Tuesday, September 18, 2007

3 And Out- Week 2

(2-0) REDSKINS 20, (0-2) EAGLES 12

1. Donovan McNabb says the media wants black quarterbacks to fail, Rush Limbaugh says the media wants black quarterbacks to succeed. I'm confused.

2. The Eagles defense has been great, ranking in the top 10 per rush attempt and pass attempt. Westbrook's got them ranked 11th in yards per rushing attempt. Yards per pass attempt? 29th. The Eagles are 0-2 BECAUSE of McNabb.

3. Not only are the Redskins 2-0, but with home games against the Giants and Lions next, I've got them penciled in for 4-0.

(2-0) PATRIOTS 38, (1-1) CHARGERS 14

1. This game kind of makes the rest of the season seem a little pointless doesn't it? Other teams can perhaps find a glimmer of hope in the possibility of Tom Brady going mad with syphillis.

2. My new nickname for Bill Belichick is "Spybot".

3. The Chargers had ONE wide receiver who caught a pass in this game. Everyone should have saw this ass beating coming. The Chargers basically play 9 on 11 when they are on offense. The wide receivers are completely vestigial. That's not gonna beat the Patriots.

(1-1) RAVENS 20, (0-2) JETS 13

1. I don't know exactly what this says about the Ravens, but starting Kyle Boller at quarterback gives them the best chance to win right now. The offense is better with him than with McNair.

2. Ravens coach Brian Billick made accusatory statements that the Jets defense was yelling out fake "Hut Hut" type yelps to try and bait the Ravens O-line into false starts. Maybe they just all have Tourette's.

3. Someone needs to send Eric Mangina a copy of the Carmelo Anthony "Stop Snitchin" videotape. Nobody likes a tattle tale.

(2-0) BRONCOS 23, (0-2) RAIDERS 20

1. First the Broncos end last year by losing at home to the Niners with a playoff berth at stake, now they need a phantom timeout to beat the Raiders at home. The Broncos are very wobbly right now.

2. The reason they are wobbly is they can't stop the run. They've got one Hall of Fame corner and one really good one, so you can't throw on them. But, man, can you run. They rank 30th in the league in yards per attempt against, and Lamont Jordan rumbled for 159 yards against them in this game.

3. Meanwhile, the Raiders defense, which has received a fair amount of kudos heading into this season, has struggled against both the run (27th per attempt) and the pass (25th). Lane Kiffin's improved the offense, but the defense has taken a step back and the result is an 0-2 start.

(1-1) CARDINALS 23, (1-1) SEAHAWKS 20

1. There would be nothing odd about and NFL game in Arizona being decided by a quarterback and running back colliding with each other on a routine handoff and fumbling. However, throw in that it was the opposition and not the Cardinals who pulled this boner, and all of a sudden you've upset the space-time continuum.

2. I could just be totally high, but this result has the feeling of something that could be the turning point for the Cardinals franchise. When they blew a 17-0 lead, it was just a case of same old Cardinals. But they fought back and won against the team that is the 3-time defending champions of their division.

3. Don't think this can't be a turning point for the Seahawks either. I stated going into this season that I see this aging team collapsing this year, and the first 2 weeks have not changed my mind.

(2-0) LIONS 20, (1-1) VIKINGS 17 OT

1. I just do not get the Vikings' thing for Travaris Jackson. What they are doing by starting this guy who is painfully bad right now and has about a 30% chance of developing into an average NFL starter is not fair to the rest of the team or their fans.

2. Not only are the Vikings offending my sensibilities by even letting Travaris Jackson on the field, they actually had him throw THIRTY THREE times in this game.

3. Of course, the big story out of this game was Jon Kitna's self-described "miracle" of re-entering the game to after leaving with a concussion. Awesome, how miraculous. I'll remember that miracle next time I see Chris Nowinski and that African doctor carving up some ex-NFL player's 40 year old brain on Sportscenter.

(2-0) 49ERS 17, (0-2) RAMS 16

1. Torry Holt fumbled deep in Niners territory, Dante Hall botched a fair catch on his own 25 yard line that led to the go ahead field goal, and Scott Linehan opted to try a 56 yard field goal (which was no good) on 4th and 3 with a full minute left to play. This is what you call finding ways to lose.

