Thursday, August 14, 2008

Red Hot Wet Preseason Action- The End of Week 1


I fully expect Aaron Rodgers to have a whole season of getting the Alicia Sacramone treatment, with a camera being shoved in his face every time he screws up, hoping for him to cry.

I expect Rodgers to do OK, but he was so-so in this game. He completed 9 of 15 with a TD to James Jones and an INT. He did get a nice warm ovation from the Lambeau crowd though.

Jones ran 10 yards for his TD after getting his helmet knocked off, which was neat.

Ryan Grant continues to sit after a lengthy holdout, so Brandon Jackson got the bulk of the carries, and had 44 yards on 6 attempts. This Packers running back situation is going to create a little bit of a dilemma in fantasy drafts, you just watch.

Chris Perry had a nice showing at RB for the Bengals with Rudi Johnson out. So it looks like he's got the inside track to be the backup.


Cincy drafted USC LB Keith Rivers with the ninth pick. He's been holding out for a while now, but just signed. He didn't play.

Green Bay didn't have a first round pick. If you are wondering what happened to that French baby that had that song in the 90's, Jordy, I think the Packers drafted him as a receiver in the second round. His last name is Nelson. They also drafted Louisville QB Brian Brohm, who last year at this time was supposed to be the first pick in the 08 draft. He sucked last year though, sunk to the second round, and continued to suck in his first pro outing, going 8 of 17 with an INT.


It's taken over 80 years, but I think we've finally found the first white running back since Red Grange who can actually play. No, Franco Harris was not white. I'm talking about Chargers rookie Jacob Hester, who played for the national champion LSU team last year. He's the new backup to LT, and mark my words, he will be one of the top selling jerseys in the NFL at this time next year. Because there's nothing meatball football fans loves more than a fast white person. Hester carried 13 times for 49 yards and 2 TDs.

My favorite part of the new Hard Knocks season was watching that guy in the Cowboys draft room trying to sell Jerry Jones on fellow Razorback Felix Jones. They were trying to decide between him and Rashard Mendenhall, and the guy is all like, "Mendenhall is more of an every down back, but we already have Marion Barber as our every down back." Jerry got this insane gleam in his eye and was like, well I guess we have to take the guy from my school then that I've had a boner for since 4 years ago. Twist my arm. It was like watching a doctor tell Rush Limbaugh be told he could have aspirin or Oxycontin, but the doctor recommend he take Oxycontin. Felix had 61 yards of total offense. He'll be good.

The Chargers took Arizona corner Antoine Cason. He'll probably be the third corner behind Antonio Cromartie and Quentin Jammer, but he saw a lot of action in this game, with 7 tackles and a PD.


It's time for the August sport of "Try to Figure Out Who Shanahan's Running Back Will Be Before Your Fantasy Draft". Remember 2 years ago when Mike Bell was his guy, but at your draft the big board with all the stickers didn't have one for Mike Bell, because not even the fantasy website knew who he was? I remember that. Well, remember this name, Andre Hall. He led the Broncos with 8 carries for 43 yards.

Both teams did the wholesome thing, taking left tackles with their first round picks. Ryan Clady started for the Broncos and Duane Brown started for Houston. Sound planning, Sane tomorrow.


Was it really almost 10 years ago already that these teams played in the Super Bowl. God, I am going to be dead so soon.

Marc Bulger completed 3 of 9 with a Pick Six for the Rams, who are an early favorite to land that #1 pick next year. Bulger also just missed throwing a 1 yard TD pass to Javon Kearse, meaning he threw one right into Kearse's belly that could have been picked off for a TD in his own end zone.

UFA Quinton Ganther ran for 115 yards and 2 TDs for the T's. Vince Young had a nifty 35 yard run. He is redefining the position, just like Michael Vick did when he won all those Super Bowls for the Falcons.

