Friday, August 8, 2008

Red Hot Wet Preseason Action- Week 1

What to my wondering eyes should appear last night but 3 preseason games on TV simultaneously! On the local FOX affiliate I had the Bears and Chiefs, The Boo-Yas had Arizona/New Orleans, and the NY CBS affilliate had Jets/Browns. It was like having the ghetto Preseason Thursday Ticket I tells ya.

Actually, all told there were 5 preseason tilts last night, and I'm going to recap them all. Right now.


The Champs begin their title defense with a loss to the Lions. Congratulations!

Jon Kitna looked comfy in the new post-Martz offense, completing 6 of 7 for 106 yards and a TD to Roy Williams. Calvin Johnson looked like the star in the making the Lions hope he is with 4 catches for 78 yards.

Eli was just 2 of 6 for 19 yards. David Carr came on in relief and threw a TD to Craphonso Thorpe. I smell a QB controversy. Oh, wait, never mind, I farted.

The Lions took BC offensive tackle Gosder Cherilus with the 17th pick. He looked somewhat confused out there, and was pulled from the game for a little while to think about the concept of a snap count.

Kenny Phillips is the Giants chosen one, the 31st pick out of Miami came on as a substitute as safety and led The Champs with 8 tackles.


The Patriots have lost their second game in a row. We can only hope for the sake of their long suffering fans that they break The Curse next week. I mean, if you flip a coin 100 times you would think that 1 of those times it would come up heads, right?

Patriot Nation can take solace in LaMont Jordan's strong New England debut, carrying for 76 yards and a TD. Tom Brady didn't play, but 3 other Patriot QBs did and combined for 0 TD and 3 INTs.

As for the Ravens and new coach John Harbaugh, they had the pleasure of watching their former QB of the future, Kyle Boller, go 11 of 15 for 102 yards. His favorite target was Derrick Mason, who had 3 catches for 54 yards. Too bad he is on my shit list forever after crapping down his leg for my fantasy team 2 years ago.


Jerod Mayo showed why the Pats traded up and made him the 10th pick in the draft, unleashing a YouTube Helmet Go Flying hit on Ravens' second round RB Ray Rice.

Joe "The Thin Man" Flacco, the Ravens new QB of the future and the 18th pick in this year's draft, went 0 for 3 and fumbled. He probably won't be good until the Ravens give up on him and draft another QB of the future. Look what it did for Kyle Boller.


If you have David Clowney on your Preseason Fantasy League Team, you my friend, are going to win this week. The Clown Prince of the Exhibition Season had 4 catches for 163 yards, and a pair of long TD receptions from Jets rookie QB Brett Ratliff, who I think has more career TD passes now than the last QB to come out of Utah, Sir Alex Smith.

Jets 4th round corner Dwight Lowery not only had an interception, but he had a 62 yard punt return for what proved to be the game winning TD. He may have a future in this line of work, which is good, because that job market sucks right now.

There was a 1 hour rain delay in this game because Brett Favre was on the Jets sideline thinking about something sad, so it started raining.

Braylon Edwards caught a TD pass from Derek Anderson. Get used to that sentence. Unless one of them gets hurt. Then all bets are off.


The Browns didn't have a first round pick. They didn't have a second or third round pick either. That my friends, is called a win NOW mentality.

The Jets had 2 first round picks though. The guy they took with the 6th pick is DE Vernon Gholston. He had 3 tackles. No sacks though. Purdue TE Dustin Keller came with the 30th pick. He had 1 catch for 5 yards. Look out NFL!


Saints WR Robert Meachem missed all of his rookie season with a broken leg. He's much better now though, and caught 4 passes for 129 yards, including a dazzling 60 yard TD reception that was almost all YAC (yards after catch).

Reggie Bush looks like he's in midseason form, carrying 7 times for 22 yards. Nobody averages 3 yards a carry like he does. I'm soooo glad I dropped his ass from my fantasy team and kept Housh instead. Oh, and I'm totally drafting Robert Meachem too. 1000 yard season for him this year, I guarantee it. Razzle freaking dazzle.

Matt Leinart completed 7 of 8 passes, but took an ass reaming from Tony Kornheiser that would have made me cry if he was talking about me.


Cards corner Dominique Rodgers-Cromartie had 2 tackles. He may or may not have been the guy that fell down on Meacham's nifty run, the postage stamp sized replay on was inconclusive.

7th overall pick Sedrick Ellis started at defensive tackle for the Saints but didn't have any tackles or nuthin. He just ran into people and made grunting noises probably. RRRAAAARRRRRGHHHH!


For those of you thinking the Bears are going to get by this year because of their defense, the Chiefs went right..down...the...field on their opening drive of the game, culminating in a TD run by LJ. The Chiefs. With Brodie Croyle at QB.

Former Chicago arena league star Bobby Sippio caught the game winning TD. The Bears' new starting running back, Matt Forte, did his best Cedric Benson and averaged a little over 3 yards a carry.


Bears left tackle Chris Williams has a herniated disc and is out for the year. That's just a real nice surprise Clark.

Chiefs' DT Glenn Dorsey sat out with a sprained knee. OT Branden Albert also sat out. The Chiefs plan to get these guys ready by not playing them.

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