I was watching SportsCenter earlier this week and saw that they already have a feature called "Three and Out". I knew it sounded vaguely familiar, and the LAST thing I want to imitate here is ESPN. So I'm changing the name of this feature to the other name I was considering when I began it, "Three Technique". I am no copycat.
(2-1) TITANS 31, (0-3) SAINTS 14
1. It's hard to believe that in Week 14 of last season, the Saints went into Texas Stadium and beat the Cowboys 42-17. The Saints have all the same players now, the Cowboys have all the same players now, and yet those 2 teams have gone in completely different directions.
2. Next time LenDale White scores, I want to see him bust out the "I'm Gonna Get Some Poi" dance. Good god that young man is fat. I want to see him on "Shaq's Big Challenge" next summer.
3. Thru 3 games, the Titans are unscored upon in the 4th quarter this year. Their next 4 games are against Atlanta, Tampa, Houston, and Oakland. I can see them being 6-1 after that. This team is so much better than anyone gives them credit for. I'm not sure why they are, because their talent isn't all that good, but the whole is just more than the sum of its parts. Let's just say it's coaching. Jeff Fisher is very good.
(3-0) COWBOYS 34, (1-2) BEARS 10
1. Let me be the 500th person to tell you that Brian Griese is now the Bears' quarterback. That's been national news this week, and here in Chicago, it's about the only thing keeping me from giving myself a lobotomy as I try to cope with endless "It's Gonna Happen!!" nonsense about a Cub team that is going to enter the playoffs ranking anywhere from the second worst to 4th worst team in the history of the wildcard era to make the playoffs.
2. The Griese for Rex swapout is monumental in the recent history of the Bears, but with all the injuries the Bears have on the defensive side of the ball, it's only a matter of time before the wheels come off and Henry Burris is playing quarterback.
3. Tony Romo is the smiliest motherfucker I've ever seen in my life. He keeps mugging on the sidelines during games like that, some insane and very angry 260 pound mountain of linebacker is going to shove his backwards baseball cap up his ass one day.
(2-1) PANTHERS 27, (0-3) FALCONS 20
1. Carolina had Joey Harrington throw for 361 yards against them in this game. What the fuck kind of defensive gameplan do you draw up that is structured so that Joey Harrington throws for 361 yards against you?
2. The Falcons were penalized 135 yards in this game. DeAngelo Hall himself racked up 3 penalties for 67 yards on one drive.
3. A week after scoring 3 TDs and having like 160 some receiving yards, Steve Smith catches 1 pass for 10 yards. The reason? Last week he was playing one of my fantasy teams, this week he wasn't. Conversely, DeShaun Foster had 26 yards in Week 2. Using his special playing against one of my fantasy teams powers, in Week 3 he turned that into 122 yards and 2 TDs.
(1-2) EAGLES 56, (2-1) LIONS 21
1. See, Donovan McNabb proved all the naysayers wrong, he beat the Lions. Yaaaay Donovan McNabb is so awesome. He also has tremendous leadership skills. Really, when you think about it, he's pretty much as good as Jesus.
2. Can someone fill me in on why the Lions left Jon Kitna in to be sacked 8 times in a 56-21 game when he was just concussed last week? Michael Vick goes to jail for dog fighting but it's OK for Rod Marinelli and Mike Martz to leave a human being out there to get brain damaged. Not once have I heard this brought up by anyone but me this week.
3. Brian Westbrook, at this point on the space-time continuum, is the best running back in the NFL. Until he gets his annual injury.
(1-2) GIANTS 24, (2-1) REDSKINS 17
1. The Redskins get four tries to score from the one yard line in the last minute of the game to send it overtime. Where's Clinton Portis? On the bench baby!! Is he hurt? Is he sick? Is he in the bathroom? What?
2. Apparently Washington was wearing throwbacks to an era before copyright infringement. It took me 45 minutes to figure out that the Giants weren't playing the Packers.
3. This was an important win for the Giants, if for no other reason than if Tom Coughlin gets fired after this season, they may have to play for Charlie Weis next year, and he would lead them to an 0-16 season before eating them all.
