G14 vs. FIFA

At my place of work, we have a union to protect me and people like me. The problem with my work is that when new administration comes in, they want to put their own stamp on things and make people like me change. If I don't change with the new administration, I'm pwnd. Or at least, I'd be pwnd if my union doesn't step in to threaten a statewide strike. So administration always walks softly when they fuck with people like me.

So whether I agree with my union or not, they protect me.

The G14 is union (i.e. pressure group) that consists of all the big money soccer clubs in Europe to be one voice when they talk to FIFA. It's kind of like the NBA and FIBA where if the NBA was like fuck you, no NBA players can play in FIBA tournaments, FIBA would be fucked. So FIBA needs to be on good terms with the NBA. The same is with the G14 where they can pressure shit to happen or else they boycott. Could you imagine if all the members of G14 threw their own tourney instead of honoring Champions League? That means these clubs would ditch on FIFA:

Juventus, Inter Milan, AC Milan, Liverpool, Man U, Barcelona, Real Madrid, Arsenal, and Lyon. And these are just some of the clubs in G14.

Now FIFA is trying to fuck with the G14:

The G14 group, whose 18 members include Real Madrid, Manchester United, Bayern Munich and AC Milan, called on EU governments to ignore last month's letter from UEFA president Michel Platini. In that letter, Platini called for soccer to be rescued from "the malign and ever-present influence of money."

Platini wants soccer to obtain special exemptions to competition and internal market laws in a new EU treaty under discussion because of the sport's "specificity." - SI.com

What this means is that Platini is sick of Capitalism working for only the rich and for soccer to be more like the socialism that American sports is.

G14 is also asking for special compensation should one of their players get hurt playing for their country (i.e. FIFA matches). It would be like the Dallas Mavericks asking for compensation should Dirk Noshowupski gets hurt in the World Championships. I think that's pretty fair since playing for your country pays shit, but the teams and clubs pay a shit load.

One thing that sticks out about Platini's request is that he wants ANY club in the promotion pyramid system to be able to make it to the top flight, even if they are poor, and have the richer teams support these newly promoted poor teams. Currently, even if you qualify for promotion (winning the division below the top flight), you need to be able to support yourself just like if some company wanted to make its own OS, Microsoft isn't going to help pay to keep your shitty ass company floating. But if Platini gets what he wants, I can make a company that has a cool product but can't pay for my own shit and so I make Microsoft and Apple pay. SOCIALISM, FUCK YEAH! HERE TO SAVE THE MOTHERFUCKING DAY, YEAH. CAPITALISM, YOUR GAME IS THROUGH. BECAUSE NOW YOU HAVE TO ANSWER TOOOOOOOO... SOCIALISM, FUCK YEAH!

Don't hate you poor fucks just because no one likes your team except the 11 moms of the players. Platini can enjoy a glass bottom boat as I take the bottom out.

The Greatest Day In the History Of Our Sport- Week 5

With apologies to Patrick N and Dook!e, I am a very happy man after watching the Cubs get uncermemoniously dumped out of the playoffs last night. Four months of hearing Cub fans in this town chirping about how their silly ass 85 win team was going to win the World Series has come to an end. Too bad they didn't get to play the Reds or the Pirates every week like they did during the season, then they might have won a game.

So here's the storylines for WEEK FIVE!

EARLY GAMES
(0-4) DOLPHINS AT (2-2) TEXANS
The Dolphins run defense is terrible, as evidenced by the fact that Justin Fargas would have run for 400 yards against them last week had he played the whole game. Are they so bad that they will make the Ahman Green/Ron Dayne combo look good? Probably.

Houston will win.

HALFTIME UPDATE
Trent Green left the game early after trying to throw a block on a reverse. Running a play that calls for your QB who has been concussed 20 times to throw block is pretty smart. Cleo Lemon is on now. The Dolphins lead 16-10 behind some strong running by Ronnie Brown.

FULLTIME UPDATE
Texans get ball on their own 3 with 1:33 left, and Matt Schaub drives them downfield for a game winning 57 yard FG by Kris Brown. Texans win 22-19 and the Dolphins are 0-5.

(3-1) LIONS AT (2-1) REDSKINS
One of these bumbling franchises (the Redskins qualify as bumbling in the Dan Snyder era) is going to be the owners of one of the best records in the league after this game. The Skins will be without Santana Moss, and Clinton Portis is banged up.

Washington will win.

HALFTIME UPDATE
Hey look the Lions suck again! Randle El has 100 receiving yards in the first half, and Mike Sellers and Chris Cooley have TDs as the Skins lead 14-0.

FULLTIME UPDATE
Total domination as the Redskins crush the Lions 34-3. A pair of TDs for Mike Sellers.

(1-3) FALCONS AT (2-1) TITANS
Don't look now but Joey Harrington has a 98.2 passer rating. That is higher than Brett Favre's, by the way. Meanwhile, Tennessee looks to continue to do what they've done so far this year, which is look like a bona fide playoff caliber team.

