Tuesday, August 10, 2010

I cheated on my wife because of overtraining

I was chilling at home and my wife called wondering why another woman's underwear was at my house. As you all know, that's bullshit, so I deleted her number from my phone. She asked why I did that when I got home and I said I was overtraining. Moron.

Everyone's a moron. Don't you guys realize Brian Cushing has given everyone the best excuse in the history of excuses? If you look at all the reasons to cheat at anything, Brian Cushing's excuse works.

Reasons to cheat and how Cushing's excuse translates:

1) To annoy people in video games

Some of you might not connect to this, but I play video games all day. Some people are scared to play video games all day when you have kids and a wife, but you can't be brave without being scared. I would be playing games and installing speed and wall hacks to own everyone. Then I got my key banned, which is bullshit. So I called up tech support and they asked me why I installed speed and wall hacks and used an aimbot and I told them because I was overtraining. They immediately understood and reactivated my key so I could continue to overtrain all over their mom's faces.

2) Need to pass or get ahead in something

Need to get an "A" on a paper you didn't do research for? Just copy and paste whole essays, mix them together, change the words using random synonyms, and BLAMMOTHERFUCKER. Sometimes you get caught by the teacher or professor Googling what you wrote, but that's cool. This is one conversation I had with a student when I caught her doing the exact thing I just described to you:

Me: This isn't your paper.
Her: I know.
Me: Why did you cheat?
Her: I was working so hard on it I overtrained.
Me: Why didn't you just write it in your own words?
Her: I told you! I OVERTRAINED.
Me: Shit, my bad, bitch.

Gave her an instant "A" right there. Then I slapped her in the face with a desk for looking smug about it.

3) To win money

Sometimes you cheat in gambling to win money. I was playing craps with these other homies of mine, and this guy KEPT fucking winning. We couldn't believe this bullshit. The we found the dice were loaded. We grabbed him and pinned him to the wall and were like, "GIVE US ONE GOOD REASON WHY WOULD SHOULDN'T FUCK YOU UP FOR CHEATING US, ASSHOLE." He was like, "YoyoyoYOOYoyoYOyo I was overtraining my dice when I was rolling it and the lead fell in there. We were like, "Oh cool." We didn't kick his ass because we understood. I mean, he was overtraining, so obviously you gotta give him some slack. And just as he was walking away we overtrained a broom up his ass and broke it.

4) Annoying chick

Man, sometimes you gotta cheat on a chick because she's annoying. Remember when she's all like, "You gotta watch your weight or you'll die!" or the more annoying, "I love you!"? Fuck that bitch. She's practically begging to be cheated on. But when you do, she won't understand, so you just tell her you were overtraining your dick and she'll be cool. Worked for me. Ask your mom.

So instead of laughing at how fucking ridiculous the excuse of overtraining is for taking PEDs, we should be applauding him. Don't be that asshole that ruins it for the rest of us.

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