happened to Spain (wearing blue for some reason)



I was made aware of this from my new favorite show, Tosh.0. There is also a funny as hell Terrell Owens video where he apologies for his future actions. When I find it, I'll put it up unless Nicky P finds it first.

Biggest Win In US (Men's) Soccer History

Nobody saw this coming. Up until Sunday's improbable series of events (a 3-0 win over Egypt and a 3-0 loss by Italy to Brazil), the 2009 Confederations Cup had been an unmitigated disaster for the US. They opened the tournament getting rolled by both Brazil and Italy. They had about a less than 1% chance after that of getting into the semifinals on goal differential, but everything fell into place, and there they were.

Still, there really was no reason to be excited. The US had shown little in their 2 cracks at elite opposition, and their semifinal opponent, Spain, certainly fell into that category. Spain had won 15 matches in a row, and hadn't lost in 35 matches. David Villa, Cesc Fabregas, Xavi, Fernando Torres, all superstars on this Spanish juggernaut.

Then, in the 27th minute, 19 year old Jozy Altidore (who plays for La Liga's Villarreal) stunned the Spanish with a goal to put the US ahead 1-0. Spain could not answer, and midway thru the second half Clint Dempsey gave the US a 2-0 lead that lasted the rest of the match. Unbelievably, the US beat Spain 2-0. Not only that, they advance to the finals of the Confederations Cup, considered a World Cup preview.

In the finals, they'll probably get a rematch with Brazil, who should dispose of host South Africa. The US will again be heavy underdogs, but who knows, the real breakthru for US soccer may be yet to come, and may be in the form of a Confederations Cup championship.

COWHERD OWNED AGAIN

To Oli Porter:

me: usa wins over spain
i called it

DAMN DID I CALL IT. I was listening to Colin Cowherd about how this caller said USA was close to being relevant in the world soccer stage to which Cowherd proceeded to rip this guy saying Brazil beat us 3-0 and it should have been 7-0. Obviously he wasn't watching this game because USA hit the post 3 times at the end of the game. So I sent This bitch an email after USA qualified when they beat Egypt 3-0:

USA advanced over the #4 team in the world, Italy. Since you're never wrong, let's wait for your next excuse...

Then today happened and the gamecast guy was like this in the beginning:

0' It really does seem unlikely that the US will be able to resist. Rather like France after they won the World Cup in 1998, Spain have gone on something of a tear, and look close to unstopabble, although they remain a little dodgy at the back - Pique is slow and Puyol a liability.

I'm like whatta bitch. But he started to see what I saw:

27' GOAL! SPAIN 0-1 USA

27' Well isn't that a turn up for the books. Well not really, as USA have made the clearer chances so far. Anyway, Dempsey fed it in to Ailtdore, who showed great strength to turn and fend off Xavi, before doing Casillas with his eyes, sending the ball to his right and in off the post, while the keeper went left, although he did manage a touch.

That's right, Colin. USA WITH THE CLEARER CHANCES ON THE #1 TEAM, 16-0 in the last 16, hottest team in the world right now. BUT IT DIDN'T STOP THERE:

74' GOAL! USA 2-0 SPAIN

74' Great play by Dempsey, hanging onto the ball until Donovan is ready to receive, Donovan's cross is decent, but Ramos, instead of belting it away, takes a touch. His touch is rubbish, and Dempsey is on hand to slide the ball in, with Casillas nowhere near, having dived to cut out the cross. Well well well.

WELL WELL WELL COLIN COWSUCK. WHAT HAPPENED MAN? USA WAS NOT EVEN CLOSE? AHAHAHHAH IDIOT. And while Cowherd isn't man enough to eat crow, this Gamecaster was:

88' I don't think I've eaten my words yet so I'll do so now - the US boys have made me look very silly.

SILLY INDEED. At least he admits it. But you know Cowherd will be like, THAT SHIT WAS LUCK, DAWG. ANYONE CAN WIN IN ANY GIVEN DAY LUCKILY. Oh yeah?

93' Well who predicted that one then? Still in the competition only by virtue of a 6-goal swing in the final group game, the US have thoroughly deserved their win tonight. They broke sharply, worked hard and were superb at the back. Coupled with a below-par show from Spain, that was more than enough to give them the win.

Eat fucking shit.