Tennessee will win.

HALFTIME UPDATE
D'Angelo Hall spited his coach by returning a LenDale White fumble for a TD. Falcons hanging tough as its 10-10 at the half.

FULLTIME UPDATE
Hey heyyy heyyyyy...Byron Leftwich comes on for an ineffective Joey and is even more ineffective, completing 2 of 8 passes and getting picked off, and sacked on 4 Titans 4 yard line on final play as Titans win 20-13 despite 3 Vince Young INTS.

(2-1) JAGUARS AT (2-2) CHIEFS
The Chiefs have the 3rd ranked defense in the league? I guess they do. Meanwhile, rookie WR Dwayne Bowe has been setting the world on fire and the Chiefs are a surprising 2-2. For the Jags, will MJD continue to SBD (suck big dong)?

KC will win.

HALFTIME UPDATE
MJD breaks a 52 yard TD run after all his fantasy owners have benched him. You are making a lot of enemies asshole. Jags lead 10-0.

FULLTIME UPDATE
Larry Johnson held to 12 yards on 9 carries as Jags choke the life out of KC, 17-7.

(2-2) CARDINALS AT (0-4) RAMS
Ken Whisenhunt will continue to go back and forth between Matt Warner and Kurt Leinart like Meredith Grey slutted back and forth with McDreamy and McSteamy. Meanwhile, the Rams have Gus Frerotte at QB and Brian Leonard at RB as they hurtle towards the #1 pick in 08.

Arizona will win.

HALFTIME UPDATE
Kurt Leinart has shredded the Rams D for over 200 passing yards, including over 100 for Fitzgerald, Cards lead 17-13.

FULLTIME UPDATE
We're at the 2 minute warning with the Cards up 34-23. 136 yards and a TD for Fitzgerald, 3 picks for Frerotte. Brian Leonard rushes for over 100 yards for the Rams.

(3-1) SEAHAWKS AT (3-1) STEELERS
The rematch of the most boring Super Bowl I've ever seen. Pittsburgh may be without Troy Polamalu and Casey Hampton.

Pittsburgh will win.

HALFTIME UPDATE
Ben's TD pass to Heath Miller has been the only offense. Pittsburgh leads 7-0.

FULLTIME UPDATE
Steelers D makes Seahawks look sick. 102 yards for Willie Parker and 2 scores for Najeh Davenport. Steelers blank Seattle 21-0.

(1-3) JETS AT (2-2) GIANTS
The Giants had 12 sacks last week. Chad Pennington gets injured when someone looks at him funny. Paging Kellen Clemens.

NYG will win.

HALFTIME UPDATE
Jets score 10 points in the last 33 seconds of the half and lead 17-7. 22 passing yards for Eli in the first half.

FULLTIME UPDATE
Giants score 21 unanswered to end the game with a 35-24 win. 100+ yards and a TD apiece for the returning Brandon Jacobs, and for Plaxico Burress.

(2-2) PANTHERS AT (0-3) SAINTS
The Saints have played some of the worst football we've seen since the 90s Bengals. The Panthers have David Carr at QB. Something's gotta give.

NOLA will win.

HALFTIME UPDATE
We're early in Q3 and a long Brees to Devery Henderson completions sets up a Mike Karney TD run, and the Saints lead 13-6.

FULLTIME UPDATE
Olindo Mare misses a 54 yarder that would have put the Saints ahead, then Jon Kasay knocks home a 52 yarder as time expires to drop the Saints to 0-4. Panthers win 16-13 despite 113 total yards for Reggie Bush and 101 yards for Devery Henderson. 2 picks for Drew Brees and no TDs.

(2-2) BROWNS AT (4-0) PATRIOTS
I've often thought that Romeo Crennel should coach a game dressed as a giant beaver. Given the fact that the Patriots destroy everyone they play, this should probably be that game.

New England will win.

HALFTIME UPDATE
Patriots beating ass again. 2 Brady TD passes (Watson and Stallworth), and New England is up big 20-0.

FULLTIME UPDATE
Browns hang around but Patriots win again, 34-17. 3 TD passes for Brady, 2 to Benjamin Watson. Braylon Edwards has 110 yards for Cleveland.

AFTERNOON GAMES
(3-1) BUCS AT (4-0) COLTS
The Colts will probably be without Marvin Harrison, Joseph Addai, and Bob Sanders. But if my fantasy team could win last week with Sakmon Gado and Justin Fargas at running back, anything is possible.

Indy will win.

HALFTIME UPDATE
The Bucs are sort of still in this game thanks to a long INT return that set up a Garcia to Alex Smith TD. Not really though. Indy leads 16-7. TDs for Dallas Clark and Kenton Keith, who is subbing for Joseph Addai. Michael Pittman was carted off the field with an ankle injury.

FULLTIME UPDATE
Second half goes pretty much the same as the first. Colts cruise to a 33-14 win. Keith has 158 yards from scrimmage and 2 TDs.