(3-0) PACKERS 31, (1-2) CHARGERS 24
1. I can only imagine the amount of Schottenfreude Marty is feeling right now as this undisciplined, too cool for the room Chargers team pisses all over itself.
2. It occurred to me that if you picked the Chargers to win the Super Bowl, what you're really saying is that coaching is totally irrelevant in the NFL, and that Norv Turner is going to win the Super Bowl and Tony Dungy and Bill Belichick are not. That totally makes no sense.
3. We'll find out what the 3-0 Packers are made of over the next 28 days. This week's game at Minnesota will be a difficult one, then they face Chicago, Washington, and Denver, three teams that are all what I would classify as borderline playoff contenders just like the Packers are.
(1-2) CHIEFS 13, (1-2) VIKINGS 10
1. This was the NFL equivalent of a WCW Saturday Night match between Silver King and El Dandy.
2. Actually, I would MUCH rather watch a Silver King/El Dandy match than watch this.
3. I guess I was wrong that playing Kelly Holcomb instead of Travaris Jackson would fix everything for the Vikings. I'm all out of ideas now. Good luck and God be with you in your quest, Vikings.
(2-1) JAGUARS 23, (2-1) BRONCOS 14
1. Here's how my fantasy season is going so far. I drafted both Maurice Jones Drew and Fred Taylor with visions of that day they combined for 600 yards against Indianapolis last year dancing in my head. Now here we are 3 weeks into the season and Jacksonville has one rushing touchdown and Greg Jones scored it. MJD, meanwhile, looks like he's carrying a live rooster trying to plunge it in from 1 yard out. A fucking break once in while, if I may.
2. The Broncos' last 3 home games are a loss against the Niners, a should have been a loss against the Raiders, and now a loss against the Jaguars. This team is 2-1 going on 6-10.
3. And to drive that point home, the Broncos next 4 games are against Indy, San Diego, Pittsburgh, and Green Bay. They are going to need to call a lot of last second phantom timeouts to avoid disaster in that stretch.
(3-0) COLTS 30, (2-1) TEXANS 24
1. Joseph Addai scored one of the prettiest TDs I've seen in a long time in this game. He basically left his feet from a standstill at the two yard line then floated into the end zone like he was the hot dog wrapper that weirdo kid was filming in American Beauty.
2. Am I the only one that wonders if Marvin Harrison shrieks like a little girl everytime he crumples to the ground on the other team's one yard line rather than get tackled and get in the end zone?
3. The Texans have a juicy little storyline for this week's game in Atlanta, what with Matt Schaub making his first start against the team that never should have traded him.
(3-0) STEELERS 37, (2-1) 49ERS 16
1. This game illustrated very nicely the difference between what it means to be a 2-0 team in the AFC, and what it means to be a 2-0 team in the NFC. The Niners will have a lot of room for error this year, given that their division is horrible, but their game this week against the Seahawks is a huge one for both teams.
2. My Rex Grossman compass is pointing in Alex Smith's direction.
3. Willie Parker is one of the only running backs in the league this year who is not having a miserable season. He's been over 100 yards in all 3 games this year and has gotten better and better each week. As we come up on the quarter pole of the season, I have to say at this point in time he and Westbrook are the two best RBs in the league.
(1-2) RAIDERS 26, (1-2) BROWNS 24
1. What are the chances of the Raiders losing one week when a field goal at the end of the game is negated by a timeout, then winning the exact same way the next game? Actually, never mind that, what are the chances of the Raiders winning a game in ANY fashion?
2. All I really needed to know about the quality of this contest was revealed to me on the first series of the game. A little play by play, if I may.
1st and 10 at 50 yard line-- Derek Anderson sacked, fumbles out of bounds for loss of 24
2nd and 34 at 26 yard line-- Delay of game, 5 yard penalty
2nd and 39 at 21 yard line -- Jamal Lewis carries for 4 yards
3rd and 35 at 26 yard line-- False start, 5 yard penalty
3RD AND FRIGGIN 40 YARDS TO GO-- Timeout, Browns.
3. At this point I stopped paying attention to this game.
(2-1) SEAHAWKS 24, (1-2) BENGALS 21
1. I wonder what touchdown dance Ocho Cinco will have for us this weekend when he pulls the Bengals within 28 points of the Patriots.
