Wednesday, August 13, 2008

EPL Predictions

While Nick's bachelor party left him with brain damage, mine was a dinner at some place I don't even remember. Oh, and Nick, it WAS Bite that I was going to watch but they changed the ticket to some impersonation bullshit that was kind of boring. I did see Love, the Beatles Cirque de Soleil and it was the bomb track.

Last year when I made my EPL table prediction, I put Newcastle in the top 10 and bet Oli and lost. So here I go again and challenge Oli to bring another bet on. Also, if anyone starts an EPL fantasy football, I'm game.

1. Tottenham - Conventional wisdom pits the EPL between Chelsea and Man U, but I'm high on Boss Juande Ramos and new signings Modric and Giovanni dos Santos.

2. Chelsea - God, I wish. But Deco is not enough to put them over the top, but Robinho might be. Sike. But with Kaka mad for not being allowed to go to the Olympics, word on the street is he's looking for a move to Chelsea. If Kaka transfers to Chelsea, I'll move them to #1.

Man Utd - Please. The only player I'm high on is Carlos Tevez. Overrated team riding on Cristiano Ronaldo's lucky awesome year.

4. Liverpool - Sorry, Oli. Robbie Keane, Philipp Degen, Andrea Dossena and Diego Cavalieri are just not enough.

5. Arsenal - Carlos Vela is the shit. If they pick up Ruben de la Red from Real Madrid, I'll move them above Liverpool. The problem with this team is that it depends on youth, and youth tends to be streaky.

6. Aston Villa - Feeder team to repeat to a 6 spot? I'm insane. But I just don't like Everton.

7. Everton - Lucky shit last year riding on Joleon Lescott. Boring.

8. Man City - Alright, so their owner is charged with corruption and has 80 billion frozen by the Thailand government. Soooooo what? Boss Mark Hughes is the man and Jo is a great pick up. If they picked up Ronaldinho, they would have been contenders regardless of people thinking he's over the hill. Now? Just a solid team.

9. Portsmouth - Lucky ass FA Cup win? Nope.

10. Newcastle - DAMMIT. I BELIEVE.

11. West Ham - Overpaid players and injury prone to boot. Have fun West Ham fans. As if losing to MLS All Stars wasn't a forshadowing.
12. Wigan - Boss Steve Bruce keeps this team floating by his strats and nothing else.
13. Middlesbrough - I want to rank them higher, but they're more inconsistant than John McCain's boners.
14. Blackburn -
Losing David Bentley drops this team from 7th to 14th because they use the transfer money to pay their people for more sheep. Because their export is wool. Get it? Sheep? Wool? Sheep + People = Sheeple? Fuck.
15. Sunderland -
Boss Roy Keane is the man, but this team needs players. I don't care how good your motivational skills are. Motivating dog shit doesn't make it smell better.
16. Fulham -
Shitted out all the American players after barely escaping regulation and will realize they still suck.
17. West Brom -
18. Bolton -
Spent a shit ton in the transfer market for
Johan Elmander and Fabrice Muamba. Wow. Way to make an impact. I have a bridge to sell Bolton.
19. Stoke City - Welcome to promotion, Regulation City.
20. Hull City
- Welcome to promotion, Regulation City.


Oli said...

Dude what were you smoking when you wrote this? Spurs have no defence!

I'll think of a few predictions later.

Oh we have a work fantasy league, set up a team at and I'll let you know the PIn for the league!

Nick Pomazak said...

tottenham manspur? juan de ramos is not the only thing you are high on my friend...

Anonymous said...


Oli said...

Good work... Click on mini leagues and enter league name Bechtel Premiership. The PIN is 8000173

It's £5 entry, but i'll cover you... If you win I'll just keep all the prize money :D

Patrick N said...


Reina (Captain)
Ashley Cole - Carvalho - Wes Brown - M Richards

Gerrard - Fabregas - Joe Cole - Deco

C Tevez - Carlos Vela

Sub: T Ben Haim


There's an entry fee? is this a work pool? THX MAN. £5 is like $500US.

Oli said...

Your team is doing better than mine :( stupid portsmouth and man city defenders!!!

I picked C Ronaldo and forgot he was injured :(