(2-2) RAVENS AT (2-2) 49ers
Niners coach Mike Nolan faces the team whose defense he helped build. He does this with Trent Dilfer at quarterback. Lotsa luck.

Baltimore will win.

HALFTIME UPDATE
The Ravens lead 3-0 just before half in a snoozer. Dilfer's thrown for 8 yards.

FULLTIME UPDATE
Joe Nedney misses a 52 yard field goal with just over 2 minutes left and the Ravens hang on for a 9-7 win.

(1-3) CHARGERS AT (2-2) BRONCOS
Watching the Chargers crash and burn has been absolutely fascinating. Meanwhile, Denver never wins at home anymore, is missing both its starting wideouts, and is giving up 181 rushing yards per game. All of a sudden I'm starting to think the Chiefs or Raiders might win this division

SD will win.

HALFTIME UPDATE
Mile High fans boo their team off the field trailing 20-3 at the half. Mile High running back Travis Henry has inhaled 48 rushing yards. LT and Michael Turner have combined for 107 first half rushing yards. LT has 120 yards from scrimmage.

FULLTIME UPDATE
Norv Turner overcomes his profound retardation to coach the Chargers to a 41-3 win. Worst home loss ever for the Broncos. LT held to only 67 yards on 21 carries, but Michael Turner burns 147 yards on 10 attempts.

SUNDAY NIGHT
(1-3) BEARS AT (4-0) PACKERS
The only thing the Bears have done with any success this year is stop the run. Which is OK for the Packers because they don't bother trying to run anyway. If the Bears get beat by the Packers their season is ovah.

Green Bay will win.

FULLTIME UPDATE
It was all Packers in the first half. TDs by Greg Jennings and DeShawn Wynn had them up 17-7, and it could have been a lot more if not for a pair of fumbles by WR James Jones that killed drives. After the half though, the Packers could get nothing going, and had more costly turnovers. Brian Greise's pass to Desmond Clark put the Bears ahead to stay, 27-20, as the Bears save their season in a very entertaining game.

MONDAY NIGHT
(4-0) COWBOYS AT (1-3) BILLS
Wade Phillips was the last coach to take the Bills to the playoffs. This year he's taking the Cowboys to the playoffs. Stanford beat USC last night, and Trent Edwards played for Stanford last year, so there's that.

Dallas will win.


That's it. Have a great Week Five!

Houston Dynamos' Ricardo Clark Suspended 9 Games

Before I say anything, watch the incident that led to Clark's suspension:



I don't know why everyone is mad. Clark just saw a bug on Ruiz's shoulder and tried to kill it. Alright, just kidding.

Dallas FC's Carlos Ruiz (the recipient of that wonderful kick) is a dirty ass player. He elbows more than John Stockton when he sets picks. Ruiz fouled Clark (pretty much a punch to the back) leading to this retaliation.

The hilarious thing is that if you watch the video again (I've watched it at least 15 times because it's so funny), Clark clearly kicks Ruiz in the right shoulder, and Ruiz holds his face wildly. Then when the incident is over, Ruiz has no mark on his face and is walking off like it is nothing. What a piece of shit.

Most sports people in media always take the route of, "Oh he lost his cool. He's a professional. He's a loser. He deserved being suspended for 9 games." While I do agree that the fine ($10k, which is like 1/8th of his salary because MLS is socialist) was legit as well as the 9 games (can't have everyone unload a kick on a downed opponent; that's even illegal in the UFC), I don't think he's a loser for losing his cool. You know what? If every day some asshole fucks with me at work and no one does shit about it, I'm going to unload. If the abuse is verbal, I'm going to open my mouth and say that person is a worthless piece of shit. If the abuse is physical, I'm going to lash out physically. To say he's a paid professional and should just learn to keep his emotions in check is bullshit:

1) He's being paid jack shit because MLS sucks at paying people except Designated Players
2) No money is worth getting elbowed and punched in the back without any repercussions to the initial offender. If you aren't going to do shit, I am.

Hopefully the terrible refs in MLS will look at the bullshit Ruiz pulls during a game to provoke that kind of reaction and card is ass out of the MLS.

Three Technique- Week Four

(4-0) PATRIOTS 34, (1-3) BENGALS 13

1. Tom Brady's posted a 134.7 passer rating thru 4 games. 130 is a perfect rating. If he gets up to 140, he will actually burst out of The Matrix.

2. Note that the Patriots were without their feature back, Laurence Maroney in this game. Sammy Morris stepped in and ran for 117 yards.

3. The Bengals are a mess right now. Chad Johnson was screaming at Carson Palmer as the team walked off the field at halfime, and Marvin Lewis was maniacally swinging his crutches at players in the locker room during the post game rant. I'm not sure about that second part. I kind of just imagined it.




(2-2) GIANTS 16, (1-3) EAGLES 6

1. Osi Umenyiora had as many sacks as the Eagles had points.

2. Donovan McNabb got sacked TWELVE times in this game. He played like the Madden version of him when I'm controlling him at 2 AM on a Saturday night and I've just finished up vomiting 5 minutes earlier.

