Tuesday, December 11, 2007

Third Hand Newz

All hail the return of Third Hand News. In case you've forgotten, this is news I've lifted off of SI.com's Truth and Rumors, who they have in turn lifted from various local newspapers.

Michael Vick's sentencing for his involvement in Bad Newz Kennelz or whatever it was called came down yesterday. He's getting just under 2 years in a federal facility.

2 things on this. First, big ups to whatever jail Vick was staying in awaiting trial. You have to love the classic striped convict uniform. I can almost picture Vick wearing a black mask and sliding back and forth dropping bombs into waterbuckets like in Kaboom!

The second thing is ESPN's reaction to this. Particularly Tom Jackson's.

Now given, TJ and his buddy Chris Berman (pictured above) have been licking Vick's balls since 2001, so it wasn't surprising that Jackson was speaking such idiocy about Vick in his reaction on last night's Sportscenter. But his comments almost made my head explode.

First, Jackson said "Vick is probably the greatest athlete ever to play the quarterback position in the NFL". What???

If he's such a great athlete then why is his career passer rating of 75.7 lower than mmmm I don't know, let's pick a random sucky quarterback who got released this preseason....Byron Leftwich....who has a 79.7 rating? Is ability to throw a successful forward pass not a criteria for being "the greatest athlete ever to play quarterback in the NFL"? This statement is especially insane given that Jackson played most of his career with JOHN ELWAY for Christ sake, who was a better athlete than Vick AND a much, much, much better quarterback.

Still, that's a matter of opinion I guess, and thus a forgivable statement. TJ then completely melted my face off though when he went on to say something to the effect of, "If Vick comes back to the NFL, this is a chance for the ultimate story of redemption." Whaaaa? Redemption in the eyes of who? How does some team being desperate enough to pay a man convicted of a really vile crime constitute "redemption"?? The continued devolution of the NFL into an episode of "Playmakers" yes, but "redemption"? Are you serious?

If Vick gets out of jail and opens up an animal shelter, or flies to Africa with 500 thousand mosquito nets, or parachutes into Tehran and brings back the head of Mahmoud Ahmedinijad, THAT would be "redemption". Him getting a million dollars to play quarterback on a 5-11 team would not be.

ESPN gives me the same brain wave pattern as Elvis had when he watched Robert Goulet on TV.

Shawne Merriman is accusing Titans coach Jeff Fisher of ordering a hit on him last Sunday, that resulted in Merriman getting knocked out of the game with a knee injury. Merriman said that the order was given as retaliation for him knocking Vince Young out of the game temporarily.

Whatever, go do your dance and take more steroids.

Alex Smith is out for the year, and now he's taking shots at his coach, Mike Nolan. The #1 pick in one of the drafts the NFL has had recently claims that Nolan was telling his team that Smith was using injuries as an excuse for his poor performance. Whatever, Alex. Do you want your bust next to Tim Couch's or David Carr's in the Overrated College QB Hall of Busts?


dook!e said...

Don't forget that fathead Chris Berman stated to a Monday night halftime audience earlier this year that the Michael Vick case was "tragic". Tragic for whom? Vick, the dogs, or ESPN?

dook!e said...

Also don't forget how Cade McNown stole Tim Couch's playmate by buying her a porsche, only to see her return to Big Tim. That was tragic.