2. The Rams defense has been predictably bad, but the offense has been miserable too. Wasn't Steven Jackson supposed to be so awesome this year? What happened with that?

3. The Niners have the edge on the other teams in this awful division because their defense has developed into one of the league's best. They've somehow done this despite spending their #1 draft pick 3 years in a row on up to this point mediocre offensive players (Alex Smith, Vernon Davis)or flat out busts (Rashaun Woods). Nolan is a very good coach.

(1-1) BEARS 20, (0-2) CHIEFS 10

1. The obvious end to the Rex Grossman saga in Chicago will come when the Bears are no longer winning in spite of him. They can live with his baffling penchant for ridiculous plays when they're winning (mostly because of their defense and special teams, and a Grossman to Berrian bomb here and there), but once they're not winning anymore, the plug will finally and mercifully be pulled. The way the Bears have played the first two weeks, and with games against the Cowboys and then 3 in a row against division foes who are all on the upswing, that time may be really near.

2. One thing the Bears have done exceptionally well this year is shut down the run. The defense ranks first in the league in fewest yards per rushing attempt, and have done it facing LT in week 1 and Larry Johnson in this game.

3. Apparently the Chiefs are going to go back to Brodie Croyle at quarterback now. My scouting report on him after watching him at the end of this game, he's alot like JP Losman, only more bad at football.

(2-0) COWBOYS 37, (0-2) DOLPHINS 20

1. Remember 2 years ago when the Dolphins made Ronnie Brown the second overall pick in the draft despite the fact he was not even the #1 running back on his college team? I can't believe that hasn't worked out. Now I'm reading stuff that Ricky Williams might be coming back to the Dolphins this year. I hope he remembers to use his special gettin' high powers.

2. Gone are the days when the Dolphins could say, "At least our defense is good", because it's not. They rank 26th in yards per rush and 29th in yards per pass attempt.

3. TO has bestowed the nickname of "Marion the Barbarian" on Marion Barber, who had a 40 yard TD run to ice this game. That was pretty good, I guess. What would have been better is if the Dolphins and Cowboys cheerleaders just got totally lesbian with each other at midfield at some point in the game. Both these teams have really hot cheerleaders.

(2-0) PACKERS 35, (0-2) GIANTS 13

1. Tom Coughlin gave what so far is my quote of the year after the game when he said, "I think we are a better football team than we have shown. Obviously I don't have any real grounds for saying that, it is just a belief." I think that disclaimer should be added to every sentence that is spoken on ESPN's NFL Countdown.

2. This was actually a 14-13 game when the 4th quarter began. Then the Packers scored, the Giants fumbled the ensuing kickoff, and the Packers scored again. Coughlin gave his team the squinting of a lifetime as he watched all this unfold.

3. The Packers are 2-0 despite not playing very well at all so far. They rank 30th in yards per rushing attempt, 23rd in yards per pass attempt, and even their much ballyhooed defense is giving up 4.38 yards per carry which is 23rd in the league. They've also beaten a pair of teams who haven't beaten anyone so far.

(2-0) STEELERS 26, (0-2) BILLS 3

1. Do you ever take a step back and think how weird it is that OJ Simpson spent pretty much his entire career playing for the Bills? It makes me wonder how he ever got famous before he did not kill his wife. I get the same feeling when I remember that Peyton Manning plays in Indiana.

2. Dig on those Tecmo Bowl uniforms the Steelers wore for this game.

3. We're 2 games into the season and JP Losman has thrown for 251 yards, total. While Losman and the Bills passing offense have been really bad, the defense has been even worse, giving up 5.3 yards per rushing attempt. The Bills play New England next week, so they're going to be 0-3 and that's pretty much a wrap for them. Between this and people trying to steal OJ Simpson's shit, it's not been a good September for current or former Bills.

Photo from SI.com

(1=1) JAGUARS 13, (0-2) FALCONS 7

1. Looks like the Joey Harrington era in Atlanta is over, or at least ending very soon. The Falcons have agreed to terms with Byron Leftwich. Although in reality there's a really good chance the Falcons will get the #1 pick and use it to select Louisville QB Brian Brohm, thus reuniting him with coach Bobby Petrino. I'm sure that will work out super.