3. Andy Reid's sons will probably have to hit the crack pipe extra hard after watching that display.




(3-1) SEAHAWKS 23, (2-2) NINERS 3

1. I'm beginning to think my faith in Mike Nolan being one of the coaching genius of the 2010's may be misplaced.

2. I don't know what's more fascinating to ponder, my belly button, or whether Trent Dilfer is worse than Alex Smith.

3. It is time for me to officially admit I was wrong about the Seahawks. I saw them as an NFC power that was going to fall apart this year. The Bears have decided that they are going to fill that role. The Seahawks, meanwhile, look like they will once again win the NL Central, NFL Division.






(3-1) BUCS 20, (2-2) PANTHERS 7

1. Steve Smith caught only 5 passes for 32 yards, and spent most of the second half either sitting on the bench with a towel over his head, or on the phone to the press box screaming at his offensive coaches.

2. Smith may want to save those vocal cords. He'll probably need them again this week because it looks like David Carr is going to start at QB again for the Panthers. The David Carr who went 19 of 41 last week. Chris "No More Yinky My" Weinke not lookin so bad now, huh.

3. RIP Cadillac Williams.





(3-1) LIONS 37, (1-3) BEARS 27

1. The Bears have (or at least are perceived to have) had a great deal of success recently, so it's kind of weird to note that this is actually the 4th time in the last 5 seasons they've started 1-3. The only season since 2003 they didn't start 1-3 was last season.

2. Ho ho and what a 1-3 start it is. Amazing how quickly you can go from hoisting the NFC Championship trophy on your home field, to giving up 34 points to the LIONS in one quarter.

3. This was a huge win for Lions' head coach Mike Martz. What do you mean he's not the head coach? I thought he was. If he's not the head coach why were they saying his name and showing him on the sidelines every five minutes?




(2-2) CHIEFS 30, (1-3) CHARGERS 16

1. A star is being born in KC and he is Dwayne Bowe. The rookie receiver out of LSU had 164 receiving yards and a TD, and has now scored in 3 straight games.

2. Sweet sassy molassey, where do I begin with Chargers? It's too easy to blame Norv Turner, so I'm going to throw some heat Philip Rivers' way. He posted a 44.9 rating in this game, and he's already thrown 6 picks this year after throwing 9 all last season.

3. The Merriman "Lights Out" dance looks really stupid when it's done in a game the Chargers lose 30-16 to a team like the Chiefs.





(4-0) COLTS 38, (2-2) BRONCOS 20

1. Here's the injury report for the Colts heading into a Week 5 tilt with the 3-1 Bucs. Peyton Manning is not hurt. Just about everyone else is.

2. That everyone else includes Joseph Addai, Marvin Harrison, and the man the national media has brainwashed me into believing is the Colts 2nd most valuable player, Bob Sanders.

3. Is it just me or does it seem like Jay Cutler gets worse every week? Hmm..perusing his game log on Si.com I see that he has thrown for progressively less yards every game. So I guess it's not just me.





(2-2) CARDINALS 21, (3-1) STEELERS 14

1. This marked Game 2 of the Cardinals wacky new strategy of using 2 QBs. Matt Leinart no likey this arrangement, he said earlier this week that he wishes the Cardinals would either "ride me or die with me". Geez, when you put it that way I don't know how Ken Whisenhunt can pass up the options of riding Matt Leinart or dying.

2. If you're keeping score, Kurt Warner posted a a 99.7 rating in this game, and Leinart was at 71.4. He also looks like the funkiest middle aged, white, born again Christian I've ever seen playing QB in those receivers gloves.

3. The Cardinals didn't win this game because of Warner or Leinart. They won because their defense came up huge, holding Willie Parker to only 39 rushing yards. Parker had been over 100 in each of the Steelers first 3 games.




(2-2) RAIDERS 35, (0-4) DOLPHINS 17

1. Ladies and Gentlemen, your First Place Oakland Raiders.

2. I rag on Ronnie Brown a lot, but he has looked like a grown ass man the last couple of weeks. His yards per carry average is up almost a full yard over his career average, and there was a play where he just blew the fuck up one of Oakland's defenders in the end zone.

3. Daunte Culpepper getting his vengeance on the man that released him this offseason, the stupidly named Cam Cameron, was the big story in this game. For me, the big story was Huggy Bear from Starsky and Hutch's son, Justin Fargas, coming on for an injured Lamont Jordan and running for 179 yards. I probably was the only person in the entire CBS Sportsline fantasy universe who had him starting for their team last week. I am pretty much smarter than John Nash, and only half as insane.




(1-3) BILLS 17, (1-3) JETS 14

1. Trent Edwards got his first NFL start in this game, and all he did was complete 22 of 28 pass attempts and lead the Bills to a win over a division rival. I'm thinking that's pretty much a wrap for JP Losman.

