So we are almost thru the first go-round in the group stage, and I don't think I'm the only one who thinks that so far this tournament has blown a big vuvuzuela. Nobody is scoring, the ball is supposedly flying around with the predictability of a Harry Potter snitch, everyone looks like they are freezing in the cold weather, and those frickin horns make the games almost unwatchable. Isn't there anything else traditionally African that can be played in the stands other than New Years Eve noisemakers? Drums? Something?
NEW ZEALAND 1, SLOVAKIA 1
New Zealand is known for 3 things, and soccer is not one of them. Those things are, yacht racing, kiwis, and the "How bizarre, how bizarre" song from 15 years ago. New Zealand's "All Whites" (that's racist!), made their first World Cup appearance in 28 years, while Slovakia is here for the first time ever due to their not existing for most of the history of organized football. New Zealand is the consensus pick for being the weakest team in this tournament, but shit so far it looks like none of the teams in the tournament are really that good, so hence they get a point thanks to a goal at the last possible instant from Danish Superliga midfielder Winston Reid.
PORTUGAL 0, IVORY COAST 0
Surely these 2 highly talented teams would break up the buzzing swarm of angry hornets monotony of the lifeless play we've seen so far. Right? Right???? Uhhh..no. Didier "The One Armed Bandit" Drogba came in as a sub in the 85th minute, providing pretty much the only notable moment from this highly disappointing tilt. Highlights are below.
BRAZIL 2, NORTH KOREA 1
After the DPRK's inspired performance in this match, I am on the waiting list to be one of the Chinese actors paid to pretend they are North Korea fans. I am also excited to read some of the universally acclaimed works of the Dear Leader and learn more about his brave struggle against the Yankee imperialists. This match also was notable for this IM gem I came up with in my running conversation with Dook!e, who apparently has a North Korean friend, making him the only person who doesn't live in North Korea with a North Korean friend.
ESPN Gamecast: 'Robinho is going through his repertoire of tricks, but to little real effect. '
Nicky P: 'Sounds like my sexual technique'
My theory on why North Korea put forth such an inspired performance, their highly nutritious pregame meal:
GROUP G STANDINGS
Brazil 3 +1
Ivory Coast 1 0
Portugal 1 0
North Korea 0 -1