Wednesday, September 5, 2007

NFL Over/Under

Every year, the boys in Vegas take a stab at the number of wins each NFL team will have. You can then wager with those fine folks as to whether you think that team will win OVER that amount of games, or UNDER. So being that I know everything about the NFL, I'm going to go ahead and give you the winners right now. This information is only for medicinal purposes.

ARIZONA CARDINALS 7
UNDER
You realize if you take the over here you are betting on the Arizona Cardinals to have a winning record. Why don't you go ahead and bet on Osama Bin Laden converting to Kabbala while you're at it.


ATLANTA FALCONS OFF THE BOARD
What cause Michael Vick won't be there to pass for 100 yards a game you hold your palms up and shrug your shoulders? Pussies.

BALTIMORE RAVENS 9 1/2
UNDER
Every team in this division will go 8-8. Even the Browns. Okay maybe not the Browns.

BUFFALO BILLS 6
OVER
I pick these guys for second place in the AFC East.

CAROLINA PANTHERS 9
UNDER
A team who has one offensive player who is any good at all cannot win over 9 games.

CHICAGO BEARS 10
OVER
I'm so non-conformist that I now think Rex Grossman is going to have a great year. I also say this because Bernard Berrian is on one of my fantasy teams.


CINCINNATI BENGALS 9
UNDER
Am I completely delusional or has Marvin Lewis not been such a defensive genius since he doesn't have Ray Lewis and Ed Reed and all those other guys?

CLEVELAND BROWNS 5 1/2
OVER
If Romeo Crennel can't win 6 games in this, his third season, he's a worse coach than Charlie Weis. Geez, how's that Bill Belichick coaching tree looking now?

DALLAS COWBOYS 9
OVER
The Cowboys won 9 games last year and they had Drew Bledsoe playing quarterback for them half the season. Why would they win less than that this year? Is there any reason? I feel like I'm taking crazy pills.

DENVER BRONCOS 9 1/2
UNDER
This is a 9-7 team if I ever saw one.

DETROIT LIONS 6 1/2
UNDER
I almost took the bait here and went over. Then I realized that even if they are twice as good as last year, they will still only have 6 wins. Matt Millen didn't go anywhere, people.

GREEN BAY PACKERS 7 1/2
OVER
This all depends on whether or not they can have someone emerge who can do a reasonable impression of an NFL running back. If not, it's going to be like that season where they kept giving the ball to Sakmon Gado.


HOUSTON TEXANS 6 1/2
UNDER
They're getting better, but records tend to be sticky in the AFC.


INDIANAPOLIS COLTS 10 1/2
OVER
Come on. The Colts aren't going to go 10-6. They had the worst run defense in the history of the world last year and they still went 12-4.

JACKSONVILLE JAGUARS 9
UNDER
Choosing Dave Garrard over Byron Leftwich smacks of rearranging the deck chairs on the Titanic.

KANSAS CITY CHIEFS 7 1/2
UNDER

I like Herm Edwards, but lately everything he touches turns to shit.

MIAMI DOLPHINS 7
UNDER
Trent Green is terrible. This team always messes up on signing free agent QBs. Daunte Culpepper? AJ Feeley anyone?

MINNESOTA VIKINGS 6 1/2
UNDER

You can win money for knowing the Vikings will suck?

NEW ENGLAND PATRIOTS 11 1/2
UNDER

Hey we signed a bunch of wide receivers nobody else wanted. We're so awesome now.

NEW ORLEANS SAINTS 9 1/2
OVER
They play in a division with Tampa Bay and Atlanta and you, Vinnie Vegas, expect me to place a bet on the Saints going 9-7? That is rich.

NY GIANTS 8
UNDER
Start spreadin the news. This team sucks.

NY JETS 8
UNDER
Someone tell me how they made the playoffs last year with the 25th ranked offense and 20th ranked defense. I no understand.


OAKLAND RAIDERS 5
PUSH
I think 5-11 is right on the money for them.

PHILADELPHIA EAGLES 9 1/2
OVER
I had a dream recently where Donovan McNabb was QB for the Raiders. I can so see that happening one day.

PITTSBURGH STEELERS 9
OVER

I'm liking Mike Tomlin...a lot.

SAN DIEGO CHARGERS 10 1/2
OVER
The only thing keeping this team from being a lock to win the Super Bowl is that there is no way Norv Turner is going to win a Super Bowl. Then again, they probably said the same thing about Bill Belichick at one time.

SAN FRANCISCO 49ERS 7 1/2
OVER

By the end of the decade it will be accepted wisdom that Mike Nolan is one of the 5 best coaches in the league.

ST. LOUIS RAMS 7 1/2
UNDER

They've been kept afloat by the Niners and Cardinals suckness for a while now, and that's ending.

SEATTLE SEAHAWKS 9
UNDER

Way under. This team collapses this year.


TAMPA BAY BUCS 7
UNDER

In what universe is this a .500 team? Surely not this one.

TENNESSEE TITANS 7
OVER
Very rarely do teams that improve so drastically in one year then regress back into sucking the next season. Everyone seems to think that's what is going to happen to the Titans, but I have my doubts.

WASHINGTON REDSKINS 7 1/2
UNDER
They won't have a winning record losing 4 games to the Eagles and Cowboys, which they will.

And now...my long awaited playoff and Super Bowl picks. Patrick, this is for you:

NFC PLAYOFFS
WILDCARD ROUND
Dallas over Green Bay
Philadelphia over San Francisco

DIVISIONAL PLAYOFFS
New Orleans over Dallas
Philadelphia over Chicago

NFC CHAMPIONSHIP
New Orleans over Philadelphia

AFC PLAYOFFS
WILDCARD ROUND
New England over Baltimore
Pittsburgh over Denver

DIVISIONAL PLAYOFFS
San Diego over Pittsburgh
Indianapolis over New England

AFC CHAMPIONSHIP
Indianapolis over San Diego

SUPER BOWL
Indianapolis over New Orleans

If Tom Brady can win back to back Super Bowls, Peyton Manning can too. And hey, that means tomorrow's season opener is a SUPER BOWL PREVIEW...and we'll be previewing that Thursday Night season opener tomorrow.








6 comments:

dook!e said...

AJ Feelme.

dook!e said...

I think the over/under for the Bearsss should be 13. You puss.

dook!e said...

It's "Samkon" Gado not "Sakmon" Gado. He's not a D-lineman.

dook!e said...

No frickin' way..

For the next three weeks, however, Gado excelled in the starting position. He recorded two more 100-yard performances - 111 against the Philadelphia Eagles and 171 against the Detroit Lions - and scored a rushing touchdown in three straight games. He was once again awarded the Rookie of the Week award, this time for his Week 14 game against the Lions. In appreiation of these performances, Packer fans gave him the nickname "Nigerian Jesus".

Nick Pomazak said...

I didn't make these over unders...these are the real over unders...so i'm not the one that set the bears to 10 1/2..

i know its samkon gado...i like sakmon better

dook!e said...

wrong. hes the nigerian jesus. and i started calling him sakmon way before you did.