2. Living in Chicago and listening to a lot of sports talk radio like I do, I hear at least 15 phone calls a day asking why the Bears got rid of Thomas Jones in favor of Cedric Benson. Thru 4 games, Jones has carried 75 times for 254 yards, and Benson's carried 74 times for 239 yards. I'm no Brian Baldinger, but to me, they seem pretty much like the same damn player.

3. Question: Whose career stock has dropped more in the last six months? Michael Vick, or Eric Mangenius? Discuss.




(1-3) FALCONS 26, (2-2) TEXANS 16

1. This was a big win for the Falcons as a franchise. If Matt Schaub came in and ate them up after the Falcons traded him this off-season, it would have amplified the impression that nobody in this organization knows what they are doing. Now nobody can say "Oh hoh hoh why did the Falcons trade Matt Schaub?", because now they've played against Matt Schaub, and Joey Harrington outplayed him and the Falcons won.

2. Bobby Petrino benched star corner D'Angelo Hall for much of this game. Hall and Petrino hate each other's guts. So not only was this Petrino's first NFL win, he also won a pissing contest with a player who said of him "Some guys are meant for the pros and some guys are meant for college".

3. Houston's much improved, but they still look like the 4th best team in the AFC South to me.




(2-2) BROWNS 27, (2-2) RAVENS 13

1. I'm not sure how the Ravens could run 73 offensive plays, the Browns run 48, and the Browns win going away. Let's break that down.

2. Hmmm. On the Ravens' first drive of the game, they got down to the Cleveland 27, then McNair threw an INT. Then on the next play they give up a 78 yard TD pass. Following that, an 11 play Raven drive ends in a missed field goal. OK I guess I'm starting to see how.

3. The Browns are proving to be quite the thorn in the balls of many a division rival this year. They've now beaten the Ravens and the Bengals. The Steelers killed them though.





(4-0) PACKERS 23, (1-3) VIKINGS 16

1. Today I was driving to work, and I saw a water stain under a viaduct that looked just like Brett Favre. On the way home I'm going to light some votive candles next to it. I bet Chris Berman will be there praying to it.

2. I liked the Vikings throwback unis. They weren't that different from the current ones, but I really liked that they did not incorporate any purple spandex. They look like they are either aerobics instructors or wearing Kip Winger's pants in those uniforms they wear now.

3. This Brad Childress thing just isn't going anywhere, is it? I thinks he and Scott Linehan need to be banished back to Norv Turner's Home for Transient Overmatched Offensive Geniuses.







(4-0) COWBOYS 35, (0-4) RAMS 7

1. Barring disaster, I think the Cowboys can go ahead and make their reservations for Glendale, AZ, the first Sunday in February. No, I don't think it's too early to say this. Who's going to stop them in the NFC? The Packers, who can't run the ball or stop the run? The Buccaneers? No. The Cowboys are a bigger slam dunk to be in the Super Bowl than the Patriots.

2. Marc Bulger keeps trying to play with broken ribs and keeps playing badly. Please, for the sake of Torry Holt and my fantasy team, take a couple Sundays off.

3. I wonder how smiley Smilin' Tony Romo is going to be on Oct. 14 at about 6 PM, when Adalius Thomas has his ears pinned back and is chasing after him as Tony runs for his life trying to bring the Cowboys within 3 touchdowns of the Patriots.

KEEP CHECKING THRUOUT THE WEEK AS I COVER ALL 14 WEEK 4 TILTS IN THE 3 TECHNIQUE

Greatest Day In the History of Our Sport Week 4

Every NFL game has its own juicy storyline. If it doesn't one will be invented. Here's the juicy storylines for Week 4:

(2-1) TEXANS AT (0-3) FALCONS
This one's easy. Former Falcons backup QB Matt Schaub returns to face the team that traded him this offseason. Here's a transcript of a conversation at Falcons headquarters recorded earlier this spring:
- Michael Vick is going to be suspended for dogfighting. Good thing we have a solid backup.
- Uhhh..no we don't I kind of traded him.
- OH SNAP!

Houston will win.

HALFTIME UPDATE
Joey Harrington's thrown a pair of TD passes to Michael Jenkins, and the Falcons are up 20-10.

FULLTIME UPDATE
317 passing yards for Schaub, but the yards don't translate into points. Atlanta picks up its first win of the season 26-16. 117 receiving yards and a TD for Houston's Andre Davis.


(3-0) PACKERS AT (1-2) VIKINGS
Brett Favre became the league's all time leader in something last week. Something with passing for touchdowns. I'm sure you will hear alot about how great he is if you choose to watch this game. If you like hearing a man be compared to Jesus for 3 hours then this is the game for you.

Minnesota will win.

HALFTIME UPDATE
Brett Favre's pass to Greg Jennings makes him the new all-time leader in TD passes. Adrian Peterson's already run for 108 yards. It's a tight one as GB leads 10-6.

FULLTIME UPDATE
The Packers are for real and so is Brett Favre. 344 yards and 2 TDs for the NFL's alltime leading TD passer. TEN different Packers catch passes from Favre.