2. Interestingly enough, the passing offense has been the one thing that has been working for the Jags this year. Going with Dave Garrard has been a good thing for them, as they rank 5th in the league in yards per pass attempt.

3. Jax rhas nothing to celebrate from this win. Were it not for a pair of missed field goals the game could have been a home loss against a really bad team. With the emergence of the Texans and Titans, the Jags are now, in my expert opinion, the 4th best team in the AFC South. That would make them the worst team in the AFC South. Boy those windows of opportunity sure do close up quickly.

(1-1) BUCS 31, (0-2) SAINTS 14

1. The Saints are playing really awful, vile football right now. We all knew the defense was shaky but nobody expected the offense to struggle the way it has.

2. I think at this point the Saints might be better off with Larry David at corner than they are with Jason David. "What's the deal with Jason David? Why does he keep getting burned for 70 yard TDs?"

3. I love how Joey Galloway does the biceps flex after every TD he scores (he had 2 of them this week). When I get home from work tonight, I'm going to turn on Madden, set it to 2 players and throw a TD pass to Galloway. He better do the biceps flex thing, or else I'm throwing my controller thru my TV screen. Then I'm going to flex my own biceps.

(2-0) COLTS 22, (1-1) TITANS 20

1. LenDale White was the feature back for Tennessee in this game, not Chris Brown. The reason for that was the Colts have a small, fast defense, so the Titans chose to use the roly poly White to try and run through the Colts rather than around them. The strategy sort of worked, as the Titans won time of possession, if not the game.

2. Bob Sanders had 11 tackles and 2 1/2 sacks for the Colts. Let me leap on the bandwagon and say this guy is really, really good.

3. Interesting how the Colts' offense failed to move the chains and run out the clock late in the game. If Titans WR Brandon Jones doesn't drop a pass inside the Colts' 40 on the final drive of the game, the Titans probably win this game. If ifs and buts were candy and nuts.

(1-1) BROWNS 51, (1-1) BENGALS 45

1. Marvin Lewis, please turn in your Defensive Genius badge. Romeo Crennel, I'd ask for yours too, but we revoked yours a loooong ass time ago.

2. Jamal Lewis had 216 rushing yards and a TD while sitting on my fantasy bench this week. Now I'll start him thru a straight month of 17 carries for 43 yards every week desperately waiting for him to replicate this performance. I call this the Santana Moss Conundrum.

3. When was the last time an NFL quarterback threw 6 TDS in one game and lost like Carson Palmer did in this game? That has to be the first time ever. Yes, I'm too lazy to go look it up.

Photo from Si.com

(2-0) TEXANS 34, (1-1) PANTHERS 21

1. The first thing I want to point out is that Matt Schaub was not sacked one time in this game.

2. The second thing I want point out is that David Carr, who is now the Panthers' clipborad jockey, was on the other sideline.

3. The last thing is that the Texans are 2-0. They look really good. They have virtually the same offensive line they had last year, but a different quarterback. And anyone who has spent the last few years making excuses for or boo hooing for poor David Carr and how he had no chance behind such an awful offensive line, you are all fucking idiots.

The whole national standard blather and rending of the garments from virtually every national media outlet over how bad everyone felt for David Carr was ridiculous, and not only that it was lazy and it illustrates why 90% of the people who make a living talking about pro football are lazy assholes who don't work at their craft and just parrot whatever the standard bullshit is to say about a particular subject. David Carr got sacked all the time mostly because he was a bad quarterback.

Nobody I ever saw on ESPN, FOX, or CBS ever had the balls to acknowledge that fact because Carr was Charlie Casserly's first draft pick for a new franchise, and Charlie Casserly is a friend of the media (and now part of the media as well now that the Texans have canned him).

What I'm trying to say is, everybody kiss my balls because I've been absolutely right about David Carr since I started pounding out this crap in 2005.


dook!e said...

You are the smartest man alive!

Patrick N said...

SNIFF SNIFF i was one of those idiots. :( I own up to that one. :/

dook!e said...

David Carr is carrying Jake DelHommo's jockstrap.. ahaha ahaa ahhhh...