2. The Seahawks needed this game really badly. If they lost this one, they were staring at trips to SF and Pittsburgh the next two weeks, and a very real possibility of a 1-4 start, which even in this suck-o division would mean they would be finished. Now, their hopes of getting to the playoffs and getting throttled in Texas Stadium by the revenge-minded Cowboys will stay alive that much longer.
3. Why are the Bengals seemingly going in reverse despite having all that talent at the skill positions? Well, for starters their drafts have been horrible every year starting with 2004 (the year after they got Carson Palmer). Since that draft here's the guys they've drafted that are now starting for them: Stacy Andrews, Eric Ghiaciuc, Johnathan Joseph, Domata Peko, Landon Johnson, Madeiu Williams, Robert Geathers. I know, I haven't heard of any of them either, and remember these are the GOOD ones that have stuck around.
(3-0) PATRIOTS 38, (0-3) BILLS 7
1. I really like Marv Levy and Dick Jauron, and want them to succeed, but things just keep getting worse for the Bills. First round linebacker Paul Posluszny broke his arm in this game and is out for the season.
2. On the plus side, at least JP Losman also got hurt in this game, so that is kind of a break for the Bills. Trent Edwards, a rookie out of Stanford came in after Losman went down, and looked about how you would expect a rookie out Stanford to look against a great defense that also knows what plays you are calling.
3. This week the Patriots get to face a Bengals team that gave up 51 points to the Browns. Will my fantasy QB Tom Brady have a big enough day to offset the fact that a perfect storm of bye weeks and a ridiculous 25 round draft that leaves absolutely nobody available on the waiver wire leaves me starting Heath Evans, Justin Fargas, and Bubba Franks??? If anyone can overcome this, Tom "Spanky" Brady can.
(1-2) JETS 31, (0-3) DOLPHINS 28
1. I dunno, maybe the Patriots really CAN go 16-0 this year. They certainly don't look like they'll lose any games in their own division. I mean, think about how bad this division really is. My personal statistical power rankings that I keep that have won me FIRST PLACE in my confidence pool two weeks in a row have the Dolphins, Jets, and Bills ranked 27th, 28th, and 29th in the league respectively.
2. Ronnie Brown had one of those once every six weeks big games that he has that tantalize the Dolphins just enough to hold out hope that his broke ass isn't a total bust.
3. Sunday was Wayne Chrebet Day at Giants Stadium. Chrebet, who retired after last season, is reportedly having big time problems with post concussion syndrome. He suffered 13 concussions during his playing career.
(2-1) BUCS 24, (0-3) RAMS 3
1. Not only are the Rams 0-3, but Steven Jackson's gonna miss their week 4 game against Dallas, and Marc Bulger has some cracked ribs so who knows what his status is.
2. Is it to soon to put Scott Linehan on coaching deathwatch? I know it's only his second year, but seeing what happens in Year 3 might be kind of like if MTV asked Britney to do an encore after "Gimme More".
3. Tampa's two wins are over the Rams and Saints, a couple of teams who have played epically bad football this year. Their next two are at Carolina and Indy. In other words, the Bucs should heed the words of Pulp Fiction's Winston Wolf and not start sucking each other's dorks just yet. IF they win one of those games, then we might have a nice little story here.
(2-1) RAVENS 26, (1-2) CARDINALS 23
1. The story on the Kurt Warner/Matt Leinart situation is this. The Cardinals reportedly subbed Warner for Leinart because they feel he's better at running the no-huddle offense, which the Cards went to when they fell behind 23-6 in the third quarter.
2. Warner proceeded to go yay-yo and bring the Cardinals back against the vaunted Ravens defense to tie the game at 23 before the Cards fell by a field goal.
3. Now Ken Whisenhunt says that Leinart is going to start this week's game, but that Warner is going to see some action too. Meanwhile, oddly enough, the Ravens have the same goofy QB issues as the Cardinals do. Brian Billick is saying stuff like he's going to use Steve McNair to start games and Kyle Boller to finish them. All I know is, Rex is our quarterback.
KEEP CHECKING THRUOUT THE WEEK AS I COVER ALL 16 WEEK 3 RESULTS.