(1-2) RAIDERS AT (0-3) DOLPHINS
Daunte Culpepper will probably start at QB for the Raiders. You will recall Culpepper was briefly employed by the Dolphins last year. He will have revenge on his mind. He will be all, "Ha ha ha...that's what you get for paying me millions of dollars to play three games for you and totally shit the bed, I hope you have seen the error of your ways!"

Miami will win.

HALFTIME UPDATE
This game was delayed by lightning so they are not at the half yet. Oakland's up 14-7 as Daunte Culpepper has thrown for one TD and run for another. Lamont Jordan has 74 rushing yards, and Ronnie Brown has 90 and a TD for the Dolphins. 2 INT's for Trent Green.

FULLTIME UPDATE
Daunte Culpepper rushes for 3 TDs and throws for 2 more. Justin Fargas comes up big for my fantasy team by pulling 179 rushing yards out of his ass. Oakland is 2-2, they roll 35-17.

(1-2) BEARS AT (2-1) LIONS
This game marks the first day of the end of Rex Grossman's reign of error as Bears QB. Unfortunately, the Bears also have half their starting defense injured. Rex is actually starting at corner this week.

Detroit will win.

HALFTIME UPDATE
Brian Griese pulled a Rex and threw an INT in the opposing end zone, costing the Bears probably at least a field goal. He did throw a TD to Muhsin Muhammad earlier though, and the Bears are up 7-3.

FULLTIME UPDATE
Devin Hester takes a kickoff back for a TD, but he's about all the Bears have on this day. Brian Greise gets picked off 3 times, and the Lions win 30-27. The Lions are 3-1, the Bears fall to 1-3.

(0-3) RAMS AT (3-0) COWBOYS
Isaac Bruce has guaranteed a victory even though the Rams are starting Brian Leonard at running back and probably will finish this game with Gus Frerotte as quarterback. So, if the Rams don't win, free tacos for everyone courtesy of Isaac Bruce.

Dallas will win.

HALFTIME UPDATE
Dante Hall took a punt back for a TD, but Tony Romo's thrown for 178 yards and run for a TD. Dallas leads 14-7.

FULLTIME UPDATE
The Rams keep it close early, but then the roof caves in and the game becomes the blowout we expected. 184 receiving yards and 2 TDs for...Patrick Crayton? Dallas rolls 35-7, they're still undefeated.

(1-2) BROWNS AT (2-1) RAVENS
Jamal Lewis returns to Baltimore to face his former teammates for the first time. He says he knows the Ravens' defense weaknesses. So don't be surprised if he shows up with strippers and cocaine tomorrow.

Baltimore will win.

HALFTIME UPDATE
The Browns are ambushing the Ravens 24-6. TDs for Jamal Lewis and Braylon Edwards. Edwards has 84 receiving yards.

FULLTIME UPDATE
The Ravens fall behind big early, forcing Steve McNair to chuck up 53 passes. That's not a formula for success. Cleveland wins 27-13, and both teams are now 2-2.

(1-2) JETS AT (0-3) BILLS
Trent Edwards gets his first NFL start. He's a quarterback, and he plays for the Bills. Chad Pennington re-staked his claim to the Jets job last week. Jets TE Chris Baker calls Pennington "The ultimate competitor". He makes Tiger Woods, Roger Federer, and Michael Jordan look like fucking babies. He is the ultimate competitor.

NYJ will win.

HALFTIME UPDATE
We're actually halfway thru the 3rd quarter here, with the Bills up 7-0. Trent Edwards is 16 of 20 in his first NFL start. Marshawn Lynch has the only score of the game.

FULLTIME UPDATE
The Ultimate Competitor completes 32 of 39 passes, but the Jets can't get a running game going and the Bills hang on to win 17-14. This pretty much marks the end of the JP Losman era.

(2-1) SEAHAWKS AT (2-1) NINERS
It's a battle for first place in the NFC West, the NFL's answer to the NL Central. Shaun Alexander will gallantly play with a crack in his wristbone. I will gallantly watch him with a crack in my ass.

Seattle will win

HALFTIME UPDATE
Matt Hasselbeck is abusing the Niners defense. He's thrown for 222 yards and a TD to Bobby Engram. Deion Branch has 117 receiving yards and the Hawks lead 13-0.

FULLTIME UPDATE
Trent Dilfer makes Alex Smith look goood as the Seahawks pound the Niners 23-3. 130 receiving yards for Deion Branch, and 3 sacks for former Niner Julian Peterson. Dilfer completes only 12 of 33 passes.

(2-1) PANTHERS AT (2-1) BUCS
One of these teams is going to win the NFC South, because the Falcons and Saints are both totally in the bell jar. The Panthers might have David Carr as their QB tomorrow. He'll get sacked eight times and Sean Salisbury will be very sad.

Tampa will win.

