Saturday, December 22, 2007

Champions League Knockout Rounds

1Celtic vs BarcelonaCeltic has one of my favorite players, Shunsuke Nakamura against my hated Barcelona. If you read my rankings, Barca has too many weapons and a bitter UEFA Cup exit three seasons ago to remember about. This will be pretty easy for Barca to win.
2Lyon vs Manchester UnitedOli Porter laughed at me in gmail chat for putting Lyon in my top ten. Well who's laughing now you fucker! He is after Man U stomps on poor Lyon showing how much better English soccer is compared to French.
3Schalke vs. FC PortoOkay, for reals, I don't know shit about Schalke except that they are German. I do know if Porto wants to shed the Ohio State soft ass league off them, they'll need to take a dump like it's a German face-shitting video. Watch for Ricardo Quaresma who is comparable to Cristiano Ronaldo and is probably headed to Spain or England in the near future.
4Liverpool vs. Inter MilanWhile Oli has a big ole boner for Liverpool, I'm just not buying them this year. Conflicts with Liverpool manager Benitez and the owners against my #2 Inter means domination nation. Just a hint if you're watching, this match up is going to be boring as fuck.
5AS Roma vs Real MadridGOD WTF. Why does my team get paired with fucking gangster Roma. They'll be stabbing if they lose and their team is bad ass. My guess is that my Real Madrid get pwnd or RM wins on penalties. RM hasn't even hit their form yet and their still in first place, so here's hoping they figure it out before they get embarassed.
6Arsenal vs AC MilanMan fuck Kaka and his shitty ass player off the year and his shitty ass World Club Championship. Floppin' Fabragas needs to show Kaka he aint shit. Arsenal wins this or Michael Vick contracts AIDS from prison. win/win
7Olympiakos vs ChelseaThe only reason I know Olympiakos is because they picked up Nery Castillo awhile ago. Castillo is a Mexican player that shit on Brazil and pretty much rapes all. Nery recently paid his way to join Man U rivals Manchester City. The cool part? Nery still remembers getting seven tryouts from Manchester United and being forgotten. Now he plays for a pretty good fucking team that's their city rivals. Awesome. Why haven't I talked about this match up? Because Chelsea is going to rape them. Bad. Like it's prison.
8Fenerbahce vs SevillaLMFAO! Some bitches from the Turkey super league made it into champions league knock out stages! Here's the scoop on these Turkey fuckers: They have Roberto Carlos (from Real Madrid), Stephen Appaih (from Juventus), Colin Kazim-Richards (from Sheffield United), and Mateja Kezman (from Athletico Madrid). Everyone else is from Donkey Dick FC United. Seriously, if Sevilla doesn't win this, fuck them they're the Ravens of soccer and need to uninstall their lives.


Nick Pomazak said...

It just does not get any better than a German scheisse video reference...Scheisse!! Fuck the wind is blowing like 275 miles an hour here and I cant get my satellite dish to work...good thing it waited until Sunday not to work...not like i would want to watch football or anything...why does everything have to suck so much

Patrick N said...

Real Madrid/Barcelona and Inter/AC Milan was good. Everything else was kinda boring.