And the winner of the award for best first preseason game by a first round pick in 2008 goes to Titans RB Chris Johnson. The 24th overall pick from E. Carolina broke a 66 yard run for a TD. Keep in mind though, he did this against a defense that let Quinton Ganther roll up 115 yards against them.

Second overall pick Chris Long started at DE for the Rams and was invisible to the human eye.


The Colts are now 0-2 on the preseason. Peyton Manning, resting his swollen bursa sac. Meanwhile, Jim Sorgi may be in danger of losing his cushy job as backup Colts QB, as Jared Lorenzen threw a pair of TD passes while Sorgi threw none but did throw an INT.

D'Angelo Williams had 2 rushing TDs for the Cats, who remain my pick for the Surprise Team of 2008.


Jonathan Stewart was taken with the 13th pick to be D'Angelo's running mate. He's recovering from toe surgery but may play next week. They also took OT Jeff Otah with the 19th pick, and he started this game at right tackle.

The Colts didn't have a first round pick. I don't think they've had a first round pick in my lifetime since Peyton Manning.


Man I am going to kick myself in the nuts if Roddy White keeps getting better after I didn't make him one of my 3 fantasy keepers. He continues to look like a stud. He caught 5 passes for 47 yards, including Matt Ryan's first TD pass in an NFL uniform.

I kept Maurice Jones-Drew instead of him, he had 5 carries for 23 yards. He does that alot.

Michael Turner made his Falcons debut and had 22 yards on 5 carries. Matt Jones used his super cocaine powers to catch 3 passes for 37 yards and lead the Jags in receiving. Only now, when he is going to go to jail, does the light finally go on for him.

UFA DE Mkristo Bruce had 2 1/2 sacks and 5 tackles for the Jags.

Ryan was pretty good in his NFL debut, completing 9 of 13 for 113 yards and a TD.

Jacksonville traded up to the 8th spot to get a guy who is supposed to be a beast in former USC DE Derrick Harvey. He's still a holdout though, and that's a problem.


It's going to be awesome watching this Dolphins disaster unfold while Parcells tries to verify which side of his body his ass is on. It really is hard to tell with him.

Chad Pennington will be the Dolphins QB to start the season, but he didn't play in this game. Dreadlocked Cheeba Squeezer Ricky Williams emerged from a cloud of ganja smoke to carry 5 times for 31 yards, and not get hurt. Amazing.


#1 overall pick Jake Long started at left tackle for the Dolphins, and did his offensive lineman thing. Which brings me to my plea for the NFL to create and track some kind of individual stat for offensive linemen so I can talk about how they played with some kind of idea what I am talking about.

The Bucs took Kansas corner Aquib Talib with the 20th pick to be the heir apparent to Ronde Barber, and well, Ronde Barber is still playing, so whatever. Check back with me in 2010 on this guy.


Jim Zorn is 2-0 in his NFL Preseason Head Coaching Career! He's a sleeper if you draft coaches in your fantasy league, which I don't think anybody does.

I keep reading that Trent Edwards is definitely the Bills QB this year. But, well, Edwards kind of sucked (1 for 5 18 yards) in this game, and JP Losman was 7 of 9 for 73 and a TD to rookie James Hardy (Indiana).

As for the Skins, they look like they feel like they can do some things, and they might be right. Jason Campbell is one of the better QBs in the NFC, Clinton Portis and Ladell Betts are a good running back combo, and Antwaan Randle El has looked like he is liking the new offense in 2 preseason games so far.

Buffalo took Troy corner Leodis McKelvin, and he had a 40 yard punt return in this game, and played a pretty good corner. He looks good.

Washington didn't have a 1st round pick, and their second round pick WR Devin Thomas was out of this game with a sore hamstring.

That's it for Week 1 of the Preseason, it's in the can! For those of you wondering about your AFC previews, I'll try and sneak those in during the remainder of the preseason. The operative word being try. I leave for Hawaii in 10 days for my own personal Pro Bowl trip, so I'm not making any promises.

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