Stuff I Care About

Two short news items I care about:

1) Liverpool co-owner George Gillett has pulled off a deal in the United States, selling his stake in NHL side Montreal Canadiens for a £178m profit, that should help him to ease the Reds' financial worries. -The Guardian

Canadiens are probably the #1 or #2 franchise in the NHL (depends if you ask someone from Detroit). Upon a discussion with Liverpooler Oli Porter, at first, I didn't get why you would sell the #1 NHL franchise where people loved you to help pay the debts for a team you own where you can't even show up to a match without your own fans booing you and threatening your kids. Then I figured that if you're king of Liverpool in the #1 sport in the world, that's probably better than being king of a sport that is #15 in the USA.

2) ESPN has bought the rights to show 46 games in next season's English Premier League that were to have been shown by struggling broadcaster Setanta. -BBC News

This is hilarious to me for two reasons. First, ESPN buying soccer games shows their ratings for soccer games must have been awesome for Champions League or they must be looking at the money Fox Soccer Channel is raking in. What's awesome about ESPN picking up EPL games is that now I can watch games in HD instead of shit-D. Second, Setanta makes me pay $15, which is some bullshit because most of the time they show Scottish Premier League, which is so bad the Rangers and Celtic applied for EPL membership, or Setanta shows rugby, which is only fun when you're drunk. And I don't drink. With Setanta losing these games, I'm pretty much dropping these assholes. Dish Network better fucking pick up GolTV.

BONUS 3) This season [in The Ultimate Fighter: Heavyweights] will not feature an elimination round as have the past few seasons. All competitors invited to Las Vegas for the show's taping will participate in the entire season.

Okay, so this isn't about football or soccer, but this matters to me. BONUS COVERAGE. The big deal about these heavyweights is a backyard brawler named Kimbo. If you don't know about Kimbo, look up one of his fights in YouTube where he just bombs on fat people busting their eyes open. It's pretty hilarious. This internet fame got him a show in MMA where he won two lucky ass fights and then got smoked by some no-name which led to the fall of EliteXC (who banked all their shit on marketing Kimbo). UFC President Dana White said that Kimbo was a joke and that the only way he would let Kimbo be in the UFC if he fought his way through The Ultimate Fighter. Well, Kimbo was like ALRIGHT and so Dana, the genius that he is, made Patrick N's news item #3. So jussssssssssssst in case Kimbo gets his ass kicked like he should, he'll still be in the show the whole season because he's the main ratings bitch. If Kimbo gets through, which is what Dana wants, he'll get his Kimbo vs. Brock Lesner. Epic shit.

Oh That Wacky Confederations Cup

- Egypt scored what for them is probably their greatest victory ever and Italy maybe its most embarrassing loss ever as the African champs beat the Azzuri 1-0. The games only goal was scored by the unfortunately named Mohammed Homos. Egypt and Italy both still have a chance now to advance to the semifinals of the tournament

- Meanwhile, this tournament has been a disaster for USA soccer. They followed up a 3-1 beating against Italy with a 3-0 drubbing at the hands of Brazil. Felipe Melo, Robinho, and Maicon scored for the Brazilians.

- In Group A, Spain has already clinched a spot in the semis. The other spot is going to go to either host nation, South Africa, or to Iraq. South Africa will be in if they can get a point in their group finale against Spain, while Iraq needs a South Africa loss and a big win over New Zealand to advance.

Brandon Marshall Is Not Coming To the Bears

...And I'll tell you why. In order for Marshall to be a Chicago Bear and be reunited with Jay Cutler, the Broncos would have to trade him to the Bears. I'm here to tell you there is no way in hell the Broncos are going to do anything to put Jay Cutler in a position to succeed in Chicago and embarrass themselves more than they've already been in this whole situation. They'll let Marshall sit out the season and rot before they trade him to the Bears. He'll be traded to the Chicago Cubs for Milton Bradley before he is traded to the Bears.

- The Fort Worth Star Telegram has reported that the Cowboys have had a talk with Tony Romo regarding his conditioning, or lack thereof. The Cowboys have noticed a pattern where Romo starts the season on fire, then sucks donkey balls by the end of the year and the Cowboys either miss the playoffs or get there and go one and done. Their thinking is that if Romo spent more time doing squats and less time doing double camel spins with Jessica then he may be a little better in November and December than he's been.


- Here's my running tally of NFL players that are either on the record as or rumored as being unhappy with their contracts or other aspects of their current employment situation, if you're scoring at home:

Julius Peppers
Brandon Marshall
Owen Daniels
Anquan Boldin
Mike Vrabel
Vince Young
LaRon Landry
Joshua Cribbs
Vince Wilfork