When You Don't Have Skill, Play Like A Puss

With Cristiano Ronaldo getting sent off and an automatic 3-match ban for violent conduct, SIR Alex Ferguson was in full Phil Jackson mind fuck form:

"I think that he was falling in the trap of 100 years' experience of football that the perpetrator gets less punishment than the retaliator," Ferguson told Sky Sports News.

"I don't know what the directions seems to be, but maybe referees are a bit more tolerant of physical contact and I have noticed this in the last few months, with late challenges that go unpunished," he said.

It's the age old sports question: if you don't have skill, what can you do to still win? Ask Bruce Bowen who grabs ballsacks as you make a jumpshot. As much as I shit on Man U and SIR Alex, I think SIR Alex is right here. If you don't protect your skill players, you are going to lose them. I mean, if I wanted to see teams win by pure physical contact not ever being called by the refs and watch teams void of skill, I'll watch the MLS. It's like how all the foreign basketball players play here and flop like a bitch or queef out like Dirk the Invisible Man. They been playing against weak ass talent and had to cope with it somehow, then when they play in a real league they get smoked for awhile. The EPL and much of soccer is turning that way.

I know some of you are like, "ROFLLMFAOOMFG PATRICK, RONALDO FLOPS ALL DAY. HE GETS NO RESPECT FROM ME LOL." This, of course, is idiocy bukake. If you've ever played soccer, most skill players flop because it prevents a-hole no skill players from raping knees since refs aren't going to call shit. I know the stereotype for soccer is dudes flopping left and right and faking injury. This happens about as much as the NBA and depends on the ref. Sometimes a ref is gullible and calls all the flopping, sometimes the ref has enough skill to differentiate between flopping and fouls. The difference is that in soccer, you can give a yellow card for obvious flopping which totally kicks ass. My dick is huge.

So, while I laugh at SIR Alex spinning words like a sweatshop worker in China with an abundance of lead, I think SIR Alex is right here. Protect your skill players or, unlike popular American sports where they're the only show in town, soccer players have other leagues they can go to that are just as good.

PS, new Yellowcard album, Paperwalls, is awesome. Check out the song, "Fighting." That song is sooo going into someone's mix.