HALFTIME UPDATE
Cadillac Williams leaves with a grisly injury. So far it's been the Ike Hilliard Show as he has 7 catches for 114 yards. David Carr is a stellar 6 of 15 for 26 yards, and it is all the fault of the Texans offensive line. Tampa leads 17-0.

FULLTIME UPDATE
David Carr goes 19 of 41 as the Panthers get thumped by 3-1 Bucs 20-7. Michael Pittman comes on for Cadillac and carries 15 times for 90 yards.

(1-2) CHIEFS AT (1-2) CHARGERS
If the Chargers lose this game, I expect Marty Schottenheimer to be back coaching them in Week 5.

San Diego will win.

HALFTIME UPDATE
LT's back in a big way. 14 carries for 116 yards and a TD. The Chargers lead 13-6 and are threatening just before the half.

FULLTIME UPDATE
Oh Lord. San Diego falls apart in the second half and the Chiefs blow their doors off 31-16 behind 164 receiving yards for rookie Dwayne Bowe and 123 rushing yards for LJ. It's not even October yet and the Chargers have lost more games than they did all last season under the coach they fired.

(2-1) BRONCOS AT (3-0) COLTS
The Colts are 17-2 in the month of September under Dungy, and have won 11 in a row in September. The Broncos almost lost to the Raiders. At home.

Indianapolis will win.

HALFTIME UPDATE
Marvin Harrison's left with an injury but the Colts have a 14-13 lead on a Manning to Clark TD pass. Travis Henry's already carried 20 times for 106 yards. Joseph Addai and Brandon Marshall also have scored.

FULLTIME UPDATE
Losing Harrison seemed to just make Peyton Manning angry. He throws for 3 TDs, including a pair to Dallas Clar, and runs for another. Joseph Addai runs for 136 yards and the Colts stay unbeaten, 38-20.

(3-0) STEELERS AT (1-2) CARDINALS
Cardinals coaches Russ Grimm and Ken Whisenhunt were both assistants with the Steelers and both were passed over for the head coaching job in favor of an outsider, Mike Tomlin. In retrospect, I think the Steelers did the right thing. The B-story will be Kurt Warner and Matt Leinart shuffling in and out of the game like Los Dos Villanos.

Pittsburgh will win.

HALFTIME UPDATE
Matt Leinart started and was abysmal, completing 4 of 10 for 39 yards. I think it's fair to say the Cardinals have broken him. Kurt Warner is on now and is 5 of 9 for 77 yards. Pittsburgh leads 7-0 on a 43 yard Ben to Santonio Holmes TD.

FULLTIME UPDATE
The Cardinals take the lead on a 73 yard Steve Breaston punt return and never look back. They hold Willie Parker to 37 yards rushing and upset the Steelers 21-14. Larry Fitzgerald had 123 receiving yards, while Holmes had 128 and 2 scores for the Steelers. 3 sacks for Arizona's Darnell Dockett.

SUNDAY NIGHT
(1-2) EAGLES AT (1-2) GIANTS
Donovan McNabb silenced all his critics by beating up on the Lions last week. I wish there was something I could do against the Lions whenever I screw up at work to make me look good.

Philadelphia will win.

HALFTIME UPDATE
Three sacks in the first half for Osi Umenyiora have helped keep the Eagles off the board, and Eli Manning's pass to Plaxico Burress has the Giants up 7-0. McNabb is 5 of 13 for 44 yards with a lost fumble. Good thing he proved all those naysayers wrong last week.

MONDAY NIGHT
(3-0) PATRIOTS AT (1-2) BENGALS
The Patriots haven't scored less than 38 points in any game this year. The Bengals gave up 51 points to the Browns. The Browns probably aren't going to score 51 more points this year.

New England will win.


That's it. Have yourselves a great Week 4.

Socialism vs. Capitalism

Before I go into what I want to write about, I should comment a little bit about the upset of the USA women's soccer abortion that was 4-0 Brazil. Now, some of you may be wondering why the hell I would care about women's soccer, but it's like wondering why I would ever watch women's tennis. The fact is, they're hot, athletic chicks kicking each other. If that's not hot to you, then you must be gay, which is alright with me but I'll never agree with you then that ice skating is a real sport.

In summary, the USA women's soccer team pretty much pwns all kinds of ass kicking, but people could give a shit. Then the USA coach switches the goalies up and we get raped 4-0 by Brazil. The starting goalie before the Brazil game, Hope Solo (daughter of Leia Organa and Han Solo), gave her opinion afterwards even though there's a rule in USA soccer where if you don't play in the game, you can't talk to the media. But since no one in America follows USA soccer, the media didn't know that and asked anyway.

Solo pretty much shit on the coach and the goalie that replaced her and was in all kinds of right. Then in her blog she said the media misconstrued what she was trying to say and that she was not trying to put her coach and the goalie under the bus. Well, sports media got all on her. One of the PTI a-holes was crying that she needs to own up and not puss out about her initial comments, completely forgetting the fact that in fact, she does have a puss. So after all this summary, here's what I have to say about it.

