Transfer Updates: EPL

I write this pretty pissed off. I was walking my lab/golden retriever mix when she escaped her collar and, being a former stray, ran off into the street. She got hit by a car. But she got up because she was buff and was okay. Then the car said FUCK IT and ran over my dog again but my dog was so fat/buff, she got stuck under the car until he revved over her face and ran away. I got a shot of adrenaline and lifted her 83 lb ass from the street to the sidewalk. Police couldn't find him. $4k bills later she only had a gash in her right hind leg and a dislocated front right leg. Most invincible dog ever. If I ever find that motherfucker in the black Pontiac, a fist-related teeth disorder will ensue.

Here's some opinions on the current EPL transfers to get my mind off my dog in the hospital right now. Be warned: I'm annoyed.

Arsenal

Ins: Aaron Ramsey (Cardiff, £5m), Samir Nasri (Marseille, undisclosed), Amaury Bischoff (Werder Bremen, undisclosed).

Outs: Gilberto Silva (Panathinaikos, £1m), Alexander Hleb (Barcelona, £11.8m), Jens Lehmann (Stuttgart, free), Mathieu Flamini (AC Milan, free), Kerrea Gilbert (Leicester, loan).

Samir Nasri is pretty legit and was a Real Madrid target at one time. Arsenal really hasn't done much since being a "victim" of poaching. Arsenal depends on youth so they can go on the cheap. Real Madrid really want Cesc Fabregas after their bids for Cristiano Ronaldo are dying out which should worry Arsenal fans even if Fabregas said he's not leaving this year.

Current Overall Grade of Ins and Outs: C+

Chelsea

Ins: Jose Bosingwa (FC Porto, £16.2m), Deco (Barcelona, £8m).

Outs: Steve Sidwell (Aston Villa, £5m), Ben Sahar (Portsmouth, loan), Ryan Bertrand (Norwich, loan), Slobodan Rajkovic (FC Twente, loan), Claude Makelele (Paris St Germain, free), Khalid Boulahrouz (Stuttgart, £4m), Tal Ben Haim (Manchester City, undisclosed), Shaun Cummings (MK Dons, loan).

New boss Scolari wanted to make his own team moving from the power football Mourinho built into the pretty football Scolari likes. Deco was the first step and turned out to be pretty solid. Bosingwa is pretty whatever. Chelsea made a bid for Kaka, but Kaka says he's content. Too bad Nicholas Anelka scored 4 in the 5-0 preseason thrashing of Kaka's AC Milan. Everyone Chelsea lost was pretty expendable, so they haven't really lost anything. Chelsea is still tryign to get Robinho, and I think they'll eventually get him since he wants to go and the only thing stopping the transfer is not the transfer fee but the incentives.

Current Overall Grade of Ins and Outs: B-

Liverpool

Ins: David Ngog (Paris St Germain, undisclosed), Emmanuel Mendy (Murcia Deportivo, free), Diego Cavalieri (Palmeiras, undisclosed), Andrea Dossena (Udinese, undisclosed), Philipp Degen (Borussia Dortmund, free), Robbie Keane (Tottenham, £20.3m).

Outs: Jack Hobbs (Leicester, loan), Godwin Antwi (Tranmere, loan), Adam Hammill (Blackpool, loan), Scott Carson (West Brom, £3.25m), Peter Crouch (Portsmouth, £11m), Harry Kewell (Galatasaray, free), Paul Anderson (Nottingham Forest, loan), Anthony le Tallec (Le Mans, undisclosed), John Arne Riise (Roma, £4m), Besian Idrizaj (Wacker Tirol, free), Danny Guthrie (Newcastle, undisclosed), Robbie Threlfall (Hereford, loan).

Oli Porter tells me these guys are pretty good, so I'll take his word for it. To be honest, I only know Robbie Keane's skill, and he's pretty good. They should pick up Barry from Villa pretty soon too. Liverpool got better, but not better enough.

Current Overall Grade of Ins and Outs: B

Manchester United

Ins: None.

Outs: Adam Eckersley (AC Horsens, free), Gerard Pique (Barcelona, £5m), Tom Heaton (Cardiff City, loan), Chris Eagles (Burnley, £1m), Danny Simpson (Blackburn, loan)

Fuck Fergie. He cries about Real Madrid's ethics of trying to get Cristiano Ronaldo, and then does the same shit in trying to pry Berbatov from Tottenham. Then Fergie says he feels "sad" for Tottenham's paranoia. The same paranoia Fergie has. They retained Tevez for 36mil, and not much else. They're stacked. I honestly think they get better if they release C. Ronaldo. Ronaldo is going to bust next year. I called it. So is Man U. Fuck them. Fuck them up the ass.

Current Overall Grade of Ins and Outs: Fuck Man U

To end on a lighter note, I'm a big Serenity fan and Dr. Horrible's Sing-Along Blog is a pretty awesome movie. Go to Hulu.com (Mark Cuban endorsed fuck you to youtube where you watch free episodes) and search for it there. It stars Neil Patrick Harris as Dr. Horrible who is trying to become a super villain but Captain Hammer (Nathan Fillion) is fucking him up and fucking the girl he wants. It's an origin story. He made this movie on the cheap. How do you keep costs down? Hire your friends and instead of special effects you have a musical. Oh wait, here it is:



Last, thanks to Nicky P for having this site. It focuses me. The videos wouldn't be made without this site to inspire me. I'm going to Vegas tomorrow. Be back Friday to pick up my dog.