The butt of many impersonators and my favorite show, Family Guy, John Madden retires from broadcasting. What a terrible day in sports.
"It's time. I'm 73 years old. My 50th wedding anniversary is this fall," Madden said. "I have two great sons and their families and my five grandchildren are at an age now when they know when I'm home and, more importantly, when I'm not." -ESPN
Here's a guy leaving on his own terms for the best reasons. He just wants to be around his grandchildren before he dies. He just wants to enjoy life while he's still able to do shit. I looked forward to all his games because he was hilarious and made watching even the shittiest games exciting. I know what my critics would say about Madden: "LOLLERCOPTER, PATRICK. HE REALLY JUST STATED THE OBVIOUS, COULDN'T GET NAMES RIGHT, AND WANTED TO DO BRETT FARVE. LOLLERSKATES, PATTY! HE RETIRED BECAUSE BRETT FARVE DID." Sometimes Madden had to state the obvious because there are 28% of the population that still believed George W. Bush was doing a good job and that it was unamerican not to believe so. Sometimes he got names wrong because he's been doing this shit for 30 years. HAVE YOU EVER DONE SHIT RIGHT FOR 30 YEARS? Have you done ANYTHING for 30 years? And as for him retiring because Brett did? Alright, I'll give you that one. Thanks for the 30 years of hilarity, John Madden. BOOM!
Duke PG Greg Paulis is trying to hook with Rich Rodriguez at Michigan to be the STARTING QB there. WOWWWWWWW. The Green Bay Packers are letting him workout in front of them before the NFL Draft. Apparently, this dude used to be pretty good as a QB in high school. Since he knew he wasn't going to bank in the NBA, he's exploring his option as a QB. You know the hilarious part? Duke's football head coach David Cutcliffe won't even consider Paulis as QB (only as WR, W-T-F?). YOUR PROGRAM SUCKS ASS AND PRO TEAMS ARE LOOKING AT SOMEONE THAT GOES TO YOUR SCHOOL. NICE FUCKING JOB. Epic fail for that dumbass.
Charlie Weis discussed leaving Notre Dame with his family because...he sucks ass.
"Like anyone who has a situation that is uncertain, as any husband and father would do, you address it with your wife and you address it with your kids," Weis said Wednesday after practice. "But does that mean that at any time that I thought that I wasn't going to be here? When you're around a long time in this business, what you learn is you have to deal with the negatives. You just have to have a plan just in case they end up happening." -ESPN
Leave now before they fire you. You really suck ass. You lowered the talent there AND the high academic standards required to go there. You barely make bowl games just to lose. Hang it up fatty before you blow another knee.
WELL WELL WELL. 3 ENGLISH TEAMS AND 1 LA LIGA TEAM LEFT.
I watched Chelsea/Liverpool at the bar and it was apeshit crazy. 4-4 is just too motherfucking stressful for me. Chelsea goalie Cech REALLY REALLY sucks ass right now. But in a possible preview for the Champions League final, the Blues play Arsenal this weekend for FA. We're fucked.
Arsenal and Manchester United did what they had to do 3-0 and 1-0 respectively. Arsenal is playing like Barca while Man U isn't playing well and still winning because of the talent on their roster. Where does Patrick N see this final going? Barca is just TOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO GOOOD. Arsenal and Man U is hard to guess because it'll depend on their form at the end of April. If it was now I'd say Arsenal, but Arsenal's a young team which means they be streaky, and Man U will eventually hit their stride again. If I were to guess, the final should be Arsenal/Barca which will be pretty freakin' awesome.
Finally, to all those teabaggers that are crying about taxes, 1) these are the same people that said it was unamerican to disagree with anything Bush does and 2) are all rich people because the only taxes that were raised were on people that made more than 250,000. Obama's family made 2.1 million last year and had to pay 800k in taxes and you don't see him cry. Me? I DON'T MAKE 250,000 so I got a bunch of money back. EAT SHIT TEABAGGERS. BTW YOU STUPID SHITS:
v. To dunk ones scrotum into the open mouth of another person
"Man, Brenda was all passed out with her mouth open and Billy teabagged her"
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHHAHAHAHAHAAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHA RICH PEOPLE GOT TEABAGGED. I'M NOT EVEN SAD ABOUT THAT SHIT. ENJOY YOUR TEA PARTY. DON'T FALL ASLEEP MOTHERFUCKERS.