Asking a woman to man up about shit is like asking a man to listen to a woman: it's just not natural. You will never see a woman TO or Ocho Cinco. TO and Ocho Cinco are a-holes and don't back down because they are men. Men don't back down. Women do. Get off her being a puss about it because, if you haven't noticed, she has a puss. I liked that she took a shit on bad decisions from the higher ups, and when she said the media misconstrued it, I got flashbacks of all the times my ex-girlfriends told me I just need to know what she wants like I'm a fucking mind reader. Solo's reaction was natural for a woman, and media needs to recognize that, but they won't because media is largely masculine and could never understand that by definition.

Socialism vs. Capitalism

I was having a good conversation with old buddy Colin P, ex-soccer writer for 411mania and current writer for Insidepulse for comics about Arsenal and how Arsene Wenger rocks all kind of motherfuck. Recently Wenger came out to talk about what he was worried about in English football:

'What disturbs me is that a club lives above its means,' Wenger was quoted as saying in France Football magazine on Friday. 'The true danger today is that people who buy large clubs refinance their purchase by borrowing money, by putting the debt on the account of the club.

This brings out the ironic difference between American and English sports. In America, we fucking HATE socialism to where we don't support public health care. Yet our sports is PURE socialism with salary caps and parity being essential for pro league survival. English soccer is different in that it is purely capitalism. You have clubs that can buy and spend as much as they want, like businesses here in America, and succeed by qualifying for special tournaments or fail by being regulated to lower divisions. Could you image that happening in Major League Baseball? We would have the Cubs, Pirates, and Royals regulated to the third division. But those baseball teams survive on socialism.

Wenger's worry is the worry of capitalism. You spend way above your means in hopes that you come out alright in the future. Loans are essential for company survival else another company with more money comes in to bukake you (like Chelsea does). The two sports systems creates an interesting fan interest dynamic in that American sports fans only care about the post season, where English soccer fans care about every game because every game freakin' counts. Your company depends on it. If you get demoted, you're pretty much fucked because you'll be losing a ton of revenue. In American sports, you want to lose to get the first pick the next season. In English soccer, you just outbid for him.

And while I like the American system because it keeps my Cubs alive, it is nice to need to care about every game when following a team in the EPL. So if you every cry that you hate socialism, don't like American sports because then you'll be liking what you hate.

You're an Owner, STFU

In my place of business (teaching), the most annoying thing is to have some administrator tell you he used to be a teacher so he knows what the fuck he's talking about. What he usually fails to mention is that he's an administrator because he fucking couldn't take being a teacher because all the fucking kids took a shit on him. When you're an administrator, if I'm doing a good job, don't fucking meddle in my shit and criticize me just to establish that you're the one with the fucking power. I know you have power. I don't fucking care. If I did, I would buy an admin credential for 1k like you did and be your boss.

I'm sure any of you can relate to this kind of situation unless you're that asshole meddling admin that wants to also do everything else. If that is you, FUCK YOU. I hope someone ass rapes you and then super glues your asscheeks shut.

Chelski ERR Chelsea is facing that right now with a Russian billionaire owner, Roman Whateverthefuck, who bought Chelsea because he was bored. To his credit, he got and overpaid the best manager he could find, and got all the players Mourinho wanted. And they won. And won. And won. But Roman decided that that shit was boring to play a counter-d style and he wanted to see action packed games, so he bought his friend Shevchenko for a gazillion bucks and wouldn't get the d players Mourinho wanted. They started to suck, and Mourinho said fuck this and now Chelsea is eating a big ass pile of dog shit.

I'm not saying Roman's not smart. He's a fucking billionaire. But Roman, YOU KNOW SHIT ABOUT SOCCER. Hire the best guy and let him do his job.

Now we look at the San Diego Chargers. I was never a fan of Marty Schottenheimer. But this a-hole can win. Winning season all day, too fucking easy. People cry he plays conservative in the playoffs and so that's why he never wins in the playoffs. So fucking what. He wins in the regular season. And not barely. He gets like 14 win seasons as much as I do Roman's mom. All day. Then the General Manager didn't like Marty, and made the owner choose. Well fuck, coaches come and go but good GMs are hard to find, so bye Marty.

HOW DO YOU LIKE YOUR DECISION? 1-2 record, team imploding, defense gives up more yards and big plays than China gives out SARS. Norv Turner has ALWAYS been terrible. But that's what you fuckin' get for replacing someone that knows what he's doing with someone that talks like he knows what he's doing.

Do you know why Norv keeps getting new head coaching jobs? BECAUSE HE KEEPS GETTING FIRED FROM THEM.

He fucking sucks, sucking fucks, and I'd rather eat dog shit than watch the "new and improved" Chelsea and Charger teams play. I mean, I was pretty excited about Chelsea and the Chargers for the next year, but the wait turned out to be like waiting behind a cow's ass for explosive diarrhea to unload in your face. That is how disappointed and disgusted I am.